Susan's Place Transgender Resources

  Here is the situation. I have committed to attending my first ever trans woman meeting tonight. That's not the problem. I have also never been dressed for a public event before. I think I have decided to wear a pink polo type top, slim ladies jeans, and black with purple trim and laces women's athletic shoes. Over that I'll have a 3/4 sleeve cardigan light gray sweater. I can sneak out wearing those things covered with a men's jacket and I wear a black cowboy hat.
  That I think I can do.  I am thinking I might be able to do a bit of light makeup, a pair of cute CW heart post earrings,  one of my wigs, and a purse. If I was to do this I would be presenting as a woman in public for the first time. I want to but I'm not sure I can do it. I spent several hours last night hunting down this better wig and shoes for this event.

  What do you think?

   Hugs,
     Jeanette

You will ROCK'em. That outfit sounds perfect. 

Have you touched base with one of the organizers to find what others will be wearing?  I ask because if you decide that you are not ready, maybe you can attend in male clothes or just plain androgynous.

Quote from: Denise on March 03, 2017, 03:15:15 PM
You will ROCK'em. That outfit sounds perfect. 

Have you touched base with one of the organizers to find what others will be wearing?  I ask because if you decide that you are not ready, maybe you can attend in male clothes or just plain androgynous.

  No I haven't asked. I did however tell my crutch (Tessa.James) that I would be going in male mode "If" I went. She said that was fine. She is familiar with the meeting and I believe she said she was even on the board of the Q Center where it is meeting.  I say she is my crutch because she will be there tonight and I hope to meet her too.
   It was after telling her I would be in male mode that I got to thinking I could possibly wear what I described.

  Thank you Denise for the vote of confidence.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Jeanette,
   So my take on this, since it is a first time event type thing is this. Try to make it a positive experience above all. Pushing the envelope is great if it is you. I think it is more important to do it in a way that is you and not worrying about what someone else's reaction might be. I went to my first trans conference in guy clothes except for a bra and a bracelet. It meant nothing about my future as I haven't worn guy clothes in almost 9 months. It was what got my foot in the door in a positive way. For me, with my mind frame back then, I was pushing the envelope. For you, you must find the balance knowing that you will do more and more as time goes. My wish for you would be to soak it all in, learn about yourself. The details will be soon forgotten. My opinion.
Moni
HAVE FUN!

Jeanette, just go how you want too...life is too short and opportunities when you first start to transition can be few and far between. You are going to a safe environment with other like minded souls, you don't have to be perfect, your can consider yourself a work in progress I know I consider myself that way....think what this could do for your psyche...I have said to myself on more than one occasion ..."How in the heck do you expect to live as a woman if you won't go out the front door" There has to be a first time for everything...The thinking about it is far scarier than the doing.

Your outfit sounds great and you will look fabulous
Let us know how the night went

Liz

Thank for the advice Moni and Liz. I am going in the pink top,sweater, jeans and shoes probably the earrings and maybe a simple necklace. That much I have decided on. I'm not sure I can sneak out with makeup and wig, but yes, I think I want to do it. It would be pushing things a bit but I think I would be okay once I got there.

  Jeanette

Your outfit sounds great, and like just the thing for a casual Friday meeting with the girls! You are your own worst critic.

I personally went to my first meeting a couple of weeks ago and, after trying on a million outfits and fussing with my makeup until I was already running late, I chickened out on basically everything but some light makeup and ballet flats. I was so nervous to go until I walked in and there were people at all stages of dress at the meeting. Even one of the regular members who was days away from going full-time at work had family in town and had to come in her full man drag. Everyone will be understanding no matter what you choose to wear.

I'm rooting for you--let me know how it goes, Jeanette!

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 03, 2017, 05:37:32 PM
Thank for the advice Moni and Liz. I am going in the pink top,sweater, jeans and shoes probably the earrings and maybe a simple necklace. That much I have decided on. I'm not sure I can sneak out with makeup and wig, but yes, I think I want to do it. It would be pushing things a bit but I think I would be okay once I got there.

  Jeanette

Who will object to the makeup and wig? are you trying to do this stealth? sorry if I missed something

Liz

  Thank you P for the insight of what to expect and your own experience. It helps.

 

Quote from: ElizabethK on March 03, 2017, 05:39:24 PM
Who will object to the makeup and wig? are you trying to do this stealth? sorry if I missed something

Liz

I live in an apartment complex with my sister. No one including my sister knows about Jeanette.  So I have to get ready  without my sister knowing then sneak out and back in.  Such in the life of a closeted trans woman. /sigh

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 03, 2017, 05:46:27 PM
  Thank you P for the insight of what to expect and your own experience. It helps.

 
I live in an apartment complex with my sister. No one including my sister knows about Jeanette.  So I have to get ready  without my sister knowing then sneak out and back in.  Such in the life of a closeted trans woman. /sigh

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Ok got you...make sure you have a set of guy clothes in the boot of your car...just a sweater and track pants will do...You can always put on your makeup at the venue. Most  ladies rooms have great mirrors in them...so fixing your wig shouldn't be a problem....anyway have fun and enjoy

Liz

How very cool.

I have never actually been to any sort of support group or social group for trans people. (unless you count a protest) and i stopped wearing any guy clothes in late 2014/ early 2015. It was a bit strange going full time without really knowing any other trans folks locally and personally.

The outfit sounds great i love cardigans. I don't know what your opinion on polo shirts are but to me they are one of the more masculine things a woman can wear and not in a bad a#$ way like a leather jacket and dock martins, so i am not a super fan of them. However yours is both pink and will be under a cute sweater so there you go :)

Enjoy meeting new friends!

You can always ask if they have a setup for getting ready on site.  The group sessions my therapist puts on has a room specifically for people in your situation.  (and likely mine if I can ever get a stinking Tuesday when I'm not traveling for work)

Robyn thank you.

  This top is like a polo in that it has a normal shirt collar the front of the neck is an open buttonless straight slit about 4 inches down that opens in a V to the collar. Like little lapels. A polo on the other hand has like a button fly that overlaps to button. This is a little more feminine.

I think that should describe it

  Jeanette

Quote from: Estelle_maybe? on March 03, 2017, 06:13:19 PM
You can always ask if they have a setup for getting ready on site.  The group sessions my therapist puts on has a room specifically for people in your situation.  (and likely mine if I can ever get a stinking Tuesday when I'm not traveling for work)

I should be okay Estelle. the worst part in getting there is I will have to park in the neighborhood and walk a couple block to the meeting place.

  Jeanette

Jeanette, you'll be fine no matter how you go. These groups tend to be extremely accepting and understanding.

I had to sneak out with a grocery bag of stuff and do a quick change in a Starbucks restroom more than once. That is long gone, oh, just months and months ago, but I still remember the nerves. [emoji6] You'll be fine.

Have fun!  It is nice to discover a new slice of life!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks Michelle

  I hope to have fun and how can I not if Tessa.James is there to hold my hand? She dared me to go so she better be there.

  Jeanette

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 03, 2017, 06:15:46 PM
I should be okay Estelle. the worst part in getting there is I will have to park in the neighborhood and walk a couple block to the meeting place.

  Jeanette

Ah yes I could see that potentially being kind of completely terrifying.

Remember what I said about your doctor? The same will happen here. However you decide to show up will be accepted by the group and you will have a great time.

  Well I did it. I went to the support meeting and met Tessa there. I went as Jeanette with my wig, earrings and light make up. I wore what I described earlier.  I survived ! 
  The meeting was a bit different. Different than what I don't know. I guess that isn't fair as it was my first trans meeting and I really didn't have any reference to gauge it against. I got the feeling this meeting was a bit out of the norm tonight so I guess I still don't quite know what it should have been like.
   The best part for me was getting to meet Tessa in person. I didn't quite recognize her but she recognized me from my avatar here and introduced herself to me. We did get a little bit of time to chat and I was happy for it.
   I did manage to sneak out to the meeting and back in without getting caught. :)
  That's about it! I went as promised. I was Jeanette for the outing. I survived it.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Great stuff...glad it worked out sop well for you

Liz

Well done Hon!!!

The first step is always the hardest and soon you will be flying off to al sorts of places.

I think we need to work on the apartment issue though?

Quote from: Cindy on March 04, 2017, 01:09:34 AM
Well done Hon!!!

I think we need to work on the apartment issue though?

Thank you Liz and Cindy.  You have any ideas Cindy?

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 04, 2017, 01:22:38 AM

Quote from: Cindy on March 04, 2017, 01:09:34 AM
Well done Hon!!!

I think we need to work on the apartment issue though?

Thank you Liz and Cindy.  You have any ideas Cindy?

Well there is only one answer and that is to become an uncloseted woman. How to do that is the trick. How is your sister in accepting you and what her factors affect your life and ability to transition?

What are your future plans? Do you intend to transition or are you happy as you are and having the occasional forays.

How you wish to live your life is the only factor to consider, there are no right or wrong answers!

I went FT some 9 years ago or so after I realised that the occasional night out was not for me and that I need to be free. Of course it was a very hard decision with all sorts of pain and doubts but the end result has been marvellous.

Quote from: Cindy on March 04, 2017, 01:45:18 AM
Thank you Liz and Cindy.  You have any ideas Cindy?


Well there is only one answer and that is to become an uncloseted woman. How to do that is the trick. How is your sister in accepting you and what her factors affect your life and ability to transition?

What are your future plans? Do you intend to transition or are you happy as you are and having the occasional forays.

How you wish to live your life is the only factor to consider, there are no right or wrong answers!

I went FT some 9 years ago or so after I realised that the occasional night out was not for me and that I need to be free. Of course it was a very hard decision with all sorts of pain and doubts but the end result has been marvellous.

Well Cindy I'm working on one part of all that. It is after midnight so that means I've got 3 months of HRT in me. I hope to become "uncloseted" as you put it. My sister is dependent on me for room and board due to her own health issue and her 2 sons are not able to support themselves properly let alone their Mom. As for her attitude, I had to explain LGBTQ to her the other day when she heard it on the news. Afterward she commented "Well why didn't they just say weirdos?". I also have other coming out concerns one of which is my daughter's family and my 5 grandchildren. Yeah I know, all of us have those things to deal with. And so will I in time. Can I get and talk with a gender therapist first?

   I'm working on it, I've just gotten started and I don't think I have completely convinced myself yet. Little steps, little steps.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 04, 2017, 02:09:35 AM
My sister is dependent on me for room and board due to her own health issue and her 2 sons are not able to support themselves properly let alone their Mom. As for her attitude, I had to explain LGBTQ to her the other day when she heard it on the news. Afterward she commented "Well why didn't they just say weirdos?". I also have other coming out concerns one of which is my daughter's family and my 5 grandchildren.

Jeannette,

   I don't say there are any guarantees, but consider this. Your sister views LGBTQIA issues as something that doesn't affect the people she  knows. A big factor could be lack of exposure and lack of knowledge. She thinks of you as male and maybe even thinks she should respond that way for your benefit. I have relatives who are red-necky who I know don't think kindly of trans or gay folks. I got an explanation from my brother in law. He said family trumped everything. He has a gay nephew and a trans sister in law, me. It is not the basis of acceptance I prefer, but it is one I can live with, I think. It is  harder for people to hate a group when they love a person in that group. I tell you this because a person in your stage of pre-coming out may see it as only negative reaction possibilities. I was certainly convinced everyone would reject me. You are smart to take it in steps, at your pace. I would urge you to keep in mind the positive reactions are possible. You will get a mixture, I would guess.
   I have a gross analogy for coming out. You know when you are sick to your stomach and try anything not to throw up because you hate the feeling. You lay in bed tossing and turning, feeling awful. Finally, you run to the bathroom and do what nature says must happen. Afterward, you feel so much better. Well that is how coming out is. It might be painful doing it, but afterward you get rid of that burden that tortured you. My yucky moment for the day. :)
   I feel for you because this is such a scary time in your life. Don't let the fear fool you into running from something that is right for you, whatever that is.
Moni

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 04, 2017, 09:47:47 AM
Jeannette,

   
   I have a gross analogy for coming out. You know when you are sick to your stomach and try anything not to throw up because you hate the feeling. You lay in bed tossing and turning, feeling awful. Finally, you run to the bathroom and do what nature says must happen. Afterward, you feel so much better. Well that is how coming out is. It might be painful doing it, but afterward you get rid of that burden that tortured you.
Moni

  I will agree with you but sometimes you're left with an awful taste in your mouth.

Thanks Moni for the encouragement.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Congratulations, Jeanette!  That's a big step forward. Yeah, I was scared to death my first time out to a new place. It gets easier as we become more comfortable with ourselves.

Hugs,
Michelle


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Hi Michelle,

  I don't think I was scared about going. I have been to many many new AA meetings in the past so I think I'm used to that. Yes it was a bit different for me and going in "girl" mode yet but I kind of knew what to expect. Besides I knew I'd have Tessa there to hold my hand. That helped.  ;D

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

jealous or what, I cant find any groups or meetings . Well done on getting out and surviving . 

Congratulations Jeannette! That sounds like an awesome first step. One of many to come.  I remember my first time was a cold, winter day.  The day after I came out.  I made a trip to the $ store en femme and got sirred. Not at all an auspicious unveiling, but it was a start.  You're doing great!

Thank  you both Davina and Jane Emily,
   Going to a meeting where everyone there is like you isn't as difficult as going out in the wild public environs of commerce and interfacing with "Them"  Now THAT"S scary.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Facing the hordes of retail drones freaks me out as well.

Good to hear you did alright last night.

Thanks Estelle

I am so happy for you Jeanette--you are so brave! Big hugs!!  :-*

Thank you P. I wasn't so brave because I knew Tessa would be there to hold my hand.

Jeanette

I'm so jealous you and Tessa got to hang out! Want to fly out east to hold my hand for my meeting tonight?!   ;)

   Yes P, I did get to meet Tessa and it was the big incentive for me going in the first place. I also wanted to be able to answer my gender therapist (if I ever get one /sigh) That yes I have been to a support and have participated in this group online as well as met an made a friend of another people like me.

  Sorry, I'll have to pass on flying out to meet you. I vowed I will never fly again due to all the airport hassles and airline price gouging. Besides I prefer to drive. 

I'm not sure I saw where "here" is P. Never know I may just be driving through someday....

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

Here is NJ--quite the schlep from OR by car!

   P

  Yes, quite a road trip. I love them though. I have made 2 trips tp Florida and about 4 to western Mizzery in the last couple years. I have friends in both places and by driving to Florida I crossed Georgia and Alabama off my "States I have been in" list. They were #48 and #49 for me. There is one left and I plan to get to it this year. Mizzery will be a stop again ( I will be coming out to my friends there ) and I may just deliver a couple Maine lobsters to Florida (and another coming out) if I can.
  That was a hint, state # 50 is Maine.
  So you never know....

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Did someone say ROAD TRIP!  OK girlfriend we have yet another chance to plan a fun outing.  I am going back to Georgia and Florida likely in April to see kids and planned to fly but hey we got wheels right?  Oh this could be sooo fun and I am excited by the possibilities.  There are plenty of sisters and brothers we might stop and visit with there and along the way too! 

I hope you know it is a real honor to have been able to meet you and be any part of supporting your coming out.  I used to worry about every darn detail of how I looked only to find most folks didn't really notice much and are pretty busy with their own day.  We sure did have diversity going strong with a great roomful of us!

You are brave and any step you take forward at your own pace is a cause for celebration of the real and whole YOU.  I was lucky enough to often be surprised with how many people responded to my coming out with support.  We have more to offer when we let our family and friends have a glimpse a little deeper inside.  Good for you!

Hi Jeanette,
Glad things went well. My "go to" change of gender restroom has just recently been torn down. It was a Wal Mart coed restroom outside the facility. I could go in carrying a bag as a male and come out female without gathering attention. Only thing that really bothered me was that it was "a gas station rest room". Not exactly the most germ free place to change clothes but it worked.
Was wondering how you found out when and where the MTF meeting was. I'm very curious about going to one myself. But have no clue as how to find one. Any suggestions?
Roni

Oh wow, you saved a good state for last, Jeanette! I love Maine--I lived there for a while and still return every year. You should definitely check out Ogunquit while you're in Maine--it's a cute little beach town that is very LGBT-friendly. Portland is also cool, and Acadia is a must if you are a hiker / nature lover!

Quote from: Tessa James on March 06, 2017, 12:46:01 PM
Did someone say ROAD TRIP!  OK girlfriend we have yet another chance to plan a fun outing.  I am going back to Georgia and Florida likely in April to see kids and planned to fly but hey we got wheels right?  Oh this could be sooo fun and I am excited by the possibilities.

You are brave and any step you take forward at your own pace is a cause for celebration of the real and whole YOU.

    OMG Tessa That prospect does sound fun, it is tempting, it really is... (you have to know there is a "but" coming I'm sorry)  But at this point it scares the hell out of me. I don't think I am ready for that nor do I think it would help with the coming out stop/stops I plan to make. I don't think my friends are ready for what I have to tell them let alone an invasions of girls on a road trip. I also tend to travel hard (as I usually do) without stops at motels. I tend to curl up at  rest areas when necessary for a couple hours sleep and then hit the road again. I tend to leave on short or no notice and fly by the seat of my pants w/o a set route, firm plans, or set return date. I hit the road and go where the wind blows and return when I get home.
   That does NOT rule out a road trip with you in the future. A more organized affair, or at least  some coherent planning where we cab enjoy ourselves more. But I think I have some more progress with to lifestyle to make first.

Quote from: p on March 06, 2017, 03:02:10 PM
Oh wow, you saved a good state for last, Jeanette! I love Maine--I lived there for a while and still return every year. You should definitely check out Ogunquit while you're in Maine--it's a cute little beach town that is very LGBT-friendly. Portland is also cool, and Acadia is a must if you are a hiker / nature lover!

P
    I have seen Maine from atop a large hill while camping in New Hampshire when I was younger. That was as close as I have gotten. Each state has it's beauty as does each of us in our own way.

Quote from: Roni-jalyn on March 06, 2017, 02:50:52 PM
Hi Jeanette,
Was wondering how you found out when and where the MTF meeting was. I'm very curious about going to one myself. But have no clue as how to find one. Any suggestions?
Roni

Thank you Roni,

  I found this meeting bi doing an online search for LGBT resources in Portland, Oregon, I live just outside Portland. Through that search I found a couple site one being the Q Center and it's online information listed the meeting.  Ad to that, When I told my doctor I thought I was trans he mentioned it as did the psychiatrist at my mental health assessment.  If those were not enough, the final deciding factor in my going was a message from Tessa telling me she was coming into Portland and would be at that meeting and daring me to come meet her there.  How could I refuse?

   Hugs all,
    Jeanette