Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just a curious question, How important are gender " appropriate " clothes to a persons  transition. I know when I first came to Susan's there use to be discussion of transitioning physically but not regards the particular clothes one wore . My opinion seems to have change over the 3 years I've been on Susan's. I use to think it didn't make much sense to transition without also wearing the gender specific clothing. Now , I just view it as irrelevant. I love dresses and will absolutely never give them up , but this is just me. There were discussions of full transition GRS and all yet continuing to present as the gender that you transitioned from through the continue wearing of the clothes associated with the gender you were transitioning from. I guess I'm wondering whether it really matters how you present to the public as long as you are physically satisfied with your self as in just saying are clothes really relevant as far as your identity as perceived from within.

Don't think it really matters. The problem with clothes I see with trans people mostly is that they dress 10-30 years above their normal age, not whether they're using feminine or masculine clothing.

Quote from: stephaniec on November 06, 2016, 12:22:54 PM
Just a curious question, How important are gender " appropriate " clothes to a persons  transition. I know when I first came to Susan's there use to be discussion of transitioning physically but not regards the particular clothes one wore . My opinion seems to have change over the 3 years I've been on Susan's. I use to think it didn't make much sense to transition without also wearing the gender specific clothing. Now , I just view it as irrelevant. I love dresses and will absolutely never give them up , but this is just me. There were discussions of full transition GRS and all yet continuing to present as the gender that you transitioned from through the continue wearing of the clothes associated with the gender you were transitioning from. I guess I'm wondering whether it really matters how you present to the public as long as you are physically satisfied with your self as in just saying are clothes really relevant as far as your identity as perceived from within.

It's not about passing. It's about self respect, confidence, and acceptance. Once you accept yourself, it really does not matter what everyone else thinks. At least it is what I keep telling myself. I really don't care if I ever present in public. It's friends and family that matter and I have that covered.

As well a dressing in clothes that I genuinely like, I also feel they can provide others a message in how you wish to be addressed. I.e. Even if I don't pass, if I'm clearly dressed female, then I expect to be treated as such.

it was just a passing thought the important part iss how you feel. I was just remembering some discussions by some members who were quite adamant  about the fact that they should be allowed to dress the way they wanted regardless of the perceived gender they were supposed to be and I sitting here thing how strange it was for someone to go through with transition completing GRS and wanting  to present  according to their birth gender rather than   the transitioned gender. Now I'm thinking how strange it was for me to think that because why should it matter. Just kind of weird Sunday thoughts.

Quote from: meganjames2 on November 06, 2016, 12:55:37 PM
As well a dressing in clothes that I genuinely like, I also feel they can provide others a message in how you wish to be addressed. I.e. Even if I don't pass, if I'm clearly dressed female, then I expect to be treated as such.

I definitely agree with being treated properly. I really don't liked to be sired when I have on a pretty dress and make up and what ever.

Before I got my head straightened out through HRT I thought clothes were very important.  Now I don't think about them much at all.  I'm not entirely sure why.  Dressing at home by myself holds me no interest at all whereas before it was my only way of dealing with this. 

Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm really trans and not just some kind of weirdo.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

 

Quote from: DawnOday on November 06, 2016, 12:49:13 PM
It's not about passing. It's about self respect, confidence, and acceptance. Once you accept yourself, it really does not matter what everyone else thinks. At least it is what I keep telling myself. I really don't care if I ever present in public. It's friends and family that matter and I have that covered.

Agreed. To me, it was very important to be able to wear the clothes I wanted. It wasn't about presenting male or female, but just what made me feel confident and at ease with myself. I already owned female clothes, but a wardrobe fiting my taste enabled me to go fulltime.

Because I had to do 1 year RLE I had to come out. I had to make a choice. I like my clothes and I think I look good in them. When I have my BA they will fit properly and fall better. I am excited to see my profile and how I look.

I have not been at the gym since my FFS and will go back mid January. I wore female gym clothing but used the gender neutral locker room, which was seldom used. When I go back I will go into the female locker room.

For me clothing is part of the process of transition. 

Clothes quickly lose their attraction when you start RLE but they are still needed at least for some of us. As I had social dysphoria, it was important that others treat me as feminine. For them to be able to do it, I needed to present a feminine image. Hair, makeup, voice and dress all go into make others treat me as I wish to be treated. Without the proper image I would be treated as male so while the clothes were not a personal need, they were needed to get the responses I needed.

 I'm sure all of us are all over the spectrum when it comes to clothing, just like cis-women. I pretty much agree with what Dena said. I'm at the beginning of my journey so when I'm able to go out in the world as the real me it's a necessity to pay attention to my dress and appearance if I want to blend with the rest of the older gals.
Some interesting observations about clothing and myself..... When I was was in deep denial/hiding my women's clothing choices probably could best have been described as way over the top if not drifting into the fetish zone. Since I've come to accept who and what I am that aspect has totally gone away. I'm also finding the "guy drag" I have to still wear for work is becoming increasingly uncomfortable... who'd of thought. jessica

with Dena being perceived as female is extremely important to me an d one practical approach is dressing nicely with my hair flowing and nice make up.

I think clothes, in general, depends so much on other "Social" factors then anything else.

For instance, A 50 something professional woman is sort of expected to dress differently then say a 50 something woman working the checkout at your local Quick-Check. And certainly a lot different then you average 20 something.

I've always been an advocate of "Age appropriate" dress. I've always been an advocate of just "Blending In". I had too many negative encounters else wise :(  Never the less, I do tend to dress a bit more... younger.  Well, I wasn't called "Baby Face" for a good 20 years for nuttin

So I used to think that clothing meant so little to my transition, but I have evolved some apparently.  When I see photos of my over the last few years, my choice in apparel selection has shifted towards a more feminine.  It is not that the clothes are really all that important in my overall transition, but they are certainly more personally appealing.

I wrote "a wardrobe fitting my taste", but that's not entirely true. For example, I really love wearing vintage dresses and skirts like those (https://www.succubus.nl/jurkjes.html), but don't wear them yet. At this stage, hyper femininity would make me less passable.

I want the people around me to be able to keep up with me and transitioning is a gradual process. My wardrobe also gradually changes with that.  I own a small business and often have meetings with clients and their advertisement agencies. Professionally, I need to dress modestly feminine, so the attention doesn't go to my self presentation. I once went over the top and a lot of time was waisted on my hot looks rather than the assigment, it was a huge distraction.

So right now, I mostly wear skinny jeans with heels, a nice blouse and a jacket. Distinctly feminine, but not provocative in any way. The lingerie I wear underneath that makes me feel good

I go really, really over the top. So much so that I get tired of it and revert back sometimes o.o
I mean, I have limited money, so why not get cute clothes, right? Especially, when they're on sale... Urm, uh.

They seem to cause tremendous dysphoria though, as the gap is really exaggerated and bores into my psyche.
I only do it in private though. I'd rather jump off a cliff than humiliate myself in public and be treated like a clown o.o

I am not far enough into my transition to know how important clothes will be in it.  What I do know is that a large part of my (conscious) dysphoria is clothing-related.  So clothing plays a large part in relieving it right now.

Who knows what will happen once I start HRT and RLE?

well, I know I haven't started transitioning yet but, clothing seems to be a big thing to my mind, I never where visible clothing however I usually dress in two full clothing sets; which consists of feminine lady clothing on the bottom layer and masculine male clothing on the outer side and its not just undergarments, shorts, top, leggings, whatever looks good to me. In a sense only me knowing its their makes a difference in my dysphoria. As many of u have said it not about what others think, its about what makes u happy and feel good.   I apologize if I shouldn't have posted in this area, just felt like I had something to add :).

mmm

An interesting thread, I can't pass it up. I love seeing and hearing all of the different things that we each relate to in this, our own, very unique corner of the world.

As I have only been experiencing my transgender self for less than two years, I still don't have a good handle on what it is to be me. I do know that the social connections and interactions are what truly ring my chimes. Relating to others; friends, waitresses, dental assistants, people on the street.....et al as Anne with all of the blessing and costs there of, is so important to me. I had gotten so tired of the guy game, the posturing and strength plays keeping me from feeling and expressing, I just had to get away from it. This means living, as much as I can, in the female world, and that is currently 60% to 80% of the time. To be able to live and experience the kind of life I want/need requires presenting well (non clown like) and that includes skirts, tops, accessories, makeup and all that is appropriate for the situation. Yes, I am read quite a bit of the time but it has most always been in a respectful accepting way. So, yes, the clothes are a big part of it for me. Not any one item but whatever is proper for fulfilling me......and I like the clothing options so much better than any guy options out there. As for around the house, either alone or with my wife, it is all about comfort and casual. This, for our fall weather, is typically a comfortable top and a flowy mid calf skirt to curl up on the couch reading a book or doing chores around the house. To each their own and celebrate our differences.

Anne

I most definitely prefer a pretty dress to a stuffy men's suite. I never liked wearing men's suites .

I find my clothes are an extension of myself. Over the course of this year alone I have  grown and evolved several times. From skinny jeans, girly trainers and loose sporty fleece all the way through to skirt, blouse, heels, lipstick, manicured painted nails, tinted shaped brows, tinted lashes (much less work than mascara), earrings, jewellery, handbag, the works. My only missing thing is a full face of makeup but eyes will be coming soon with the rest once electrolysis complete or the mirror says so ;)

None of it was a conscious plan just me and the mirror as to what worked for me at any given time while shopping.

My entire wardrobe has been replaced each time I hit a new level and I totally love it. Each time it happened it was like a "wow I used to wear THAT!" kinda thing so like I was always moving forwards fashionistically (I made up a word but it so works lol).

As with all things it's personal to all but to me who is a teensy weensy bit obsessed with her looks clothes are majorly important. I feel good when I look good and believe me when I say I feel amazing every day part of that feeling is due directly to my clothes.

it depends. For me they were important, but for others they may not be. Clothing was one of the first things that I did when I started my transition. Hugs
Mariah

I buy clothes from the women's department. I get what fits comfortably and looks good, preferably on sale.

I have found that I am far more likely to be gendered correctly if I select my clothing to subtly emphasize my femininity.  So for me at least, clothes are important.

Having spent so many years as male, I find it personally very liberating  and personally preferable to wear a dress or skirt and blouse. Although I do wear skinny jeans and shorts in summer), I would  estimate that I am probably most likely to be wearing a skirt or dress over jeans, although I do have a pair of really nice leather look pants too.

Basically as with many - TG women I went through the phase of buying all the wrong clothes, either far to skimpy or too short, but for me the lifeline that changed everything for me was going to a half day session at a Image consultant with House of colour (https://www.houseofcolour.co.uk/about).

What I came away with was a swatch of my colours, a booklet describing the right colours to wear and how to combine them and  even the best colours for lipsticks, eye shadow, mascara, bushers etc that would help to highlight my skin tones. The aim being that when I entered a room or even met  someone new, all they would see is a woman with the  correct and matched clothes, make up etc.

In fact its interesting how many times I have heard the statement from other women  - Oh high nice that lipstick looks on you or what colour and make is that nail polish! Even my beauty therapist notices it. Only two weeks ago she said its so nice to see you and how impressed she is with my colour matching presentation every time we meet! She of course knows I am TG.

This has all helped immensely to me to blend in and appear 100% female. Its interesting but I think the right colours, the correct makeup, obviously no facial hair or little of it,  sensible clothes, confidence (and it helps if you no Adams apple and small hands), the right accessories (like a wedding and engagement ring) all helps to present yourself as nothing more than 100% female.

Three incidents amply typify what I mean here. On Sunday I was out with some women friends, both who know that I am TG and  they were with two other women that I have never met before. We talked about just about everything under the sun, but eventually the conversation led to children. One of the women asked how many children  I had and was my first one a difficult pregnancy. I explained that I couldn't have children then told her that I was Transgender. Her expression was Wow! I would never have guessed!. The second thing was last night. I popped out to Tesco's for some late night shopping. I didn't want to put too much on, so just added lipstick, mascara and eyebrow pencil (ie no foundation, blusher etc). Now my lipstick is one that has been exactly matched to my skin tone (similarly I always keep my nails and toenails perfectly manicured with nail polish on them. In a casual conversation with the check out girl complaining about the miserable weather I mentioned that I had just had 5 glorious days in Marbella. Her comment was I hope you managed to get your bikini on and got some sun.  I told I did (although its a one piece!). Finally last week I had a consultation with Facial team in Marbella about FFS. The doctor I saw  basically asked what I was doing there as he couldn't see why I needed facial feminisation surgery at all, because to him I looked 100% female - this is all about presentation and the right colour combinations in makeup and clothes.

My strong advice is that if you haven't done it yet - do go an see an Image Consultant and get advice on your Colours and skin tones. I am an Autumn person.
Best
Judith

sounds good