Susan's Place Transgender Resources

OK,
I came out to my wife today when I got home from work. I just couldn't handle the deception and the burden any more, so unfortunately I burdened my wife with my honesty. The result was lots of tears, mostly on my part, because I am the partner in this relationship who cries at anything. Things are OK. She said she has known for many years that I have been "different", and this is no surprise. She thanked me for my honesty, and it looks like this marriage is going to survive. We are still going to travel to Europe together in April.

And, she is OK with me starting HRT.

Yesssss!!!

Congratulations on such a watershed moment, no pun intended!!!

;D Missy

Wow!  You are one lucky girl!  Congratulations, Donna.  That must be a tremendous relief. Good for you, and kudos to your wife.

With kindness,

Terri

How awesome, Donna!  Would probably be wise to prepare for a range of emotions coming from your wife's direction, but open communication often works wonders.  Congrats on making the huge step.  It is probably one of the hardest things to do, opening up to the ones we love the most.  <3

Donna,
   I am so happy for you. It feels amazing to get that weight off your chest. I hope you will continue to share  your story with us. You know we are all rooting for you. :)
Moni

Way to go, Donna!  Congratulations!

Coming out to one's spouse is just about the hardest thing we have to do.  You must be so relieved to have it behind you.  You are lucky to have an understanding wife.  Obviously you chose her wisely!

I am so grateful for all of my transgender friends here at Susans!
Yes, this was indeed absolutely the most difficult thing I have ever done. I survived. Our marriage will survive. I have my wife's go-ahead to take my first HRT meds, which I have now done!
I am very much relieved. She just went out to her archery club to shoot some arrows as has been her new passion for the past few weeks. I am so glad she has this.
I told her all about the details of the Seattle Ingersoll Transgender group, and how I appreciate my new friends there. She says don't be surprised if it takes her a long time before she brings herself to going to one. However she may indeed in a week or two come to a session with my gender therapist.

Again, I do not know what I would have done with out you women here. I am so eternally grateful for all of your advice, support, and encouragement.

Donna

I am so very happy for you!!!  It is a hard thing to go throug but I know we are all here to support you!

 :laugh:

Happy Coming Out Day....

There really should be a card for this...

;)

So happy for you!  Hugs Shannon

I'm so happy for you. It's great she is understanding.  :D

Time will tell about her understanding. It's been just over 24 hours and my coming out is just now settling in to her.

She says she is trying to get used to it, or shall we say, me being honest.

I think ? we are still planning our trip to Europe in April.
I think? She says we are.

I get it. As she said to me, this is a big one. As we all know, this is indeed a big one to be living with for our entire lives closeted and afraid.
So, I think we are ok. hope hope hope hope hope hope hope

Always remember to keep the communication open, never compete with her femininity and be understanding of the shock she is feeling.

Good luck Honey.

OK, good news.
A day after I came out to my wife, she started to try to imagine what life would be like with out me. She quickly came to the conclusion that we are bonded for life, and she is not going to let the fact that I intend to be a legal female before I die stand in the way of spending the rest of her life with me.

For now, she considers me her BFF. She cuddles me in bed as we sleep. She asks that for now I do not speak of sex between us. (Little change, because she really has been asexual for most of our 41 year marriage except when we were making babies.) She is cool with me forming friendships with other transgender people. She for now does not want to see me very often wearing a dress or skirt, though she says she understands that I might when I go out with new friends that I make. For now she asks that I do not come out to our mutual friends. We are still looking forward to traveling to Europe this April together, and doing many, many things together.

She says she may need a good deal of more time before I come out to mutual friends. I think she may at that time be OK with a legal name and gender change for me. Future.

My coming out to her did not end in my worst fear, being divorce. So far it did not result in a wild fantasy of mine that she would quickly help in my feminization and shop for clothes with me and help me do makeup and have a lesbian relationship with me. However over time, perhaps a long time we may approach my fantasy result.

My wife is beautiful, and I love her dearly.

As soon as I read your post, Cindy's words popped in to my head.  She is absolutely correct, communication is key no matter where things seem to be going.  People can work anything out as long as they are willing to stay at the table and discuss.

Donna,

All that sounds very encouraging, hun, I am so glad things are going so well.

Your wife is gonna need time with you as she knew you for a while, this is a natural thing, to wish to preserve that which one cherishes. Give her the space and time to absorb and learn and adjust and adapt and you will have a much better chance...

Much love and best wishes and a ton of positive thoughts for you and yours!!

Missy

Quote from: Donna on January 25, 2017, 05:42:24 PM
OK, good news.
A day after I came out to my wife, she started to try to imagine what life would be like with out me. She quickly came to the conclusion that we are bonded for life, and she is not going to let the fact that I intend to be a legal female before I die stand in the way of spending the rest of her life with me.

For now, she considers me her BFF. She cuddles me in bed as we sleep. She asks that for now I do not speak of sex between us. (Little change, because she really has been asexual for most of our 41 year marriage except when we were making babies.) She is cool with me forming friendships with other transgender people. She for now does not want to see me very often wearing a dress or skirt, though she says she understands that I might when I go out with new friends that I make. For now she asks that I do not come out to our mutual friends. We are still looking forward to traveling to Europe this April together, and doing many, many things together.

She says she may need a good deal of more time before I come out to mutual friends. I think she may at that time be OK with a legal name and gender change for me. Future.

My coming out to her did not end in my worst fear, being divorce. So far it did not result in a wild fantasy of mine that she would quickly help in my feminization and shop for clothes with me and help me do makeup and have a lesbian relationship with me. However over time, perhaps a long time we may approach my fantasy result.

My wife is beautiful, and I love her dearly.

I'm happy for you!  I'm glad it's going well.

What your describing sounds much the same as what we are going through.  We are in our late forties though, and sex is a bit more of an issue and I don't have an overwhelming desire to be a 'legal female', no desire now for SRS.

She is concerned about if I will still find her attractive or if I'll be more attracted to men.  I had to tell her I'm already attracted to some men (Guy Martin gives me naughty thoughts) and that may increase due to HRT.

She is also concerned about exactly how 'female' I'm going to be, right now that is a Schrodinger's Cat for her.  I tell her I most likely will continue to be a t-shirt and Jeans person, but my Comicon and Halloween costumes will most likely change.  I'll get softer and look more feminine, which is OK with her, and I might develop small 'boobies' which is a bit harder for her. 

I told her something I'm looking forward to is that when I go swimming I'll be able to float instead of sinking to the bottom. :)  And that brought up the question 'will you be wearing a bikini?'  I told her I didn't know, but most likely I'll wear a t-shirt and trunks at first.

I guess why I am sharing these thing is that they are a few examples of the many many questions she has for me, and that the important thing I'm finding is that I can be completely open and honest with her now.

For both of us the new found honesty is the most important thing about this process and me coming out to her.

Anyway, I'm going to get my ears pierced today,  Yay!

It feels very encouraging to read about another married couple that is working to stay together.  Love is more heart than parts, right?

I consider that it took me nearly a lifetime to figure myself out and accept myself as a transgender person.  While I am often impatient I also want to allow as much flexibility for those who need time to process something they may never have thought about before.

Our significant others, spouses, loved ones and lifelong friends deserve the most gracious opportunities to work this out with us.  This assumes they are wanting to understand rather than those few engaged in hurtful knee-jerk responses.

Seems like a promising development for you two Donna.

I invited my wife to talk to my gender therapist, possibly next week. First they will meet without me, and the following sessions will be as couples counseling. What I hope for is a deeper understanding within our marriage of my transition, and that my wife may some day become more comfortable with me showing more femininity when I am with her.

Good for you Donna. Looking forward to meeting you at Ingersoll. That is if I stop scheduling the electrologist on wednesday. So hard to get an appointment I take what I can get. And then there is that 30 mile drive through rush hour.