Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: SammyGirl on October 04, 2016, 08:39:03 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Disturbing Intolerance Witnessed at Work
Post by: SammyGirl on October 04, 2016, 08:39:03 PM
Post by: SammyGirl on October 04, 2016, 08:39:03 PM
This morning I was a unwilling witness to something that scares me with regards to coming out in the work place. As a point of reference I'm still in early stages of therapy but hopefully in the coming weeks I can get my letter so I can start my HRT. I'm usually very early into work and by the time the people start showing up more frequently I needed to grab another cup of joe from the coffee kiosk on the first floor (I work on the fifth). On the way back up to my floor I had to share the elevator with a male co-worker that while I don't know personally his office is on the same floor, but fortunately on the other side of the building. His body language made it apparent to me that he was very troubled/angry with something.
He was trying his utmost best to ignore the ringing of his cellphone when he finally broke down and accepted the call and oblivious to me stared to say things that occurred to me had to be his wife. While I can remember word for word exactly what he said I recall that it was something along the following lines
"What?! No I will not change my mind! If that sissy ->-bleeped-<-got son of ours wants to come out of the closet and tell us that he is a homosexual than he can move his fairy ass out of my home! I expect to see him gone prior to me leaving work too?"
I just stood there and didn't know what to say. He finally notices that i was watching him and more importantly I had at least heard his side of the conversation. As we both stepped out of the elevator in turn I discovered that he was waiting for me in the floor lobby and he must of mistook my look of disgust with his behavior as silent agreement with him. Because he then starts to tell me that his eldest son who was a senior in high school had told his parents out of the blue the night before that he was gay. If I understood correctly his son had just turned 18 over the weekend and if I were to guess had finally worked up the courage to disclose this part of himself to his family.
I would rather not mention the place of our employment but it has a long history in the aerospace industry of the US and in particular there are a lot of 'blue beards' who talk about the good olde days of the space race. Fortunately this older veterans are nearing retirement age. But not enough people are leaving in my option. So has anybody working a engineering salaried position faced such fossilized mindsets and how have you "soldiered onward". I know this case was about a homosexual 18 year old boy of a employee but I still scares the hell out of me coming out to my co-workers when I feel the time is right.
He was trying his utmost best to ignore the ringing of his cellphone when he finally broke down and accepted the call and oblivious to me stared to say things that occurred to me had to be his wife. While I can remember word for word exactly what he said I recall that it was something along the following lines
"What?! No I will not change my mind! If that sissy ->-bleeped-<-got son of ours wants to come out of the closet and tell us that he is a homosexual than he can move his fairy ass out of my home! I expect to see him gone prior to me leaving work too?"
I just stood there and didn't know what to say. He finally notices that i was watching him and more importantly I had at least heard his side of the conversation. As we both stepped out of the elevator in turn I discovered that he was waiting for me in the floor lobby and he must of mistook my look of disgust with his behavior as silent agreement with him. Because he then starts to tell me that his eldest son who was a senior in high school had told his parents out of the blue the night before that he was gay. If I understood correctly his son had just turned 18 over the weekend and if I were to guess had finally worked up the courage to disclose this part of himself to his family.
I would rather not mention the place of our employment but it has a long history in the aerospace industry of the US and in particular there are a lot of 'blue beards' who talk about the good olde days of the space race. Fortunately this older veterans are nearing retirement age. But not enough people are leaving in my option. So has anybody working a engineering salaried position faced such fossilized mindsets and how have you "soldiered onward". I know this case was about a homosexual 18 year old boy of a employee but I still scares the hell out of me coming out to my co-workers when I feel the time is right.
Title: Re: Disturbing Intolerance Witnessed at Work
Post by: SadieBlake on October 05, 2016, 02:33:36 AM
Post by: SadieBlake on October 05, 2016, 02:33:36 AM
I would have a serious and pointed conversation with.your hr dept. This isn't workplace harassment as you overheard a private conversation, still I would not come out in that environment.
I know that this kind of benighted view isn't uncommon, for instance I remember all too well a co-worker venturing the opinion over lunch many years ago that he'd rather his son be dead than transgender. I'll never forget the casual anger he expressed, seemingly not knowing he was speaking to a trans woman.
I'm glad to be out and finally transitioning in a workplace that's not perfect and still the most accepting I can imagine. I hope you will be met with better acceptance than you were forced to overhear.
I know that this kind of benighted view isn't uncommon, for instance I remember all too well a co-worker venturing the opinion over lunch many years ago that he'd rather his son be dead than transgender. I'll never forget the casual anger he expressed, seemingly not knowing he was speaking to a trans woman.
I'm glad to be out and finally transitioning in a workplace that's not perfect and still the most accepting I can imagine. I hope you will be met with better acceptance than you were forced to overhear.
Title: Re: Disturbing Intolerance Witnessed at Work
Post by: JoanneB on October 05, 2016, 08:16:42 PM
Post by: JoanneB on October 05, 2016, 08:16:42 PM
Quote from: SammyGirl on October 04, 2016, 08:39:03 PMWelcome to the REAL world :(
This morning I was a unwilling witness to something that scares me with regards to coming out in the work place. As a point of reference I'm still in early stages of therapy but hopefully in the coming weeks I can get my letter so I can start my HRT. I'm usually very early into work and by the time the people start showing up more frequently I needed to grab another cup of joe from the coffee kiosk on the first floor (I work on the fifth). On the way back up to my floor I had to share the elevator with a male co-worker that while I don't know personally his office is on the same floor, but fortunately on the other side of the building. His body language made it apparent to me that he was very troubled/angry with something.
He was trying his utmost best to ignore the ringing of his cellphone when he finally broke down and accepted the call and oblivious to me stared to say things that occurred to me had to be his wife. While I can remember word for word exactly what he said I recall that it was something along the following lines
"What?! No I will not change my mind! If that sissy ->-bleeped-<-got son of ours wants to come out of the closet and tell us that he is a homosexual than he can move his fairy ass out of my home! I expect to see him gone prior to me leaving work too?"
I just stood there and didn't know what to say. He finally notices that i was watching him and more importantly I had at least heard his side of the conversation. As we both stepped out of the elevator in turn I discovered that he was waiting for me in the floor lobby and he must of mistook my look of disgust with his behavior as silent agreement with him. Because he then starts to tell me that his eldest son who was a senior in high school had told his parents out of the blue the night before that he was gay. If I understood correctly his son had just turned 18 over the weekend and if I were to guess had finally worked up the courage to disclose this part of himself to his family.
I would rather not mention the place of our employment but it has a long history in the aerospace industry of the US and in particular there are a lot of 'blue beards' who talk about the good olde days of the space race. Fortunately this older veterans are nearing retirement age. But not enough people are leaving in my option. So has anybody working a engineering salaried position faced such fossilized mindsets and how have you "soldiered onward". I know this case was about a homosexual 18 year old boy of a employee but I still scares the hell out of me coming out to my co-workers when I feel the time is right.
I worked for some time in rural West Virginia, AKA Hillbilly Country. Amazingly, not too different from where I grew up and spent 99% of my life, 2 miles from New York City. The attitudes were not and are not different. Certainly FAR BETTER then it was in the 70's. Still a long way to go when you get people out of the PC bubble they are forced to abide by for fear of retribution.
Title: Re: Disturbing Intolerance Witnessed at Work
Post by: HappyMoni on October 05, 2016, 08:42:26 PM
Post by: HappyMoni on October 05, 2016, 08:42:26 PM
There are never perfect places or times to come out. I personally feel that people's reaction depends a great deal in how you handle your coming out. I have a lot of defenders at work because I told them the choice I was faced with. I told them I could be miserable or take this giant chance in life. I would want to know what policy is for the company and in the state. If the company will support you, the pressure could be on jerks like this to behave. Do you really want this jerk to control your life? I don't know your surroundings. In Maryland, I have been surprised how nice people have been to me.
Monica
Monica