Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Pepperminty on March 05, 2017, 10:08:29 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Hello, yet another new person here ^^
Post by: Pepperminty on March 05, 2017, 10:08:29 PM
Post by: Pepperminty on March 05, 2017, 10:08:29 PM
Hey everyone, I'm so glad I found this place! It just feels so good to find a place on the internet where I can openly talk about this sorta stuff... So, a bit about me.
I've only recently finally decided to come on terms that I am transgender. I've been born a man, but I feel and want to be a woman. Pretty sure this is a standard introduction here, haha :D I am soon gonna be 23, btw.
For years I've been secretly fighting with something I at that point did not know is gender dysphoria. I can remember that even as a 10 year old I've been having thoughts such as ''But what if I was born a girl?''
That developed as puberty came in. The more I asked myself that question, the more I liked the idea. You see, I am a very imaginative person and I'm often daydreaming, making up fantasies and stories and am very creative. I even wrote a few stories where I changed my own sex and name. The funny thing is, I didn't really.... question myself is something may be wrong with me. It's a bit hard to explain, but it's like I didn't even stop and think something like ''Hold on, thinking and feeling like this isn't right!''
As a kid and a young teen, I was interested in a lot of things boys traditionally wouldn't be. I hated sports, I didn't like outside activities. I much preferred to stay inside and play with girls. Most of my friends were girls too, even now they are. I just feel more comfortable socialising with them as I can understand them better.
When I was 18, I started playing a lot of multiplayer online roleplaying games, MMORPG for short. I realised I HATE playing with male characters and I much preferred my characters to be female and I played these games as some sorta dress up game because these games tend to put a lot of emphasis on the outfits you can put on your character. Not just that, but I started to roleplay as a female (but I never abused this to trick people for my own personal gain) and realised that I feel super comfortable like that! I loved the my new feminine persona and I completely changed. It's like I became a whole different person, but more than anything, I felt, for the first time, like I am finally myself.
But then came frustration, sadness and depression. As years went on, I've come to realise I hate having body of a man. I hate masculine gender roles. I do not want to be a big, strong man, be the money provider, be the alpha... you know what I mean. I would be much more comfortable being a ''housewife'', be the emotional support, dress up in cute clothes, have makeup... It's so difficult getting right clothes for myself. In 5 minutes, on female section I can find more things I'd love to wear than I'd find in half an hour on male section. And I never was comfortable wearing more masculine attire such as shirts etc.
And as this went on, I bottled these feelings down and tried to be more manly. I despised how I looked, so I even grew a beard. It didn't make me feel any more masculine, though. Now I simply have it because I think it suits my features better but I would be perfectly fine not having it. I tried to appear stronger, more masculine, especially after I got a very serious girlfriend... but through last 3 years I've realised I just can't be like that.
So recently, about 2 weeks ago, I finally came out to her with my feelings. She's bisexual and we've jokingly tossed the idea of me being a woman here and there, like ''What if...'' type of ideas. But recently we've talked more and more seriously like ''How would it affect us if you transitioned?''.
I've told her before that if I had the power to magically change my body to female, I would do it. Funny enough, she didn't think something may be wrong with me back then. But now the truth is out, we've seriously discussed it and after some tough days she's fully prepared to support me.
I am now facing new issues, though. The country I live in, Slovenia, is not very accepting towards transgender people like me, especially those who go through entire process of HRT and surgery. Getting diagnosed here is hell as well, as the doctor requires you to live like a woman for an entire YEAR before they CONSIDER putting you on HRT. By living like a woman I mean go out in public dressed like one, act like one... all the while you obviously look like a man or a drag queen. This does not help my case AT ALL as all I would receive is hate, teasing and overall resulting anxiety.
So my plan is to get diagnosed abroad and us two can move to a country that's supportive enough. Netherlands is the most optimal candidate because we have a relative living there who could help us.
Another issue I am anxious about is... what if I am just crazy? Do I really have a dysphoria? At this point I am SURE I do have it, I went through a lot of articles, even did some online tests (I know they're not meant to be taken as a legit diagnosis, but they helped me a lot) so I really am sure. But I'm just anxious about the entire thing. I mean, I plan to go through the HRT and possibly SRS too, which means my entire life will change, I'll eventually have to come out to my family AND her family (I already came out to a few friends - all of them said ''A lot of things make sense now!'') and all of this makes me just so anxious. Sometimes I even think that maybe I should stop all that before I cause someone any trouble. I'm just like that. And then I get depressed about my little identity crisis.
Phew, that was a longer post than I planned! So sorry to make you go through all this. If you're still here reading this, thanks so much. It feels good to just voice out my stuff like that. I hope I didn't overdo it...
But all in all, all anxiety aside, I am super excited about my newfound accepted identity!
I've only recently finally decided to come on terms that I am transgender. I've been born a man, but I feel and want to be a woman. Pretty sure this is a standard introduction here, haha :D I am soon gonna be 23, btw.
For years I've been secretly fighting with something I at that point did not know is gender dysphoria. I can remember that even as a 10 year old I've been having thoughts such as ''But what if I was born a girl?''
That developed as puberty came in. The more I asked myself that question, the more I liked the idea. You see, I am a very imaginative person and I'm often daydreaming, making up fantasies and stories and am very creative. I even wrote a few stories where I changed my own sex and name. The funny thing is, I didn't really.... question myself is something may be wrong with me. It's a bit hard to explain, but it's like I didn't even stop and think something like ''Hold on, thinking and feeling like this isn't right!''
As a kid and a young teen, I was interested in a lot of things boys traditionally wouldn't be. I hated sports, I didn't like outside activities. I much preferred to stay inside and play with girls. Most of my friends were girls too, even now they are. I just feel more comfortable socialising with them as I can understand them better.
When I was 18, I started playing a lot of multiplayer online roleplaying games, MMORPG for short. I realised I HATE playing with male characters and I much preferred my characters to be female and I played these games as some sorta dress up game because these games tend to put a lot of emphasis on the outfits you can put on your character. Not just that, but I started to roleplay as a female (but I never abused this to trick people for my own personal gain) and realised that I feel super comfortable like that! I loved the my new feminine persona and I completely changed. It's like I became a whole different person, but more than anything, I felt, for the first time, like I am finally myself.
But then came frustration, sadness and depression. As years went on, I've come to realise I hate having body of a man. I hate masculine gender roles. I do not want to be a big, strong man, be the money provider, be the alpha... you know what I mean. I would be much more comfortable being a ''housewife'', be the emotional support, dress up in cute clothes, have makeup... It's so difficult getting right clothes for myself. In 5 minutes, on female section I can find more things I'd love to wear than I'd find in half an hour on male section. And I never was comfortable wearing more masculine attire such as shirts etc.
And as this went on, I bottled these feelings down and tried to be more manly. I despised how I looked, so I even grew a beard. It didn't make me feel any more masculine, though. Now I simply have it because I think it suits my features better but I would be perfectly fine not having it. I tried to appear stronger, more masculine, especially after I got a very serious girlfriend... but through last 3 years I've realised I just can't be like that.
So recently, about 2 weeks ago, I finally came out to her with my feelings. She's bisexual and we've jokingly tossed the idea of me being a woman here and there, like ''What if...'' type of ideas. But recently we've talked more and more seriously like ''How would it affect us if you transitioned?''.
I've told her before that if I had the power to magically change my body to female, I would do it. Funny enough, she didn't think something may be wrong with me back then. But now the truth is out, we've seriously discussed it and after some tough days she's fully prepared to support me.
I am now facing new issues, though. The country I live in, Slovenia, is not very accepting towards transgender people like me, especially those who go through entire process of HRT and surgery. Getting diagnosed here is hell as well, as the doctor requires you to live like a woman for an entire YEAR before they CONSIDER putting you on HRT. By living like a woman I mean go out in public dressed like one, act like one... all the while you obviously look like a man or a drag queen. This does not help my case AT ALL as all I would receive is hate, teasing and overall resulting anxiety.
So my plan is to get diagnosed abroad and us two can move to a country that's supportive enough. Netherlands is the most optimal candidate because we have a relative living there who could help us.
Another issue I am anxious about is... what if I am just crazy? Do I really have a dysphoria? At this point I am SURE I do have it, I went through a lot of articles, even did some online tests (I know they're not meant to be taken as a legit diagnosis, but they helped me a lot) so I really am sure. But I'm just anxious about the entire thing. I mean, I plan to go through the HRT and possibly SRS too, which means my entire life will change, I'll eventually have to come out to my family AND her family (I already came out to a few friends - all of them said ''A lot of things make sense now!'') and all of this makes me just so anxious. Sometimes I even think that maybe I should stop all that before I cause someone any trouble. I'm just like that. And then I get depressed about my little identity crisis.
Phew, that was a longer post than I planned! So sorry to make you go through all this. If you're still here reading this, thanks so much. It feels good to just voice out my stuff like that. I hope I didn't overdo it...
But all in all, all anxiety aside, I am super excited about my newfound accepted identity!
Title: Re: Hello, yet another new person here ^^
Post by: Michelle_P on March 05, 2017, 11:42:02 PM
Post by: Michelle_P on March 05, 2017, 11:42:02 PM
Hi, Pepperminty! Welcome to the site.
Thanks for writing your great introduction. Many elements sound very familiar. I'm always surprised at how many elements in common many of the stories of our MtF members have. I doubt very much that you are "just crazy", because of this. A year of Real Life Experience before starting HRT? That's pretty crude, and incredibly old-school thinking. It's not what the modern WPATH standards have, certainly, and many even object to those as being excessively conservative!
I hope you feel welcome here.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
Thanks for writing your great introduction. Many elements sound very familiar. I'm always surprised at how many elements in common many of the stories of our MtF members have. I doubt very much that you are "just crazy", because of this. A year of Real Life Experience before starting HRT? That's pretty crude, and incredibly old-school thinking. It's not what the modern WPATH standards have, certainly, and many even object to those as being excessively conservative!
I hope you feel welcome here.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
Title: Re: Hello, yet another new person here ^^
Post by: Pepperminty on March 06, 2017, 05:00:47 AM
Post by: Pepperminty on March 06, 2017, 05:00:47 AM
Hey, thanks for the warm welcome :3 Yeah I agree, that real life experience is seriously archaic. And after you're done and they maybe put you on HRT it lasts only 7 months!
Title: Re: Hello, yet another new person here ^^
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 06, 2017, 09:47:28 AM
Post by: JeanetteLW on March 06, 2017, 09:47:28 AM
Hi Pepperminty,
I'm Jeanette. I wanted to welcome you to Susan's Place (unofficially because I am no on official here LOL) I am just a member like you who found this place by looking for information about people like me. Come on in and get comfortable. Read some posts, make some comments and share yourself with us as we share ourselves with you.
I want to thank you for telling my story. I am many years older than you are but you wrote many things that could have come right out of my life. I felt more comfortable around girls growing up and even today. I love window shopping online for women's thing and buy male clothes by rote. It take no imagination to buy men's things but there is soooo many wonderful clothes and accessories to buy for Jeanette. I also play a MMORPG (World of Warcraft) and my first and many after character is female. It was even exciting being flirted with online due to guys assuming the person playing to girl character was a girl.
So you see we (as many here) have a lot in common. Chief among them being the desire to become a woman outside to match the woman within.
I am fortunate to live in the USA where it is easier to get support for our needs if not acceptance. I cannot imagine living where having to move to another country in order to pursue transition is necessary. I am sorry that that is your situation. Attitudes is changing toward people like us but that change is slow. Too slowly.
Anyway Pepperminty thank you for sharing your story. Be welcome here.
Hugs,
Jeanette
I'm Jeanette. I wanted to welcome you to Susan's Place (unofficially because I am no on official here LOL) I am just a member like you who found this place by looking for information about people like me. Come on in and get comfortable. Read some posts, make some comments and share yourself with us as we share ourselves with you.
I want to thank you for telling my story. I am many years older than you are but you wrote many things that could have come right out of my life. I felt more comfortable around girls growing up and even today. I love window shopping online for women's thing and buy male clothes by rote. It take no imagination to buy men's things but there is soooo many wonderful clothes and accessories to buy for Jeanette. I also play a MMORPG (World of Warcraft) and my first and many after character is female. It was even exciting being flirted with online due to guys assuming the person playing to girl character was a girl.
So you see we (as many here) have a lot in common. Chief among them being the desire to become a woman outside to match the woman within.
I am fortunate to live in the USA where it is easier to get support for our needs if not acceptance. I cannot imagine living where having to move to another country in order to pursue transition is necessary. I am sorry that that is your situation. Attitudes is changing toward people like us but that change is slow. Too slowly.
Anyway Pepperminty thank you for sharing your story. Be welcome here.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Title: Re: Hello, yet another new person here ^^
Post by: V M on March 06, 2017, 12:00:26 PM
Post by: V M on March 06, 2017, 12:00:26 PM
Hi Pepperminty :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M