Susan's Place Transgender Resources

given all the latest reports of problems with being assaulted  for being trans what   is your level of fear of something happening for just being you.

I said zero, because I live in Canada. Not that there hasn't been trans abused, and certainly not all cases get reported, but let's just say I feel a lot safer here. No ridiculous laws about what bathrooms to pee in, we have a criminal code that stands up for protection of LGBT, and marriage/adoption laws for LGBT will never be challenged.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 07, 2017, 02:16:46 PM
given all the latest reports of problems with being assaulted  for being trans what   is your level of fear of something happening for just being you.

It scares me a lot, where I live there are still KKK members, confederate flags are adorned on many cars, and people are quite open when it comes toward their bigoted views.  At my last job, the "n" word was passed around frequently, homophobia was blatant, and very few people had liberal views on anything.  This is not in the least bit a liberal area, and considering I own my house here, my wife has her career here, it is not as though it would be easy to pick up and leave. 

I'm not sure if Tampa is any better, or even Orlando, but I want out of this crazy spot in Florida.  I really do wish I lived in Canada, or even Vermont sounds really nice. 

I feel all right so far, I just moved from a very liberal college town to Boys Town Chicago where there is a significant population of LGBTQ... and the LGBTQ... clinic I go to  is a short distance away as the same for the LGBTQ... community center , but it is still Chicago.

Well, where I live - not harm, that's not what I'm afraid of but people can make your life a living hell when they find out you are trans. Bigotry and lack of understanding.

I still remember going to a confession as a kid telling a priest about me feeling different, he didn't understand called it experimenting and said I should stop otherwise my life will be harder. Plus all that usual crap about god creating man as a man and woman as a woman...

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I don't think I have much risk, as I'm not visibly trans. My only worry is if I were to be in an accident or something and being unable to access care due to being trans.

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, a pretty accepting region of the USA.  Unfortunately, we still have to be on our toes and careful.

Because the region has a high LGBT population, it attracts a couple sorts of folks, LGBT people, and those who target LGBT people for violence.   Recently there have been a number of reports of a white commercial van, no markings, whose occupants have jumped out, assaulted someone, jumped back in the van, and left the scene.

So, yeah, I get pretty twitchy when I see a slow moving white van on the street, or small groups of men standing on the street.  I hate it, but it is an unpleasant part of real life.  We get targeted for violence.  Authority figures advocate violence against us.   Welcome to the Land Of The Free.


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For the most part I feel I "Physically" safe. My wife worries a lot for me for a lot of reasons, starting with hearing a lot of the horror stories 'back in the day' of what happened to Ts.

I do side with her on how here, just across the river from NYC, in this 'Village' , about everyone here will metaphorically grab their pitch forks and torches to "Kill the Monster". Once the rumor took hold about her life here hasn't been the same. At least she has "Plausible Deniability" being deep stealth. This 6ft tall bald guy.....

Oh how miss the halcyon days living part-time in West Virginia  :(

I do worry about the possibility of being assaulted, because I could do so little about it, and the consequences would be so grave.  It's why passing is so important to me.  It's my only defense. I must admit I have never been hassled, or even had a rude comment directed my way, but I still worry. It only takes one a-hole to ruin your day, or even your life.

~Terri

I live in NYC, and people generally don't bother people that look different. I see trans women almost every day.

And that's only the ones I can recognize as trans. But like in any location, there's places I won't go. A trans woman was murdered in Newark, NJ a few years back. It was fairly close to where I was living at the time. And it was not a place I would ever go! Even in the day time. It was a rough neighborhood and a night club filled with rough people. Of course cis people get killed in these same areas every day. But clearly trans people are often targets.

So I think part of keeping yourself safe is don't go to places where you might put yourself in harms way because you are trans. Use common sense. And it also has to do with how obviously trans you are. I'm not full time yet, because in my opinion I don't pass well enough. So I limit when and where I go as Raven. And I know people might want to mess with me in some situations. Once I get to that point where I'm happy with my appliance then that will change.

Fear played a dominant role in keeping me in the closet for decades.  Fears that i allowed to grow and metastasize like some gross cancer.  I learned different processes to address theses fears including guided imagery.  I imagined myself on the edge of that cliff and about to fall but now I have wings.  Huge, spreading and golden wings that helped me to catch the breeze, ride the upwelling drafts and feel the thermal rise.  I float along quietly and sure, looking down from on high and seeing how small the features of worry are below. 

All of our fears can be faced but not all of our fears are imagined.  Horrible realities and hate exist too.  For this we develop our situational awareness, snappy retorts, deescalation and practice self defense.  This girl will not get hurt easily or quietly.  I will never let fear rule my life again.

One could never get in a car again for fear of a fatal car crash. On the last day of my life would I rather say, "I played it safe" or "I tried my best to find happiness."  Of course, it is easier to say that living in Maryland and not Alabama.
Monica

Like Nina, I live in Canada, so I am not too worried.  We have some pretty decent legislation, with nore in the works, to protect us.  And we are generally a more liberal country than meny others.  So my fear level is not terribly high.

On the other hand, I live in a small, predominantly redneck, rural community, with quite a few hillbillies for neighbours.  That is not great for the peace of mind.  The fear is still mostly hypotheticaL at the moment, since I am not out locally.  It will solidify when I go full-time, hopefully at a "nothing to worry about after all" level.

I voted "more than minimal".

Significant fear is accurate for me. I'm not FT yet.  I try to stay in safe areas l, but even some intown upper-end malls have an element of intimidators that have followed me while transformed. I constantly am scanning for safety clues, checking window reflections, mirrors, etc.

I'm lucky enough to have full 'passing' privilege so my fear level is nil. 
I was infinitely more concerned for my safety/sanity when I was presenting as a butch lesbian long ago and actually had a couple incidents happen in public during that time.

Similar to FTMax, though, I do somewhat worry about traveling and getting into an accident that would require immediate medical attention. The few last surviving members of my family live in the bible belt so I do travel to the south semi-frequently and I know the air's a little different there.

it does get scary sometimes with all the terrible news that comes out. when I'm all dolled up I can """"pass""""" pretty good , but I do get scared when I head for the bathrooms.

Eastern North Carolina here......Confederate flags and ignorance everywhere.  I have a blade on me at all times in public,  better overly cautious than the alternative.

Depends, but its normally a decent amount of fear
probably because iv'e had bad experiences when people find out.

Nobody ever questions me being a girl or knows I share a male body, so my fear level is low.

 I don't let fear rule my life, but like any woman caution is advised in certain situations. I'm full time and passing I don't think its my looks, but more my demeanor that gets me by. 

 :embarrassed:

I don't have too much concern. I am on the west coast of Canada and our provincial and federal government's have decent protections in place, and we don't have the same sort of issues the US seems to have. I am not in what you would call a liberal area, and is a bit conservative but still pretty open and accepting compared to parts of the US. Overall I am pretty comfortable and don't worry much.

I too live in Canada and a major city as well. As has been commented we have legal protections so that helps to feel safer. Other then bad areas and certain areas at night I feel quite safe. I haven't had any real problems to mention.

I can get away with being partially transmale since I just dress androgynously.

Nice to hear Canada is so accepting

My only worry is if somehow I was accidentally outed in public. I've been pretty lucky and have never been harassed as a transgender woman, but unfortunately I've been sexually harassed as a women with one guy grabbing my butt on the subway and another guy that wanted to "put a baby in me" as he put it on the subway platform.

Pretty low.

I have the ability to move and start where nobody knows me if things go south, I live in an area where nobody seems to care about anything, and I'm typically armed anyway if someone wants to try their luck.

Quote from: Sydney_NYC on January 08, 2017, 01:52:55 AM
My only worry is if somehow I was accidentally outed in public. I've been pretty lucky and have never been harassed as a transgender woman, but unfortunately I've been sexually harassed as a women with one guy grabbing my butt on the subway and another guy that wanted to "put a baby in me" as he put it on the subway platform.

When I was a guy I thought men were pigs, now being a women, it's been confirmed for me just how true it is. unwanted Physical touching is never ok. Although I confess I'm still pretty new at transitioning and I love it when guys whistle or holler at me etc.  :o :o  still makes me think they're pigs but at least they think I look good.  :D

Um I'm not really sure... I will say the new mainstream attention (like bathroom bills ... ) we have gotten has me more on edge tho. But I'm prepared for the fight I always been a fighter and never to broken


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No fear, I live in Blackpool & generally left alone. Been to some  places with a rough reputation in East End London, Manchester but had no problems.

Ive been messed with my whole life. Just being different at all (dressing goth) is enough to make me a target for violence.

Quote from: stephaniec on January 08, 2017, 01:36:00 AM
Nice to hear Canada is so accepting

Its really not. The laws are there sure. But people still pick and choose when they want to enforce them or not. Personal bias still overrides the rule of law and generally speaking Ive found theres a not so vocal majority of people who are 'sick of how PC their being forced to be.'

I do have fear of being assaulted which is why I carry law enforcement grade pepper spray. So far I have not had any incidents with anyone but I also live in California.


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I fear the aftermath of trouble more than the threat of trouble...if that makes sense.  I live in a conservative area and while nothing has actually happened, I can see the bigotry flash when people realize I am different.  If I am ever called upon to protect myself, it will be a bad time for all parties and that is what I really fear.  I am rarely by myself, so the actual chance of anything happening is slim.

Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 08, 2017, 09:55:32 AM
When I was a guy I thought men were pigs, now being a women, it's been confirmed for me just how true it is. unwanted Physical touching is never ok. Although I confess I'm still pretty new at transitioning and I love it when guys whistle or holler at me etc.  :o :o  still makes me think they're pigs but at least they think I look good.  :D

It is validating in one way, but once the newness wears off, it becomes annoying.

The fear for me is not being clocked it is the normal fears that any other female faces as she goes about her daily business. In my case if I have my purse I will keep a knife and pepper spray. In general I am almost always carrying my .357 handgun for personal protection. I had a great time finding other women who feel the same way I do when I got to hang out with the group from shoot like a girl when they came to MA last year. Now I belong to 2 other womens gun groups. So I feel pretty safe now. The trans thing is way way way in the past for me now.

Quote from: Sydney_NYC on January 08, 2017, 04:50:08 PM
It is validating in one way, but once the newness wears off, it becomes annoying.

I know which is why I said I was still new. I also don't have any interest in men so getting any attention from men will probably get annoying too.

Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on January 08, 2017, 07:31:34 PM
I know which is why I said I was still new. I also don't have any interest in men so getting any attention from men will probably get annoying too.

Pure lesbian here :)  It gets even more annoying when it happens in front of your wife/SO or you get hit on by men in front of your wife/SO and worse when they hit on me and not on her.

Yeah I thought of the SO thing... well it happening in front of them anyway. I didn't think of getting hit on and her not. the women I like (cis) is very attractive so I don't think it would bother her much. she has enough men to deal with....

Quote from: Sydney_NYC on January 08, 2017, 08:31:07 PM
Pure lesbian here :)  It gets even more annoying when it happens in front of your wife/SO or you get hit on by men in front of your wife/SO and worse when they hit on me and not on her.

that definite doesn't sound like safe territory

I have observed that as an older trans-woman I seem to be pretty much invisible as I am out and about - no one ever pays any attention to me. I live in California which is a pretty accepting place and that is the primary reason that my fear level is pretty low. Of course I have the same cautions that all women have but very little of that comes from being a trans-woman.

If I lived elsewhere where bigotry is more prevalent i'm sure that I would feel more threatened than I do living here.

With that said I always carry my legal forms of protection with me because you never know what kind of trouble you are going to run into.

I'm in South Carolina where I have to be very much in the closet. I can't really figure out where to carry my PM9 if I dared go out dressed. Heavens, the guy two doors down flies a Confederate flag. Trouble is I need a job away from here and I'm terrible at getting jobs. The best I've had in the past 4 years is a school bus driver! I want to do office work.

I've pretty much given up applying due to the 100% rejection rate. This job I got by going in the door and asking, in response to a poster stuck up outside.


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My fear is somewhat significant people get attacked just for being gay where I live I am going to move away late this year.