Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Amanda_Combs on October 06, 2016, 01:23:51 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Accidentally hurt by loved ones??
Post by: Amanda_Combs on October 06, 2016, 01:23:51 PM
Post by: Amanda_Combs on October 06, 2016, 01:23:51 PM
So my best friend doesn't know I'm trans*. I trust him, in general, more than many people I've told. But not with this because of the things he says about trans* people. Not even a lot of negative things; he's just all over the place on this issue. For example, last week he said that we need to treat trans* people fairly because they can't help it. some men can't help really feeling like they're women. And if they've gotten the surgery, he would call them a woman.(Because otherwise they're still a man)
That made me shudder. And I know it's not very hateful, just misinformed. But I can't really feel confident that he would look at me with any legitimacy. What do you think? Any tips on making educating this type of person any simpler? Or do you know someone like this, who is good and not hateful, but just really doesn't get it? I just need to talk to someone about this. [emoji170]
That made me shudder. And I know it's not very hateful, just misinformed. But I can't really feel confident that he would look at me with any legitimacy. What do you think? Any tips on making educating this type of person any simpler? Or do you know someone like this, who is good and not hateful, but just really doesn't get it? I just need to talk to someone about this. [emoji170]
Title: Re: Accidentally hurt by loved ones??
Post by: Elis on October 06, 2016, 01:42:40 PM
Post by: Elis on October 06, 2016, 01:42:40 PM
If he's a good friend in general then I say it's worth it to take the time to educate him and hopefully he'll stop making these kinds of comments. The general public don't tend to know the science behind being trans, that sex and gender identity are two separate things and that our brains are hard wired in the womb to be a particular gender. So maybe send him articles showing the scientific stuff.
My brother took a general biology degree and agrees that trans is something that happens in the womb but still misgenders me :-\. So be mentally prepared for your friend to take a long while to 'get it'.
Hope it goes well for you :)
My brother took a general biology degree and agrees that trans is something that happens in the womb but still misgenders me :-\. So be mentally prepared for your friend to take a long while to 'get it'.
Hope it goes well for you :)
Title: Re: Accidentally hurt by loved ones??
Post by: stephaniec on October 06, 2016, 06:54:35 PM
Post by: stephaniec on October 06, 2016, 06:54:35 PM
depends on what level of friendship you want with the person . Risk it and find an unfathomable bond or not as close of friend you thought
Title: Re: Accidentally hurt by loved ones??
Post by: Michelle_P on October 06, 2016, 07:12:23 PM
Post by: Michelle_P on October 06, 2016, 07:12:23 PM
I'm finding the general public doesn't even know there's a transition process. The assumption seems to be that someone walks into a hospital looking and acting one way, and walks out completely changed.
There's definitely some education involved.
There's definitely some education involved.
Title: Re: Accidentally hurt by loved ones??
Post by: Rachel on October 06, 2016, 07:42:35 PM
Post by: Rachel on October 06, 2016, 07:42:35 PM
Before I came out at the lunch table at work when the trans topic came up it was not pleasant. When I came out and I educated the group the issue went away and instead it is replaced with support.
I never was going to tell or see my old friends again. There was no need to tell them. A mutual friend of one of my friends told my one friend. I had to tell the one person because he was recommending me for a position (volunteer). I asked he not tell our mutual friend. He did. Then my childhood friends found out. The mother of a childhood friend died so I went to the viewing, funeral and after the lunch. The childhood friends were supportive.
You can not change that you are trans. You can take a chance and you may be happy or sad about his response but at least you will know.
I never was going to tell or see my old friends again. There was no need to tell them. A mutual friend of one of my friends told my one friend. I had to tell the one person because he was recommending me for a position (volunteer). I asked he not tell our mutual friend. He did. Then my childhood friends found out. The mother of a childhood friend died so I went to the viewing, funeral and after the lunch. The childhood friends were supportive.
You can not change that you are trans. You can take a chance and you may be happy or sad about his response but at least you will know.
Title: Re: Accidentally hurt by loved ones??
Post by: Mariah on October 07, 2016, 07:13:07 PM
Post by: Mariah on October 07, 2016, 07:13:07 PM
If they are a good enough friend that you can trust, then simply educating them should be enough. I have spent time educating people who are not even friends at all, but because it is the right thing to do. Just be open and honest and explain what it matter of factly. A good friend should understand that
Title: Re: Accidentally hurt by loved ones??
Post by: JoanneB on October 08, 2016, 09:40:43 AM
Post by: JoanneB on October 08, 2016, 09:40:43 AM
Which pain would be worse right now for you in your life & journey; Loosing him as a friend, or hiding who you are? The being misinformed or transphobia you see all around you practically every day.
Generally speaking, whenever the somewhat touchy subjects of TG or Gay Marriage rarely come up for me I try to do my best to educate. Gay marriage more often then trans by a long shot. It is amazing how many people just have no clue at all that marriage is more of a legal construct in todays society then anything else. Even to things seemingly as simple as hospital visitation rights to see a sick/dying partner when "The immediate family" says NO. I'm 6ft tall, deeper then average voice, balding since 14 so if I do any advocating/educating regarding TG I feel pretty safe they aren't thinking "He's one of those...." Most to all people are taught it is a binary. Heck many of us even believe it is. An Exclusive OR of the gender binary. Always male centric. Dangly Bits == Male for MTF. FTMs don't even enter the thought process. Especially when it comes to Bathroom Bills. The press coverage of which is often the only, usually negative, education people get.
As a friend, you know/feel in your heart he is simply mis-informed, just as about every other person around you. A hater would not even be open to the concept of GCS to 'fix' a problem. Again what about everyone is taught is the fix.
Doing some tactful educating if/when the topic ever comes up again I think is a safe path.
Is he a bit of an Alpha-Male type, which would help explain why you trust him more then others you have come out to?
And... if your plans are to fully come out within a few weeks/months, I think it would be best to drop the T-Bomb now on him, get through the initial difficulties and know you have, or not, an ally and possible advocate rather then dealing with such a big unknown about an important person in your life at a crucial time in your life.
Generally speaking, whenever the somewhat touchy subjects of TG or Gay Marriage rarely come up for me I try to do my best to educate. Gay marriage more often then trans by a long shot. It is amazing how many people just have no clue at all that marriage is more of a legal construct in todays society then anything else. Even to things seemingly as simple as hospital visitation rights to see a sick/dying partner when "The immediate family" says NO. I'm 6ft tall, deeper then average voice, balding since 14 so if I do any advocating/educating regarding TG I feel pretty safe they aren't thinking "He's one of those...." Most to all people are taught it is a binary. Heck many of us even believe it is. An Exclusive OR of the gender binary. Always male centric. Dangly Bits == Male for MTF. FTMs don't even enter the thought process. Especially when it comes to Bathroom Bills. The press coverage of which is often the only, usually negative, education people get.
As a friend, you know/feel in your heart he is simply mis-informed, just as about every other person around you. A hater would not even be open to the concept of GCS to 'fix' a problem. Again what about everyone is taught is the fix.
Doing some tactful educating if/when the topic ever comes up again I think is a safe path.
Is he a bit of an Alpha-Male type, which would help explain why you trust him more then others you have come out to?
And... if your plans are to fully come out within a few weeks/months, I think it would be best to drop the T-Bomb now on him, get through the initial difficulties and know you have, or not, an ally and possible advocate rather then dealing with such a big unknown about an important person in your life at a crucial time in your life.