Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone, not sure if this has been asked before.

Does anyone have any experience of being on HRT and physically transitioning, but not socially transitioning for a long time (I'm talking periods of 2+ years)?

I'm just wondering because I will likely start HRT soon, but do not particularly want to come out for a long period of time. How easy would it be to do this?

depends on dose. Changes can happen  slowly or rapidly. Really  no way to know until you try it.

Everyone's mileage may vary. In my own experience it is getting harder the longer I am on HRT. People are starting to "correct" gender me even though I was still dressed in my old male clothes from head to toe. And that was the signal for me to know that I need to socially transitioned to put everything in place. Originally I was planning on holding out for as long as I could and just be happy that I was on HRT.

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Yes.  I've been doing it.  Since I grew my hair long people at work do notice, but at least in my case there hasn't been any problems.

Yesterday I saw one of my friends at work I hadn't seen in a few months.  He said I was the prettiest girl in the building,  LOL

I replied and asked him if he was going to ask me out. :-)


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

It depends on how your body responds to HRT.  Everyone's response is different.  Some people can get away with not coming out for a long time.  Others experience "male fail" within a few months.  You won't know until you see your own results which category you are in. 

If you are planning to wait a long time, it would be best to have a contingency plan for how you will deal with male fail if it happens to you before you planned to come out.

On the male fail.  I male fail a lot, intentionally.  I have not socially transitioned though and simply don't worry about it.  Be Happy!

You can do whatever you want in your comfort zone.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

I'm 67 years old and weigh 250 lbs.  I'm also mostly bald.  I've been on HRT for years and have large breasts, a feminine butt and lovely shapely legs.

When I see myself in the mirror, if I ignore my lack of head hair, I see a woman.  Even my genitals barely show.  I've seen more than a few women who have more "hangy-down" stuff than me.

Since my discomfort was more with my body than social role, I'm OK with wearing male clothes, although do dress androgynously often.  In the summer khaki shorts, sandals or tennis shoes and a polo shirt are pretty gender non-specific.

I wear some men's underwear without a fly front, like Jockery Elance.  I also wear women's underwear and it's not really much different.  I have size 12 women's tennis shoes instead of size 10 mens, but that's not that obvious.

I have always had lots of women friends and very few male friends.  I've been in the League of Women Voters for over 20 years.  I recently joined a group of a dozen or so, "Nasty Women" for drinks and snacks.  I also do water aerobics with a group that typically has 18 women and one or two men. I'm usually topless at water aerobics, despite my substantial boobage. I'm never has anyone suggest that I cover them up.  At family gatherings where the men and women drift away into separate groups, I'm always found with the women.  So, I'm socialized as a woman.

I have no trouble in the men's locker room.  No one is going to point out that I don't have a visible penis.  That would violate homophobic rules, by admitting they were checking out my genitals.  Likewise, no one is going to tell a fat man that he has boobs.

Women, either consciously or un-consciously seem to notice that I'm "safe" and that it's OK to be friendly to me.  Women DO notice boobs, as much as men do.  At a few trans* groups I've been mistaken for an FTM.

My only complaint from my wife and daughter is how my nipples stick out when wearing a tight polo shirt.  Solution:  A size larger shirt or a woven shirt.

My life has not been disrupted by my transness, yet I now have the female shaped body that seems right and proper to me.  Even my name didn't have to change much.  My middle name is Randall and I've been know as Randy most of my life.  I now have several credit cards and other ID cards where I am Randi.

I have a good friend who went like 10 years without telling there spouse and are still not out at work or other places. It can be done, but  i do believe the reason they have been able to pull it off is clothing and the fact many just thought they were moobs and not boobs. It really is a case by case basis though. Good luck, you might want to consider low dose if your wanting to hold off coming out for awhile though. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: PBP on November 17, 2016, 11:51:31 AM
Hi everyone, not sure if this has been asked before.

Does anyone have any experience of being on HRT and physically transitioning, but not socially transitioning for a long time (I'm talking periods of 2+ years)?

I'm just wondering because I will likely start HRT soon, but do not particularly want to come out for a long period of time. How easy would it be to do this?

Thanks for asking this question PBP. I personally want to wait to make that transition socially also, I would like to start hrt as soon as I've made some good progress with my gender therapist. She has acknowledged that I do suffer from dysphoria and that matched my self diagnosis, but I don't think it would be just an easy switch for me as I am in a very male industry and I've had "moobs" forever being overweight since puberty I think the subtle changes to my appearance on hrt might be controlled by lower doses. Emotionally I think the hrt will really help my dealing with my anger issues and expressing how I feel.

This is another one of those things that are on my mind a great deal as well.  I am 51 and not even close to coming out to anyone at work or even friends and family. My wife knows and so does my sister in law as of this past weekend. I may look at HRT but if changes happen it will make it very different indeed.  That is why I think if I do take that next step it will definitely be low dose. I have too much at stake to lose everything.
Paula

How long you can pull off taking HRT and not be noticed depends on many things such as your age, your genetics, the dose you are taking, and how well you respond to HRT. There is no definite, 100% correct answer that fits everyone.

As you progress changes WILL happen and it WILL get harder to hide those changes. If you respond well to HRT you may find yourself having to make some large decisions much earlier than you intended.

Baggy shirts can help extend the time but that only works for so long.

I started getting male fails about 15 months into a transitioning strength dose of HRT. Prior to that I was on a low dose regimen of HRT and had gotten by for abut 4 years undetected. The male fails convinced me that it was time to move forward with my name change and go full time.

You might want to look at the following threads.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207785.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209589.0.html

Dosage dependant and luck.  If your dose is low enough and you are lucky then you can go for quite a few years.  Making contingency plans is the key.

Personally - 4 1/2 years on lower dosages and counting

Don't you think facial hair and voice probably override body shape (especially if you are presenting male)? Age might help too.

Quote from: laurenb on November 18, 2016, 06:38:53 AM
Don't you think facial hair and voice probably override body shape (especially if you are presenting male)? Age might help too.

Body shape, apart from breasts, is easy to hide with clothing. Facial hair hides the changes you get in your face. I look quite odd if I shave, and I very rarely do it. Facial hair is of course a strong male marker.

If I dress in female clothing my body does look female, just not my head.

I've experienced that once you get rid of your facial hair it gets much harder to present male. If you add boobs and long hair and still dress in male clothes, it gets really confusing for people... That's what I experienced at least.


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Quote from: JessicaSondelli on November 18, 2016, 08:56:31 AM
I've experienced that once you get rid of your facial hair it gets much harder to present male. If you add boobs and long hair and still dress in male clothes, it gets really confusing for people... That's what I experienced at least.


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What if I was already shaved like 99% of the time and have had small boobs and fairly androgenous appearance for the better part of a decade, but kept the hair short and cute? I figure I could go quite a while on low dose hrt and not be noticed, I mean I don't really care if someone was confused about me.

"Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter"

Quote from: JessicaSondelli on November 18, 2016, 08:56:31 AM
I've experienced that once you get rid of your facial hair it gets much harder to present male. If you add boobs and long hair and still dress in male clothes, it gets really confusing for people... That's what I experienced at least.


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Yes.  I perceive that often people don't know what to make of me.  Since it doesn't really seem to bother them enough to make an issue of it I don't worry about it.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

JessicaSondelli and Deborah, you both look great by the way.

Quote from: Annarko on November 18, 2016, 09:42:34 AM
JessicaSondelli and Deborah, you both look great by the way.

Thank you! You just made my day [emoji1]


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Quote from: Annarko on November 18, 2016, 09:42:34 AM
JessicaSondelli and Deborah, you both look great by the way.

You made my day too! :-). Thank you.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

Quote from: PBP on November 17, 2016, 11:51:31 AM
Hi everyone, not sure if this has been asked before.

Does anyone have any experience of being on HRT and physically transitioning, but not socially transitioning for a long time (I'm talking periods of 2+ years)?

I'm just wondering because I will likely start HRT soon, but do not particularly want to come out for a long period of time. How easy would it be to do this?

I've been on E for 22 months and Spiro for a year and a half. I haven't socially transitioned and don't plan on it until I get my surgeries so I can pass. My changes have been kinda slow though because doctors are ignoramuses when it comes to transsexual patients. My advice is to start it immediately because you're going to be waiting a LONG time for results.

Quote from: Deborah on November 18, 2016, 06:51:40 PM
You made my day too! :-). Thank you.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

Quote from: JessicaSondelli on November 18, 2016, 11:13:12 AM
Thank you! You just made my day [emoji1]

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You are both so welcomed, thank you both for being open and willing to talk with me about my possible transition, I know I'm just a newbie, but I truly always want to be the best me I can be and I know that everyones advice, criticism, and guidance comes from a good place and I feel more confident every day I am here reading through thread after thread. I appreciate all of it.

One thought that has been running through my head today is why I don't move faster or further in full time transition.  I think the reason is best expressed as I stated it to my therapist a month or so ago.  At present I have achieved a state of homeostasis where I am pretty happy, my wife is happy, and things everywhere else are going well.  Would going further and faster now destroy that happy balance?  Maybe!  Making my wife happy makes me happy anyway and is a huge improvement from when I was making us both miserable in the depths of dysphoria.  At this point stealth is also not an option as I am pretty well known at my job.  Some of the people there I have known since the 1980s. 

It helps a lot that HRT and growing my hair addressed the majority of the dysphoria.  I also don't care much about clothes and where I work everyone dresses pretty much the same anyway.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

Thank you for the (almost overwhelming) number of responses. For for information, I am 18, remain clean shaven as much as possible (I can't stand hair on my face).

If I took a low dose do you think I could manage?

It really depends on how bad your dysphoria is.

If it's mild, low dose hrt may be all you need, if it's really bad, then starting hrt may trigger you down the full transition path - you just don't know until you try.

At age 18 though, I would strongly suggest sperm banking prior to starting simply because you should keep your options open.

Over seven years now and counting, on HRT and still living and presenting primarily as male. That is a male with a B cup. For me, "Male Fail" is an impossibility at 6ft tall and balding since 14. Being a former fatty on top of the GD, I always dress in baggy clothes (guy mode only). A few times my wife will not so gently hint I should change my top or do something because "My tits were showing". One time in the grocery store some old guy was just staring at them/me. But nothing has ever been said to me, aside from my wife.

Within my TG group there have been a few cases over the years that the member was only fooling themselves that they still passed as a guy. Eventually they went full time

Over the decades I've been on/off low dose HRT for the much needed Brain Reset. Back then the "Prime Directive" was to try to be a "Normal"(ish) guy. After 2 failed transition experiments I saw no other option beyond the occasional CD'ing and plenty of distractions to keep the GD at bay. Each time on low dose within a month or so the noise quieted back down to a tolerable level. But "The Dream" was still there and I stayed on past that point. I stopped when I began noticing that things were taking a hit below the belt. Something in direct conflict with The Prime Directive.

The worse aspect of being on feminizing levels of HRT, finally having a body you can live in, and experiencing the shear joy of being out in the real world as the real you is the going back. Sunday nights were the most depressing and conflicting times when the nail polish had to come off. It is a BIG emotional drain after a while

I have been on low dose of hormones for about a year  and have some changes now going down the the official route to get them. I hope to see more progress and would love to get to a point of male fail as it would show progress. 6th December cant wait for consultation