Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Artesia on December 25, 2016, 06:00:50 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Should I have come out?
Post by: Artesia on December 25, 2016, 06:00:50 AM
Post by: Artesia on December 25, 2016, 06:00:50 AM
Last night after the opening Christmas presents, the discussion turned to a family friends child, who it turns out is Transgender. Her name is now Christine. My family didn't sound like it condemned her or anything. Almost sounded proud of her, but did have some comments about how she was when she was a he. Should I have come out at that point?
Oddly enough, this Chris was one of the few people I connected with when I was younger.
Oddly enough, this Chris was one of the few people I connected with when I was younger.
Title: Re: Should I have come out?
Post by: maraesque on December 25, 2016, 06:15:08 AM
Post by: maraesque on December 25, 2016, 06:15:08 AM
It's usually not helpful to think of life in terms of 'shoulds'. COULD you have come out last night? Yeah, you absolutely could, and there's a world in which you did. However that world is no more or less valid than the one you chose. You'll come out when you're ready. Don't worry about finding the perfect time. :)
Title: Re: Should I have come out?
Post by: KathyLauren on December 25, 2016, 07:12:25 AM
Post by: KathyLauren on December 25, 2016, 07:12:25 AM
Maraesque is right about "shoulds" not being helpful.
Christmas is not a good time for coming out. People have their expectations, whether reasonable or not, and anything that disrupts those expectations is usually unwelcome. It is probably just as well that you didn't.
It is helpful to you to know that your family is not condemning your friend's child. They are more likely to be open to your news. If you are finding it hard to wait and you need to come out soon, New Year is a time of new beginnings and is less emotionally fraught than Christmas.
Christmas is not a good time for coming out. People have their expectations, whether reasonable or not, and anything that disrupts those expectations is usually unwelcome. It is probably just as well that you didn't.
It is helpful to you to know that your family is not condemning your friend's child. They are more likely to be open to your news. If you are finding it hard to wait and you need to come out soon, New Year is a time of new beginnings and is less emotionally fraught than Christmas.
Title: Re: Should I have come out?
Post by: Denise on December 25, 2016, 11:08:54 AM
Post by: Denise on December 25, 2016, 11:08:54 AM
I agree, new year's is a better opportunity.
One thing I've learned, at least in my case, is people don't like or want to talk about it. I give my family all the opportunity to discuss it but they never do. One or two sentences but that's it. No questions, suggestions or anything. It drives me nuts.
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One thing I've learned, at least in my case, is people don't like or want to talk about it. I give my family all the opportunity to discuss it but they never do. One or two sentences but that's it. No questions, suggestions or anything. It drives me nuts.
Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Should I have come out?
Post by: JoanneB on December 25, 2016, 03:34:56 PM
Post by: JoanneB on December 25, 2016, 03:34:56 PM
Should Of, Could Of, Would Of. The things MANY a sleepless night is made of, and many a hangover. :'(
You know who to, and when it it is right to, because.... you know. You are ready to. You are strong enough to. You KNOW you can, and can live with the consequences, good or bad.
On the Plus Side, the conversation the other night will allay many a fear for when YOU are ready to
You know who to, and when it it is right to, because.... you know. You are ready to. You are strong enough to. You KNOW you can, and can live with the consequences, good or bad.
On the Plus Side, the conversation the other night will allay many a fear for when YOU are ready to
Title: Re: Should I have come out?
Post by: Cheyanne on December 25, 2016, 03:43:16 PM
Post by: Cheyanne on December 25, 2016, 03:43:16 PM
Quote from: JoanneB on December 25, 2016, 03:34:56 PMI second that. You shouldn't try to focus on what you could have done, because you simply weren't ready, and that's ok. If anything I think you gained some helpful information that will aid your confidence when you are ready. Be strong and take the good and leave the "what if's".
Should Of, Could Of, Would Of. The things MANY a sleepless night is made of, and many a hangover. :'(
You know who to, and when it it is right to, because.... you know. You are ready to. You are strong enough to. You KNOW you can, and can live with the consequences, good or bad.
On the Plus Side, the conversation the other night will allay many a fear for when YOU are ready to
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