Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: Asche on October 19, 2016, 03:32:53 PM Return to Full Version
Title: 2 1/2 months to go -- feeling stressed to the breaking point
Post by: Asche on October 19, 2016, 03:32:53 PM
Post by: Asche on October 19, 2016, 03:32:53 PM
My transition is proceeding. It still looks like I'll be full time, with most or all IDs changed by the end of the year. I spoke with HR a few weeks ago and spoke to my boss last week, and it looks like things are going reasonably well. My boss is supportive and is talking with his boss and HR about training (for appropriate behavior with trans people) and coming out to the 100-odd people I deal with on a regular basis at the company. My boss said he'd already guessed that I was transitioning -- my getting rid of my beard and then getting my ears pierced were clues for him, and he said he's been seeing TransParent. Still waiting for the court to process my name change.
Meanwhile, I am going crazy. I am utterly stressed out. I've been waking up at 2:00 or 3:00 a.m., not able to sleep. I can't focus, I feel like my life is going off the rails, out of control. I feel like I cannot manage all the things I have to do with transition and my daily life. Sometimes I clench my fists or bite my fingers to distract myself from it. I got my psychiatrist to prescribe a different anti-depressant (Lexapro), which has taken the edge off of the stress at night, but it doesn't help during the day. He prescribed Xanax to use as needed, but you're not supposed to drive if you take it and I have to drive almost every day -- 2x per week to my therapist, plus driving my kids around. I feel emotionally unavailable for my kids, which bothers me. And it's affected my work, which really bothers me, since it's been the only area of my life where I could unambiguously feel good about myself.
Is this typical for this point in transition? Is there reason to hope things will settle down once I've been living full time as me for a while?
Meanwhile, I am going crazy. I am utterly stressed out. I've been waking up at 2:00 or 3:00 a.m., not able to sleep. I can't focus, I feel like my life is going off the rails, out of control. I feel like I cannot manage all the things I have to do with transition and my daily life. Sometimes I clench my fists or bite my fingers to distract myself from it. I got my psychiatrist to prescribe a different anti-depressant (Lexapro), which has taken the edge off of the stress at night, but it doesn't help during the day. He prescribed Xanax to use as needed, but you're not supposed to drive if you take it and I have to drive almost every day -- 2x per week to my therapist, plus driving my kids around. I feel emotionally unavailable for my kids, which bothers me. And it's affected my work, which really bothers me, since it's been the only area of my life where I could unambiguously feel good about myself.
Is this typical for this point in transition? Is there reason to hope things will settle down once I've been living full time as me for a while?
Title: Re: 2 1/2 months to go -- feeling stressed to the breaking point
Post by: Sophia Sage on October 19, 2016, 05:42:45 PM
Post by: Sophia Sage on October 19, 2016, 05:42:45 PM
You're about to embark on a huge turning point in your life. It's getting very real! Your current state of mind is wholly appropriate and expected; I felt much the same way. And yes, it will smooth out after going full time.
Title: Re: 2 1/2 months to go -- feeling stressed to the breaking point
Post by: Dena on October 19, 2016, 06:41:00 PM
Post by: Dena on October 19, 2016, 06:41:00 PM
I have had times in my life during my treatment where I went several weeks with only a couple of hours a night of sleep. It can last a couple of weeks to a couple of months and once your mind works through everything you return to a more normal sleep pattern. This is normal anytime you have a high stress level. When my roommate passed away, my sleep was greatly disturbed for a couple of years and while my sleeping pattern is better now, I am still at about 6 hours a night instead of my once normal 8 hours a night.
Try to find distractions especially before bed. A dull book, a slow TV show or possibly some relaxing music before bed may help take your mind off your issues and allow you to get more sleep.
Try to find distractions especially before bed. A dull book, a slow TV show or possibly some relaxing music before bed may help take your mind off your issues and allow you to get more sleep.
Title: Re: 2 1/2 months to go -- feeling stressed to the breaking point
Post by: Asche on October 21, 2016, 09:36:00 AM
Post by: Asche on October 21, 2016, 09:36:00 AM
Many thanks for the kind words. It doesn't make the stress any less, but it eases my mind to know (believe?) that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (which I hope is not an oncoming train.)
FWIW, this has been going on (with brief remissions) since June. I'm not sure, but I have the vague impression that it's worse at work, which is the one place I'm not fully out as Allison yet.
FWIW, this has been going on (with brief remissions) since June. I'm not sure, but I have the vague impression that it's worse at work, which is the one place I'm not fully out as Allison yet.