Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It's so good to say that, I'll say it again; Hi, I'm Veda.

It feels like I just put on a nice dress.

I was born with male genitalia.
In 1999, for a Halloween party, I went as a woman. 
I wore a little black velvet dress, clog wedges, stockings and a leopard print bra. 
I was in my late twenties, and I was HOT, and I danced all night.
Oh, how much I wanted to just keep going, to be her all the time, a real girl, the real me.
But I didn't keep going, after the party I went home I put my costume back on and forgot myself.
Now, years later, I know that I have always been her, and she is me.
It is time I let myself show who I am.
I know it will take time and effort for my body to change and show the real me, but that is OK.
I'm afraid, but you know what? 
My lower back feels SO much better now that I've started letting my hips move the way they want.
:)

Thank you all, for your courage, for your beauty.

Welcome to Susan's Place. I am glad you decide to join us. Fear is common when you first start out but we will help you with that and soon you will be back on the dance floor, not for one night but for life. All of us were once where you are so let us know if you have questions or need help.

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Hi Veda!  I've always loved Halloween, it is my favorite holiday :)  I'm not sure what else to write, just keep those hips swinging all the way to your destination

Welcome!

I have to concentrate to remember to swing my hips when trying to pretend I'm female, for my job.

To help, I pretend I'm my ex-husband, who had that wiggle down.

Turns out, he's coming out as non-binary female, so no wonder he's better at being female than I am.

Hi Veda  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome  :) I wish you all the best on your path

Welcome to the club Veda.  It's interesting that you say you put your costume back on after Halloween was over.
I've also come to realize I was wearing a false gender identity trying to be a man in order to try "fit in" for what was expected of me.  I'm not a man.  It's such a relief not to have to put all that energy into trying anymore.  All the best. And have fun.

Thank you all for the welcome. :)

Dena - Thanks for the links, I will check them out.  The dance floor still calls to me, maybe not the 'disco' version anymore, but maybe the ballroom?

Zamber - Halloween is my favorite as well, I'm thinking a fun costume would be to go as Sith Lord, how does Darth Veda sound? :)  Sorry, silly, yes.  I would really love to go as Susan Sto-Helit (a.k.a. Susan Death) from the Disk World novels.  Michelle Dockery did a wonderful characterization in The Sky One adaptation of The Hogfather.

Raell - Your comments are definitely related to a couple of questions I have for other threads: Is there any kind of physical therapy for people who change gender?  I'm thinking yoga might help...  Also, are people of one gender change direction attracted to the opposite gender change direction?  I think it depends on the individual...

VM - It is fun, a bit frightening though.

Laurel - Thank you, Hugs as well, something else I need to remember how to do.

Jane Emily - I looks like it will be a wonderful club to be in.  Yes, my boy clothes are a costume, one I have used when things got messy, but, they are after all just work clothes.  Hopefully I 'clean up nice'.  I have my eye on a couple of nice dresses... ;)

Love

The MtF ladies will have to tell you about training therapy for changing gender behavior.

For many of us, our brains are hardwired by the opposite gender prenatal hormones to do those behaviors anyway, without coaching. For instance, my ex husband had the slinky female walk naturally, while I tend to bounce along like teenaged boy athlete.

I had many male behaviors that I did naturally and didn't even notice, including getting up in the morning and scratching my non-existent b_lls,  wanting to tease around, crack jokes, play practical jokes, or play soccer with my friends (usually male), talk politics and sports, wanting to bet tiny amounts on any sort of conflict, including battling beetles, being direct and confrontive, tending to take up a lot of space and sit with spread legs, as males do.

Female behaviors (some negative) hard-wired into my ex..serious, earnest, little sense of humor, ironed his shirt and pants each day before work, followed the rules, very modest, religious, extremely close to his mother, telling her everything, gossipy, crossed his legs, sat very small, tended to get emotional, dressed impeccably, critical, picky, passive-aggressive, devious.

Yoga always helps everything, including transition, but in my case, I also take a local Thai evergreen herb used here for back pain..derris scandens. It not only gets rid of dyslexia symptoms, it gets rid of most of my dysphoria.

I don't know about people going different trans directions being attracted, but it was so in my case. Perhaps that's why we had so much in common, or maybe the female in him fell for the male in me and/or vise versa. Now that I'm out to myself, I realize that I'm attracted to mixed gender people-especially transwomen types. I usually can't be in a relationship with cis females very long because of their instinctive bossiness, and jealous, controlling natures.

I didn't like the dangerous jealousy of my ex either, which is one reason we parted in 2010.

Hello Veda

I'm glad to meet you, you sound like you have a good idea of where you want to be.

Stay shiny.


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Raell,

It is an interesting point you make about the 'hard wired' behaviors.  When I was young I was on a number of occasions referred to as a 'Tomboy'.  It wasn't until my early teens that I found out what the common definition was.  It was also in my early teens that I started to hide my femininity, which I'm sure is a common story. 

One instance that stands out: I was at a public pool with my family having fun. My little sister was still a baby and I picked her up and was walking around the pool with her balanced on my hip, you know, like your supposed to hold a baby.  I remember one of the adult women (actually a young adult) giving me this look, like I was a something stuck on the bottom of her shoe, then commenting to her friend after I walked past, knowing I could hear, "What a _______ queer".

Until that point I don't think I was even aware that kind of thing existed, that apparently there was something wrong with me.

The 'hard wiring' in me had told me to do the things that came naturally to me, which included mostly 'girl' things.  It was after that event I started to 'walk like a man' and also to develop dyslexia and anorexia.

Telling that story helps so much, and thank you for yours.

Cure Bunny,

Nice to meet you as well, I love your profile pic.

Yes, I think I do, though of course not all the ways of getting there are clear yet.

Just admitting who I am in a place where it is accepted so well is just wonderful.

I feel like I have found a bunch of really cool sisters (and brothers).

Well it's the best selfie I have.

You are asking the right questions, so I think that is a great step to go with just allowing yourself to be you.

Stay shiny.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi Veda, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. It truly is special using, seeing, and hearing a name that ties us to our inner selves. One of many steps on the journey of a lifetime.  :)  See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn