Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am 90 days out from top and bottom surgery (mtf) and more depressed than ever right now.

I have had person after person promise me to the moon they would go with me and be there for me and help throughout my surgery only to have each and everyone of them cancel, backout or just quit talking to me altogether with no explanation or reason.

I had a positive environment to go and recover in for 3 months after I returned home only to have that yanked out from under me as well.

Just continuous letdowns by people I trusted and considered friends.

I have no family, 100% of my family deserted me.

Most of my friends cant help due to kids/jobs and living 60 miles away.

what do I do?

I can't do this on my own as much as I'd like to.  I need help and I can't seem to get it or catch a break.

90 days is three months, give it time. you are strong, you have gotten this far. others have done it on their own. i suspect i will face the same thing. my family is anti lgbt big time, my one sister flips backwards and forwards.


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Perhaps saying "You'll be fine" isn't really the way to go...

.... But I'm SURE you will get through it! If it weren't for your own perseverance, you wouldn't have made it this far in the first place. So keep your chin up, smile and be proud of who you are and what you can do! :D

When I had SRS andBAS, back in the day, most of the women there were on their own.  A few were lucky to have someone with them, but they were a distinct minority.  Everyone else... became temporary friends, supporting each other until it was time to move on.  Also, bring your laptop and your phone, stay connected. It's the emotional support that's most necessary. 

Getting back home, on my own, I found that having to fend for myself was actually conducive to my healing.  They want you up and about, not taxing yourself, but definitely getting up and around regularly.  And there's so much dilation to do, you'll really prefer your privacy.  Definitely make sure you've lined your own nest before you go.

Best of luck to you, Audrey.

For the first week or so after surgery, help is needed but if you remain in the hospital, you will receive the help you need. The second week after surgery, you will want things prepared so you don't need to leave the house or do much work but you will be able to care for yourself. The third and forth week you can make quick trips to the store but you may want to use the electric scooters for extended shopping. After that, you should be able to care for yourself as long as you avoid heavy lifting for the next month or so.

Six weeks to two months is the normal recover period before returning to your regular schedule though you may feel like resuming it earlier. Within reason, the more you move around in recovery, the faster your recovery will be.

Quote from: audreytn on November 23, 2016, 01:04:48 AM
I am 90 days out from top and bottom surgery (mtf) and more depressed than ever right now.

I have had person after person promise me to the moon they would go with me and be there for me and help throughout my surgery only to have each and everyone of them cancel, backout or just quit talking to me altogether with no explanation or reason.

I had a positive environment to go and recover in for 3 months after I returned home only to have that yanked out from under me as well.

Just continuous letdowns by people I trusted and considered friends.

I have no family, 100% of my family deserted me.

Most of my friends cant help due to kids/jobs and living 60 miles away.

what do I do?

I can't do this on my own as much as I'd like to.  I need help and I can't seem to get it or catch a break.

Where are you? If you are from Toronto I could visit you I'm at least 40 days out of surgery


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Definitely pre prepare food before surgery for after that will make your life so much easier after you get out of the hospital. Any supplies and anything you need you should also get in had before hand because it will make things easier. Yes you may feel like going out after the surgery and you may not, but regardless dilations will take a huge amount of time and energy out of you. There were very few days that I didn't take at least one nap since surgery because of my body still healing and then between everything else you need to complete your time will be limited. Now having said that due remember to get up and around and do some things because that movement and energy will help you heal faster. I have no doubt the amount of time I put into that in the hospital played a role in how well my recovery went. That takes me to my next point. Listen to your body because it will help you know what you are and are not capable of at any given moment. It can be done as others have said, but planning ahead is a big reason as to why. Hugs
Mariah

Same thing happened to me.

It did hurt, but now I got used to it. I have this motto: In life you are always alone.

Quote from: elineq on November 23, 2016, 06:26:03 AM
Perhaps saying "You'll be fine" isn't really the way to go...

.... But I'm SURE you will get through it! If it weren't for your own perseverance, you wouldn't have made it this far in the first place. So keep your chin up, smile and be proud of who you are and what you can do! :D

I am, just dont want to be alone in my greatest time of need.

Quote from: Mariah on November 23, 2016, 10:47:11 AM
Definitely pre prepare food before surgery for after that will make your life so much easier after you get out of the hospital. Any supplies and anything you need you should also get in had before hand because it will make things easier. Yes you may feel like going out after the surgery and you may not, but regardless dilations will take a huge amount of time and energy out of you. There were very few days that I didn't take at least one nap since surgery because of my body still healing and then between everything else you need to complete your time will be limited. Now having said that due remember to get up and around and do some things because that movement and energy will help you heal faster. I have no doubt the amount of time I put into that in the hospital played a role in how well my recovery went. That takes me to my next point. Listen to your body because it will help you know what you are and are not capable of at any given moment. It can be done as others have said, but planning ahead is a big reason as to why. Hugs
Mariah

thank you

Quote from: Dena on November 23, 2016, 09:42:40 AM
For the first week or so after surgery, help is needed but if you remain in the hospital, you will receive the help you need. The second week after surgery, you will want things prepared so you don't need to leave the house or do much work but you will be able to care for yourself. The third and forth week you can make quick trips to the store but you may want to use the electric scooters for extended shopping. After that, you should be able to care for yourself as long as you avoid heavy lifting for the next month or so.

Six weeks to two months is the normal recover period before returning to your regular schedule though you may feel like resuming it earlier. Within reason, the more you move around in recovery, the faster your recovery will be.

I will be in the hospital for 3 days, then my surgeons recovery facility above her office for 6 days, before I go home.

Quote from: jujubes1986 on November 23, 2016, 09:56:16 AM
Where are you? If you are from Toronto I could visit you I'm at least 40 days out of surgery


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Colorado

Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 23, 2016, 08:37:26 AM
When I had SRS andBAS, back in the day, most of the women there were on their own.  A few were lucky to have someone with them, but they were a distinct minority.  Everyone else... became temporary friends, supporting each other until it was time to move on.  Also, bring your laptop and your phone, stay connected. It's the emotional support that's most necessary. 

Getting back home, on my own, I found that having to fend for myself was actually conducive to my healing.  They want you up and about, not taxing yourself, but definitely getting up and around regularly.  And there's so much dilation to do, you'll really prefer your privacy.  Definitely make sure you've lined your own nest before you go.

Best of luck to you, Audrey.

thanks.  i live in a small studio and im afraid if im alone i will go crazy. 

dilation is 3 times a day 20-30 minutes at time right?

Differs by doctor and there instructions. I'm losing an hour 4 times a day right now due to dilations. Best to refer to the info your surgeon has given or will be giving you because those instructions are what matter at this point in time. Also I was sharing my fiancé's studio apartment with him while I was in Phoenix and just doing dilations and other things I had access to plus sleep kept me busy. Then again I spent hours on my computer doing video calls and just being on the internet. You might want to have some activities that you can do and enjoy in your apartment ready for when you return too. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: audreytn on November 23, 2016, 12:23:54 PM
dilation is 3 times a day 20-30 minutes at time right?

Quote from: audreytn on November 23, 2016, 12:23:54 PM
thanks.  i live in a small studio and im afraid if im alone i will go crazy. 

dilation is 3 times a day 20-30 minutes at time right?

You will be able to wander around as long as you plan for rest stops. You may visit others in the complex or ride to somebodies house for a visit as long as you don't overdue it.

While Mariah was here, she didn't return right after she was out of the hospital. We arranged for her to stay over 2 weeks after surgery in case of complications and so she was stronger for the trip. Another option is Skype buddies so you can talk with people all over the world. When I don't see Mariah, I am in at least daily contact with her. Having video contact with others can go a long way toward eliminating the boredom. Just be careful they don't tell you a good joke while dilating.

The big pain with dilation is the preparation and clean up. You spend almost as much time doing that as dilating. If you dilate 3 or four time a day, you end up burning up a fair amount of time with dilation. You may read or watch something while dilating for entertainment and if you want, you can Skype with video turn off or the camera carefully directed in the proper direction.

It's true I did go out some places but nothing was before 11 days out from surgery and my trip to Dena's was almost 2 weeks and three weeks respectively after surgery. I was always drained after words and gave myself lots of rest. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Dena on November 23, 2016, 12:46:20 PM
You will be able to wander around as long as you plan for rest stops. You may visit others in the complex or ride to somebodies house for a visit as long as you don't overdue it.

While Mariah was here, she didn't return right after she was out of the hospital. We arranged for her to stay over 2 weeks after surgery in case of complications and so she was stronger for the trip. Another option is Skype buddies so you can talk with people all over the world. When I don't see Mariah, I am in at least daily contact with her. Having video contact with others can go a long way toward eliminating the boredom. Just be careful they don't tell you a good joke while dilating.

The big pain with dilation is the preparation and clean up. You spend almost as much time doing that as dilating. If you dilate 3 or four time a day, you end up burning up a fair amount of time with dilation. You may read or watch something while dilating for entertainment and if you want, you can Skype with video turn off or the camera carefully directed in the proper direction.

I had GCS 8 days ago and a 1 hour procedure 2 days ago and see the doctor on Thanksgiving. I spent more time in the PACU and ICU than on the 4th floor patient rooms. I am restricted to bed rest and still have a catheter.

When I was sewn closed it was painful to get up and down and sit with a donut. I was not told to not sit at meals. Since two days ago I can sit with a donut fine and getting up and down and walking is not painful. Well there is minor pain.

I am recovering day 4.5 through day 10 at my sisters than going home.

I needed someone to take me to Dr. McGinn's twice and from the hospital to a place to recover, either my house or my sisters. If needed I was going to hire someone from a per diem home nursing place. I live close to the doctors office and the hospital.

I had my sister lined up. Then she separated from her place of work. Staying at her place and her driving me became if I do not have a job by then. It was 90 days before my GCS. Then I had a fall back a wife of a friend who going to be in India doing volunteer work. That turned into she can visit you once or twice (I was going to pay her for her time). Next, I asked my trainer who is connected in the LGBT community. I wanted a female to hire for a week that could drive. She recommended a gay guy that was very nice and would be 100% trusted. It turns out my sister is still looking for work so that issue resolved itself.

Being alone can be difficult, especially when you are vulnerable and need or want help. I plan to take short walks and increase in time as the doctor allows and then go shopping. I hope to go to therapy face to face next week and if I do I will do some shopping on Chestnut Street :) I think that may be a week or two delayed depending on how things progress.

After GCS dilation of which I am doing 3/day for 30 minutes per day takes time. Mt doctor's usual dilation schedule is 5/day for 30 minutes week 1 through 9. So I probably will be upped to 5 tomorrow if the graph is healthy. I am starting to swell a little which is normal.

Things are looking up.

I have enough people to come by after I get back from surgery to do food prep, laundry, take out trash and do dishes for the first couple weeks.

Still trying to work out details on someone going with me but making progress.  A couple potentials and they are friends too.

Surgery is Feb 22, 2017.  Insurance company handed down the approval on Monday!