Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm back momentarily o-o

Sooooo... my pills are going to run out in exactly 12 days :(
And my super friend still hates me x.x
I'm kind of thinking of ways to stop the proto-breasts from regressing o.o
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F31.media.tumblr.com%2F45c64a63e2916a654312c270de415e03%2Ftumblr_mu3wdlGZdo1sgh4k9o1_500.png&hash=0493bd42aeb67c9af16c34c65baee5124c9d2eec)

I could burn that thing badly and I heard the body goes into fat preservation mode, if you starve it o.o
The breasts seem to be primarily made out of fat, although the pointy bit seems to be changing in some way, hm...
I'll need to find a way to convince my psychologist... What more could I do to convince her? Do I need to take some drastic action to prove it?

Oh, and they want me to get rid of my hair. It's too long, apparently x.x
They passed down their decree from the mountain top x.x
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F40.media.tumblr.com%2F4f8688ed6e1b22289f557956417db051%2Ftumblr_nho0z8QZj11u0bn0vo1_500.jpg&hash=29eced41e265aedef075f0a725da8fdc5004e839)

Quote from: Xirafel on February 09, 2017, 10:41:19 PM
I'm back momentarily o-o

Sooooo... my pills are going to run out in exactly 12 days :(
And my super friend still hates me x.x
I'm kind of thinking of ways to stop the proto-breasts from regressing o.o
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F31.media.tumblr.com%2F45c64a63e2916a654312c270de415e03%2Ftumblr_mu3wdlGZdo1sgh4k9o1_500.png&hash=0493bd42aeb67c9af16c34c65baee5124c9d2eec)

I could burn that thing badly and I heard the body goes into fat preservation mode, if you starve it o.o
The breasts seem to be primarily made out of fat, although the pointy bit seems to be changing in some way, hm...
I'll need to find a way to convince my psychologist... What more could I do to convince her? Do I need to take some drastic action to prove it?

Oh, and they want me to get rid of my hair. It's too long, apparently x.x
They passed down their decree from the mountain top x.x
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F40.media.tumblr.com%2F4f8688ed6e1b22289f557956417db051%2Ftumblr_nho0z8QZj11u0bn0vo1_500.jpg&hash=29eced41e265aedef075f0a725da8fdc5004e839)

Glad to see you back and posting. Sorry things didn't work out with your friend... why does the psychologist need convincing? Is she not happy to write you a letter for HRT? Has she given you a reason Part of the problem could be that drastic action could lead you to a situation where, if they consider you are a real threat to yourself, the choice could be taken away from you completely. Take care of yourself


Liz

htrhrtjrjtuktty
i was looking for ways to get rid of the vile substance, that evil evil disgusting vile substance...
i thought i could cut off some of the elements needed for it's formation, but the stupid thing only uses carbon, hydrogen and oxygen x.x
why couldn't it use something obscure like magnesium or zinc? x.x

apparently, it increases in females when in love x.x
5y5u5u56uhhrhry665
im way super super too emotionally unstable when it's high, my emotions have gottten wwwaaaayyy supppeeerrr better when i moved onto the second box and super upped the dosage o.o
maybe, the first box was defective :O

If she dares, I will destroy her in court. I have enough evidence to send her to prison for daring to break the law as it is, the things she's done. Uh, anyway... That has nothing to do with this at all, she simply says that I'm not based on not ticking all her boxes x.x

I had to go behind her back to even get these pills x.x
So, I need world-shaking super convincing evidence o.o

Also, all I have to do is get a knife, cut it open and stab the bad parts until they stop working. Do the job so thoroughly that no surgeon can fix it.

I'm sssuuuupppeeeerrrr adddiiicccttteeedd to estrogen x.x
And did you know? I almost never ate before these pills. I rarely ever felt hungry, but now I'm always hungry. I'm super super bony like a skeleton o.o

For the past five months, I've mostly just been lying in bed with a nightdress. Nice and comfortable. Is it me or are the bad clothes becoming worse and worse particularly on the breasts? The sensation is weirdly icky

do you know why I post here...? i kind of want reassurance and solutions not to be told that my psychologist is plotting to lock me up or to be told that I'm a raving lunatic o.o
am i better off dead after-all? I have a bottle of bleach nearby, if it's all hopeless..

Quotei think night is the time of the day that most affects your mind
Me: that most affects my mind?
mm
in the afternoons you're like yayyy
at the mornings you're like "oh..so tired...where is my pillow? ..
night you're like "i'm  such an ->-bleeped-<-, i don't deserve to live... i hate my body, bad thoghts, anxiety"

o.o

Please don't hurt yourself, change for the better can happen :angel:

the m..meanies are scarry... t..they..said horrible things like the bad names for an hour..
and they think im a <Not Permitted> for hating this ugly disgusting body..

I know you feel like your in a terrible place, BUT the only way forward with what you want in life is to get ahold of your emotions. Hurting yourself now will only put you in a worse situation. You will have less control than you do now.

I'm sorry things have been so rough for you. We here all wish you the best. All we can do is give you a place to vent and tell you we care about you. Please stay strong.

i managed to postpone my execution.. i delayed them stripping me of my long hair..
<Mod Edit:Segment removed>

..so..hot..and..weary..
if I have surgery, ill probably be confined to a hospital bed for a couple of weeks.. can I take my computer with me? the hospital people won't try to rob me, will they...? a cleaner in a hotel did that once.. my computer is my most prixed possession...other than my pills... pills.... come back... my friend...please come back too..

Quote from: Xirafel on February 12, 2017, 10:33:26 PM
i managed to postpone my execution.. i delayed them stripping me of my long hair..
<Mod Edit:Segment removed>

..so..hot..and..weary..
if I have surgery, ill probably be confined to a hospital bed for a couple of weeks.. can I take my computer with me? the hospital people won't try to rob me, will they...? a cleaner in a hotel did that once.. my computer is my most prixed possession...other than my pills... pills.... come back... my friend...please come back too..

Sweetie we can understand pain and problems but please don't knock on the features, presentation or voice of other possibly trans people out there.  Like you we are doing the best we can to be ourselves in a sometimes unkind world. :D

..I can imagine looking like that.. I'm doomed..

i feel worthless, as if there's no reason for my existence..
everything i had was taken away from me.. and the little i got back will be taken away too..

Even the best fortune tellers have trouble forecasting an accurate future.  Sure sounds like a very dark vision for you at this time.  I hope you will be able to turn toward the lighter and brighter side of the road.  It feels a little less bumpy here too ;)

Okay, the results. I have a card thingy for the university, I look atrocious on it x.x
Being mean makes me feel bad, it's my double-edged sword :(
It's almost time for another pill.. the numbers keep dwindling... pills... pills... pills...more..MORE.. o.O o.o O.o

my..pills..pwills..im normal now but..who knows what im capable of without them o.o
i gave you my predictions of what will happen

there was a scene in higurashi where the villagers claw their own throats out from the village's curse... no it won't be that bad, I don't have much against my throat anyway, asides from that stupid voice o.o

my voices keeps breaking when I try to speak too high..

YT says to keep trying a high pitch over and over and it'll eventually lock in and that'll be that but I lose any access to the higher pitches within minutes. And my voice sounds bizarre and fake x.x

I'm getting worried... It won't be long until the pills run out.. I'm thinking that maybe it'll be a good idea to start burning that thing again. Maybe, I can slow down the regression... To stop that horrible drug from getting into my brain..

Of course you lose pitch after few moments, your vocal chords are set for a lower voice. I would first practice intonation and then gradually move my pitch up, since your voice can't be pressured so much.

You can try the high pitch method but it works only as long as you bring your voice down, gradually, from that Mickey Mouse voice to something comfortable. Also, supporting your Adam's apple with fingers and pushing it slightly up helps. Ummm...

Odoslané z Moto G (4) pomocou Tapatalku

Intonation? What's that?

I'm singing along, if I imitate it well enough then maybe it'll sound more authentic. Maybe, assuming my throat isn't too damaged from that evil drug that stupid thing produces.
Pushing up, okay I'll try that o-o

QuoteOdoslané z Moto G (4) pomocou Tapatalku

If I had to guess from the thing at the end, you're using Tapatalk.

Yes. I'm using Tapatalk, it's better than opening up a browser every time. I can't really explain since I'm no singer, I just try things a lot of them and see what works for me.

I think there is thread here where you can write a link to your voice recording and let others help you. Of course, if you can get past a shame. I can't, I'm feeling uneasy every time I hear my voice.

Odoslané z Moto G (4) pomocou Tapatalku

Quote from: SidneyAldaine on February 18, 2017, 05:27:21 AM
Yes. I'm using Tapatalk, it's better than opening up a browser every time. I can't really explain since I'm no singer, I just try things a lot of them and see what works for me.

I think there is thread here where you can write a link to your voice recording and let others help you. Of course, if you can get past a shame. I can't, I'm feeling uneasy every time I hear my voice.

I don't record my voice. It makes me cringe too much. I don't want to hear myself talk.
I'm kind of a perfectionist, so linking it would be... Frightening o.o
I hate cameras too. I tape it up out of paranoia on this laptop, so that no one sees me.

YT basically said that intonation doesn't matter and just to focus on pitch. But, I'm slightly sceptical of that. The creator of the video also took a moment to give cis people a piece of her mind, but that's probably not too relevant.

I think you look much better than me. And I'm usually super fussy over that stuff o.o
Okay, I sent a new email to my psychologist. I'm digging through my memories trying to find something tangible and convincing.

Yea, the problem with pitch is that they don't tell you how talking like a girl feels like, especially in your throat. Basically there is an area in your throat that hasn't been used since your childhood and your brain doesn't know how to use it anymore. Vocal chord is just a muscle, after all..if I were alone I would record a short video for you, but I'm not and currently am kind of prohibited to act like a woman

It's a pity, but I think once you get to the right position for your girls voice, you'll know 😉

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They're at work on Thursday and Friday, so I try doing voice things then o.o
It's a shame they don't have a normal working schedule or I could do it on aaaaall weekdays.

I keep pushing the boundaries on acting like a girl, but that would probably be a little over the top for them o.o
They went out to buy food, so I started doing it and then I heard the front door open, go away meanies x.x

I hope I do find it, it seems unlikely because my voice just sounds... Bizarre and weird to me. Other people say it's a normal voice, but it's like... Weird o.o
And then, I awkwardly push the pitch of it up and it still seems weird, mm.

I worked up the courage to check my emails, and noticed that psychologist.
There's a preview of like the first five words and she uses that bad name... Do I want to open it? o.o

I just know it's bad news just from seeing that... I'm scared.. I told her I hated that name...
Okay, it took a good slap to stop thinking about that horrible name, it was haunting me after I saw it there..

Edit: Okay, I'm taking a pill, that should calm me down. I'm still a little unsettled.

Quote from: SidneyAldaine on February 18, 2017, 12:21:46 PM
Yea, the problem with pitch is that they don't tell you how talking like a girl feels like, especially in your throat. Basically there is an area in your throat that hasn't been used since your childhood and your brain doesn't know how to use it anymore. Vocal chord is just a muscle, after all..if I were alone I would record a short video for you, but I'm not and currently am kind of prohibited to act like a woman

It's a pity, but I think once you get to the right position for your girls voice, you'll know 😉

Want to be my friend?

Okay, I read the email. This is the most promising thing she's said in six months.
She basically said she has no clue what she's doing and that I need someone who does.

Well...If you read some of my threads and still want to be my friend, good luck honey 😊

Thats the step in the right direction, right? It's a promise that you'll get more qualified help, so yaaay go Xirafel!

Odoslané z Moto G (4) pomocou Tapatalku

Quote from: Xirafel on February 19, 2017, 07:38:09 AM
Want to be my friend?

Okay, I read the email. This is the most promising thing she's said in six months.
She basically said she has no clue what she's doing and that I need someone who does.

Considering the rubbish you have had to put up with it is great that she recognises that she is unable to help you...do you think you will be able to have any input into who you can have? If so I am sure there are plenty of good qualified people in NSW that can help you and get you on the track you need to be on.

Liz

Whoever she comes up with, most likely. She seems to want me to talk to a guy who seems even more clueless, but who knows, maybe he has contacts. Maybe. Here's hoping.

Maybe, I can push my parents towards someone who diagnoses GD in little children among other things? Maybe not.
I can imagine their rant now. They'll say something like please have some pity, and go on about how hard they work only for the money to be squandered.

And they'll say that I'm stressing them out with **** and going to give them a heart attack.

Quote from: Xirafel on February 19, 2017, 09:03:24 PM
Whoever she comes up with, most likely. She seems to want me to talk to a guy who seems even more clueless, but who knows, maybe he has contacts. Maybe. Here's hoping.

Maybe, I can push my parents towards someone who diagnoses GD in little children among other things? Maybe not.
I can imagine their rant now. They'll say something like please have some pity, and go on about how hard they work only for the money to be squandered.

And they'll say that I'm stressing them out with **** and going to give them a heart attack.

Lets hope you do get some input but I would have thought she would be able to recommend you to someone that has at least a few clues and your parents don't even have to be involved in that part.

Fingers crossed it works out for you this time...

Liz

Quote from: ElizabethK on February 19, 2017, 09:11:17 PM
Lets hope you do get some input but I would have thought she would be able to recommend you to someone that has at least a few clues and your parents don't even have to be involved in that part.

Fingers crossed it works out for you this time...

Just a guy who specialises in psychosis. No way, my parents seem to trust her more than they trust me.

You can present her with a list of improvements you were writing. At least for starters ☺

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Quote from: SidneyAldaine on February 20, 2017, 04:53:37 AM
You can present her with a list of improvements you were writing. At least for starters ☺

Odoslané z Moto G (4) pomocou Tapatalku

*or him

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Do you know what annoys me? o.o
There's someone who specialises in autism nearby. My current psychologist despite her flaws is extremely sure I don't have that. The one nearby also does GD. Mostly for children.

Her office looks really shabby and poor, so I'm sure my parents with their infinite pride will look down in disgust at it and dismiss it on the spot. My current psychologist has a gorgeous office with a scenic background in comparison x.x

I've been wearing the exact same sleeping dress for six months. I spend 90% of the time in my room away from the cold hard world. It's all dirty and slightly tattered despite being newish back then. It's warm and comfortable.

I'm not allowed to wash things, and I don't have a replacement for it.