Community Conversation => Youth talk => Topic started by: Seelenabgrund on November 26, 2016, 05:08:14 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Difficulty making friends?
Post by: Seelenabgrund on November 26, 2016, 05:08:14 PM
Post by: Seelenabgrund on November 26, 2016, 05:08:14 PM
I'm an FTM high school student and I'm not completely out to everybody. I'd actually like to be, and I have no problems with people knowing, but I'm also very shy and hesitant.
I want to have more friends that will support me. It's hard for me to come out to individuals, however, because I do have fear that they'll ridicule or not respect me as others have done. :/ When I confront people about using my pronouns and name they always tell me that they didn't know whether I had wanted them to be used around others. But the thing is I've usually told them that I want them to do so?
Anyway, I can only feel close to someone if they know that I'm trans; I feel like I'm lying if they perceive me as female, and it obviously makes me very uncomfortable to be misgendered all the time. I also don't feel secure about relationships (I'm gay) because most cis guys, especially teenagers, wouldn't want a trans boyfriend. Cis guys have for some reason occasionally shown interest in me, but they're always straight and that's a problem for both of us.
People also aren't drawn to me, and the reason probably mostly lies on my end; I'm not outgoing or talkative and I'm too afraid to initiate conversations with others on most occasions.
How can I put myself out there, come out casually, and make friends? I'm currently part of an LGBT+ support group (and so far all of us are actually trans guys, hahaha), but they haven't seemed too interested in me either.
I want to have more friends that will support me. It's hard for me to come out to individuals, however, because I do have fear that they'll ridicule or not respect me as others have done. :/ When I confront people about using my pronouns and name they always tell me that they didn't know whether I had wanted them to be used around others. But the thing is I've usually told them that I want them to do so?
Anyway, I can only feel close to someone if they know that I'm trans; I feel like I'm lying if they perceive me as female, and it obviously makes me very uncomfortable to be misgendered all the time. I also don't feel secure about relationships (I'm gay) because most cis guys, especially teenagers, wouldn't want a trans boyfriend. Cis guys have for some reason occasionally shown interest in me, but they're always straight and that's a problem for both of us.
People also aren't drawn to me, and the reason probably mostly lies on my end; I'm not outgoing or talkative and I'm too afraid to initiate conversations with others on most occasions.
How can I put myself out there, come out casually, and make friends? I'm currently part of an LGBT+ support group (and so far all of us are actually trans guys, hahaha), but they haven't seemed too interested in me either.
Title: Re: Difficulty making friends?
Post by: Dena on November 26, 2016, 06:55:13 PM
Post by: Dena on November 26, 2016, 06:55:13 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. Men and women socialize differently and there are a bunch of rules that I never quite mastered completely either. I have discovered the secret of getting along with almost anyone and that's making the conversation about them. By asking a few questions and having them talk about themselves, for the most part all you need to do is be a good listener. If the subject gets around to something you know and are comfortable with, then you can share up to half the conversation.
The danger we all face is we have a difficult time socializing with others. We fear the rejection by others and as such we don't take the risk of opening up a conversation. Think about how you talk with your parents, brothers and sisters or others you know. It's not that much different talking to somebody else once they know enough that you know them a little.
We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.
The danger we all face is we have a difficult time socializing with others. We fear the rejection by others and as such we don't take the risk of opening up a conversation. Think about how you talk with your parents, brothers and sisters or others you know. It's not that much different talking to somebody else once they know enough that you know them a little.
We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.
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Title: Re: Difficulty making friends?
Post by: Jacqueline on December 07, 2016, 10:05:18 AM
Post by: Jacqueline on December 07, 2016, 10:05:18 AM
Welcome to the site. Thanks for sharing. Hope you find some like members. We have many members of all ages, geographic locations and positions on the trans spectrum.
take care.
With warmth,
Joanna
take care.
With warmth,
Joanna