Community Conversation => Significant Others talk => Topic started by: P_j01 on January 26, 2017, 08:34:10 PM Return to Full Version

Title: Transgender spouse
Post by: P_j01 on January 26, 2017, 08:34:10 PM
My spouse came out transgender 8 weeks ago
I have had my ups and downs but managing ok so far

We live in Canada

I am worried about the financial implications of this transition

I am worried if I can handle staying.

I feel incredibly alone many days

How do people work out staying together
Title: Re: Transgender spouse
Post by: Dena on January 26, 2017, 08:59:47 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. Your medical system should cover some of the cost and the transition takes time which would allow you to accumulate additional savings. This is also a pay as you go so you don't need a big pile of money initially.

As for couples staying to together, that will depend on how well you communicate with each other and how much you can accept. We have many couple who have remained together and their relationship has improved because the transitioning partner is no longer dealing with the emotional issues they have had for years. There will be new bedroom rules and in some cases where sex has already left the relationship, the relationship becomes  more like best female friends.

I would suggest you consider therapy and possibly joint therapy sessions with your SO in order to explore both of your feelings and define your future relationship. I hope you remain together and find happiness.

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Title: Re: Transgender spouse
Post by: pligirl75 on January 26, 2017, 10:49:27 PM
As a significant other to StaciM on this forum I can say I had many of the same questions.  After much soul searching and oh so much talking and couples therapy without the therapist, I can say we are so much closer as a couple and now a family unit (came out to our 11 yr old son on Sat).   I have known about the cross dresser side since before we started dating (25 years ago), but not the complete transition.  The subject was broached in the past but I was in no way ready.  Had I truly understood what this was doing to my spouse I might have chosen to not react the way I did.  Since we started talking "truly talking" I understand the severe depression and what it was doing to our family. 

Think about what the depression is doing to your spouse and in essence to you.  Can you get past the "what a normal relationship" is to remember what and why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.  Think about what you have with your girlfriends today.... and that could be 1000% better with your best friend (spouse/partner). 

Changes are inevitable and in all honesty for us in Canada, our benefits are pretty good.  What province are you in?

I am here to listen/chat if you need a positive story.
Title: Re: Transgender spouse
Post by: P_j01 on January 27, 2017, 07:51:47 PM
We live in ontetio
I have met 2 local couples already
I start therapy Saturday. Just hoping i like therapist and she has good schedule.
We are working on taking together
It's a slow process. We work and sleep opposite times as my spouse works overnights.
But we are trying. And trying to integrate ourselves in community.

I am happy we live in Canada. As medical is way better in Canada