Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I asked my doctor yesterday if I'm passing and she said I look 100% female, but I'm if she only said that to make me feel better.

I think you pass,100%
But it is well possible she could lie, maybe she seen you wher abit down and thought you'd feel better hering the positive, even if its not exactly what she thought.
Purely asking if you pass, sounds like its coming from a place of insecurity, she realises and gives you what you want to hear.
I doubt it though, you look amasing! <3

Hard question, to be honest. She could honestly think you pass, even if you don't pass to some people.

1. You are a beautiful woman regardless. I don't think Miss Columbia (2016) or Cher could pass all the time either, and they are genetic women.

2. Unless you're 5'3, with narrow shoulder, with very feminine bone structure, I doubt ALL women pass as well.

3. As a male, I had people telling me I had very feminine features, and long eyelashes... so I didn't even pass as a male!!!

4. You're far prettier than most women on Bourbon street.


Gender doesn't translate to beauty all the times.... as a male, I remember guys would go into an awe-drop-jaw look when they saw me at my best. I just know it. I felt it.

Quote from: Wild Flower on February 05, 2017, 12:40:09 AM
4. You're far prettier than most women on Bourbon street.

Now THAT'S a compliment!

The best way to find out if you really pass is see how strangers react to you, calling you miss or madam on a regular basis, guys hitting on you which means you don't only pass but you are pretty too. I wouldn't rely too much on the opinions of those close to you as they may be biased or your own perception. Go out there and just observe. ;)

From your picture, you pass but that is just one picture. I'd have to see you in person.

Quote from: KayXo on February 05, 2017, 08:44:35 AM
The best way to find out if you really pass is see how strangers react to you, calling you miss or madam on a regular basis, guys hitting on you which means you don't only pass but you are pretty too. I wouldn't rely too much on the opinions of those close to you as they may be biased or your own perception. Go out there and just observe. ;)

From your picture, you pass but that is just one picture. I'd have to see you in person.

i get hit on when I'm at work, but I'm still insecure.

Depends on who hits on you. Women usually hit on attractive guys, men usually hit on attractive women.

I believe you may have your answer if you answer that? Depends who hits on you the most.

Then you are struggling with your own mental construct of yourself. I know what that feels like. Maybe you just need to accept that you will never totally feel secure and there will always be doubt but to go on living anyways. Everyone has insecurities, it's a part of life. Accept it and move on. Sucks a little but it is what it is. Even now, 11 yrs post-op, I still feel insecure at times but it gets better with time....TRUST ME. The more you go out there and the more you get positive feedback from others, the better it will become.

I get hit on by both guys and girls, but mostly guys. Just clear things up lol, I've been living as female for 6 years. Judging from y'all feebdback y'all think I just started.

From your avatar I can't imagine what makes you think you don't pass. You not only look female from that pic, you also appear quite beautiful.     And in a home Depot apron?  that's no mean feat...l.o.l.

How  tall are you?  That of course, won't clock you unless you're ridiculously tall or have huge feet or big hands.  If you're serious about wanting to know,  post up half a dozen pictures in different clothes from different angles. Then ask again. Otherwise,  it's difficult to actually be objective.

Then your an attractive women, if you get hit more by men, then by females, females probably are manifesting lesbo action. I wholly concur with KayXo, that I'm struggling with my mental construct, since I've been on hrt for the past 4 years and change, still live as a guy, with my girlfriend. I'm overcoming my negative mental construct of myself through martial arts(i.e.  Isshinryu Karate, Pekiti Tirsia Kali, and USMC MAP), just to get over my fear of being hurt physically and mentally. Is how I'm overcoming my negative construct of myself.

Oh yes, you more than pass.  I cannot imagine anyone giving it a second thought.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 05, 2017, 12:12:55 AM
I asked my doctor yesterday if I'm passing and she said I look 100% female, but I'm if she only said that to make me feel better.

From what I've seen and experienced, people calling you 'miss' or 'madam' or 'lady' doesn't necessarily mean that you pass.  Many people will address you that way, even if you don't pass, in order to be polite.  But if men are hitting on you on a regular basis, then yes you absolutely pass.  If they continue to flirt even after you talk to them a bit, then that means you pass in both looks and voice, so you have nothing to worry about it.  :)

my therapist wont tell me a damn thing about how I look except that I look pretty some days

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 05, 2017, 08:58:13 AM
I get hit on by both guys and girls, but mostly guys. Just clear things up lol, I've been living as female for 6 years. Judging from y'all feebdback y'all think I just started.

   You have been "Living as a female for 6 years"? Sounds to me like you already know you pass.  Relax and live the life a lot of us are just dreaming of. You pass lady, you pass.

    Jeanette

Quote from: JeanetteLW on February 05, 2017, 11:20:06 AM
   You have been "Living as a female for 6 years"? Sounds to me like you already know you pass.  Relax and live the life a lot of us are just dreaming of. You pass lady, you pass.

    Jeanette

i still feel insecure because there are times when someone clocks me. What does it mean when a lot of people think your female and not know, but a few clock you?

I suspect much of your fear is projection. I have personally been called Ma'am mistakenly in grocery lines when it was obvious I was a guy. It was a mistake. Mistakes happen, I moved on. I didn't belabor as to why they said that. They didn't mis-gender me, they misspoke. Since you're constantly looking for the clocker, you'll find them, evn when they're not there.

Well, I'm not a therapist, and don't pretend to play one anywhere, but I do have a M.A. in General Psy. and one thing I have noticed, is that those that clock you, and especially the ones that maliciously OUT you as a "GUY or MAN", are themselves ignorant and may not have a concept  that the world is NOT black and white, but in shades of gray and color and are struggling to accept the modern world. I have known people who have PhD's in Sociology and MD's, that do not accept TG people and still think that its a mental illness. 

I use the analogy of, there are those that accept the world in black and white,  like a black & white tv of the 1950's, and those that see the world in 4K HDTV and know the world is much more varied that what it appears to be, ala 2017.

There is B&W TV and there is 4K HDTV in color and in between, people perceive the world in different shades and colors, due to their educational background, exposure, and experience to NOT just TG people, but to life in general.

Quote from: SonadoraXVX on February 05, 2017, 02:01:41 PM
Well, I'm not a therapist, and don't pretend to play one anywhere, but I do have a M.A. in General Psy. and one thing I have noticed, is that those that clock you, and especially the ones that maliciously OUT you as a "GUY or MAN", are themselves ignorant and may not have a concept  that the world is NOT black and white, but in shades of gray and color and are struggling to accept the modern world. I have known people who have PhD's in Sociology and MD's, that do not accept TG people and still think that its a mental illness. 

I use the analogy of, there are those that accept the world in black and white,  like a black & white tv of the 1950's, and those that see the world in 4K HDTV and know the world is much more varied that what it appears to be, ala 2017.

There is B&W TV and there is 4K HDTV in color and in between, people perceive the world in different shades and colors, due to their educational background, exposure, and experience to NOT just TG people, but to life in general.

how can a majority not know your trans, but a small minority does? Does it mean that person dosnt pass?

My theory on that, which is very subjective with no rigorous study conducted, really anecdotal. Is that some people just don't really look into the details a lot, and accept you at face value(just accept you), while a tiny majority, are able to decipher, if one is trans or not, due to a variety of reason, or it could be projection on your behalf.
Some of the other reasons is that:
1. Deep down, they are just curious about trans people, but don't really articulate it to anybody, maybe love and/or hate feeling.
2. Some clues, which maybe missed by some, but not by others are, facial structure, body structure, feet, hands, voice, mannerism, et al. physical cues and maybe societal and cultural cues.
3. Somebody else may know the person is trans and investigate that person.
4. Projection

JMAT(Just My Anecdotal Theory)

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 05, 2017, 02:31:47 PM
how can a majority not know your trans, but a small minority does? Does it mean that person dosnt pass?

Like gender itself, "passing" is not binary.  If 2% of the people clock you and 98% don't, your passing is 98%.  Nothing in life is 100% except death and taxes.

Hey babe!

A doctor, just like any person, might tell you something you needed to hear rather than the absolute, most detailed facts. That said, I think your doctor was being truthful...

Now, the bigger question, is why do some people feel the need to try to spot the trans girl?

Well, first off, we have to realize that a lot of cis women are mis-gendered, accidentally, or with bad intent, also. These days, with sooooo much trans stuff all over the news, some people think it their duty to sort out the masses, this one is a man, this one is a girl, this one is a muslim, this one is gay, this one is liberal, this one is a whatever. People can be very insecure within themselves, and feel the need to classify us as one of theirs, or something 'other'...

I have big hands, big feet, and am usually the tallest person in the room, I need a type III forehead reconstruction, I have a strong jaw, a square chin, and broad shoulders, no hips or butt...

But I pass without exception in my day to day life. On very rare occasion, somebody will look at me sideways, but when I speak to them, I can see their 'oh, ok, not trans' thought run across their face. Had I reacted with an 'oh, dang, they KNOW', that would have run across MY face, and they would feel confirmed in their 'suspicion'.

In pictures, I know my limits, in real life, I can rise above them by just being a woman. I am not gender-variant in my dress, movement, voice, or demeanor. No matter what anybody may think, if I am NOT that, they will move on, and try to find another person to judge.

I have very mixed feelings about celebrity trans people. I am sure they are good for those that come after, but they have robbed those of us that came before of our easy anonymity. Trans people with privilege and fame and money and social acceptance seem to be exploiting their trans-status, to the detriment of those that only want to live as if they weren't any different from any other person.

I can't really say what might be getting you clocked when it happens, but I do know that some people float a guess and see what happens. How we react will make all the difference, reagardless..

Sorry this is troubling you. You are clearly a gorgeous woman!

Missy

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 05, 2017, 11:47:50 AM
i still feel insecure because there are times when someone clocks me. What does it mean when a lot of people think your female and not know, but a few clock you?

I remember one time a guy was interested in me. He was referring to me in female pronouns, treating me like a lady, and all that good stuff. When I felt like he was getting serious feelings, I told him that I was trans and he said he knew. I asked how and he said because he was in the military and has been to cities in countries with a high number of trans women. He said I was attractive and had a great personality which he felt to be more important than trans or cis. From how he was treating me, I would never have known that he knew unless I asked him, which I did.

I think it has to do with experience or exposure. So even though someone may ma'am you, treat you like a lady, and all the stuff we deserve, because we are women after all, it doesn't mean they didn't clock you( I mean you in a general sense). It may just mean they don't care and can see past the whole "trans" thing which I think is better than being clocked or not :) Just my 2 cents. I'll take acceptance anyday over being clocked or not  ;D

Quote from: Iliana.Found on February 06, 2017, 08:12:20 AM
I remember one time a guy was interested in me. He was referring to me in female pronouns, treating me like a lady, and all that good stuff. When I felt like he was getting serious feelings, I told him that I was trans and he said he knew. I asked how and he said because he was in the military and has been to cities in countries with a high number of trans women. He said I was attractive and had a great personality which he felt to be more important than trans or cis. From how he was treating me, I would never have known that he knew unless I asked him, which I did.

I think it has to do with experience or exposure. So even though someone may ma'am you, treat you like a lady, and all the stuff we deserve, because we are women after all, it doesn't mean they didn't clock you( I mean you in a general sense). It may just mean they don't care and can see past the whole "trans" thing which I think is better than being clocked or not :) Just my 2 cents. I'll take acceptance anyday over being clocked or not  ;D

my ex told me he noticed people looking at me one time when we went to Mississippi and he said that it was the first time that's ever happened. He thought they knew I was trans by the way they was looking so I asked him if he really thought I looked female and he said yea that he wouldn't be dating me if I didn't, he then said that they probably knew transgenders and knew what to look for to spot one.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 06, 2017, 08:39:00 AM
my ex told me he noticed people looking at me one time when we went to Mississippi and he said that it was the first time that's ever happened. He thought they knew I was trans by the way they was looking so I asked him if he really thought I looked female and he said yea that he wouldn't be dating me if I didn't lol, he then said that they probably knew transgenders and knew what to look for to spot one.

I've seen some of the pics that you have posted here and you are very pretty :) And I honestly think that you look female. If I was staring at you on the street it would be because you look attractive. But that's one opinion. You never know what others think so there's really no point in trying to read their minds, unless you actually can  :o I'm always told that women are stared at because there is some kind of invisible set of laws of attraction and appearance that we must adhere to. That we have to compete with all other women in all manners therefore just turning us into objects to be stared at and compared. Hence all of the staring, maybe. Or they see something not common in other women and decide to stare more to "investigate" lol At the end of the day your beautiful and take it as they are staring because you are attractive unless they do something that is obviously because you've been clocked :)

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on February 06, 2017, 08:39:00 AM
he then said that they probably knew transgenders and knew what to look for to spot one.

One of the negative aspects to all the transitions being celebrated on You Tube and TV is that the general population is now being educated about which features to look for while out 'trans-spotting'..

When I was early in my transition, I had a guy on a dating website message me with a hateful message, declaring that with shoulders as wide as mine, and that jaw, and forehead, I was just another dude trying to trick men into sex. I was devastated, of course, heck, I don't even have a Y chromosome, but his trans-hate was so intense, he felt it was his duty to assail me with his 'judgement'. The last time I was on a dating site, I had no such problems, none. My guess was that the way I wrote my profile was more lady-like, and my physical changes sufficient, that nobody felt so sure that I was not a 'normal' woman.

I don't do anything online anymore. One guy asked me the last time I was doing online stuff "why would a woman as gorgeous as you are have to use online dating to find a man?". That made me rethink my approach entirely, I realized he had a point, and that my insecurities were bigger than my reality. I hope to build up a better real life situation this year that makes the chances of meeting a good man better than ever. But, things like that take time, so I guess it's a good thing I have toys and dilators to keep me company until warm weather returns and I can get back into skirts and sandals, crop tops and halters, lol...

You are gorgeous, sweetie. Just sayin'..

Missy

I'd have thought that openly lying to a patient would be against the first principle of 'do no harm'.