Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: AlyssaJ on February 28, 2017, 04:26:46 PM Return to Full Version
Title: And so it begins....
Post by: AlyssaJ on February 28, 2017, 04:26:46 PM
Post by: AlyssaJ on February 28, 2017, 04:26:46 PM
I had a session with my therapist today and I got THE letter. You know that magical little work of prose that opens the door to the first steps of medical transition. Yes I got my HRT letter!! One copy for me, one copy mailed directly to the OB/GYN who will be overseeing my treatment. I have an initial consultation coming up at the end of March. I've already exchanged a message with the doctor and it sounds like it's a pretty fast process to get started once I meet with her. A little blood work and barring any surprises the necessary meds to prevent testosterone from damaging my body any further.
For most of my 39 years, I denied who I was. Now that I've accepted and connected with the reality that I am a trans woman, the ball is rolling quickly. I'm excited and terrified. Ecstatic and anxious. I see many great things on the horizon but I've got some major challenges to deal with as well.
The first of those is the loss of my marriage. When I came out to my wife as Transgender, she told me then that if I needed to seek any permanent body modifications (HRT, FFS, BA, GRS) that she could not stay with me. When I informed her today of the letter and the appointment, she held true to that. She broke down, said some hurtful things, removed all our photos from the walls and her wedding ring from her hand. Right now I'm getting a mixture of grief and anger from her. She's trying to figure out where she'll go and how she'll live as I'm the bread-winner in our house. I love her and don't want to leave her abandoned, so I'm sure for some period to come I'll still support her financially.
I'll admit, I had the vain hope somewhere in the back of my mind that we'd work through this and she'd find a way to stay with me. It's pretty clear now that is not going to happen. We tried couples therapy, in addition to each seeing our own therapists, but that didn't produce any fruitful results. So my 18 years with her becomes the first true casualty of my gender conflict. It sucks, it hurts, I've cried a ton. But at the same time, I'm confident I'm making the right decision for all of us. I'm not sure how I could possibly continue to be a good husband and father with all these repressed emotions bubbling to the surface. It's time for me to finally face who I am, become the woman I have deep down always been, and start that new chapter in my life.
So it begins......the first day of the rest of my life.
For most of my 39 years, I denied who I was. Now that I've accepted and connected with the reality that I am a trans woman, the ball is rolling quickly. I'm excited and terrified. Ecstatic and anxious. I see many great things on the horizon but I've got some major challenges to deal with as well.
The first of those is the loss of my marriage. When I came out to my wife as Transgender, she told me then that if I needed to seek any permanent body modifications (HRT, FFS, BA, GRS) that she could not stay with me. When I informed her today of the letter and the appointment, she held true to that. She broke down, said some hurtful things, removed all our photos from the walls and her wedding ring from her hand. Right now I'm getting a mixture of grief and anger from her. She's trying to figure out where she'll go and how she'll live as I'm the bread-winner in our house. I love her and don't want to leave her abandoned, so I'm sure for some period to come I'll still support her financially.
I'll admit, I had the vain hope somewhere in the back of my mind that we'd work through this and she'd find a way to stay with me. It's pretty clear now that is not going to happen. We tried couples therapy, in addition to each seeing our own therapists, but that didn't produce any fruitful results. So my 18 years with her becomes the first true casualty of my gender conflict. It sucks, it hurts, I've cried a ton. But at the same time, I'm confident I'm making the right decision for all of us. I'm not sure how I could possibly continue to be a good husband and father with all these repressed emotions bubbling to the surface. It's time for me to finally face who I am, become the woman I have deep down always been, and start that new chapter in my life.
So it begins......the first day of the rest of my life.
Title: Re: And so it begins....
Post by: Denise on February 28, 2017, 04:44:26 PM
Post by: Denise on February 28, 2017, 04:44:26 PM
Sorry about the home situation that can really stink. Congratulations on the letter and pending appointment.
Title: Re: And so it begins....
Post by: Janet Michelle on February 28, 2017, 08:30:50 PM
Post by: Janet Michelle on February 28, 2017, 08:30:50 PM
Hi Lisa,
First off , my heart goes out to you about your marriage. I can't imagine how you must feel. I'm getting ready to start therapy. One part of me would be euphoria if I got the letter, the other part would be immense sadness because I don't think my wife of 34 yrs. would take it very well. Stay strong.
First off , my heart goes out to you about your marriage. I can't imagine how you must feel. I'm getting ready to start therapy. One part of me would be euphoria if I got the letter, the other part would be immense sadness because I don't think my wife of 34 yrs. would take it very well. Stay strong.
Title: Re: And so it begins....
Post by: Melanie CT on March 01, 2017, 06:35:38 AM
Post by: Melanie CT on March 01, 2017, 06:35:38 AM
Lisa
As Lisa and Denise said I am very sorry about your situation and marriage. I think I will face the same struggle if my day ever comes. Also happy for you that you can move forward. My thoughts are with you.
Melanie.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
As Lisa and Denise said I am very sorry about your situation and marriage. I think I will face the same struggle if my day ever comes. Also happy for you that you can move forward. My thoughts are with you.
Melanie.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: And so it begins....
Post by: AlyssaJ on March 01, 2017, 07:04:45 AM
Post by: AlyssaJ on March 01, 2017, 07:04:45 AM
Quote from: Janet Michelle on February 28, 2017, 08:30:50 PM
Hi Lisa,
First off , my heart goes out to you about your marriage. I can't imagine how you must feel. I'm getting ready to start therapy. One part of me would be euphoria if I got the letter, the other part would be immense sadness because I don't think my wife of 34 yrs. would take it very well. Stay strong.
That pretty much describes to a T how I felt yesterday. I was so excited to know that this new chapter in my life was being opened to me but the realization that my marriage was a chapter being closed as a result really kept it from being a happy day. Still I know that this is what I must do so I'm holding strong and staying the course. I'm confident I'll be a much happier woman as my transition progresses.
Title: Re: And so it begins....
Post by: JillianC on March 01, 2017, 07:43:55 AM
Post by: JillianC on March 01, 2017, 07:43:55 AM
Lisa, Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you. We are around the same age, I'll be 39 in a couple of months, and have similar stories. Losing my wife/best friend was/is the worst part of this whole process so far. In the end you gotta be who you are and find your happiness. It's not fair to either spouse to stay in an unhappy marriage.
My thoughts go out to you and stay safe.
My thoughts go out to you and stay safe.