Susan's Place Transgender Resources

By this, I mean, how differently do you see the world and how you fit in, and how differently (or not) do you see your self now that the dust has settled?

Before my transition, when fueled by T, it was all about ME being 'right'...

During my transition, when first fueled by E, it was simply all about ME, lol..

After my transition was a done deal, things became much more 'local' for me, and things became not so much about being right or about me personally, but about how I fit in with my community of friends and neighbors. I would like to think I became less selfish, for sure, but that may be debatable, but I am very sure that my ability to empathize and mobilize my emotions and resources for others went waaay up. Being very stealth-minded, I did forgo all contact with the LGBT community, and I did also cut out all social media interactions and support site volunteerism, too. But, in real life, well, I have no problem with being willing to lend an ear or a hand to anybody in need of just about anything at any time, day or night. It doesn't occur to me to say 'no', as long as healthy boundaries are being respected. If my cashier at the market seems 'down', I can't help but engage her and try to bring her back up, and let her know she is not alone. That was not how I operated before E at all, her depression would have triggered me, and I would have resented her not 'being cheerful' and 'her lack of 'professionalism'. Ugh, what a moron I was, lol!

Where I once was very much an arrogant, self-ptomoting, self-aggrandizing, anal-retentive, type-A alpha prick, in my estimation I have finally become something entirely different, with entirely different views on myself and where I fit in within my 'village'.Now that I am not obsessed with my appearance and body-changes and sexual needs, (well ok, I am still working on the sex part, lol), I find myself looking outwardly more and more, and spontaneously interacting with all kinds of people that I would have avoided completely before all this began.

Has anybody else had a profound change of self such as this, and how have these changes played out in your real life interactions, I wonder?

Thanks, I guess I am trying to understand my motives better as I fade deeper into my non-transitional, cis life.

Missy

One major change for me is about religion and politics.

In my past, I was brutal about confronting and debating with others that had differing politics or religious/spiritual beliefs. I would lump people into groups of 'smart' people and 'dumb' people, people that were 'right' and people that were 'wrong'.

Now, I just don't care what somebody believes, lol. My new attitude is 'whatever' and if I voted one way, and they another, I figure their histories and needs are different than mine, so yeah, whatever. Same with how somebody sees religion or spirituality or ethical stuff. I don't dwell on any of that anymore, and that drives some of my old friends bonkers, as if I have given up my own beliefs somehow. It's not that I necessarily believe differently, though sometimes that is the case, but more that I don't see such things as something important in how I interact with anybody at all. Believe what you want to believe, is my attitude now. Before, sooo many things were 'fighting words', lol. Now, how I am being treated and how somebody treats others guides me more than anything else..

My siblings tend to be hyper-ethical, or hyper-non-ethical, and I see that as a normal response to the hellish upbringing we all had. One sister thinks I have become wishy-washy, lol, but the fact is, I don't care what she thinks about me in that regard, ha! I see myself as growing more flexible and open-hearted, something that was looong overdue..

Same.

I think you summed it up pretty well for me, too.  The lack of T, and then the subsequent lack of the pursuit of becoming a woman outwardly has changed my attitude to 'whatever', too.  It sometimes drives my wife crazy when I don't get all up in arms about someone's religion/politics statements, as you mentioned.  I also am very empathetic to people, like the cashier you mentioned. Where before transition I would have told any woman with a down face (in my mind) to stfu and at least your are cis female...yada yada yada...

I've also not at all been involved or connected to the lgbt community.  I have one single trans* friend.  He was my roommate for SRS.  He lives in Quebec (I am in Missouri) and I have maintained steady contact with him, but save for that, I am detached from those things that were trans* and I am just living life as I strove for all of those years.  Even being married to a woman does not drive me to the lesbian community.  We just want to fit in to life with no labels and blend.  A stark contrast to pre-transition.

I find it calming and it has enabled me to find other pursuits.  I finished my Master's.  My wife finished her Master's.  No school, no transition, and only one kid left in the house (a senior in HS).  We see things soooo differently.  A good different.  I hope you see it as good, too. ;)

Quote from: ainsley on January 17, 2017, 11:38:34 AM
I hope you see it as good, too. ;)

Yup, I see it as the best possible outcome mentally. A great relief to so many unneeded concerns. The stillness is very welcome, indeed!

Thank you for responding. I appreciate it.

Missy

I don't think I qualify for "finished with transition." I have seen some changes some of which are probably typical of M to F folks. I would sum it up as this. Through transition my "intensity" has gone down while my "passion" has gone way up.  I used to watch politics like an intense crazy person. I got so upset. I was way into sports rooting for my team and feeling rotten when my team loses. It  made me miserable. I found myself stopping this with transition. My passion is the emotional thing. I have said I used to have emotion in black and white and now they are in color. I am way more passionate. (not a sexual connotation) The thing that I have seen that others may not have experienced is my now reserved nature. In conversation, I am much more quiet, perhaps a bit shy. I used to live for people laughing at something humorous that I might come up with. Now I am more content to listen. I don't need that joke any more. I don't feel as competitive as I used to. Curious if  anyone else has gotten more shy with transition.
Moni

Quote from: HappyMoni on January 17, 2017, 07:40:47 PM
Curious if  anyone else has gotten more shy with transition.
Moni

Yes.

I have become more shy. My extroversion was like yours, I was always the life of the party, the clever jokester, but now I am a listener. Now I am happy to watch and observe and feel and maybe eventually share without upstaging anybody.

And I like 'me' better now than I ever liked myself before.

I agree with so many of the things stated above.

I think, for me, the key thing was to gradually stop defining myself as a transgender woman and simply define myself as a woman.  I have been lucky that new people never realise anything about my history, nor do I feel the need to tell them, and having this "obligation" removed is a really useful thing as it allows people to focus on me, and not on my past.

I think it helps hugely to have the entire combination of mind, body and social role in harmony.  In my company, I was never a "table hammerer", but now, I do find that I conform 90% to my expected social role, and, for the remaining 10%, I do pull out the "nasty woman" to make some hard points if necessary.  The rest of my world is easy, fortunately.

Hugs to you all
J

Some more good points have been made.  I relate to the more shy/reserved in conversation and not needing to upstage anyone with my own experiences comments.  This is something I noticed, too.  I think that is part of the empathetic disposition which makes me more keen to listen -REALLY LISTEN- to what other people are sharing, rather than prepping my response with the intent to out do what they are telling me.  I also don't see myself as transgender.  I am just a woman.  I think that is a key self-perception that drives much of the changes we are all experiencing.

I will say, I am just as passionate about sports.  I don't find that to have changed, nor do I see that as being tied to a gender or transition.  My wife has been just as avid about sports and she is cis.  She went to college on a soccer scholarship, played softball and basketball, too.  She is a crazy football (American and Soccer) fan, I LOVE college basketball, we both love hockey and baseball, and will watch all sports just about any time.  My daughter's friend came in the house (she comes over often) and said the other night "Do you guys watch all sports?  Every time I come in here there is a different sport on the TV."  ;D  And when our team is winning, we don't hold back and will yell out.

Can't say my self-perceptions have changed much.
I was never much of a man before.  No conscience of being female, but others may have seen that.
Have always been big on the STEM parts of life.
When I was in Navy, had to become very sure of myself.

After transition, I was an Alpha female at work.  Was always at the top in performance, and became the supervisor of some 20 guys.  This was at the place I transitioned so they knew me before that.

I am generally shy around new people and situations until I become adjusted.  My coping has always been to just jump in and get things done.  I can be very sarcastic at times, so that didn't change.
Was an Alpha car driver and still am.

Came from a very not touchy feely family.  But I am very much into that now.  And don't get me started on emotions.  They can be all over the place.  From down and moody to euphoric.