Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Is it normal to call yourself he and your birth name when your prior to transition? When someone say misgendering I think that must mean calling myself she even though I'm transitioning to female? Almost feel embarrassed around family to be referred to as she and feel like I'm a fraud or don't look the part to be called that

If I'm presenting Female then I would like to be She'd, Her'd and named Dee (or some variant)
If I'm presenting Male then I would like to be He'd, Him'd and Dan (or some variant)

I'm trying hard to think of myself 100% of the time in female terms mostly to get used to it so it doesn't sound strange.  But then when I get Sir'd (it's amazing how often people use that word)  it's starting to sound wrong to me.

(See another thread I started on this very topic.)

Quote from: FuschiaLipstick on December 14, 2016, 01:32:39 PM
Is it normal to call yourself he and your birth name when your prior to transition? When someone say misgendering I think that must mean calling myself she even though I'm transitioning to female? Almost feel embarrassed around family to be referred to as she and feel like I'm a fraud or don't look the part to be called that

Hmm. I usually avoid referring to myself in general, but in some conversations, it's impossible to avoid - I have an awful pair of landlords at the moment who are intent on making life hell, and when discussing them it was pretty much impossible to avoid referring to me the way they did to make the point of how awful they were being. Not because of anything trans-related... they're just rather awful people who have taken a dislike to me because the husband of the pair made some inappropriate advances on me in my flat and I was sorely unimpressed with his behavior. Ever since the air has been bad, and they say things like "I forgot her (my) name" in front of my SO, and such... so when discussing people like that I'm pretty much forced to refer to myself as "the girlfriend" and "she".

I need a new place to live.

In general, I prefer feminine pronouns and Kathy when presenting female and masculine pronouns and <deadname> when presenting male.  But my wife has special dispensation to use my deadname and masculine pronouns even though I present as female at home.  That is so that she doesn't get into the habit of calling me Kathy/she and then accidentally let it slip out before I go full-time.

If I am talking to someone about something transition-related, such as recently when researching updating my ID, I will call myself Kathy.  Otherwise, I use the old name.

Once I transitioned I switched in referring to myself and have called myself She since then. Hugs
Mariah

Even before I went full time, the He/Sir/Mister thing bugged me.  I was in the hospital for prostate surgery, yes PROSTATE, and obviously without my hair, makeup, or clothing, and yet...  A nurse was reviewing my electronic medical record with me in the bed.  Right on her display in the upper left corner I could see "TRANSGENDER" and "Preferred Name: Michelle".  I stopped her, and asked her if she could please, please stop starting every damn sentence with "Sir...". It felt like a hammer blow every time she said that, and I swear she was putting extra emphasis on each "Sir". 

She did more or less stop it, and even put a note on the paperwork, which everyone cheerfully ignored.

I think when the surgery was done, and I was starting to come out of the Versed haze while still in the OR, I asked how the gender confirmation surgery had gone, outing myself to the surgical team.  I recall some comments on that, but it's pretty hazy.  I could have hallucinated it for all I know.


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I'm one year and a half into transition and I still gender myself as male to parents/relatives. I'm genderqueer so it doesn't matter to me. Even though they are kind of accepting, I have some sort of "soft bigotry of low expectations" towards them.
With LGBT people/young people/intelligent people I use however female grammar.
On gay dating apps, I try to push my description towards the genderqueer/androgynous part of the spectrum (that is, a femme guy), hoping of being of interest to gay guys. But it doesn't work as well as it used to do, and that makes me kinda sad. I preferred them 'cause they seem to be less entrapped in gender roles/norms/stereotypes, as opposed to straight guys (or closeted bis).

My birth name is also gender-neutral, so I'm totally fine with it.

About three months after I transitioned to full time I was telling two work colleagues about a little amusing adventure I'd had at a cinema (had gone into the wrong cinema and was wondering what was going on then darted out about two minutes in...) and managed to misgender myself at one point in the recounting of it...!!! Made me much more forgiving to people who I knew meant well but would occasionally slip up and misgender me. ;D

This sounds like two questions:
* What gender do you refer to yourself as when talking with other people?  and
* What gender do you refer to yourself as when thinking (or talking) to yourself?

I just started being Allison full-time at the beginning of December; until then, I lived a double life: Allison in social situations, but <deadname> at work and in places like the bank, because my accounts still used <deadname>.  It got hard to deadname myself at work, but I don't think I slipped up.  I slipped up more often in social situations: deadnaming or misgendering myself.

What's really annoying is that when I have inner monologs or dialogs, I tend to misgender myself.  I'm trying to train myself to use feminine pronouns and words and to use Allison instead of <deadname>, but I have to really pay attention or I mess up.  E.g., I'm trying to refer to myself as "girl" and to use "she" instead of "he," but if I don't pay attention, I slip into "boy" and "he."

Oh, well, I think I have to just resign myself to the fact that I'm a mess.....