Community Conversation => Transitioning => Hormone replacement therapy => Topic started by: Vanessa777 on February 11, 2017, 03:16:55 PM Return to Full Version
Title: My 12th day HRT been crazy
Post by: Vanessa777 on February 11, 2017, 03:16:55 PM
Post by: Vanessa777 on February 11, 2017, 03:16:55 PM
So, where do I begin? I am really not sure. I guess I will just dive in.
So it has been a wild ride already and I am only 12 days into HRT. The day I got my prescription I was sooo excited. I took my medication and then was expecting changes to happen overnight, lol. Well, hoping rather than expecting. I have to say I started to feel alive again. I felt like a teenager. You know, that excitement about becoming an adult and starting your life. I began to feel good about life again.
Everything smelled different, like it had color literally. I have to say that even just 12 days into hrt, it hasnt been an easy ride. My emotions were definitley all over the place the very first week of hormones, from super happy; to dreadful sadness, but mostly happy.
I think this is because shortly after starting HRT I started to question myself. Will this work for me? Am I sacraficing justifiably? There were a few days when I was like, I am not taking the medicaiton today, I am done. I change my mind, only to take it anyway. That being said I haven't missed a dose. My excitement about life would fade away when I started to think about not taking the medication and depression would start to set in.
Its as if the times I was sad on HRT so far is only when I questioned myself. I think these were moments when I just was having a hard time accepting myself. When I decided to stop doubting myself and to not regret who I am I noticed I have that excitement about life again. I am excited.
I need to be totally forthcoming here and share that I havn't directly told my wife. Our marriage has been rocky this past year. I have hinted at it, and she knows what medication I am taking, but doesnt know the real reason. She may know though, because we have had talks about ->-bleeped-<- and equality in depth. And she told me how she watched a movie about a FTM that suffered from gender dysphoria, decided to transition, and how it was sad, because they killed her and how he must of been suffering deeply. Later in the week I saw her watching Boy Meets Girl, about a transgender woman. So she has definitley shown her interest in open mindedness on the subject.
I know its wrong to not tell her, but I am just not ready to. Our marriage was rocky until recently and I don't want to come out just yet. I have a plan. I hope no-one judges me for not being up front with her. I hate the deception myself. I just can't do it yet. I know she is only into men and I couldn't take her leaving me right now. Not for this. My hopes is that we can be life long friends in the end, the best of friends, or even still a couple.
Things may not work out and then I wont need to tell her, but I am hoping that things get better between us and that I can find a good moment to tell her. I am afraid to death of coming out to her, more than my parents. I actually think my mom would be understanding, but I could never face my dad. Okay, I am rambling. I am sorry for the lengthy post. I wasnt intending of discussing this much in this post.
So it has been a wild ride already and I am only 12 days into HRT. The day I got my prescription I was sooo excited. I took my medication and then was expecting changes to happen overnight, lol. Well, hoping rather than expecting. I have to say I started to feel alive again. I felt like a teenager. You know, that excitement about becoming an adult and starting your life. I began to feel good about life again.
Everything smelled different, like it had color literally. I have to say that even just 12 days into hrt, it hasnt been an easy ride. My emotions were definitley all over the place the very first week of hormones, from super happy; to dreadful sadness, but mostly happy.
I think this is because shortly after starting HRT I started to question myself. Will this work for me? Am I sacraficing justifiably? There were a few days when I was like, I am not taking the medicaiton today, I am done. I change my mind, only to take it anyway. That being said I haven't missed a dose. My excitement about life would fade away when I started to think about not taking the medication and depression would start to set in.
Its as if the times I was sad on HRT so far is only when I questioned myself. I think these were moments when I just was having a hard time accepting myself. When I decided to stop doubting myself and to not regret who I am I noticed I have that excitement about life again. I am excited.
I need to be totally forthcoming here and share that I havn't directly told my wife. Our marriage has been rocky this past year. I have hinted at it, and she knows what medication I am taking, but doesnt know the real reason. She may know though, because we have had talks about ->-bleeped-<- and equality in depth. And she told me how she watched a movie about a FTM that suffered from gender dysphoria, decided to transition, and how it was sad, because they killed her and how he must of been suffering deeply. Later in the week I saw her watching Boy Meets Girl, about a transgender woman. So she has definitley shown her interest in open mindedness on the subject.
I know its wrong to not tell her, but I am just not ready to. Our marriage was rocky until recently and I don't want to come out just yet. I have a plan. I hope no-one judges me for not being up front with her. I hate the deception myself. I just can't do it yet. I know she is only into men and I couldn't take her leaving me right now. Not for this. My hopes is that we can be life long friends in the end, the best of friends, or even still a couple.
Things may not work out and then I wont need to tell her, but I am hoping that things get better between us and that I can find a good moment to tell her. I am afraid to death of coming out to her, more than my parents. I actually think my mom would be understanding, but I could never face my dad. Okay, I am rambling. I am sorry for the lengthy post. I wasnt intending of discussing this much in this post.
Title: Re: My 12th day HRT been crazy
Post by: LizK on February 11, 2017, 06:30:39 PM
Post by: LizK on February 11, 2017, 06:30:39 PM
Quote from: Vanessa777 on February 11, 2017, 03:16:55 PM
So, where do I begin? I am really not sure. I guess I will just dive in.
So it has been a wild ride already and I am only 12 days into HRT. The day I got my prescription I was sooo excited. I took my medication and then was expecting changes to happen overnight, lol. Well, hoping rather than expecting. I have to say I started to feel alive again. I felt like a teenager. You know, that excitement about becoming an adult and starting your life. I began to feel good about life again.
Everything smelled different, like it had color literally. I have to say that even just 12 days into hrt, it hasnt been an easy ride. My emotions were definitley all over the place the very first week of hormones, from super happy; to dreadful sadness, but mostly happy.
Welcome to your second puberty...The emotional side can be very up and down depending on your method of delivery and amount taken. You will see YMVV (your mileage may vary) used a lot around here and it is very true
Quote
I think this is because shortly after starting HRT I started to question myself. Will this work for me? Am I sacraficing justifiably? There were a few days when I was like, I am not taking the medicaiton today, I am done. I change my mind, only to take it anyway. That being said I haven't missed a dose. My excitement about life would fade away when I started to think about not taking the medication and depression would start to set in.
Its as if the times I was sad on HRT so far is only when I questioned myself. I think these were moments when I just was having a hard time accepting myself. When I decided to stop doubting myself and to not regret who I am I noticed I have that excitement about life again. I am excited.
This is why having psychological support becomes so critical, do you have someone who can be there for you psychologically? a therapist, counsellor, good friend or just anyone to discuss this stuff with. If you have not dealt with any underlying issues regarding your transition then HRT won't fix it. It may in fact cloud the issues
Quote
I need to be totally forthcoming here and share that I havn't directly told my wife. Our marriage has been rocky this past year. I have hinted at it, and she knows what medication I am taking, but doesnt know the real reason. She may know though, because we have had talks about ->-bleeped-<- and equality in depth. And she told me how she watched a movie about a FTM that suffered from gender dysphoria, decided to transition, and how it was sad, because they killed her and how he must of been suffering deeply. Later in the week I saw her watching Boy Meets Girl, about a transgender woman. So she has definitley shown her interest in open mindedness on the subject.
I know its wrong to not tell her, but I am just not ready to. Our marriage was rocky until recently and I don't want to come out just yet. I have a plan. I hope no-one judges me for not being up front with her. I hate the deception myself. I just can't do it yet. I know she is only into men and I couldn't take her leaving me right now. Not for this. My hopes is that we can be life long friends in the end, the best of friends, or even still a couple.
Things may not work out and then I wont need to tell her, but I am hoping that things get better between us and that I can find a good moment to tell her. I am afraid to death of coming out to her, more than my parents. I actually think my mom would be understanding, but I could never face my dad. Okay, I am rambling. I am sorry for the lengthy post. I wasnt intending of discussing this much in this post.
I can tell you how difficult it has been for my partner and we have been together for 33 years. She always knew about my gender issues but even still it came as a huge shock to her when I went on to HRT but one she has fully supported. Depending on wether you are on a full transitional dose or not, but even so, the amount of time you have left before telling her is now finite...she is going to find out sooner or later as the psychological and psychical changes will continue to occur regardless. I really do hope it works out for you.
Liz