Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My dysphoria usually focuses on my body shape(too flat and straight for my liking) and it is social. On most days I'm just a pair of breasts and a few "hers" away from feeling kind of normal and being able to calm down a bit.  That being said, I usually don't experience bottom dysphoria and am pretty much decided against gcs. 
   So it caused some unease yesterday when I looked at my body and was genuinely stricken by a feeling of, "what is that thing, and why is it there?!? [emoji30]" I keep thinking about how I would even deal with this if I keep developing new forms of dysphoria.  Do you girls/guys/other experience something like this?  Anyone have any thoughts?  I'm trying to keep calm but my fear is that this is turning into some infinite downhill slide.  I don't know... but any thoughts, opinions, or anecdotes will be very much appreciated. [emoji846]

There is a lot that we're reconnecting with, which takes time, so it's not surprising that you're still learning more about yourself.

1) Think about what you want to do about these feelings.
2) Go for it at comfortable pace and in the process, make sure to also occupy your mind with various other things.

I wish I had time for an anecdote, but it's late where I'm at and I need to wake up early. I just wanted to show you that aren't alone. Don't worry, you should calm down soon and you'll probably feel better in the morning.

Not new, just different. I move and I think what is that. I then remember I am Mab.

It's about our inner, innate woman, letting us know what is alien to our brain; the downside is her voice can be soft and gentle, so it takes a while for us to hear it.

For me, this is my primary dysphoria, and yes it's wearysome.

Rowan.

Oh,, that thing haha, I never really worried about it too,
But it gets worse and will be even worse the more you are socially put and dressing. Even if it didn't bother us, its big and impractical. :@
Sometimes it really bothers me, when naked looking for body changes and it is just ther.... starting back at me D:
I just hope that it will shrivel up abit??

It's normal, Amanda.  Because you're female.

I'd be surprised if it's really a NEW dysphoria.  It might be a new realization, as, like Sophia suggests, you are accepting yourself as a woman.

I've likened the discovery of 'new' issues within ourselves as something like peeling an onion.  We pick away and eventually peel off one layer of issues, only to discover new issues deeper inside ourselves. These then become the issues that we work on.

Sometimes my onion model makes me cry... ;)  So many layers to get through...

It takes time and experience to figure yourself out sometimes. I would say don't panic. What you are is what you are. Stressing won't change that. Take steps to see where you are and what you must do to live with yourself. Avoid jumping to conclusions.
Monica

Amanda, The situation your describing sounds VERY familiar to this old gal. Went decades without the wrong parts ever seeming to give me much distress. Will admit to the reoccurring dreams and thoughts about having the proper parts but seemed to have an "it is what it is" attitude about the male equipment. Fast forward to now... after about a year of therapy the body issues skyrocketed. Now 1 1/2 years into therapy I REALLY want "the dangly bits" to just go away. Think it's not really that unusual and is tied into coming to accept myself as who I really am. I find it a little amusing at times that when I started therapy I was looking desperately for help to just cope. Would have laughed if someone suggested I would seriously think about transition. Year and a half later , going out in the world as the real me , setting up appointments for electrolysis and trying to get hooked up with an endo. to start hrt. Who'd of thought. You're definitely not alone. Jessica

We hide a lot of stuff, even from ourselves, and all that starts to come out the more at peace you become. It seems to be a neverending process. I'm in my 40s and went fulltime a year ago. Not one single relationship that wasn't with a woman, and now I'm absolutely positive that I actually like guys and was never attracted to women. The signs were all there, but it took the transition for me to finally accept it. The more stuff like that I accept, the less stressed out I am. It just is. Don't overthink it.

I've been on full feminizing HRT for a good 6 years now. Prior to that I "Coped" with my GD  with periods of low dose HRT, after my far younger days two utter failed transition experiments.

For much of the time from 8 years ago when I HAD to take the Trans-Beast on for real, and about all the preceding decades I never had any genital dysphoria. For the most part it's been "Peaceful Coexistence"; The dangly bits and I have had some really great times together so who am I to complain?

A funny thing has happened, no scary, is that far too often then I care to deal with, I have genital dysphoria. I am not sure where or why it's coming from. Perhaps out of my .... "frustration" out of having to be Non-Binary, AKA, can't be anything other then "Male" most to full-time"? Or.... more and more of a "Need" to be more genuine?

A few of my support group members have also gone from "I don't give a rat's A$$" to "It really hurts that I...."

Seems to be part of my personal rabbit hole. Every victory is circumvented by some new indignity. :(

It sounds like you bottom dysphoria is increasing as you figure out your path and what you need to feel whole. Keep the GCS option open as you transition, you may change your mind.

The explanation I like is that, as the big things go away, we start noticing the little things that don't fit in with the new image.  I didn't start wanting breasts until I shaved my mustache and started really getting into self-feminization, and didn't really get into them until herbs made me start developing them and my boyfriend started calling me his girlfriend...

Now it's gone from just wanting to stop being seen as manly and eventually have a vagina to wanting to be a very girly girl...

Around '99 I had decided against medical transition mostly because I felt passing was too high a bar for me to meet. And I labeled myself as transgender, non binary and assumed that as such I didn't really qualify as transexual.

Since then I've proceeded to live my private life as feminine and to shape my social life and responses as stereotypically female as I was able. Throughout that time I've become progressively less happy with my body and more conflicted about my mind and how it operates on testosterone. This came to a head a year ago after 2 years of fighting ongoing depression and I decided I needed to start hrt and unless that didn't make me happier, proceed to GCS.

Of course it has made me immeasurably happier and I'm glad to have figured out that I can make my sexuality sort of work keeping my male bits. However I think I've come to realize that if I were to delay GCS, I'd be finding myself unhappy again in a few more years.

This doesn't mean GCS is what you need, it just means that I acknowledged about a year ago that I'm in fact transexual and realized for me it's always just been a question of how and when to transition.

This week I really crossed the bridge from 95% sure I need vaginoplasty asap to 99.9%.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 08, 2016, 07:31:32 AM
It's normal, Amanda.  Because you're female.

[emoji16] I love how concise that is!  Thank you everyone for your kind and empathetic words.  [emoji170] The tone is so consistent and I find that very comforting.  And I'm very relieved to not be the only one experiencing this.