Susan's Place Transgender Resources

 I met him at the bar at like 8:30 pm and we talked for 3 hours without me saying that I'm trans, after those 3 hours he asked me if I wanted to hangout with him and his friends because his friends were done playing pool, after hanging out with him and his friends for an hour he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, so we walked around town and after so long of walking we stopped and talked, then after talking he got quiet while still looking at me and after a few second ended up kissing me and making out with me for 20 mins, after those 20 mins  I told him I was transgender because he started talking about getting a room and started moving his hand down south and surprisingly he didn't go crazy after knowing, all he said was I had no idea and that he's never talked to or met a transgender before, then he asked me what I had down stares and I told him and he said he couldnt go through with it since I have a penis still, after talking for a bit he kissed me again and we ended up making out again for a couple mins and then stopped and he never tried touching me again all night even tho we hung out the rest of the night. After I got home I checked my facebook and he actually Sent me a friend request.... I was pretty surprised he did that, but anyway why do y'all think he kissed me a second time after saying he wasn't ok with it in that way?

He wanted to kiss you because he liked you, but I'd guess the usual rules of 'societal norms' were conflicting in his head. Give him some time to figure which is more important to him, and good luck.

just take it easy and enjoy the process

It is my opinion, and just mine at this point that not much good can occur in a bar. Booze and rational thinking do not mix. Ever hear the term 'beer goggles"? I'm not suggesting this was the result of your encounter. I hold this position as my sister has been a bartender for 50 years. She has been raped, robbed, beaten and she is working on husband number eight because she begins to feel sorry for these losers and tends to go home with them. I know one persons personal experience does not mean your's does not hold a silver lining and maybe he is open minded. He obviously wants to continue the relationship in some form or fashion. Go slow. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Let his mind wrap around the concept for a while. Let him make the move and don't be disappointed if it does not work out. Six and a half billion people on this earth. Somehow somewhere there is someone out there waiting to meet and fall for someone like you. Keep in mind for everyone like me that think bars are terrible meeting places there will be someone else that has a good experience. But thinking back when I used to go to night clubs. Think Saturday Night Fever, a good experience was leaving with a girl to do the nasty.  No second date was ever promised. I hope and pray this does not happen to you as you seem to be a genuinely sweet person, and a good looking woman to boot. Best Regards Angelique

Dawn

Quote from: DawnOday on November 16, 2016, 11:25:04 AM
It is my opinion, and just mine at this point that not much good can occur in a bar. Booze and rational thinking do not mix. Ever hear the term 'beer goggles"? I'm not suggesting this was the result of your encounter. I hold this position as my sister has been a bartender for 50 years. She has been raped, robbed, beaten and she is working on husband number eight because she begins to feel sorry for these losers and tends to go home with them. I know one persons personal experience does not mean your's does not hold a silver lining and maybe he is open minded. He obviously wants to continue the relationship in some form or fashion. Go slow. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Let his mind wrap around the concept for a while. Let him make the move and don't be disappointed if it does not work out. Six and a half billion people on this earth. Somehow somewhere there is someone out there waiting to meet and fall for someone like you. Keep in mind for everyone like me that think bars are terrible meeting places there will be someone else that has a good experience. But thinking back when I used to go to night clubs. Think Saturday Night Fever, a good experience was leaving with a girl to do the nasty.  No second date was ever promised. I hope and pray this does not happen to you as you seem to be a genuinely sweet person, and a good looking woman to boot. Best Regards Angelique

Dawn

i can understand the whole beer goggles thing, but he didn't act drunk at all. To my knowledge all he drank was a glass of wine, but before going to the bar he was at a art showing from like 5pm-8pm that was going on in town so I'm sure he had a couple beers.

The kiss most likely means he likes you, but he's probably a bit conflicted. He took the time to look you up and add you, so there maybe a little bit there.

Maybe just see if he wants to hang out some more. Take it slow, let him make the moves. If you like him, it'll probably show a bit, and if he gets past himself then he would probably be worth having as a friend at the very least (you two go along well enough to chat for hours) [emoji39]

I hope it goes well. I'm kind of excited to hear if it goes anywhere


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Sorry to be "that one" buy since no one said it...

Maybe he's secretly waiting for post-op Angélique. Let's see whether he sends any cue in the near future or not. Keyword "near".

I think he is liberalistic (open to the LGBT community), but due to his sexual orientation he is straight, raised straight, and he wasn't into that area. But he like you for WHO you really are, versus for your gender, he doesn't just like you for your beauty alone but for your personality as well which is why he friended you on facebook.

But your beauty prevented him from getting angry or dismissing you, since you appear as a genetic woman. If you were ugly, then he would probably be "what the hell!" and walked away.

This reminds me of straight women in fact, because I don't appear as the macho tall IDEAL, I don't get hit on that often (unless it's an older-old fashion woman, or women who don't care about masculine looks). But straight-bisexual men are into me, so I don't have a low self esteem about my persona.

It's like having hard limits. As handsome as a man can be and as wonderful personality, if he told me he has HIV, or moves too fast (hinting he could be std-infected), or doesn't open the door for me (yes that's a hard limit for me lol). I won't date him.

In a perfect STD free world, then I would be the whore of Babylon. Not joke. It's not that I am against sex for moral reasons, it's just my health takes more priority than sex.

Which is why, I am going to go for the whole "virginal" route until I find love. It's just not worth it anymore, having sex with guys knowing that it will only be a one night stand is costing me my time, my energy, and I don't need it anymore to validate my self-esteem. I used too, but I know I can have sex with handsome men, so lol, don't care.

I guess this is my take on "Like a Virgin".

We all know Madonna's version, but the original song is about going through all the emotional and difficult problems of love, and then finding the right person who finally makes it feel right for the first time.

It was originally a sensitive ballad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqMKex-LvcE

That's the original writer of the song.

And looking at its history, she was there at the right time and the right place, because the guy made the song 1 day prior to actually meeting her. And then once he met her, he decided she's the one....


In my hypothesis, this song would probably never be release or go to Prince as a filler song (and probably made it more of an emotional ballad, and masculinize the lyrics a tad). He was the popular singer of that specific record label in that era.

I agree with Wild Flower that the man sounded open-minded, and showing female mixed gender traits, especially considering that he just came from an art show..ON HIS OWN, and actually talked to Angelique for three hours. Most cis men aren't known for art shows or talking.

Studies show that most high IQ, creative people are androgyne..since humans are a gender sliding scale. On the far ends of the scale..the most macho males and femme females are the most likely to have successful relationships and raise progeny-yet average the lowest IQs, but as the scale moves more toward the middle, the average IQ climbs.

The mixed gender and high IQ affects make these people less likely to want to settle down and raise children, as they are often off writing novels, inventing things, starting companies, starring in movies, etc.

Of course Angelique is beautiful, so that is likely a main reason for not taking off. But in my experience with cis men, they are often so nervous about seeming "gay" they wouldn't keep hanging around hopefully.

I'm a partial transmale, or bi-gender, or dual gender-I have both separate male and female personalities, and lack many/most female instincts, but men still hit on me, despite my hostility and total lack of encouragement to their efforts.

I mostly treat males as pals, and even when I plainly told them, which I always did in my male sympathy for them, that they should find a "real girl," they wouldn't leave...the predator instinct was so strong.

Their reason (when I asked my exes years later) was usually that I was most beautiful woman they had ever had a chance to hang with.
Men have this eternal optimism, which is necessary for braving female rejection to gain a mate.

I'm not even cis male but I'm male enough to have that same blind predatory instinct for attractive females, despite being asexual. I am attracted, but without sexual attraction. I'm also panromantic.

Or I did. Once I came out to myself and began acknowledging my male personality, that part of me became so strong that I was embarrassed. As far as I know, I look like a 64 year old female, yet my male side could pick up girls so quickly often I didn't notice until I was heading off with giggling girls on each arm. Straight, 20-something, beautiful girls. It makes no sense.

Once my female side realized what was happening, I'd feel mortified, and find an excuse to ditch the girls. That's when I started taking a Thai herb, derris scandens, that Thai people take for back pain, because I noticed it causes my two gender personalities to blend, thank heavens.

Maybe it is what it is: he likes you.

And you look great by the way in your picture, so not a surprise! enjoy!  :D

And you think you don't pass?! Really...LOL Angelique. The only problem is in between your ears, your self-perception that is distorted. I can understand this as I had the same experiences as you and still sometimes wonder. We are just not in sync with reality and are influenced by our past. The more we go out there and just live, the less and less we will doubt. That simple...

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on November 16, 2016, 10:31:03 AM
I met him at the bar at like 8:30 pm and we talked for 3 hours without me saying that I'm trans, after those 3 hours he asked me if I wanted to hangout with him and his friends because his friends were done playing pool, after hanging out with him and his friends for an hour he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, so we walked around town and after so long of walking we stopped and talked, then after talking he got quiet while still looking at me and after a few second ended up kissing me and making out with me for 20 mins, after those 20 mins  I told him I was transgender because he started talking about getting a room and started moving his hand down south and surprisingly he didn't go crazy after knowing, all he said was I had no idea and that he's never talked to or met a transgender before, then he asked me what I had down stares and I told him and he said he couldnt go through with it since I have a penis still, after talking for a bit he kissed me again and we ended up making out again for a couple mins and then stopped and he never tried touching me again all night even tho we hung out the rest of the night. After I got home I checked my facebook and he actually Sent me a friend request.... I was pretty surprised he did that, but anyway why do y'all think he kissed me a second time after saying he wasn't ok with it in that way?

Awwww that is so sweet I love this... give him some time... he likes you girl... this is awesome... I want updates


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I have never really dated as a t.  Wondering about the disclosure timing.

I think that he is quite intrigued by you, but he is also having a bit of an internal struggle with what society is telling him about dating you.

He has to make a decision - you can help him with that decision by doing things that tell him that you like him and are thinking about him - cook him a special dinner, send him little notes, buy him a dozen roses and send it to his work place, dress the way he likes, buy him that book that he's always wanted, and so forth. Make him feel special.

Use your femininity and your thoughtfulness to seduce him.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on November 16, 2016, 10:31:03 AM
I met him at the bar at like 8:30 pm and we talked for 3 hours without me saying that I'm trans, after those 3 hours he asked me if I wanted to hangout with him and his friends because his friends were done playing pool, after hanging out with him and his friends for an hour he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, so we walked around town and after so long of walking we stopped and talked, then after talking he got quiet while still looking at me and after a few second ended up kissing me and making out with me for 20 mins, after those 20 mins  I told him I was transgender because he started talking about getting a room and started moving his hand down south and surprisingly he didn't go crazy after knowing, all he said was I had no idea and that he's never talked to or met a transgender before, then he asked me what I had down stares and I told him and he said he couldnt go through with it since I have a penis still, after talking for a bit he kissed me again and we ended up making out again for a couple mins and then stopped and he never tried touching me again all night even tho we hung out the rest of the night. After I got home I checked my facebook and he actually Sent me a friend request.... I was pretty surprised he did that, but anyway why do y'all think he kissed me a second time after saying he wasn't ok with it in that way?

I agree... he's totally into you. He's just confused. Give him some time. I hope you two get a second chance.

Alora

I know it's difficult for people of mixed gender to comprehend, but cis males are primarily predators, females are the picky choosers who look over their options and choose the male to her best advantage.
For instance, no matter how cute and sensitive he is, a real female will not date a felon or junkie..but wants someone who gives her bragging rights.

This is also true with animals..the females run from courting males, who do their best to win her over, and fight off rival males. The male who wins, and is the most persistent, has just proven his superior testosterone levels, so wins the breeding rights to the female.

A woman who pursues a male has just alerted him to her male traits. If the male has a high percentage of female traits he may like this.
If he is a typical cis hetero male, his instincts are to not waste his time, as this female likely has an agenda other than to champion his interests and raise his progeny.

I'm only partial transmale, and resemble a female, yet I'm the same way. When in male mode, I'm the predator, and if a female shows interest and aggressively chases me, I quickly backpedal.

The widely ridiculed book, The Rules, was merely a handbook to show masculine trait females (like myself) how to behave like a cis female with strong female traits, by allowing the male to make the first move, not pursuing him or showing intense interest, or being the instigator.

Women were advised to stay busy, date others until asked to be exclusive, don't accept a date for less than three days beforehand, cut the date short by ten to leave him wanting more, don't go to bed with the guy until many dates to allow the male to fall in love instead of lust.
Female animals act disinterested, and that triggers the interest in the males, and it works the same with cis humans.

The book rules worked...WELL. I was inundated with courting males, yet, in my case, being demisexual and partially transmale, I really wasn't interested, so didn't have to act!

Because you are good kisser :)

Awww this story is so sweet, I hope you get a second chance you two. I hope for you the best Angélique,

Angelique,

I think the kisses after you came out to him were intended to say he was accepting but also not. To affirm to you that he could go that far after knowing you're not post op. However I would interpret it as a display that he could be PC and not transphobic. I hope he's not in fact rather than just as a.display.

That's a fairly hard nosed assessment and would be my least optimistic take I could offer.

On the flip side I could offer the possibility that I have two dear friends of which the male (W) is historically straight and his female partner (of a couple of years now) (H) is trans and hasn't had SRS. H passes well (I had no idea for a year) and W fell completely head over heels for her but my conversations with him make it clear now that he'd had a period of adjustment.

He'd courted her for a while, I have no idea how the mechanics worked out bit I do know they're both quite happy together.

So who knows, your guy could come around.

Whichever way it goes I'm glad you had a nice night out. Lastly I hope you told him in a public enough place to ensure safety in the event his reaction had been bad, the context you give suggested relative privacy, just so you're safe.

Quote from: Raell on November 19, 2016, 09:28:41 PM
...
For instance, no matter how cute and sensitive he is, a real female will not date a felon or junkie..but wants someone who gives her bragging rights.

This is also true with animals..the females run from courting males, who do their best to win her over, and fight off rival males. The male who wins, and is the most persistent, has just proven his superior testosterone levels, so wins the breeding rights to the female.

etc

Geez sorry, there is very little support in human biology for your rigid gender stereotyping. Sexually humans probably only resemble bonobos, your analogies to mammals generally just don't fly.

The differences you give are very observable and are probably almost exclusively socialization and post-agrarian.

Author of "sex at dawn"  Christopher Ryan makes a lot of good points on this, see his TED talk for most of the key points.

Straight guys generally want to put their penises into vaginas.

Sorry.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 20, 2016, 08:59:05 AM
Straight guys generally want to put their penises into vaginas.

Sorry.

That's true, but there is a percentage that secretly how to be allowed to use the back door too.

I'm still holding out hope for you love!

Loves 💋❤️💋