Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am just honestly wondering what you guys would do in a situation where whether in person or online, another person straight up asked you if you were trans?
Maybe it would also help if you clarify your answers by also mentioning if you identify as trans instead of being simply male,  if you are typically read as male, and if you're completely stealth or not.

I'm half out half in at the moment, but its got to the point where if asked I'm happy to confirm, just not broadcasting it yet. In the early days of facing my trans beast I would have denied it if asked, because I wasn't sure myself.

i'm completely stealth and there is no way someone could know i'm trans unless i told them. i have had top surgery and i have been on T for a few years too. if someone flat out asked, it would trigger dysphoria badly i think. i've had people who when i told them, were like "oh, i can see it now" and that is complete bs. i only tell people i am intimate with or doctors. i have no reason to tell people otherwise and i live my life 100% as seen as male and stealth and i like it that way.

Quote from: FreakOfNature on September 21, 2016, 02:31:15 PM
I am just honestly wondering what you guys would do in a situation where whether in person or online, another person straight up asked you if you were trans?
Maybe it would also help if you clarify your answers by also mentioning if you identify as trans instead of being simply male,  if you are typically read as male, and if you're completely stealth or not.

I'd lie and say no unless i thought that person could also be trans
i want to be as stealth as possible in my life.

With kids and a planned workplace transition, stealth isn't even an option for me.

I feel if someone asked if I was trans I'd be lying if I said no, but if I really didnt want them to see me as a "girl-then-guy" Id just shrug and tell them "Im just a guy like any other guy", if they continue to insist when they ask Id ask what it would mean for them if they knew what my original birth or what was between my legs or not. If they treat me differently than any other guy if they knew, then I would never tell them yes. If they are simply curious and want to know about an integral group of people often igored or disrespected, but treat them as theyre meant to be, then I'd tell them I was.


For now my legal name and sex still plague my life so when people find that out about me I automatically get called a girl...when that stops I will be stealth most likely

I'm the jerk who answers questions with questions :) So my response would be, "Now what makes you wonder that? Are you?"

I would probably tell them it's not exactly okay to ask that kinda questions, online or no. Like do you walk up to people on the street and ask them questions like that? Probably not.

I'm stealth IRL and pretty stealth online as well, and I'd like to keep it that way. I identify as 100% male who just happens to have a trans diagnosis in his medical history.

Don't know why but the question doesn't bother me much at all. I don't see it as malicious, just curiosity.

I'm not stealth. Not that I go around broadcasting being trans. And I identify as a transman. I would say yes, I am trans. Because I am. But I'm not very dysphoric at all so take this with a grain of salt. I don't expect to always be seen as any other bio male because I am not. Fact is I was born female. No big deal. I think it makes me unique!

Btw I have been read as male 100% of the time since I started T. My opinion may be completely different if this were not the case.

I'm not sure how the question could ever arise in that manner, but if asked, I'd assume the person had already figured it out, and I would simply confirm with a yes.   Then again, if you'd told me a few months ago that strangers would comfortably approach and talk to me, I would have thought you needed to be locked up in the funny farm.   So who knows what might happen.   

I've been asked at work.  I just said, "maybe I am" and left it at that.  The same guy, a friend, also had a habit of saying I looked like a girl with my growing hair.  I usually replied by asking him if he wanted to take me out for drinks.  LOL

I would probably have a short meltdown before pretending that I didn't hear them or that I walked away from the computer. Yes, that seems likely.

Depends. Right now I don't think there is much point in denying it given that I'm transitioning on the job. If someone asked I'd probably say yes, and then begin an intense and unhappy self examination to determine what is giving me away. In a few years, after top surgery and more time for the T to take effect, I don't know.

I usually go full hippie.  "I don't know for sure.", "gender, sexuality and religion are all *bearstuff* and dumb labels.", "I just want to get to know myself."  By that point, no one's ever paying attention.[emoji12]
If I passed, though, I would just say yes and ask if I'll look good when my beard comes in. Lol 
I'm realizing at this moment that I kind of like messing with people.[emoji23]


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I'm fortunate enough to have passing privilege now, so that's not a question that ever comes up these days. Rather, I'm in control of when I disclose to other people (and it *always* comes as a surprise when I do). I'm just a short hairy dude, and there are plenty of those about so it's hardly unusual.

But it hasn't always been this easy. I transitioned on the job, and I told my colleagues that I didn't want them telling anyone else about my history. I was looking forward to working with new hires who didn't know me 'before' so that I could have some people in my life who would just treat me like a normal human being. But of course, as soon as new people were hired some of my colleagues gossiped about me behind my back and I could always tell when it had happened because the new hire would suddenly get weird around me. When confronted on it, the excuse I was given was that they didn't want the new hire to be 'confused' about me. (I became irate and pointed out that my personal safety and private medical history are much more important than someone else's 'confusion').

I prefer to be as stealth as possible because as soon as people know you're trans, they start 'othering' you and I hate being treated like a freak show. The fewer people who know about my past, the better.

I feel 'other' anyway because I'm on the autism spectrum. Maybe because of that I don't mind telling people I'm trans. I was born with mixed sex characteristics and I will always have mixed sex characteristics. The trans condition is lifelong. I just aim to cope better.

I don't just pass, I have to work at it, and I'm always afraid that male status will be taken away in a second. I'm starting to wonder how much I will ultimately pass, if I'm too old or too feminine looking. Getting called ma'am hurts my self confidence a lot. I don't mind gender neutral address at all. I have passed a little recently and it was like a drink of fresh water.

I guess it would depend on the situation and the person asking. In most cases I would most likely confirm. I really hope that being able to confirm will one day become an easy thing to do without the fear of being harassed or looked at weird afterwards.

That really depends on the context the question was asked in. Was it mocking? Was it someone asking out of genuine knee-jerk curiosity but still a stranger? Was it someone I know and trust?

I'm not likely to volunteer any information to strangers unless they're something to do with my transition, let's put it that way.

It depends on the context or who is asking, but usually I'd probably say something like "wow, that's a pretty rude question. Are you?"

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It looks like I am definitely the odd one out for my extreme opposition to this question...

I got major panic attacks when I was asked. It was online and this very pushy individual solely based it on my picture even though my profile said Im a man (I don't pass, nor do I want to look like someone I don't want in order to please others- this is what I get for living in a binary world I guess) It was the first time in my life and anything related to gender is already the worst topic for me so I instantly got scary physical symptoms of a panic attack.... I hope this never happens to me ever again but because of the fact that I don't want to be put in people's boxes of what a male is supposed to look like, I am sure it will continue.... It's almost like because of the way I want to look, I am making the transness out there?  I honestly don't identify with the word at all so I just cannot imagine myself saying yes.

To me, it doesn't make it much better if a doctor was to ask me this either....I feel much better calling it a medical condition like a hormonal imbalance. To others, I will definitely deny as if my entire identity depended on it by saying no, I am male despite my looks. Even if the person was to ask about the genitalia, I will tell them I have a penis. However this sounds like to others, this is what works for me to keep myself sane because I see my damned bodily condition differently.

Well I wouldn't be thrilled to be asked at all, much less often... I don't think too many people enjoy being asked that question as it's more of a demand to define yourself to someone else, than a question. But it probably is going to come up at some point for those transitioning.