Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi there!

I'm Sarah and it's the first time I post. I've been reading the forums for some time and I've learned a bunch! Today, it's my turn and, quite unfortunately, I'm posting out of despair. But first, let's contextualize and give you an "succinct" account of my life...

I'm 44 years-old, (alas) genetically male. My very first girlish memory dates back to when I was almost 5 years-old. I remember it like it was yesterday because my family catched me wearing tights and a skirt and they reacted very dramatically. I was 4½ and I remember it so vividly - it MUST have been a significant traumatic experience. Anyways, fast forward, my subsequent life was punctuated by an undulating pattern of wearing feminine clothes and purging whenever I was caught. Until I was about 14, I didn't enjoy it sexually - it just felt right and I remember looking at girls with much envy, wishing I would turn up like them through some magic... With adolescence came the discovery of sexual pleasure and I began masturbating. I discovered it purely by coincidence: one day I was wearing tights under my jeans and was just playing in the backyard and started climbing a pole... As I did, I rubbed my crotch against the pole and then felt an incredible rush of adrenaline and an immense pleasure and, well... It was wet down there. My first orgasm. 😋 From there on, I started masturbating regularly and was much easily turned on when wearing girl's clothes. One day, my parents found out what I was doing. Apparently, they didn't mind the masturbation, but were concerned about the fact that I was wearing girl's clothes. They only asked me if I was gay and I said "no". End of conversation. We never ever discussed the issue again, unfortunately. Oh, by the way, I never was attracted to men, only to women. While enjoying myself, I fantasized making love as a women, to myself also as a women, sort of lesbian sex with myself - does that make sense?

Again, fast forward... I graduated from university and eventually found a girl I was fond of. Reminder: I never ceased to wear girl's clothes in secret. A few months from marrying, I told her about my habit. At that time I did not have much insight about my condition and was sure that it was just some fetish, especially since it was mostly associated with obtaining sexual arousal. So I told her that it was just a fetish, a way to spice up things. She found it a little weird but condescended. So the first two years of our marriage, we made love (not very often, but we did) and I often wear feminine lingerie... But then, sex became scarcer and scarcer... And I began wearing the lingerie under my normal garments, not for the sexual arousal, but because it felt right. Incidentally, it was also at that time that I realized that it was possible to grow breasts by taking hormones, so I tried it for a few weeks. Felt soooo good but I didn't take then long enough to see physical changes. In the meantime, we had our first child and I thought to myself - now that I'm a father I'm surely gonna stop with this insanity. I did... for a few months! And then, paraphrasing Dexter Morgan, "my dark passenger" resurfaced. Four years later, second child... Again, boost of courage to stop it all, again very short lived. After that, I took estradiol and spironolactone for a few weeks at a time, just 3 or 4 times and stopped because I was caught by my wife and also because I became much less dysphoric while I was taking the meds.

Now, as I said, I'm 44½. I am still married to the same woman. A little more than 2 years ago, we moved from a southern european country to Flanders, Belgium. I am employed full time, already speak Dutch and French almost fluently and have a secure job with an extremely generous salary, even by belgian standards. My wife, on the contrary, does not work (difficult to find a job in Belgium if you don't speak Dutch, French or at the very least English), barely speaks Dutch and is thus totally dependent on me, financially and logistically. Our boys are now 10 and 14 years-old and are doing quite well in their new country, including at school.

My wife and I sleep together but haven't had any sex life WHATSOEVER since at least 8 or 9 years... 😩 I tried to approach her a few times, even without the feminine clothes, but she always had some excuse... She never dresses sexy for me... I ask her if I cause her disgust but she's evasive. And in the meantime, I feel that my gender dysphoria is growing exponentially. Last year I took a same-day two-way flight to the southern european country where I am from, just to buy hormones! Nuts, right? That's the power of dysphoria... Eventually, as I was already taking the hormones, she found out and confiscated the whole thing. I was devastated by the pain I was causing and I felt very guilty and for the zillionth time I told her that I regretted it and that I wouldn't do it anymore.

Since then, I haven't stopped wearing women's clothes. Lingerie and tights under my normal male clothing when in public or fully female when alone at home. A few weeks ago, I ordered hormones online, which I received in two packets. I received the first one (antiandrogen) but she received the second one while I was at work and she "accidentally" opened it and saw ampules of estradiol. She threw them away in the garbage and spent the whole day sending me text messages, threatening me of telling my parents, our kids and everyone else that I was transgender. 😣 I feel so miserable without the estrogen... 😢

Now, to sum up things: I'm a 44½ years-old genetical male, with a growingly unbearable gender dysphoria MtF, trapped in an obviously dysfunctional marriage (I cherish my wife because of our shared history and our beautiful children, but let's face it: it's not integral love anymore). I now recognize that my dysphoria will never go away (took me a while to realize it) and can only see two solutions: spiral of depression ending in suicide (which I already considered more than a few times, without attempts) or transition. My wife and children are totally dependent on me and I'd be more than willing to remain their provider, in case of a divorce. She would probably ask for full custody and she would possibly go back to homeland with them. That would be extremely painful to me, of course.

Now, I told my wife about all this and she reacted, well... quite bad. She said she would divorce me and take the kids with her. She also threatened telling my parents. My relationship with my parents was never very close, but she thinks that I am so afraid of their reaction that this will dissuade me of going forward with a transition. Actually, I don't have problems telling parents, but I just think it's (1) too soon because I know that sometimes the transition aborts before any noticeable change and for many possible reasons (what's the point of announcing a transition if you don't actually transition?) and (2) informing my parents is not my wife's business. I told my wife that I wish to take an appointment at the gender clinic of a large university hospital. She agreed but at the same time she's afraid that the gender team will confirm my self-diagnosed dysphoria and that they will promote my transition... We agreed on going together on a subsequent appointment.

In practical terms, I think there is a reasonably good chance of passing after HST, hair transplantation, electrolysis, a little dieting and some minor FFS. I'm not too tall of a person (1,69 m or 5,55 ft), relatively small hands and feet (size 40 - that would be a 10 in the US), relatively smooth and high-pitched voice (often called "Mrs" on telephone calls if I don't make an effort to roughen my voice), oval-shaped face but somewhat cursed with broad shoulders (but I think that this will improve with loss of muscular mass). I also have a significant MPB (a stage 3 of Norwood, I would say) so hair transplantation will be a must.

I just wanted to vent my feelings, to relieve a bit of my pain. But I'd be delighted to read any thoughts or feedback. When and how should I tell my kids? I am very close to them... Will they hate me? Will my wife turn them against me? Belgium is one of the most trans-accepting countries in the world and I'm almost sure that my colleagues at work would be okay, as long as it does not interfere with my work (and I don't see why it would). At this moment, I definitely don't have a female outlook - will they find that strange at the gender clinic? Will they think: "What the heck is this alpha-male doing here? Does he really thinks he has a chance?" I can't deny some angst about it...

One last thing: thank you for taking your time to read my story!

Hugs, Sarah 👧

Sarah,

Welcome to the site.

I wish it were under better circumstances. However, it is the way I joined as well. Much of your story mirrors my own. However, my wife and I are still pretty close(constant communication is what has kept her with me since I have come out); and I was 50 when I finally realized that it doesn't go away. I have 3 daughters who all know but I don't present full time yet. I have been taking this all pretty slowly.

I am glad to see you plan on going to a gender clinic. I was hoping you could get to talk to a therapist about this. I know it helps so much but I also have to encourage you to get to a doctor and have your levels monitored and the HRT prescribed. It is a potentially dangerous thing to do without a medical professional. Considering your back ground I can't imagine a doctor would not prescribe this. I think it is a good idea your wife joins you on the visit. Hopefully she will realize this is not something you have  as a choice, it is simply part of you.

As the sole breadwinner in the family, is there any concern with where you work? Would they support you transitioning? You probably already thought about that.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
  

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey. It is a tough one with bumps along the way but I hope things get easier for you.

With warmth,

Joanna

PS  Sarah, I noticed you had a created a different account previously. There is no history on that one. It is against the policy of the site to have two active accounts. Since there is no posting history in the other one, I will remove that account.

Welcome to the club Sarah. The Low Countries are so lovely. And tolerant. Congratulations on the big step.  From what you wrote it seems pretty obvious to me that you could benefit from transgender care.  I know you will profit from seeing a gender therapist.  But please. No self medicating. Promise?

Hi Sarah  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome to Susan's Place. The first thing you should do now is consult a lawyer/consoler about the legal issues involving a divorce. I do everything I can to help couples stay together but they don't always do so. When they don't, sometime the best decisions aren't made and the transitioning partner may end up paying a very high prices for bad decisions. It's admirable that you are willing to continue supporting you wife but you need to do it in a way that's fair to both of you.

A side note, it sounds like your marriage has been in trouble for a long time. Having your transgender feelings become stronger is speeding up the process but I suspect marriage issues would have been in your future even if your feelings hadn't become stronger.

As for telling your boys, wait until you have had a few appointments at the gender clinic then once your doctors and you are in agreement, tell your boys when you are ready. The younger they are, the less difficulty they will have accepting you.

How the gender clinic will accept you is something I can't answer. The standards of treatment in some of the countries are different depending on if you are using government provided services or if you are being treated privately. Government programs sometimes use outdated standards that make transitioning far more difficult. I know that in the United States, there would be no doubt about you being transgender and you would have no difficulty being treated.

Sarah, There is not a female bone in my body yet I have always known that I was different. On HRT I am noticing changes and with the help of medical professionals I am learning to talk in a female voice, make gestures that are feminine, think feminine. Unfortunately they can do nothing with my size fourteen foot fitting into size 12 womens boots. Also joining a social club has allowed me to meet people in the same situation as myself and learn some tips.

Quote from: Joanna50 on January 26, 2017, 10:14:26 AM
Sarah,

Welcome to the site.

I wish it were under better circumstances. However, it is the way I joined as well. Much of your story mirrors my own. However, my wife and I are still pretty close(constant communication is what has kept her with me since I have come out); and I was 50 when I finally realized that it doesn't go away. I have 3 daughters who all know but I don't present full time yet. I have been taking this all pretty slowly.

PS  Sarah, I noticed you had a created a different account previously. There is no history on that one. It is against the policy of the site to have two active accounts. Since there is no posting history in the other one, I will remove that account.

Dear Joanna,

Thank you so much for your words. You have no idea how relieving it is to interact with someone who knows what exactly I am talking about. I just regret not talking about it sooner. I had already registered with Susan's Place previously, but then I chickened out and didn't post anything. Probably one of those times when I got caught by my wife or by remorses (or both). Feel free to delete the old account and sorry for the trouble... :icon_redface:

May I ask how old were your daughters when they learned about it? And how did they react? My wife threatened to tell our sons and she said that as boys they would probably have a harder time to accept it than if they were girls... Perhaps. But I also know that my boys love me. I mean, really... We adore each other! I can't figure them just deleting me from their lives, but I worry that my wife will encourage them to do so.

Quote from: Joanna50 on January 26, 2017, 10:14:26 AM
I am glad to see you plan on going to a gender clinic. I was hoping you could get to talk to a therapist about this. I know it helps so much but I also have to encourage you to get to a doctor and have your levels monitored and the HRT prescribed. It is a potentially dangerous thing to do without a medical professional. Considering your back ground I can't imagine a doctor would not prescribe this. I think it is a good idea your wife joins you on the visit. Hopefully she will realize this is not something you have  as a choice, it is simply part of you.

Yes, I think that going to a gender clinic is fulcral. Their team includes psychotherapists, psychiatrists, two endocrinologists, an urologist, a plastic surgeon, an ENT-specialist, a dermatologist and a speech therapist. So they have pretty much the whole transition covered, I guess. I also know that the head physician of Gynecology of that particular university hospital is a transexual MtF, which tells me something about the open-mindedness of Flanders.

About the self-medication... Well... I guess there is something I should say about me, and it's both good and bad. I'm actually a physician - an internist, to be exact - and I was in charge of an endocrinology outpatient clinic for several years. It was a very small regional hospital, in a very conservative region of a very catholic country, so no, I never treated any transgendered. But I am relatively knowledgeable about hormones and their effects and side-effects (that's the good about it), it's extremely easy to obtain medication and the temptation to self-medicate is huge (and that's the bad about it). A bit of a curse, hum? I confess that I was about to restart with self medication, but then I posted my introduction and, above all, I read your answers and decided to wait for the appointment at the gender clinic. Thank you...  ;)

Quote from: Joanna50 on January 26, 2017, 10:14:26 AM
As the sole breadwinner in the family, is there any concern with where you work? Would they support you transitioning? You probably already thought about that.

As for the place where I work (an ED), they are pretty open minded. There's already a colleague who is openly lesbian... When a transgendered patient shows up (that happened 2 times during my shift, the last 2 years), that fact is mentioned because it can have medical implications, but I've never heard any judgemental comment. I'd say they'd be pretty cool with it. Also, there are very strict laws in Belgium concerning discrimination at workplace, and they are usually enforced. I will still have to get the courage to announce it when the time comes, but I do not expect overtly negative reactions.

I will keep you informed of my journey and again thank you for your support! I will definitely read the links you provided.

Warm wishes,

Sarah

Quote from: Jane Emily on January 26, 2017, 10:54:10 AM
Welcome to the club Sarah. The Low Countries are so lovely. And tolerant. Congratulations on the big step.  From what you wrote it seems pretty obvious to me that you could benefit from transgender care.  I know you will profit from seeing a gender therapist.  But please. No self medicating. Promise?

Hallo Jane Emily!

Yes, Flanders is indeed a small paradise in terms of tolerance and it has been so for centuries. It's worth to take a look at https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Belgium (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Belgium). Alas, it's a quite rainy paradise, but I can live with that!  ;) It's been a very long and solitary journey and I definitely feel that the fact that I accepted who I am was my first big milestone... I'm so glad I'm not alone, surrounded by this warm community... I'm also looking very much forward to have my first appointment at the gender clinic! And as I told Joanna: I will resist the temptation of self medication! I promise.  :eusa_hand:

Warme groeten,

Sarah

Quote from: V M on January 26, 2017, 01:17:29 PM
Hi Sarah  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi V M!

Thanks for your warm welcome!  :D I feel that my great adventure is just about to begin...

Hugs

Sarah

Sarah,

Thanks for all those great answers. My oldest daughter found out last year(only one year into my self discover) as I was starting hormones. Mostly because as of this past fall, she was at University. I didn't want her to come home from break and see many changes. She was 18 at the time and wholly embraced it. She has a number of friends who are trans and was the head of her high school's LGBTQ group.

The younger two just found out a few months ago. They are 14 &16. I needed to stop tip toeing around to therapy, endo, social support group and any other reason I may be dressing. Plus I am starting to show breasts through almost everything I wear(either going to have to come out at work or claim I'm just getting fat-don't think that will fly as the rest of me is not proportionally large). They too have been very encouraging. I find our younger generation seems to be far more understanding of such things. Only the very polarized sports and tough guys seem to be any concern, at least here in the states. I would assume if your country is pretty supportive on a whole that would be true of your sons.

Good luck. Stay strong.

With warmth,

Joanna

PS I think your English is way better than mine.

Hello Sarah

It's a pleasure to meet you

I hope that things are coming together

Stay shiny



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi!

I'm new here (signed up yesterday..) and not very experienced in life in general -only 25yo-, but I thought I would suggest that my generation and those younger than me are very accepting of trans people these days, especially in the western and northern parts of europe. I have lived full-time for 2 years now (with a bunch of half-way/on-and-off for years before that), and have been accepted very warmly by my peers.

My point is.. I should hope and think your sons will come to accept who you turn out to be, although it will certainly be a major and dificult change for them initially. Also absolutely support your plans og going to a clinic, work through those feelings and emotions and get a more concrete image of what your working with and who you want to be.

Best of luck in any case <3

Quote from: Joanna50 on January 27, 2017, 03:35:56 PM
Sarah,

Thanks for all those great answers. My oldest daughter found out last year(only one year into my self discover) as I was starting hormones. Mostly because as of this past fall, she was at University. I didn't want her to come home from break and see many changes. She was 18 at the time and wholly embraced it. She has a number of friends who are trans and was the head of her high school's LGBTQ group.

The younger two just found out a few months ago. They are 14 &16. I needed to stop tip toeing around to therapy, endo, social support group and any other reason I may be dressing. Plus I am starting to show breasts through almost everything I wear(either going to have to come out at work or claim I'm just getting fat-don't think that will fly as the rest of me is not proportionally large). They too have been very encouraging. I find our younger generation seems to be far more understanding of such things. Only the very polarized sports and tough guys seem to be any concern, at least here in the states. I would assume if your country is pretty supportive on a whole that would be true of your sons.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It really means a lot to me! My two boys are really not the "sports and tough guys" type... My oldest is a very quiet boy, very bright, enjoys playing chess rather than football, and listening to music instead of playing GTA on his PS4. My youngest is much more active, but not at all the rough type. They are not fond at all of male hording and are more of the "intellectual" type, of a sort. They are both aware of the existence of homosexuality and transsexualism. In this country, it is not uncommon at all to see gay couples (both male and female) holding hands and whenever they notice it or mention it, I just say with a little smile: "So what? They love each other, so it's okay." I always try to instill in them a sense of tolerance, justice, respect. I often tell them that if they must abide by only one rule, it should be the Golden Rule (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule)). Everything else is just detail... Alas, my wife is not so much of an humanist and she was raised in a rather conservative Lutheran family, so lets say that she doesn't comment on these "variations" with the same candor as I do...

Quote from: Joanna50 on January 27, 2017, 03:35:56 PM
PS I think your English is way better than mine.

I wish!  :laugh:

In the mean time, I have good news and bad news, but I feel that the good largely surpasses the bad! Good news: I finally have a first appointment scheduled at the gender clinic in Ghent! :eusa_dance: Bad news: It's only in September...  :o Yes, that's right, almost nine months wait... Fortunately, the appointments will be much closer afterwards. Apparently, since the first evaluation takes much longer than the subsequent, and because there is a substantial number of interested people, the waiting list is relatively extensive. I hope that until then I'll be able to cope with the dysphoria. I'm sure the community will help in the moments of greater distress... In the meantime, I think I'll take some "benign" steps, such as topical minoxidil for my MPB, losing some weight in a healthy way and enjoying life with the tranquility that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that I can actually see that light!  :)

Warm hugs and wish me as much luck as I wish you!

Sarah

Quote from: Dena on January 26, 2017, 04:24:40 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. The first thing you should do now is consult a lawyer/consoler about the legal issues involving a divorce. I do everything I can to help couples stay together but they don't always do so. When they don't, sometime the best decisions aren't made and the transitioning partner may end up paying a very high prices for bad decisions. It's admirable that you are willing to continue supporting you wife but you need to do it in a way that's fair to both of you.

Thanks Dena! I've already thought about it, but I feel that all hope is not lost, yet. It's been a relatively short time since I told my wife of my intentions to go to a gender clinic, so she's still in the very first phases of mourning and I feel that I still must give us a chance to work this out, for our sake and the sake of our children. I've been talking to her and also writing her long mails (it's easier to write without being interrupted, but I always go talk with her after she's finished reading my message). As far as I've read, there's no evidence that children who grow in a couple in which one partner is transgender suffer from developmental issues, but there is ample evidence that a litigious divorce can be deleterious for them. But you're right, I must reckon that if I am being overly optimistic with this and if things don't go as I wish, then I'll certainly demand a fair agreement. I already have a reference for a lawyer, just to be sure.  :-\

Quote from: Dena on January 26, 2017, 04:24:40 PM
A side note, it sounds like your marriage has been in trouble for a long time. Having your transgender feelings become stronger is speeding up the process but I suspect marriage issues would have been in your future even if your feelings hadn't become stronger.

I suspect that also... If it wasn't for me being transgender, I would be willing to sacrifice my happiness for my children's sake, because I feel that a divorce would probably be somewhat litigious and that can't be good for the kids. Since I am transgender, I would ideally like to stay with my wife, with or without intimacy (it's not particularly important to me, although it would probably be very pleasant to "rediscover" each other) and would like to raise my kids with the philosophy in which I believe - that of respect, tolerance, justice, humanism... But of course, if that would imply constant conflicts and fights, then I think it would be better to split, both for me and my wife as well as for the kids.

Quote from: Dena on January 26, 2017, 04:24:40 PM
As for telling your boys, wait until you have had a few appointments at the gender clinic then once your doctors and you are in agreement, tell your boys when you are ready. The younger they are, the less difficulty they will have accepting you.

That's exactly what I'm planning to do. In the meantime, I will sometimes try to bring up the subject of tolerance and diversity.

Quote from: Dena on January 26, 2017, 04:24:40 PM
How the gender clinic will accept you is something I can't answer. The standards of treatment in some of the countries are different depending on if you are using government provided services or if you are being treated privately. Government programs sometimes use outdated standards that make transitioning far more difficult. I know that in the United States, there would be no doubt about you being transgender and you would have no difficulty being treated.

I finally have an appointment scheduled at the gender clinic. Unfortunately it's only in September, but I waited almost 45 years, so I guess I could wait 9 more months (a little less than 8½ actually)! Not sure which program they follow at Ghent University, but as for the diagnostic, I sure do fulfill the criteria in DSM-V and I am also almost sure that they will accept me for treatment without too much trouble... :eusa_pray:

Warmest regards,

Sarah

Quote from: Floof on January 28, 2017, 08:27:39 AM
Hi!

I'm new here (signed up yesterday..) and not very experienced in life in general -only 25yo-, but I thought I would suggest that my generation and those younger than me are very accepting of trans people these days, especially in the western and northern parts of europe. I have lived full-time for 2 years now (with a bunch of half-way/on-and-off for years before that), and have been accepted very warmly by my peers.

My point is.. I should hope and think your sons will come to accept who you turn out to be, although it will certainly be a major and dificult change for them initially. Also absolutely support your plans og going to a clinic, work through those feelings and emotions and get a more concrete image of what your working with and who you want to be.

Best of luck in any case <3

Thanks Floof! It's really nice to have the input of someone younger. And congratulations on living full-time - I truly admire it!
I do hope, indeed, that my boys will be accepting, perhaps after an initial shock... But the dust will settle... Eventually... Hopefully... :) My first appointment at the gender clinic is already scheduled!

Warmest regards and my very best wishes with all your projects,

Sarah

Quote from: Sarah.VanDistel on January 30, 2017, 10:31:09 AM
Thanks Floof! It's really nice to have the input of someone younger. And congratulations on living full-time - I truly admire it!
I do hope, indeed, that my boys will be accepting, perhaps after an initial shock... But the dust will settle... Eventually... Hopefully... :) My first appointment at the gender clinic is already scheduled!

Warmest regards and my very best wishes with all your projects,

Sarah

Hey just a quick thing about your appointment i felt like mentioning; when I booked my first one it was also aprox 9 months in the future, but after a month or two of waiting it was just too much so I started calling them bi-weekly telling them that if any free slots show up there was no trouble for me to come down there with only a couple days early warning. Ended up shaving a good 5 months off my initial waiting time! You may feel overly pushy doing it like that... But it did result in me getting an earlier appointment that would otherwise be wasted, so if you can make it on short notice this may be a nice way to do it.

Thank you kindly for your well wishes <3

Quote from: Sarah.VanDistel on January 30, 2017, 09:40:46 AMIn the mean time, I have good news and bad news, but I feel that the good largely surpasses the bad! Good news: I finally have a first appointment scheduled at the gender clinic in Ghent! :eusa_dance: Bad news: It's only in September...  :o Yes, that's right, almost nine months wait... Fortunately, the appointments will be much closer afterwards. Apparently, since the first evaluation takes much longer than the subsequent, and because there is a substantial number of interested people, the waiting list is relatively extensive. I hope that until then I'll be able to cope with the dysphoria. I'm sure the community will help in the moments of greater distress... In the meantime, I think I'll take some "benign" steps, such as topical minoxidil for my MPB, losing some weight in a healthy way and enjoying life with the tranquility that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that I can actually see that light!  :)

Warm hugs and wish me as much luck as I wish you!

Sarah

Sarah,

That is good news. I remember it took me forever to get a visit to Endo. You could do a lot of things to try to stay patient.

-start seeing a regular therapist and working on on the symptoms of your dysphoria

-as you mentioned, losing weight early is good

-start electrolysis or laser treatments to rid you of facial hair(anecdotally, most of us who start earlier do find a shift in sensitivity when starting on Oestrogen).

-if your wife is cool enough, start practicing going out presenting female and maybe practice with make up.

-if your minoxidil (I know it as Rogain) may take a while, you might invest in a quality wig from a shop. Have them help you select, fit and style it for you.

I do know waiting can be frustrating but try to enjoy each little step. Notice how much happier they might make you.

I am not out in public yet. I have enough hair loss that I can only use a wig for head hair. I feel so different when I have it on. You can see the light go dimmer in my eyes when I have to change back. It is not easy but it is better. I hope your path continues slow but sure.

With warmth,

Joanna