Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, i posted that i was working on my voice awhile back and it has went well i can go into it clean and stay in it for as long as i want (record was 36 hours) i switched back when i went to work, so that's great news yayyy! 

However i do have a problem that i was hoping i could get some help with.  My spouse loves my male voice and has been with me 7 years and that is the voice that she has heard its rough very gravely think Janis Joplin.  My female voice is clean and sweet very proper.  She broke down saying that she missed my male voice that she has listened to for all this time (i like my male voice to but it is the only thing that gets me "read" most people just assume i smoke)  she wants to be supportive and says i should continue changing it   but i know that it makes her a little unhappy and i love her more than anything i would cut out my heart if she needed it so im at an impass any ideas? or similar stories?

Thank you Alice

Many small things are a trigger for my wife. The other day I just casually said I liked a Taylor Swift song and that hit her. My wife really wants to be sure I don't intend on voice surgery because she wants me to be able to talk to her in my male voice. Although my trained voice is far from trained right now.  ;D So yeh, I step into those little situations without knowing it's coming fairly often at this point. She said she'll really have a hard time when I start HRT but she is starting to understand how I just need to transition for my own mental health.

Hi, Alice

Training will not make you unable to use your male voice. After a while you should be able to switch back and forth at will.

Thanks for bringing this up. I have some concerns about this as I know how important these kinds of things are especially to family members. Both my Daughters commented that I had not changed my voice when talking about me being the same person as I always was even after 6 month HRT. I told them that I did have the tools at hand to work on changing it and their response was supportive but certainly not keenly so. They both said they didn't know how they would feel about that as it was such an essential part of me being me. When they thought about me the remembered my voice and my smell. I don't smell the same...not sure what, but it is different, according to them.

I don't know how I really feel, I am not sure how important it really is to me, except every time I have ever tried anything I just felt stupid and fake...but I guess that is a brain problem not a voice problem. LOL

Liz

Thank you for the reply  Josie,  I understand what you are feeling girl i fortunately had already gone full time before i meet my spouse: so those initial things i got out of the way.  I think your right its defantly for your own mental health but it is hard to do when the person you count on is struggling or flat out does not  want any change, means your climbing that hill with more Resistance than you need especially if your not confident :( im sorry girl if you ever need to talk just PM me

All the best Alice 

Thank you for your reply zirconia i know what you mean but i am an all or nothing kind of gal once i commit to it i don't want to go back. i know that also is very restrictive

Thank you
Alice 

Thank you for your reply Liz

I feel like we are in a similar spot my (step)daughter has known me for 7 years and since i don't talk about transition with the kids when i decided to change my voice i used it around her and she like your daughters is supportive but not keen does not see why now i want to do it.   

My smell changed a lot and i think for the better i think that's normal .  Your brain telling you its fake takes some getting used to once i started doing it more when i started practicing it became more organic funnily enough my male voice is breaking and going into the female register when im not thinking which is great and surprising because i haven't worked that long.  i hope if you decide to do your voice it clicks, and it feels organic to you.  its worth it but hard to achieve if you have loved ones with trepidation. 

Change is hard to accept what ever it is. As you said your wife have known your voice for seven years, that is a long time and to get use to a new voice will take time. To help people to get on board with a certain change they need to first have the insight why the change is taking place (what's in it for me). In your case that would be that she in return got a happy wife in return for the change. Then they need to get some ownership of the change (What can I do) Here you could have your wife help you train for example so that she gets invested in the change. After these two steps you can usually see people accept and drive to complete the change.

I which you all the best <3   

The problem with spouses/family/friends "missing" parts of the previous you they knew is that when you give that to them, you are keeping a ghost alive in their minds, a ghost that allows them to misgender you.  Maybe not out loud, but in the pattern of interaction with which they were previously comfortable, and almost all of these patterns have subtle gender implications.

For me, at least, that was completely unacceptable. 

Especially with my voice, because voice is highly gendered.  I will not, and have never, pulled out the old voice to comfort someone.  As if it were a party trick?  I refuse.  No, if someone couldn't fully accept the real me going forward, there was no going forward.  And if someone's longing for something like voice, that's a huge red flag. 

I'm with Sophia on this one. This is a huge hurdle to get through. Maybe the toughest thing you'll do. It never ceases to amaze me that I'll see a woman looking perfectly feminine, and boom, she talks and it's over. Clocked. HRT, Surgery, all that stuff is kind of passive. It's either done to us, or it's something we do once or twice a day encompassing mere moments. But voice? it's work, it's 24/7 and it's really, really important. At some point, you have to throw out the old voice with "him". If you don't, your transition will be problematic. Not only for others, but for yourself as well.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on December 12, 2016, 09:01:47 AM
Especially with my voice, because voice is highly gendered.  I will not, and have never, pulled out the old voice to comfort someone.  As if it were a party trick?  I refuse.  No, if someone couldn't fully accept the real me going forward, there was no going forward.  And if someone's longing for something like voice, that's a huge red flag.

Oh, absolutely!  "Party trick" ?   Yuck.

I've been asked.  I just say "I can't", and leave it at that.  There's no reason to say any more than that, or get into long explanations.

I currently speak around G3-F3, or 175-195 Hz.  I'm getting pretty comfortable in this range with good volume, and can keep it up for hours.  Probably time to start pushing toward A3. ;)


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Quote from: Michelle_P on December 12, 2016, 05:58:44 PM
Oh, absolutely!  "Party trick" ?   Yuck.

I've been asked.  I just say "I can't", and leave it at that.  There's no reason to say any more than that, or get into long explanations.

I currently speak around G3-F3, or 175-195 Hz.  I'm getting pretty comfortable in this range with good volume, and can keep it up for hours.  Probably time to start pushing toward A3. ;)


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If you were to hear me talk I have quite a nasal quality due to the complications of a cleft lip and palette. After reading each of the responses I think I will seek some professional help on this as I don't think something like EVA voice is going to cut it for me. I understand exactly what all you ladies are saying and take your counsel on this ...Thanks for bringing it up Alice

Hugs

Liz

Sophia you bring up some very good points. That is much to consider. I have started to be less and less comfortable acting the man part as I have become more comfortable just being me so I see this is something I will need to deal with at some point. Thanks all.

Have just sent off a booking request for a speech pathologist and she can help me achieve a better sounding voice than cookie monster with a cold that6 I sound like.

Liz

Quote from: ElizabethK on December 13, 2016, 06:20:35 AM
Have just sent off a booking request for a speech pathologist and she can help me achieve a better sounding voice than cookie monster with a cold that6 I sound like.

Good move!

That's one of my next steps.  I wanted to get the basics of pitch and vocal strength in place before I got speech training, only because I felt that I was "doing it right" in pitching my voice, based on the better training info I've found through this site.  I'm sure I still sound odd, if only because the voice is high pitched but still likely lousy with male inflections.

Onward!


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First i want to Thank all of you for all your replies and stories, so quick update based on what i read here i finally spoke to the kids about my voice and used the new one in front of both of them and my spouse the kids response was good they still dont think it sounds like me but they are supportive my spouce and i also talked about some of the replies i got and were to go from here im still not sure i will do it, but i am one step closer to making a decision and i am leaning toward an Yes my voice never bugged me personally but the rude stuff i hear in response to it has got to stop.  I wish i could afford a speech pathologist just to make sure i am at my full potential but that is unafforadble at this time.   i wish all of you luck and thank you sincerely this has been so helpful you girls rock  :)

Always
Alice

Quote from: Michelle_P on December 13, 2016, 12:02:14 PM
Good move!

That's one of my next steps.  I wanted to get the basics of pitch and vocal strength in place before I got speech training, only because I felt that I was "doing it right" in pitching my voice, based on the better training info I've found through this site.  I'm sure I still sound odd, if only because the voice is high pitched but still likely lousy with male inflections.

Onward!


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I don't even know where to start and have ben too scared to do anything about it(fear of failure). I feel very positive and will let everyone know wether the $500-600 for a few lessons is going to be worth it. I suspect it will be enough to give me the basics and is the equivalent of about 4 sessions...I have no idea how many I will need.

Liz