Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I'm pretty sure that I'm ftm, and quite often I'll have pretty bad dysphoria about my body, but then it'll fade and nearly go away for periods of time and then come back. When it fades I still don't like those parts of myself and wish they were more masculine but it's not nearly as bad and I can pretty much ignore it- although I still identify as a boy during those times. Is this normal? When the dysphoria fades I start to doubt myself and my feelings.


Also, my social dysphoria isn't that bad- it's more annoying than upsetting when people mis gender me. Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes, that exactly, nearly word for word, describes my experience also.  I've seen lots of people here describe it in very similar ways.  So, you are not at all out of the ordinary with those feelings.  Out of our ordinary that is :-)


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

Yup. That's actually more typical for FtM, since US society accepts females dressing and behaving like males far more readily than they do males dressing and behaving like females.

All my life, I wasn't even aware I HAD dysphoria and I'd routinely suppress the quick flash of rage I'd feel when someone said my (female) name, or the discomfort I'd feel when I saw a photo of myself or saw myself in the mirror.

I knew seeing my naked body made me feel sick and that I considered myself hideously deformed, but I never really thought about it, except to avoid looking.

I just dealt with discomfort as it arose, as best I could, completely unaware there was even such a thing as dysphoria, or considering that I could be trans.

Yep; like anything that affects the brain (anxiety, depression, dysphoria) the severity can vary significantly depend on a lot of different factors. When it comes to gender dysphoria it's usually affected by how you decided to dress that morning, were you gendered correctly etc. Dangerously if you're having regular good days this will fall you into thinking you don't need to transition; whether that be socially or medically or both. Even if the dysphoria is just a slight discomfort very likely it'll build up over time and cause you extreme distress and mental health problems.

It never went away, I was just really good at shutting out the reality or convincing myself it was a lesser problem.
I found as an adult I deal with it "better" making me wonder if I needed to do anything about it.

Thinking about it though... there's all kinds of unpleasant stuff under the surface. I didn't resolve anything, just plastered over it. A little digging and it's still there.

Sure, since dysphoria has a lot to do with self perception , we are not always self focused otherwise we couldn't function but our social interactions (how others respond to us?) and moments of self examination, brings our attention to those "things" we find uncomfortable and the dysphoria kicks in! Its more than likely not something that will get better! One can try to live in denial but it does it eventually erode and attack our self esteem until we take steps to correct some of the things that cause the dysphoria!  [emoji177]Julie


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Welcome to Susan's Place. All of us have feeling in common and if you start reading the introduction post, you will find very quickly that you can see yourself in many of the post. You will also see differences as none of us seem to experience being transgender in exactly the same way. I was one for who it was pretty constant though I could drive in into the background if I found something sufficiently distracting. Gender fluid/bigender flip between male and female at regular intervals. The good news is that treatment can reduce or eliminate what you feel.

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Just to put it out there straightforwardly:

You can have dysphoria and be trans.

You can not have dysphoria and be trans.

You can have dysphoria sometimes and yes, still be trans.

I fall into the third category myself. I'm an odd duck here, being AFAB and forcibly raised against my will as male by my father. On top of that, I have one of the most severe cases of PCOS my diagnosing endo had seen in 30+yrs of work. I actually got asked if she could bring in her medical student because it was rare to find a patient with such noticeable physical markers for the disorder. (Mom being a nurse 'n all, I said yes, because I knew I'd find out more info that way than otherwise!) So, I had a puberty that was in some ways half male and half female. Lovely screw job to the head, that one.

So my dysphoria is very much tied to my facial hair, though there are other things. Even though I identify as female, periods are dysphoric. Go figure. But they aren't all the time. Sometimes they're just meh, annoying things, and don't bother me so much.

But.

That doesn't make all the other times that they do bother me any less real.

I hope that helps. *love and cookies of choice offered*

Quote from: Adamn_the_Man on December 29, 2016, 06:30:12 AM
So I'm pretty sure that I'm ftm, and quite often I'll have pretty bad dysphoria about my body, but then it'll fade and nearly go away for periods of time and then come back. When it fades I still don't like those parts of myself and wish they were more masculine but it's not nearly as bad and I can pretty much ignore it- although I still identify as a boy during those times. Is this normal? When the dysphoria fades I start to doubt myself and my feelings.


Also, my social dysphoria isn't that bad- it's more annoying than upsetting when people mis gender me. Does anyone else feel like this?

That's completely normal! I used to have dysphoria that would come and go and i'm on HRT till this day it comes and goes sometimes. I used to doubt myself every time my dypshoria faded. And yes i'm more annoyed when i'm misgendered then upset but depending on the day i can also become upset.

I am Mt??, and I experience Dysphoria much the way you described.  It comes in waves where at times I feel fully female and other times where it fades and I'm almost comfortable as male. This is why although I'm still exploring to determine where my identity truly lies, I presently identify as gender fluid.  So I know I'm trans, the question right now is just "how trans" am I.  I realize there is still a strong chance I may find that my female identity IS my identity and this male persona is nothing more than 39 years of social conditioning.

So from what I've seen on this forum and others is that what you described is pretty normal.  It can be indicative of being trans or maybe not.  Your gender identity could fall anywhere across the spectrum and ultimately only you can determine what that is.

My dysphoria too comes and goes, however I quite rarely have "feminine" days. Many people for who that applies to consider themselves genderfluid, either on its own or with their main identity (eg. GF girl, GF nonbinary...). It doesn't make you any less trans.