Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've heard that some people both inside and outside the transgender community [both transgender and cis people] are either against detransition or skeptical to it. I've always wondered why some of them are against detransition, but at the other hand supports people transition. In my opinion everybody should do what's making them happy. In addition it's good people figures out who they are and what they needs to do to be happy. Transition isn't something for everybody. Not every transgender people needs [medically or socially] transition, and it doesn't make them lesser trans. And other people regrets because they weren't transgender in the first place, but thought it a period.

Everybody do mistakes in their life or something they do regrets. People should be allowed to correcting their mistakes if they are able too, without other looking down upon them. I wished detransition were equally accepted as transition, especially within the transgender community. It's supposed to be supportive.

Detransitioning does not mean anyone made a mistake. It simply means that's where life's path took them.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Agreed, you have to go, where you have to go, inorder to be you; and if detransition gets there, then tally ho!

Careful though, that first step is a dooozie!  lol.

Quote from: becky.rw on November 03, 2016, 01:21:06 PM
Agreed, you have to go, where you have to go, inorder to be you; and if detransition gets there, then tally ho!

Careful though, that first step is a dooozie!  lol.

;D  +1 for that!

Hugs, Devlyn

The reason that people don't like it is because it plays into the opposition's narrative and is used against us.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

I'm certainly concerned that I could have regrets post GCS. I know I can make my gf happy with my <sheenis> and she's going to miss that and I have a little tiny fear of regret. Not being a step that can be undone.

One has to accept that some people will change their minds. I'm pretty sure I will not and I've been over a lot of ground analyzing and am convinced there's no way back. Still that last step is daunting and as far as I know most girls carry some concerns right to the start of the surgery.

The only people I know personally who tried to detransition had very deep regrets.  My one friend stepped back three times before finally breaking through, and she deeply regrets ever detransitioning in the first place -- she could have had her proper life in her early twenties rather than suffering into her mid-forties.  The other tried to go back when she fell in love with a bombshell, but of course she ended up getting more and more dysphoric, and she too couldn't hold back any longer. 

It's a myth, I think, that dysphoria can be happily managed or suppressed long-term.  The truth of who we are will win out, one way or another.

That said, I do think it really depends on your truth.  If you're not actually dysphoric at being misgendered, for example, and you get into transition and realize it's really not any better than before, then of course it makes sense to go back.  If you're not on the gender binary, or you find you're quite a bit of both, it can make sense to pull back. I even think it makes sense for practical material reasons -- like, if you know you're not going to get gendered in the way you want, and you think you should capitalize on your financial growth while the getting is good, okay, in this day and age of the unstable global economy, why not.

I think what really bugs me, though, is the idea of being emotionally manipulated into not being your true self.  That, to me, just seems so dishonest, and so full of unhappiness.  It's hard enough dealing with gender dysphoria in the first place without having the cudgel of emotional blackmail hanging over one's head. 

But even if I think it's a mistake, even if I've argued otherwise, I'll still support the choices of my friends in the end.

Having "De-Transitioned" twice in my life I have to say I am thankful I did. Likely I'd be dead today if I didn't. I sure would not have had the amazing life I have had. I was ill equipped in my younger days for the challenges. I was FAR from being emotionally prepared. Both times I tried I had a negative self esteem, self confidence, and self worth.

I lived. Eventually I needed to make changes to continue living. Eventually that all led to me looking forward to yet another transition. Actually, I have transitioned since I have changed immensely these past few years. I am a far different person today. Hopefully life circumstances will allow for some more changes.

Maybe because they're told transition is an "irreversible" process. So they take it to heart and believe it.

I heard this at the GIC. I'm sure people who want to de-transition can find ways to do so, even if it may be a difficult process. But they were making sure to point out to me that certain aspects of surgery are irreversible, which I knew... some things are irreversible, like getting your exact body parts back with the exact same sensation they had before (I would assume).

It's been my experience that the reasons some people are for or against many things have very little to do with the thing itself, but more how it affects the way they think about themselves.

Perhaps it's a feeling from someone going through transition that if someone makes the decision to detransition, that the process itself isn't infallible. And it adds an element of uncertainty in how they feel about their own journey. A sliver of insecurity and the slightest whisper of "did I do the right thing?". People don't like to feel insecure, or have the path they have taken called into question. Less so if they themselves are the questioner.

Perhaps also there's a feeling from others that changing one's mind is a bad thing. That seeing one has taken the wrong path and changing direction in life to enable one to live the best way they know how is somehow a reflection on the paths they themselves have taken.

Altruism is a very rare thing, in my experience. And often when people have opinions on the lives of others, it's because those lives correlate with the lives they themselves lead. And people like to know that a course of action is the right one to take. Even through outside affirmation. To see someone happy on a course you yourself are taking/planning to take, is far more preferable to seeing someone realise it wasn't for them, and that sometimes it might not be the answer.

Whether a person wants, or needs to detransition in order to live their lives the best way they can is a matter for them, and them alone. No one knows our minds like we know our minds. It's hard to remove bias for what someone else should or shouldn't do based on how we feel we should be. But it's worth bearing in mind that a lot of the time, that's all it is. Giving people the self-esteem and confidence to make their own choices, for me, is far more preferable to telling them what those choices should be.

Having detransitioned myself all I can say is you do what you have to do.

For me, at the time, it wasn't about having made a "mistake"; it was to do with being unable to cope - unable to cope with lack of support, unable to cope with the cost, unable to cope with rejection, unable to cope with feeling out of my depth, unable to cope with feeling very alone in the process (no internet or forums to help connect me with others), unable to cope with hurdles real or imagined.

I still wanted to live as a woman but the process of transition at the age of 24 in the early 1990s just became too much. So I stopped trying to transition, pretended it never happened and went into denial. Didn't stop me from being trans though.

So if trans people try to transition and then decide to stop it is a deeply personal choice guided by their circumstances and it is for no one else to criticise.

Agree with Ms.Grace! transgender people know, or should know more then anyone else how important it is to live as your authentic self no matter what that self is. If someone de-transitions and are a good person who just wants to get to know themselves better, or are indeed trans but for whatever reason needs to go back atleast temporarly who are we to judge. Sometimes one (like myself) needs to go that route to discover they are infact trans and that its not a phase, its like a reassurence. No matter what it is a desicion to be respected. Only times i would say there is bad blood is when 1) a de-transitioner become one of those ''i am better then you'' types and is so insecure and miserable that they want us to end up like them. Walt Heyer is the best example. and then 2), a small amount of trans people who hears or sees a detransition may be triggered by doubts and their own secerites and fear they may end up doing the same possibley one day. Needless to say those doubts and insecerites need to be worked on if they want to have a happier transition and have full confiedence they are doing the right thing. But 95% of  both trans people and cis people i think could care less if one goes all the way back or doesnt fully do the change .

Unfortunately, many of the most vocal detransitioners are involved in either the TERF or fundamentalist communities so it leaves a sour taste in many peoples' mouths.

There are some with no political/religious motive to detransition though who are genuinely nice people- transitioning just wasn't for them either for now or never. Some people are very angry that the upcoming BBC2 documentary will feature a detransitioner and I don't understand it. They could genuinely be a nice person with no motive behind it.