Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: jgravitt01 on January 31, 2017, 10:01:09 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on January 31, 2017, 10:01:09 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on January 31, 2017, 10:01:09 PM
Sort of....I came home today from my initial Doctor's visit for HRT stopped in my wife's office (before going home) sat down and she hit me with "Why have you really been going to therapy, it isn't really to save our marriage, is it" (I swallowed my tonsils at that very moment but I womaned up and told the full truth.
Yes it was to try to save our marriage because I needed to figure myself out before I could open up to you about why ive been torn up inside for soo long.
I had to understand how to explain it to you without sounding crazy and prove I'm not Bi-Polar as you often point out.
Several emotions rolled out with her words at that point including pain, anger, frustration & then soon after came the blame, hate and ultimately shaming.
I calmly accepted all she dished out (without walking away or interrupting)
I explained she had a right to feel everything she is feeling. That's when the threats rolled out of her taking our son away from me and moving away!
That I wasn't to tell him anything about my "lifestyle".
I asked if she truly thought taking him away from me was best because even if I am a woman I am still his father. She looked at me with anger/disgust and said I will not let him see you turn into a woman.
You can come visit with him later...I said I'll still be a woman then...so adjustment over time is worse than when I left Dad was a He and now a year or two later Dad is a She...????
Anyway this is night 1 and we'll see if this continues or if she backs off her statements....- Jaime
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Yes it was to try to save our marriage because I needed to figure myself out before I could open up to you about why ive been torn up inside for soo long.
I had to understand how to explain it to you without sounding crazy and prove I'm not Bi-Polar as you often point out.
Several emotions rolled out with her words at that point including pain, anger, frustration & then soon after came the blame, hate and ultimately shaming.
I calmly accepted all she dished out (without walking away or interrupting)
I explained she had a right to feel everything she is feeling. That's when the threats rolled out of her taking our son away from me and moving away!
That I wasn't to tell him anything about my "lifestyle".
I asked if she truly thought taking him away from me was best because even if I am a woman I am still his father. She looked at me with anger/disgust and said I will not let him see you turn into a woman.
You can come visit with him later...I said I'll still be a woman then...so adjustment over time is worse than when I left Dad was a He and now a year or two later Dad is a She...????
Anyway this is night 1 and we'll see if this continues or if she backs off her statements....- Jaime
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Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: MissGendered on January 31, 2017, 10:13:50 PM
Post by: MissGendered on January 31, 2017, 10:13:50 PM
Wow.
I am proud of you. Not that my approval should matter at all, but I am proud of you, young lady!!!
It's out there now, and once the dust settles, you will be able to move forward in good conscience.
Such grace under fire, too. Wow. Nice!
Whatever happens, know this; you did woman up, and you took responsibility.
She can say what she needs to say, but you will still have equal parental rights, no matter how she feels about your truth.
I am so sorry that you have this to work through, but given the options, wow, you did great, wow!!
Did I mention I was proud of you?
Yeah. I am.
Nice.
Missy
I am proud of you. Not that my approval should matter at all, but I am proud of you, young lady!!!
It's out there now, and once the dust settles, you will be able to move forward in good conscience.
Such grace under fire, too. Wow. Nice!
Whatever happens, know this; you did woman up, and you took responsibility.
She can say what she needs to say, but you will still have equal parental rights, no matter how she feels about your truth.
I am so sorry that you have this to work through, but given the options, wow, you did great, wow!!
Did I mention I was proud of you?
Yeah. I am.
Nice.
Missy
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on January 31, 2017, 10:21:11 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on January 31, 2017, 10:21:11 PM
Quote from: MissGendered on January 31, 2017, 10:13:50 PMThank you. Grace under fire...lol
Wow.
I am proud of you. Not that my approval should matter at all, but I am proud of you, young lady!!!
It's out there now, and once the dust settles, you will be able to move forward in good conscience.
Such grace under fire, too. Wow. Nice!
Whatever happens, know this; you did woman up, and you took responsibility.
She can say what she needs to say, but you will still have equal parental rights, no matter how she feels about your truth.
I am so sorry that you have this to work through, but given the options, wow, you did great, wow!!
Did I mention I was proud of you?
Yeah. I am.
Nice.
Missy
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Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: Michelle_P on January 31, 2017, 10:34:54 PM
Post by: Michelle_P on January 31, 2017, 10:34:54 PM
Jaime, I know how hard this was for you, and unfortunately how harsh the response is. You are a strong person, and I hope you can tale some comfort in how well you took her response.
I hope that with this issue out in the open, that you can feel some relief. I do hope that she can bring herself to communicate with you, and perhaps show some compassion.
I'm also proud of you.
Hugs,
- Michelle
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I hope that with this issue out in the open, that you can feel some relief. I do hope that she can bring herself to communicate with you, and perhaps show some compassion.
I'm also proud of you.
Hugs,
- Michelle
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Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on January 31, 2017, 10:37:06 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on January 31, 2017, 10:37:06 PM
Quote from: Michelle_P on January 31, 2017, 10:34:54 PMThank you, Michelle, only time will tell.
Jaime, I know how hard this was for you, and unfortunately how harsh the response is. You are a strong person, and I hope you can tale some comfort in how well you took her response.
I hope that with this issue out in the open, that you can feel some relief. I do hope that she can bring herself to communicate with you, and perhaps show some compassion.
I'm also proud of you.
Hugs,
- Michelle
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: josie76 on February 01, 2017, 05:06:11 AM
Post by: josie76 on February 01, 2017, 05:06:11 AM
I'm sorry her reaction was so negative. I really hope you can work something out that respects the needs of both of you and your son. I know it's got to be really hard for you right now. We're all here for you if you need us. Hugs
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: MeTony on February 01, 2017, 06:06:58 AM
Post by: MeTony on February 01, 2017, 06:06:58 AM
Brave of you to tell her. I have not gotten that far yet. My husband don't know but my 15 yo son does. He figured it out.
I am afraid to be rejected and make him feel betrayed. We have been a couple for 18 years. Through better or worse. But this feels beyond worse.
Feel proud that you told her! I am proud of you.
Skickat från min iPhone med Tapatalk
I am afraid to be rejected and make him feel betrayed. We have been a couple for 18 years. Through better or worse. But this feels beyond worse.
Feel proud that you told her! I am proud of you.
Skickat från min iPhone med Tapatalk
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 07:02:40 AM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 07:02:40 AM
Thank you Josie76 & Me Tonie. While it is a struggle dealing right now, I no longer have to hide. That is a relief in itself.
I feel one of my burdens lifted. Next is my Mom...at 76 years old that is going to be a tough one as well.
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I feel one of my burdens lifted. Next is my Mom...at 76 years old that is going to be a tough one as well.
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 12:47:22 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 12:47:22 PM
Today's events have proved interesting and have backed up what I told my wife yesterday during my "outing". She spoke with our boss and she said that even if we divorce we can still work together since we do that very well without fear of losing our job. We have a promotion in June that will move us to Michigan and that is still very much on the table plus a significant bump in pay (double).
While she did not "out" me to our boss it proved that we could still go forward together although just not married. That my girls is good news. (For now)
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
While she did not "out" me to our boss it proved that we could still go forward together although just not married. That my girls is good news. (For now)
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: MeTony on February 01, 2017, 02:05:05 PM
Post by: MeTony on February 01, 2017, 02:05:05 PM
I am happy she is not ruining it for you. Your wife seems to take this well. I hope you get the promotion.
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: JeanetteLW on February 01, 2017, 02:07:17 PM
Post by: JeanetteLW on February 01, 2017, 02:07:17 PM
Let me add my "Well done" to the accolades.
It sounds like you handled yourself well in the face of fire and came through it. Singed for sure but you survived!. It's a shame your wife reacted in the way she did and I hope after a bit you two can talk things over amicably. Things do not have to get nasty. Hold your head up, stand up for your rights and try to be understanding of her side too. It is a lot for her to have to deal with. You have had your lifetime to come to grips with yourself, she has had days.
Jeanette
It sounds like you handled yourself well in the face of fire and came through it. Singed for sure but you survived!. It's a shame your wife reacted in the way she did and I hope after a bit you two can talk things over amicably. Things do not have to get nasty. Hold your head up, stand up for your rights and try to be understanding of her side too. It is a lot for her to have to deal with. You have had your lifetime to come to grips with yourself, she has had days.
Jeanette
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 04:09:49 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 04:09:49 PM
Thank you Jeanette and MeTonie she has calmed a bit and she sees an amicable future ahead. Staying Positive!-Jaime
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Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: LizK on February 01, 2017, 04:20:35 PM
Post by: LizK on February 01, 2017, 04:20:35 PM
Quote from: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 12:47:22 PM
Today's events have proved interesting and have backed up what I told my wife yesterday during my "outing". She spoke with our boss and she said that even if we divorce we can still work together since we do that very well without fear of losing our job. We have a promotion in June that will move us to Michigan and that is still very much on the table plus a significant bump in pay (double).
While she did not "out" me to our boss it proved that we could still go forward together although just not married. That my girls is good news. (For now)
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
You are doing great. It is a hard thing to tell your wife and just as hard for her to hear. For her it might be like a grieving process and her first response is anger. Do you think there is a chance you can work it out or is that just not going to happen? Good for you for coming out and doesn't it feel great!
Hugs
Liz
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: Rachel on February 01, 2017, 04:27:00 PM
Post by: Rachel on February 01, 2017, 04:27:00 PM
Congratulations on telling your wife. That must have been very difficult. I hope things work out for the best.
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 04:43:01 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 04:43:01 PM
Quote from: ElizabethK on February 01, 2017, 04:20:35 PMI doubt we stay married especially once the hormones kick in start noticable differences. We will probably split up once we get our promotion and arrive in Michigan. Either way different households will occur in Late May/Early June whether here in Minnesota or there.
You are doing great. It is a hard thing to tell your wife and just as hard for her to hear. For her it might be like a grieving process and her first response is anger. Do you think there is a chance you can work it out or is that just not going to happen? Good for you for coming out and doesn't it feel great!
Hugs
Liz
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Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 04:43:49 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 04:43:49 PM
Quote from: Rachel Lynn on February 01, 2017, 04:27:00 PMThank you Rachel.
Congratulations on telling your wife. That must have been very difficult. I hope things work out for the best.
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Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: LizK on February 01, 2017, 10:22:53 PM
Post by: LizK on February 01, 2017, 10:22:53 PM
Quote from: jgravitt01 on February 01, 2017, 04:43:01 PM
I doubt we stay married especially once the hormones kick in start noticable differences. We will probably split up once we get our promotion and arrive in Michigan. Either way different households will occur in Late May/Early June whether here in Minnesota or there.
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That must be tough, I wish you only happiness and joy in your future.
Liz
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 02, 2017, 08:11:14 AM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 02, 2017, 08:11:14 AM
Quote from: ElizabethK on February 01, 2017, 10:22:53 PMThank you Liz.
That must be tough, I wish you only happiness and joy in your future.
Liz
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Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 13, 2017, 10:26:28 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 13, 2017, 10:26:28 PM
After a little training from the nurse today I gave myself my first self administered dose of Estradiol, tomorrow will be my first Spironolactone dose as well.
Never remotely felt the needle, nurse said I administered it and took it like a pro. ; )
HAPPY DAY...OH HAPPY DAY!
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Never remotely felt the needle, nurse said I administered it and took it like a pro. ; )
HAPPY DAY...OH HAPPY DAY!
Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: AlyssaJ on February 14, 2017, 02:03:51 PM
Post by: AlyssaJ on February 14, 2017, 02:03:51 PM
Very happy for you with the start of HRT, sorry to hear about the virulent response you received from your wife. My wife hasn't been the most supportive either, although her reaction wasn't as extreme as what you describe. I think you handled it as best as could be expected. Stay on the high road, take care of yourself and let everyone else figure out how they need to take care of themselves. I hope it all works out more positively once she's had time to digest the situation.
Title: Re: I told my Wife
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 14, 2017, 04:20:05 PM
Post by: jgravitt01 on February 14, 2017, 04:20:05 PM
Quote from: lisawb on February 14, 2017, 02:03:51 PMThank you for the kind words and wishes for my current relationship. I hope she will come as well. Either way I have to focus on what I need to do until she either comes around or hands me divorce papers.
Very happy for you with the start of HRT, sorry to hear about the virulent response you received from your wife. My wife hasn't been the most supportive either, although her reaction wasn't as extreme as what you describe. I think you handled it as best as could be expected. Stay on the high road, take care of yourself and let everyone else figure out how they need to take care of themselves. I hope it all works out more positively once she's had time to digest the situation.
Tried to have family time watching TV the other night my son went to his room to play games (normal) within 5 minutes my wife went to her room and shut the door for the rest of the night.
I tried and that's all I can do.
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