Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Post operative life => Topic started by: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 12:28:01 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 12:28:01 AM
Post by: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 12:28:01 AM
I'm a few weeks post op now. I went with Dr McGinn.
When I found out I could finally get the surgery after all these years, I was over the top excited. I jumped on everything. I made sure everything was paid for up front. I lost 50 pounds. Nothing could bring me down. Well as it turned, getting closer to the surgery date was bringing me down. The closer I got, the more I worried that this change was too drastic. I wondered if maybe I'd be happier with what I already had. I wondered if my wife would leave me. I wondered if I was even trans in the first place. I guess you could call it pre-op anxiety or depression.
So I'm sitting there in the staging area before you go into the OR. People keep coming by asking me questions. Every time someone mentions the surgery I tell them I just want to be put to sleep so I can stop thinking about it until it's over. Despite the rumors I heard about Dr McGinn having a poor bedside manner, I found the opposite. Sure she was blunt and very rigid on her requirements, but she also showed a lot of compassion. I'm very glad I went with her. I wouldn't change a thing.
I've had surgery before, but nothing this intense. I was entirely unprepared for the hospital stay. Coming down off anesthetic apparently takes several days when you were under for 5 hours. I couldn't tell what was real and what was fake. What I remembered as real was actually a dream and everything else was forgotten.
After about 2 days, I started to rely heavily on the morphine, but it didn't help. There was a pain down there that felt like a sharp searing but ice cold pain. Nothing was touching it. That pain lasted for another 1.5 weeks. That was the worst part of the surgery as far as pain goes for me. It diminished when they finally removed the catheter at about 1.5 weeks post op, but it was still there for a few more days.
Everything was tight. I felt like the only way I could walk was to hunch over. It took me a couple days at the hospital before I could walk out of the room. I kept nearly passing out just from standing. When I finally did get out of the room, I did 2 laps and I have to tell you I felt just like Tom Cruise in Born on the 4th of July when he was able to get around the room. I felt like I had accomplished something great!
I did my post op stay at the Gaia house. The rooms are pretty small for the price, but you can't beat the view. There's a caretaker there all the time that was very kind too. You spend your hospital say lying flat on your back all day every day. You take your pills on your back. You eat on your back. You sleep on your back. It's no different when you get to the hotel. I was there for 5 days and all I saw of the area was what I could see out the window.
The first couple days were nerve wracking. I was throwing up from the smell of the packing. It smelled like rotting meat to me. Nothing looked right. It was swollen, but it also looked like things were in the wrong places. I slept probably more than I was awake, but there was anxiety too. I had to sleep with the TV on. If I turned it off, I got so anxious I couldn't sleep. As soon as I turned it back on, I'd be out.
My sleeping patterns took a while to normalize. I'm about 3 weeks post op and I only recently started to be able to get to sleep before 1am. Prior to that, I was sleeping for about 30 minutes every 10 minutes. I literally felt like I wasn't sleeping at all because I never got that full night's sleep.
They removed the packing at about 1 week post op. That was a strange feeling, watching what look like a whole roll of gauze being pulled out of me. It felt strange too. Lucky me, they put more in and I had to deal with that for another few days. They removed the second packing at the same time they removed the catheter. That was day 1 of dilation. It strangely didn't hurt. I say that's strange because I was feeling very sharp pains down there and was afraid to touch the area. It turns out that pain was beneath the surface far enough that I couldn't make it worse. It felt like I had barbed wire wrapped around the head of my penis.
That pain wasn't the only annoying thing. I also had phantom erections for about a week. It got so tight down there, it felt like someone bent my penis in half, then got me turned on and there was no place for it to become erect in. At the same time, it felt like the head had been pulled back as far as humanly possible, then stapled into place. The pain killers couldn't touch that either.
Dr McGinn is very adamant about how important your mental health is when it comes to this surgery both pre and post op. If you're like me, you spent a lot of time in therapy and felt pretty stable going into it, expecting that it wouldn't be a problem. You'd be wrong though. It is very important to actively work to keep your thoughts positive. You can drop into depression at lightning speed during recovery. You're talking about around 6 months for total recovery and each week seems like a month by itself. I'm still only allowed to sleep on my back. I'm still not allowed to wear clothing below the waist. I'm still not allowed to drive. I'm allowed to sit briefly as well as walk around 20 feet. I'm basically helpless. I have someone available to take care of me 24x7, but they're not sitting in the room the whole time. Most of the time it's just me and my thoughts. They check in on me once every couple hours for food or whatever. When you and your thoughts spend too much time in isolation, depression sets in. I can't stress enough how important it is to take her advice and properly prepare yourself.
It's not just the isolation and helpless feeling that can lead to depression. It's the healing rate too. There are lots of changes each week so far, but recovery happens at a much slower rate than other surgeries. Things really don't look right and you find yourself wondering if you made a mistake. You spend a week looking at your new vagina and noticing it looks a lot like someone set off a firecracker between your legs. You wonder if it will ever look normal. Thankfully after about a week it starts to resemble what you were after. You sit to pee and it feels like you're being pinched. You keep peeing on your butt. You're hunched over because everything is tight. You can't see your friends. You're stuck in the same room all day every day. You just want to go to sleep, but you have to dilate every 2.5 hours for a half hour at a time. You're running through pads like crazy. You put down a bed pad and by the time you need to pee, it's covered in something that smells salty and you can't even identify what it is. You're told to eat double portions and you don't feel like even eating single portions. Everything tastes so salty you'd rather not eat. Forget spicy food too. That tastes even saltier. In fact no food really tastes right. You can't seem to drink enough water to stay hydrated. You breeze through a case of it in a few days and your lips are still cracking. You have to take stool softeners so you can have a bowel movement without pain, but you have to keep backing off them because you keep ending up with diarrhea. When you're finally able to shower, you can't even finish washing your hair before you don't have enough arm strength anymore. That's also when you realize that your hair is matted, so matted in fact that you wonder if you'll have to cut it off to fix it. It took me until last night to fully unmat my hair. You're not allowed to drink. You're not allowed to smoke. You're not allowed caffeine. Pretty much anything that could help take the edge off is off limits to you.
Pain becomes your friend, because it's an indication that you're healing. Most of what's down there is numb to the touch and feels sort of like pins and needles, but no not really. After a bit, you still feel numb, but you also feel bruising beneath it. Hope is restored.
I'm only 3 weeks out and I'm already finding I can turn dilating into something erotic if I focus on it. That makes it a lot less annoying to dilate all day. It takes a bit to get to that point because you still feel all the parts the same way. they just seem to be in the wrong places. Some sensations need to be rewired too. That searing pain I felt in the beginning was actually my clit. Now that feeling is still there, but I don't associate it with pain anymore. I associate it with pleasure and it only shows up when I do something that triggers it.
That leads me to nerves healing. Be prepared. Be very prepared. You feel random instances of nerves firing. For me it felt like a pulse of electricity ending at the tip of what used to be my penis. I still get them, but the frequency is much lower. They make me jump every time though.
I'm looking forward to how the rest of the recovery goes, but most importantly I'm looking forward to being able to wear pants and being able to drive again. Maybe I'll be allowed to do that after my next appointment in a couple weeks.
Oh and the cost you pay for the surgery also covers all your post op visits, which last a year. Dr McGinn has also been present at almost all of my post op appointments so far. There's only been 1 where it was only the PA. She is every bit as nice post op as she is pre op. Her staff is very kind as well. This was a very positive experience for me. I would definitely vouch for her.
When I found out I could finally get the surgery after all these years, I was over the top excited. I jumped on everything. I made sure everything was paid for up front. I lost 50 pounds. Nothing could bring me down. Well as it turned, getting closer to the surgery date was bringing me down. The closer I got, the more I worried that this change was too drastic. I wondered if maybe I'd be happier with what I already had. I wondered if my wife would leave me. I wondered if I was even trans in the first place. I guess you could call it pre-op anxiety or depression.
So I'm sitting there in the staging area before you go into the OR. People keep coming by asking me questions. Every time someone mentions the surgery I tell them I just want to be put to sleep so I can stop thinking about it until it's over. Despite the rumors I heard about Dr McGinn having a poor bedside manner, I found the opposite. Sure she was blunt and very rigid on her requirements, but she also showed a lot of compassion. I'm very glad I went with her. I wouldn't change a thing.
I've had surgery before, but nothing this intense. I was entirely unprepared for the hospital stay. Coming down off anesthetic apparently takes several days when you were under for 5 hours. I couldn't tell what was real and what was fake. What I remembered as real was actually a dream and everything else was forgotten.
After about 2 days, I started to rely heavily on the morphine, but it didn't help. There was a pain down there that felt like a sharp searing but ice cold pain. Nothing was touching it. That pain lasted for another 1.5 weeks. That was the worst part of the surgery as far as pain goes for me. It diminished when they finally removed the catheter at about 1.5 weeks post op, but it was still there for a few more days.
Everything was tight. I felt like the only way I could walk was to hunch over. It took me a couple days at the hospital before I could walk out of the room. I kept nearly passing out just from standing. When I finally did get out of the room, I did 2 laps and I have to tell you I felt just like Tom Cruise in Born on the 4th of July when he was able to get around the room. I felt like I had accomplished something great!
I did my post op stay at the Gaia house. The rooms are pretty small for the price, but you can't beat the view. There's a caretaker there all the time that was very kind too. You spend your hospital say lying flat on your back all day every day. You take your pills on your back. You eat on your back. You sleep on your back. It's no different when you get to the hotel. I was there for 5 days and all I saw of the area was what I could see out the window.
The first couple days were nerve wracking. I was throwing up from the smell of the packing. It smelled like rotting meat to me. Nothing looked right. It was swollen, but it also looked like things were in the wrong places. I slept probably more than I was awake, but there was anxiety too. I had to sleep with the TV on. If I turned it off, I got so anxious I couldn't sleep. As soon as I turned it back on, I'd be out.
My sleeping patterns took a while to normalize. I'm about 3 weeks post op and I only recently started to be able to get to sleep before 1am. Prior to that, I was sleeping for about 30 minutes every 10 minutes. I literally felt like I wasn't sleeping at all because I never got that full night's sleep.
They removed the packing at about 1 week post op. That was a strange feeling, watching what look like a whole roll of gauze being pulled out of me. It felt strange too. Lucky me, they put more in and I had to deal with that for another few days. They removed the second packing at the same time they removed the catheter. That was day 1 of dilation. It strangely didn't hurt. I say that's strange because I was feeling very sharp pains down there and was afraid to touch the area. It turns out that pain was beneath the surface far enough that I couldn't make it worse. It felt like I had barbed wire wrapped around the head of my penis.
That pain wasn't the only annoying thing. I also had phantom erections for about a week. It got so tight down there, it felt like someone bent my penis in half, then got me turned on and there was no place for it to become erect in. At the same time, it felt like the head had been pulled back as far as humanly possible, then stapled into place. The pain killers couldn't touch that either.
Dr McGinn is very adamant about how important your mental health is when it comes to this surgery both pre and post op. If you're like me, you spent a lot of time in therapy and felt pretty stable going into it, expecting that it wouldn't be a problem. You'd be wrong though. It is very important to actively work to keep your thoughts positive. You can drop into depression at lightning speed during recovery. You're talking about around 6 months for total recovery and each week seems like a month by itself. I'm still only allowed to sleep on my back. I'm still not allowed to wear clothing below the waist. I'm still not allowed to drive. I'm allowed to sit briefly as well as walk around 20 feet. I'm basically helpless. I have someone available to take care of me 24x7, but they're not sitting in the room the whole time. Most of the time it's just me and my thoughts. They check in on me once every couple hours for food or whatever. When you and your thoughts spend too much time in isolation, depression sets in. I can't stress enough how important it is to take her advice and properly prepare yourself.
It's not just the isolation and helpless feeling that can lead to depression. It's the healing rate too. There are lots of changes each week so far, but recovery happens at a much slower rate than other surgeries. Things really don't look right and you find yourself wondering if you made a mistake. You spend a week looking at your new vagina and noticing it looks a lot like someone set off a firecracker between your legs. You wonder if it will ever look normal. Thankfully after about a week it starts to resemble what you were after. You sit to pee and it feels like you're being pinched. You keep peeing on your butt. You're hunched over because everything is tight. You can't see your friends. You're stuck in the same room all day every day. You just want to go to sleep, but you have to dilate every 2.5 hours for a half hour at a time. You're running through pads like crazy. You put down a bed pad and by the time you need to pee, it's covered in something that smells salty and you can't even identify what it is. You're told to eat double portions and you don't feel like even eating single portions. Everything tastes so salty you'd rather not eat. Forget spicy food too. That tastes even saltier. In fact no food really tastes right. You can't seem to drink enough water to stay hydrated. You breeze through a case of it in a few days and your lips are still cracking. You have to take stool softeners so you can have a bowel movement without pain, but you have to keep backing off them because you keep ending up with diarrhea. When you're finally able to shower, you can't even finish washing your hair before you don't have enough arm strength anymore. That's also when you realize that your hair is matted, so matted in fact that you wonder if you'll have to cut it off to fix it. It took me until last night to fully unmat my hair. You're not allowed to drink. You're not allowed to smoke. You're not allowed caffeine. Pretty much anything that could help take the edge off is off limits to you.
Pain becomes your friend, because it's an indication that you're healing. Most of what's down there is numb to the touch and feels sort of like pins and needles, but no not really. After a bit, you still feel numb, but you also feel bruising beneath it. Hope is restored.
I'm only 3 weeks out and I'm already finding I can turn dilating into something erotic if I focus on it. That makes it a lot less annoying to dilate all day. It takes a bit to get to that point because you still feel all the parts the same way. they just seem to be in the wrong places. Some sensations need to be rewired too. That searing pain I felt in the beginning was actually my clit. Now that feeling is still there, but I don't associate it with pain anymore. I associate it with pleasure and it only shows up when I do something that triggers it.
That leads me to nerves healing. Be prepared. Be very prepared. You feel random instances of nerves firing. For me it felt like a pulse of electricity ending at the tip of what used to be my penis. I still get them, but the frequency is much lower. They make me jump every time though.
I'm looking forward to how the rest of the recovery goes, but most importantly I'm looking forward to being able to wear pants and being able to drive again. Maybe I'll be allowed to do that after my next appointment in a couple weeks.
Oh and the cost you pay for the surgery also covers all your post op visits, which last a year. Dr McGinn has also been present at almost all of my post op appointments so far. There's only been 1 where it was only the PA. She is every bit as nice post op as she is pre op. Her staff is very kind as well. This was a very positive experience for me. I would definitely vouch for her.
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Sophia Sage on February 02, 2017, 01:06:10 AM
Post by: Sophia Sage on February 02, 2017, 01:06:10 AM
Congratulations! So sorry your recovery has been so painful. It isn't this way for everyone -- I'm afraid you may have gotten the short end of the straw. *hugs*
I agree, turning dilation into an erotic activity makes it much more bearable, and I think it also helps with the "rewiring" and just getting the whole electrical system firing properly.
Quote from: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 12:28:01 AMI'm only 3 weeks out and I'm already finding I can turn dilating into something erotic if I focus on it. That makes it a lot less annoying to dilate all day. It takes a bit to get to that point because you still feel all the parts the same way. they just seem to be in the wrong places. Some sensations need to be rewired too. That searing pain I felt in the beginning was actually my clit. Now that feeling is still there, but I don't associate it with pain anymore. I associate it with pleasure and it only shows up when I do something that triggers it.
I agree, turning dilation into an erotic activity makes it much more bearable, and I think it also helps with the "rewiring" and just getting the whole electrical system firing properly.
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Mia on February 02, 2017, 01:48:03 PM
Post by: Mia on February 02, 2017, 01:48:03 PM
Thank you for sharing, I am so excited to be meeting with Dr. McGinn later this month! Please keep us posted, or at the very least can I PM you if I have questions?
One of my biggest concerns is that I live on the West Coast, so I am not sure how many times I will have to make the trip back and forth...oh, and wait times are depressing as well.
Mia
One of my biggest concerns is that I live on the West Coast, so I am not sure how many times I will have to make the trip back and forth...oh, and wait times are depressing as well.
Mia
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 02:17:27 PM
Post by: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 02:17:27 PM
Quote from: Sophia Sage on February 02, 2017, 01:06:10 AM
Congratulations! So sorry your recovery has been so painful. It isn't this way for everyone -- I'm afraid you may have gotten the short end of the straw. *hugs*
I agree, turning dilation into an erotic activity makes it much more bearable, and I think it also helps with the "rewiring" and just getting the whole electrical system firing properly.
I wasn't complaining. I actually thought my experience was typical.
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 02:18:27 PM
Post by: Emileeeee on February 02, 2017, 02:18:27 PM
Quote from: Mia on February 02, 2017, 01:48:03 PM
Thank you for sharing, I am so excited to be meeting with Dr. McGinn later this month! Please keep us posted, or at the very least can I PM you if I have questions?
One of my biggest concerns is that I live on the West Coast, so I am not sure how many times I will have to make the trip back and forth...oh, and wait times are depressing as well.
Mia
Yes you can PM me any time.
I'm not sure about the west coast thing. She may handle those visits differently for you. I only live a couple hours from her office.
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Rachel on February 03, 2017, 05:29:47 PM
Post by: Rachel on February 03, 2017, 05:29:47 PM
Congratulations.
I had GCS with Dr. McGinn 9 weeks ago; I had a graph. I drove to my week 3 appointment and wanted to go back to work but work delayed me 6 days. I finally just went back to work. Dr. McGinn cleared me for work at week 3.
I was not allowed morphine in the hospital. I took 2 oxi and threw up so no more oxi. I was lucky with the pain. I did not eat 2 days before surgery and I was not allowed food in the hospital (3 additional days).
I go back to Papillion next Friday. I had two procedures and 3 more additional visits. Dr. McGinn saw me on Thanksgiving day. The doctor has really taken care of me; I am so glad I went to her.
When I was woken up in the OR Dr. McGinn and Brianna were so nice and comforting. Everyone at Papillion was so nice.
The only thing that really hurt was the needle for the 6 genital clearings.
I had GCS with Dr. McGinn 9 weeks ago; I had a graph. I drove to my week 3 appointment and wanted to go back to work but work delayed me 6 days. I finally just went back to work. Dr. McGinn cleared me for work at week 3.
I was not allowed morphine in the hospital. I took 2 oxi and threw up so no more oxi. I was lucky with the pain. I did not eat 2 days before surgery and I was not allowed food in the hospital (3 additional days).
I go back to Papillion next Friday. I had two procedures and 3 more additional visits. Dr. McGinn saw me on Thanksgiving day. The doctor has really taken care of me; I am so glad I went to her.
When I was woken up in the OR Dr. McGinn and Brianna were so nice and comforting. Everyone at Papillion was so nice.
The only thing that really hurt was the needle for the 6 genital clearings.
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Emileeeee on February 03, 2017, 09:58:44 PM
Post by: Emileeeee on February 03, 2017, 09:58:44 PM
Quote from: Rachel Lynn on February 03, 2017, 05:29:47 PM
Congratulations.
I had GCS with Dr. McGinn 9 weeks ago; I had a graph. I drove to my week 3 appointment and wanted to go back to work but work delayed me 6 days. I finally just went back to work. Dr. McGinn cleared me for work at week 3.
I was not allowed morphine in the hospital. I took 2 oxi and threw up so no more oxi. I was lucky with the pain. I did not eat 2 days before surgery and I was not allowed food in the hospital (3 additional days).
I go back to Papillion next Friday. I had two procedures and 3 more additional visits. Dr. McGinn saw me on Thanksgiving day. The doctor has really taken care of me; I am so glad I went to her.
When I was woken up in the OR Dr. McGinn and Brianna were so nice and comforting. Everyone at Papillion was so nice.
The only thing that really hurt was the needle for the 6 genital clearings.
Omg that's horrible on the painkillers in the hospital. I would have gone out of my mind.
They say the body forgets pain. There is no such thing as forgetting the pain of those lidocaine injections for the genital clearing lol.
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: MissGendered on February 03, 2017, 10:02:46 PM
Post by: MissGendered on February 03, 2017, 10:02:46 PM
Hi Emileeeee!!!
Congrats on your surgery, hun! So sorry the recovery has been so miserable, yeah, some folks get luckier than others, in that regard, I'd feel guilty telling you about mine, it wasn't anything like yours, I wish for you that it was..
The best thing though, is no matter, you now have a vajajaaaayyyy!!! And it will keep zapping until everything is all wired up, and your brain will unscramble the signals, and it will be ah-may-zinggg!!!
Erotic, oh my, yes, yesss....
Hang on, hun. the best is yet to come!!
Missy
Congrats on your surgery, hun! So sorry the recovery has been so miserable, yeah, some folks get luckier than others, in that regard, I'd feel guilty telling you about mine, it wasn't anything like yours, I wish for you that it was..
The best thing though, is no matter, you now have a vajajaaaayyyy!!! And it will keep zapping until everything is all wired up, and your brain will unscramble the signals, and it will be ah-may-zinggg!!!
Erotic, oh my, yes, yesss....
Hang on, hun. the best is yet to come!!
Missy
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: Emileeeee on February 07, 2017, 12:07:42 AM
Post by: Emileeeee on February 07, 2017, 12:07:42 AM
Quote from: MissGendered on February 03, 2017, 10:02:46 PM
Hi Emileeeee!!!
Congrats on your surgery, hun! So sorry the recovery has been so miserable, yeah, some folks get luckier than others, in that regard, I'd feel guilty telling you about mine, it wasn't anything like yours, I wish for you that it was..
The best thing though, is no matter, you now have a vajajaaaayyyy!!! And it will keep zapping until everything is all wired up, and your brain will unscramble the signals, and it will be ah-may-zinggg!!!
Erotic, oh my, yes, yesss....
Hang on, hun. the best is yet to come!!
Missy
It's already better now. The recovery is very slow moving, but there are a lot of changes each week. The swelling is almost completely gone now. I no longer need the pain killers. There's only mild discomfort now. Things are really tight and there are a few stitches still not dissolved yet, but most are gone. The electric shocks are still there, but the phantom erections are a thing of the past. Bit of urethra pain during dilation. Annoying, but not unbearable. That's apparently expected for a bit.
I can't wait to see the final result.
Title: Re: Finally post op - Dr McGinn
Post by: MissGendered on February 07, 2017, 06:37:05 AM
Post by: MissGendered on February 07, 2017, 06:37:05 AM
Quote from: Emileeeee on February 07, 2017, 12:07:42 AM
It's already better now. The recovery is very slow moving, but there are a lot of changes each week. The swelling is almost completely gone now. I no longer need the pain killers. There's only mild discomfort now. Things are really tight and there are a few stitches still not dissolved yet, but most are gone. The electric shocks are still there, but the phantom erections are a thing of the past. Bit of urethra pain during dilation. Annoying, but not unbearable. That's apparently expected for a bit.
I can't wait to see the final result.
Yayyy!!!
Though I recovered from the surgery quickly, and was up and about almost right away, I had intense pain for a couple months, I did a spinal block instead of going fully under, and I awoke happy and well. But the pain was pretty intense for a long time and pain killers were very gladly taken, ha!
So happy you feel better! The final result takes a while to come into focus, be patient, and treat your new baby with care and much love, she is now yours for a lifetime, yay!
Missy