Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I doubt I'm the only one here who has or has had two FB profiles, one for the old male me, and one for my authentic self. In the spring I'll be going full-time, which will include a post on my old profile telling friends and family I've not yet told in person about my transition.
My only question is which profile should I retain as my active one? I have kids, ex-partner and others that rule out going stealth, so the choice is update my old account with new name, gender etc.. or archive it and point old connections to my new account. What did you do, or would you do, any thoughts appreciated, tnx 😊.

My plan is to convert my make profile and remove the female one.  I'm not active nor many friends there.  Mostly because I don't want (didn't want) to many ties between the male and female versions

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My male FB profile has all my real-life stuff on it: some friends going way back, my hobbies and activities.  My female profile has only trans stuff.  So I will be discontinuing the female profile and renaming the male one.  I'll have to get the male profile admitted to the private groups that my female identity now belongs to, but that is minor.

I never did the two profile thing. Just pruned down my friends list, changed my name, and got a little more open about what I was doing transition-wise. No big post about it or anything.

I imagine it's which do you think would be easiest to transition over? If you have a lot of friends/family that would need to friend the new profile, but only a few on the new one, might be easier to just change your name on the old account and delete the new one.

My first and only fb account is Devlyn. Everyone used to wonder why I wasn't on Facebook. I was, they were just looking for the wrong person!  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

I did the 2 profile thing but as like others I will just come out on my male one and then change it

I'm just being gradually more obvious on my one profile as my appearance changes. I changed my pronouns to they/them today. name will change someday.

I am tempted sometimes to make a second Facebook account before I formally come out to everyone I know. By 'formally', I mean the time after I've been to a GIC and maybe starting on HRT (or not).

But then my problem is the fact that it'll show up automatically as a 'recommended friend' or something. Which isn't good seeming as my workmates and my relatives are on there.

It's a nice thought though

I've got two profiles and have exactly that problem...

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Had a second that I really never used since I didn't want anyone to know.  Deleted it a while ago.  Will just change my name and remove pics of male me when I go full time. Tried to change my name to just initials but Facebook didn't allow it.  First  name to short or some deal. Didn't have time to look into it further and let it go for now

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Quote from: Mirath on January 28, 2017, 01:17:32 PM
But then my problem is the fact that it'll show up automatically as a 'recommended friend' or something. Which isn't good seeming as my workmates and my relatives are on there.

It can be done, but you have to be vigilant about not having any friends or groups in common between the two accounts.  I allowed my wife to 'friend' my Kathy account, but only after I checked her friends list and had her remove someone that I was not comfortable getting a "recommended friend" notice.  (I was already out to all her other friends.)  You also should never visit one of your accounts with the other.

Quote from: meganjames2 on December 18, 2016, 01:16:50 PM
I doubt I'm the only one here who has or has had two FB profiles, one for the old male me, and one for my authentic self. In the spring I'll be going full-time, which will include a post on my old profile telling friends and family I've not yet told in person about my transition.
My only question is which profile should I retain as my active one? I have kids, ex-partner and others that rule out going stealth, so the choice is update my old account with new name, gender etc.. or archive it and point old connections to my new account. What did you do, or would you do, any thoughts appreciated, tnx 😊.

I am going to come out to the few remaining acquaintances I haven't already told then I am going to make an announcement that in 3 days my name will appear as Liz. Change my name on my male account and redirect anyone else from my female profile to the newly named and gendered one. Anyone that really means something to me I have already told.

Liz

Prior to transitioning I had a male profile then after transitioning kept the same profile but changed my name and gender.

It took months for one of my childhood friends to realize I had done. All went well other than losing two or three friends from 200 plus.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 19, 2016, 12:14:24 PM
My first and only fb account is Devlyn. Everyone used to wonder why I wasn't on Facebook. I was, they were just looking for the wrong person!  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Same here.  I've had a FB profile for years but only a few transgender friends knew about it and I would go months without even logging in.   Friends and relatives would tell me I should make an account but I would just say, not interested.  I started using it heavily in Nov. 2015 to get back in touch with people I had lost contact with over the years when I was mom's caregiver.  Once I came out to all our relatives early last year, my wife and I friended each other and set our accounts to show married to each other (which was a BIG surprise to some of her friends). 

Funny and serious comment:

Quote from: Mirath on January 28, 2017, 01:17:32 PM
...
But then my problem is the fact that it'll show up automatically as a 'recommended friend' or something. Which isn't good seeming as my workmates....

I had this problem.  I have a separate Email account for "trans" stuff and that's the account I used for Denise's profile.  One of the people I converse with found my female FB account and friended me.  "Nice," I thought.  Until I noticed that Denise came up as a recommended friend for Dan.  UNFRIEND.  (Today I would have thought it was funny and see who made the connection.)

About having workmates....  I UNFRIENDED all the people I work with.  About 5 years ago someone I worked with (who has since left the company) posted something that was so radical and opposite of my views that I had trouble working with that person.  That day I unfriended all my workmates with an explanation to that everyone accepted and a few followed suit.

Quote from: Denise on January 29, 2017, 07:59:25 AM
Funny and serious comment:

I had this problem.  I have a separate Email account for "trans" stuff and that's the account I used for Denise's profile.  One of the people I converse with found my female FB account and friended me.  "Nice," I thought.  Until I noticed that Denise came up as a recommended friend for Dan.  UNFRIEND.  (Today I would have thought it was funny and see who made the connection.)

About having workmates....  I UNFRIENDED all the people I work with.  About 5 years ago someone I worked with (who has since left the company) posted something that was so radical and opposite of my views that I had trouble working with that person.  That day I unfriended all my workmates with an explanation to that everyone accepted and a few followed suit.

Yeah, I only really added them from work because I had no other way of contact at the time (now we each all have every team leader's phone number), and a few people I have on there do know. So in regards to those few people it isn't too bad, I guess I'm just nervous about the 'oh god what if it shows up, what do I do?'

What to do... Well you could panic and think OMG everyone in the world knows or laugh a little and unfriend them in your female profile.

I'm not sure how far you are in your transition but when I finally decided this is the real me and got comfortable with the transition it stopped mattering as much.  I may be unique but for everyone I tell that's one less brick I'm carrying around.

Quote from: Denise on January 29, 2017, 11:37:32 AM
What to do... Well you could panic and think OMG everyone in the world knows or laugh a little and unfriend them in your female profile.

I'm not sure how far you are in your transition but when I finally decided this is the real me and got comfortable with the transition it stopped mattering as much.  I may be unique but for everyone I tell that's one less brick I'm carrying around.

Yeah... Yeah you're right, it helps having someone else look at it from another angle. Thanks.

I'm pre-op and pre-T, but I look pretty masculine anyway so it's not like it's a huge difference in change. Maybe I'm just worried over nothing, just considering over and over again, heh.

Thanks again, to all posts since reading them has helped

I didn't use social media, including FB until about 4-5 years after I transitioned, so it really wasn't an issue for me.  The funny thing is, there are many people who know my real name, which does not happen to be my name on FB.  I bring this up today, because I commented on my friend Donna Rose's FB and she mentioned that she recognized my picture and was glad to see me, but was curious about my different last name... oh Facebook.  :)

I try to keep my FB presence mostly roller derby and friend focused.  Since I work in the high tech field, I keep my professional presence limited to Linked-in.  And to avoid the cross linking, I just use a different last name on FB, so far it works. I tend to cast a very small shadow in the interwebs.

I have been curious about how people transition in the world after social media.  It would seem to me harder to go stealth if your old self is always floating around out there somewhere.  How do people deal with these issues in their transition?  I am curious.

-Sarah

Quote from: Inarasarah on January 29, 2017, 10:29:05 PM

I have been curious about how people transition in the world after social media.  It would seem to me harder to go stealth if your old self is always floating around out there somewhere.  How do people deal with these issues in their transition?  I am curious.

-Sarah

I just show who I am in FB. I have many admirers, but most of them are women. Of course, I have many FB friends who are my old friends or current colleagues. They know very well who I was.

Gender identity is not a major topic in my posts in FB. It is just a small part of my daily issues such as kids, education and politics.

barbie~~

I'm just about to transition my only FB profile by changing the name and gender.   I've been using my FB account to help support my transition though some personal secret groups.  The last stage with be to just make the change and provide a post explaining the situation to those who don't know. 

Quote from: barbie on January 30, 2017, 03:22:28 AM
Gender identity is not a major topic in my posts in FB. It is just a small part of my daily issues such as kids, education and politics.

Same here Barbie.  The reason I came here was to talk openly about trans issues in a safe environment.  While I have many trans friends on FB, I rarely post about trans topics except the occasional awareness or political issue.

:)

Deleted mine, never been happier.

I have to admit I'm quite biased on this subject, but I would delete them both.

I'm very much not a fan of FB, just not impressed with it, at all.

Probably not the place to discuss the topic of 'Why I Don't like FB'.

I know not very helpful...

New identity, new life.

At least from  my friends too many had close minded views as it was. The few supporters I retained are the only ones to know my new identity. For the rest I would prefer it to seem like I disappeared off the earth. My preference is to not ever be associated with my old life. I would sooner avoid the comparisons or reminders of who I was. It is one reason that even after coming out to some in my life I will not see them anymore. I do not want it to be the first thing people think of when speaking to me.

Quote from: Inarasarah on January 30, 2017, 04:12:53 PM
While I have many trans friends on FB, I rarely post about trans topics except the occasional awareness or political issue.

:)

Yes. In FB, my friends already know it and I do not need to defend myself or detail it. People are far wiser than I initially assumed. And, most of them are open-minded. To justify myself, posts on gender identity is mostly useless, as they are not interested so much in my gender identity issues, and as they judge me based on my work, career, political and world view and daily life. BTW, some female friends are eager to meet me face to face, as they seem to think I am a kind of celebrity.

Yes. FB is a nice place to come out.

barbie~~

My original idea was to start a second FB page under my real name, kill off the FB page that I used with my dead name and just invite over the friends and family that I wanted to keep having contact with after I transitioned. (I keep my settings very tight, and no uninvited people can see my page anyways).

I've changed my mind recently, though. I've been on FB for many years and I don't want all those old memories to be deleted. After all, the people that I come out to will certainly know my old persona. It's not like I just beamed down from Pluto and started life on Earth. Why should I hide my past to people that embrace the real me? So...the current plan is to whittle down my Friends list to those that accept me, change the name on the FB page, and carry on.

Twitter is another creature. I've had two Twitter feeds for some time as I've been out in parts of my life and not others. Very few of my friends and family are active on Twitter, so it won't be too difficult to shut down my dead name feed, and carry on with my real one. Only problem, I've been busy making sure that all the feeds that I want to follow are followed on my actual page, too. Lot's of work!