Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been that way since I started my transition 6 years ago. I wish I wasn't like that, but I am. My ex from 1 year ago, before we started dating, told me he never been with a transgender and we dated for 6 months and even started living together, but then I found out he dated 1 other 2 years before meeting me so I broke up with him and despite him coming to my house crying and begging me to not leave him saying that he didn't tell me because he knew I wouldn't go out with him, I still didn't care and slammed the door in his face and told him if he dosnt leave I'm calling the cops. Im just feeling so depressed, im rejected really cute guys over something like that. I just don't want to be compared to past transgenders.

I can see that point of view completely.
I would not want to be judged on that standard.  I guess cis women probably go through similar feelings about other girls a guy hs been with, but it is just different about trans* and being compared to others and their progress, situations, etc...
Glad I am married...

As long as you aren't comparing him to past men. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, no?

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: ainsley on March 08, 2017, 02:59:42 PM
I can see that point of view completely.
I would not want to be judged on that standard.  I guess cis women probably go through similar feelings about other girls a guy hs been with, but it is just different about trans* and being compared to others and their progress, situations, etc...
Glad I am married...

someone who understands, finally. Everyone keeps on saying that cis gendered girls  go through the same thing, which they do, but for trans girls, guys judge us more harshly and if one transgender looked one way they would expect every other transgender to look like that or end up looking like that. With cis girls guys will date them no matter who looked better.

I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 08, 2017, 03:11:15 PM
I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

Yea, that is exactly what i was saying.  No guy would say that to a cis girl.
I feel for ya.  That sux.

I think the greatest lesson for anyone is we are attracted to what we want, but what we want is not always what we need. I use to compare my partners ex's to me and each time the relationship failed because I was so wrapped up in comparing I failed to focus on what was more important. In the end I just let it go and figured why compare, if I was that bad or ugly why did they leave that person and instead date me.

Answer: Because I am better than them.

---confidence is key as well as not deflecting from the truth that we are all insecure.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 08, 2017, 03:11:15 PM
I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

At first I was a little confused and wondering if you were just being weird and picky for silly reasons but now it really makes sense from this perspective. 

Ahhhhhh ** sigh **  To be young enough and pretty enough to have such a problem.....

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee,
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away!

Jeanette

Actually i get that too. Also if they dated trans girls before my mind thinks (probably wrongly) are they just into the fetish of it all? We get to choose who we hang out with and as long as we are not hypocritical then yeah i totally get it.

As for anyone who decided to unfavorably compare you to someone before, even when things are in the break up stage,  and strike at the heart of one of our greatest insecurities just because they are feeling hurt, is being a special kind of jerk.

If they start comparing you to past exs that is very low.
Do guys do this to cis girls??
Thinking they can tell you how your body should be? A good hard slap :@

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 08, 2017, 03:11:15 PM
I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

Yikes! that is not nice.  Wish I could offer up some input or advice. From this perspective I can see why you feel as you do.  I've never dated or been romantically involved with a man who was 't' knowledgeable before. For a long time I thought it would be a welcome change from always having to -tell- them about me. One thing I do like though, is that you are giving them a chance at getting to know you and in return, you get to know them regardless if they dated t-girls before you. The right one will come along and I guarantee it will be when you least expect it  :)

Hang in there and you are in a good environment to vent about such things.

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 08, 2017, 05:17:56 PM
Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee,
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away!

Jeanette

I love this. May I steal it? 
Please write more.

I think, not sure, that it is a Bing Crosby song.

Actually it's a bit older than that.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beautiful_Dreamer

Fun fact, Stephen Foster is in a branch of my family tree...

Sorry to derail the conversation, I just saw the song and this popped into my head. :)

Quote from: RobynD on March 09, 2017, 09:40:53 AM
Actually i get that too. Also if they dated trans girls before my mind thinks (probably wrongly) are they just into the fetish of it all?

This is exactly where my mind goes as well.

Even if you are their first, there is nothing preventing them from comparing you to other trans women in their thoughts. And If you reject guys on that premise, you may be missing out on a special one; however, using comparisons as a way to hurt you during an argument is totally unacceptable, and you are totally right about moving on from those relationships.

Quote from: kittenpower on March 11, 2017, 12:44:12 PM
Even if you are their first, there is nothing preventing them from comparing you to other trans women in their thoughts. And If you reject guys on that premise, you may be missing out on a special one; however, using comparisons as a way to hurt you during an argument is totally unacceptable, and you are totally right about moving on from those relationships.

This is what I was thinking, maybe you are missing out on that special person by using this standard. What about the positive reasoning to the argument. Maybe the guy dated a trans person , found out it didn't matter to them or it was nice, and for whatever reason moved on from that person. People can be attracted to trans folk without it being a fetish right? I guess I never have understood the thought that someone who is attracted to trans people is some type of fetish fiend. It is almost like saying that we think someone is weird if they are attracted to us. Am I naive or missing something here? Not saying I'm an expert. I haven't dated in a century or two. I just think if my standard had been not dating southern girls, I would have missed out on someone super special.
Moni

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 11, 2017, 08:48:50 PM
This is what I was thinking, maybe you are missing out on that special person by using this standard. What about the positive reasoning to the argument. Maybe the guy dated a trans person , found out it didn't matter to them or it was nice, and for whatever reason moved on from that person. People can be attracted to trans folk without it being a fetish right? I guess I never have understood the thought that someone who is attracted to trans people is some type of fetish fiend. It is almost like saying that we think someone is weird if they are attracted to us. Am I naive or missing something here? Not saying I'm an expert. I haven't dated in a century or two. I just think if my standard had been not dating southern girls, I would have missed out on someone super special.
Moni

for me it's  not about having a fetish, I don't want to be compared to the past transgender. Given your story, I would wonder if the guy would have dated me if it wasn't for that first transgender which would bring up insecurities and make me wonder how much prettier she must have been to make a guy want to try it and constantly wonder if he would have done the same for me if he hadn't met her and met me first instead.

I totally agree.  The guys who are only "into" transwomen aren't my cup of tea either.  The fetish aspect scares me.   

Angelique   Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff. Be patient. You're a winner. You will find the person that you share mutual respect. Maybe these people see your fear and choose you for a temporary fling. Work on your confidence girl. The most successful women know they can be picky. They know they are beautiful. Hey you're beautiful. Don't be easy.

CIS women get compared to other CIS women all the time. Guys can be jerks when the want to be.

Any guy would be lucky to be with you. Guys are not complicated and can be lead by the nose. They sniff out insecurities and are not attracted to them. Conversely, they are drawn to secure, happy women. If you present a secure woman to them, they will say wow this woman is confident and has good reason to be. Then they believe what you are presenting. If you present fear and insecurities, they will subconsciously ask themselves, hmmm I see a beautiful, lovely woman. But if she is so insecure about my past women and how she compares....maybe she knows better than I and I am missing something about her that is lacking?! It's all psychology and we can outsmart them. Also, you have so much to offer. You're the woman I wouldnt want to have my man be comparing me to. 😊 For real. I have gone down the same rabbit hole you have. I had my bf asking his friends what could be wrong with me because I was so insecure. He started questioning his own judgment, because I presented an insecure woman. Oh, humans 🙃

If I were into guys, I would actually prefer to be with one who has dated a trans girl before. I would fear a trans panic style attack too much to be a guys first trans girl.

Quote from: Daisy Jane on March 12, 2017, 11:47:52 AM
If I were into guys, I would actually prefer to be with one who has dated a trans girl before. I would fear a trans panic style attack too much to be a guys first trans girl.

ive been with many guys who never dated a transgender. No attacks happened.

I never thought about this.... it makes sense though. This is kind of why I date bisexual guys only, because I know they can't really compare when they dated both men and women. 

I don't care, too much, how the guy views me... as long as he knows I'm the feminine one, I'm okay. If in his mind he thinks I'm a guy but a feminine guy who is transgender, I'm okay. When he thinks I'm masculine guy dressed like a woman, that's not going to be a relationship. lol. Life is too short, and dating potentials are far and slim.... so I'll accept a lot of things *except stds, height*. I don't feel feminine with guys near my height or shorter.... *that's a cisgender woman issue too lol*. I think it applies to guys too, because they tend to be more masculine around me if they are taller.... whereas shorter guys tend to treat me as "pal" or something.

I will dump a guy in a second if he is being mean to me.

I don't ever consider a relationship as being forever, and I have no expectations of it being so... I'm used to being alone now.

----
But yeah, I think it's unrealistic too be honest. And don't take this the wrong way... but have you consider that because you are the first... it's just an experiment for the guy with no intensions of ever being in a relationship in the first place. It's like credit score, if you never had a credit card... can I really trust you with this house loan with no credit number?

Quote from: ainsley on March 08, 2017, 03:14:00 PM
Yea, that is exactly what i was saying.  No guy would say that to a cis girl.
I feel for ya.  That sux.

Actually, they do. Commonly.

Quote from: ChristineRachel on March 09, 2017, 10:28:22 AM
If they start comparing you to past exs that is very low.
Do guys do this to cis girls??
Thinking they can tell you how your body should be? A good hard slap :@

Yes, they do. This was the crux of a speech at a domestic violence conference I was at last month.

And ciswomen often do it to cismen too.

"You don't hold a candle to my ex because of X,Y,Z" is pretty standard fare. Hurtful by design, but not unusual.

This is not a gendered approach method of putting someone down, and those on the receiving end are far from exclusively trans.

But I found straight guys compare us with cis girl
Believe it or not no matter how feminine you are ( I start transition when I was 18 )
But dating straight guy with no trans past experience scary me a lot
What worst than comparing you to another trans girl is comparing you to cis girl

I'm very confused that it doesn't happen with you
That why I feel comfortable dating someone who is bi or pan

Straight guys will compare your height , look , breast size even your hand size to their ex cis girlfriends
Or at least this happens with arabs guys lol I will never date Arab guys tho they're bad with women in general

But this what I found straight guys comparing you so they don't feel their masculinity and manhood whatever it is in danger dating you
( if you was their first timer )

Honestly I had the opposite problem than you
Idk if it's because western guys are different than eastern ones
But yeah even I'm feminine and everyone thinks that I'm straight girl unless I said that I'm bi straight guys are not my cup of tea lol

Quote from: rose on March 13, 2017, 02:37:14 PM
But I found straight guys compare us with cis girl
Believe or not no matter how feminine you are ( I start transition when I was 18 )
But dating straight guy with no trans past experience scary me a lot
What worst than comparing you to another trans girl is comparing you to cis girl

I'm very confused that it doesn't happen with you
That why I feel comfortable dating someone who is bi or pan

Straight guys will compare your height look breast size even your hand size to their ex cis girlfriends
Or at least arabs lol I will never date Arab guys tho they're bad with women in general

But this what I found straight guys comparing you so they don't feel their masculinity and manhood whatever it is in danger dating you
( if you was their first timer )



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

ive just never experienced straight guys comparing me to cis girls because they are happy with my looks. The guys who have dated transgenders seem to never be happy with me until I cheat on them or break up with them, then they want to tell me how much they loved me and how they saw a future with me.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 13, 2017, 02:40:49 PM
ive just never experienced straight guys comparing me to cis girls because they are happy with my looks. The guys who have dated transgenders seem to never be happy with me until I cheat on them or break up with them, then they want to tell me how much they loved me and how they saw a future with me.

Hmm very interesting [emoji848] I should date western guys then xD

As I said I can't put a judgement yet because the type of guys around me now are not relationships materials
And bad with women in general
That why my experience with them was like that

Quote from: rose on March 13, 2017, 02:48:10 PM
Hmm very interesting [emoji848] I should date western guys then xD

As I said I can't put a judgement yet because the type of guys around me now are not relationships materials
And bad with women in general
That why my experience with them was like that

western guys? Lol. The guys I date arnt country, some act very city like. Everywhere there are guys who treat woman badly and men who arnt relationship material. I've met many. I mean I've been on dates/had sex with 80 guys and only 10 kept dating me.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 13, 2017, 02:54:27 PM
western guys? Lol. The guys I date army country, some act very city like. Everywhere there are guys who treat woman badly and men who arnt relationship material. I've met many. I mean I've been on dates/had sex with 80 guys and only 10 kept dating me.

Oh I understood that explains why

I have nothing more to say about this subject because I don't have tolerate to date this kind of guys tbh [emoji38]

But yeah if guy compare you to ANYONE else he is pass [emoji1310]

So I actually made plans tomorrow with a guy who has hooked up with a transgender before; originally I rejected him, but then I changed my mind and told him I'll give him a chance and he said let's go out tomorrow and I said what happened to tonight and he said because I made other plans then I said that I wanted to go out tonight so i don't change my my mind and he said well this way you can. Idk what to think with that response. Almost makes me think he's not interested anymore and if he stands me up tomorrow it's going to destroy me and make me think I wasn't good enough but the other transgender was.

Do y'all think I messed up and he's not interested anymore?

I'm already trying to convince myself to just break it off.

At first I thought your view was a bit extreme but reading on, it does make a heck of a lot of sense. I agree completely. Trans or not, one should not be comparing their current partner with past partners. Its completely rude to compare past partners.

No. no. no Angelique just get rid of that attitude. First you're incredibly lovely. The fact you share your stories with the likes of us, is proof how much you care. Don't sell yourself short. If it don't work out, It's lesson learned and you go to the next opportunity. There are almost 7.5 billion people on earth and you've barely skimmed the surface of your own back yard. You will, find the love of your life. Just be patient, have fun and enjoy life for the gift it is.

Dawn

Quote from: DawnOday on March 13, 2017, 11:24:44 PM
No. no. no Angelique just get rid of that attitude. First you're incredibly lovely. The fact you share your stories with the likes of us, is proof how much you care. Don't sell yourself short. If it don't work out, It's lesson learned and you go to the next opportunity. There are almost 7.5 billion people on earth and you've barely skimmed the surface of your own back yard. You will, find the love of your life. Just be patient, have fun and enjoy life for the gift it is.

Dawn

if he stands me up that dosnt mean the other transgender was better than me right? Because he just not acting interested, he's reading my txt msgs and dosnt respond unless I put "???" An hour or 2 later.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 14, 2017, 10:45:55 AM
if he stands me up that dosnt mean the other transgender was better than me right? Because he just not acting interested, he's reading my txt msgs and dosnt respond unless I put "???" An hour or 2 later.

If he stands you up, it's his loss not yours. Use the time it gives you to do something that makes you happy. Relationships are a crapshoot at best. Over 50,% of marriages end in divorce. Don't be needy. Guys pick up on that and that is when the abuse starts. Cis woman, trans women all women are subjected to this. Grow some self confidence and a higher sense of respect for yourself. Good luck. We are all here for you.
Dawn

Quote from: rose on March 13, 2017, 03:03:03 PM
Oh I understood that explains why

I have nothing more to say about this subject because I don't have tolerate to date this kind of guys tbh [emoji38]

But yeah if guy compare you to ANYONE else he is pass [emoji1310]

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Ignore him don't accept bull->-bleeped-<-s from guys
I mean we're fabulous
[emoji19] unless he is very handsome with six packs that kind of attitude is not ok

Quote from: rose on March 14, 2017, 01:20:49 PM
Ignore him don't accept bull->-bleeped-<-s from guys
I mean we're fabulous
[emoji19] unless he is very handsome with six packs that kind of attitude is not ok

he is Good looking, but no abs. His stomach is flat. I feel so crappy about myself since he can take that other transgender out but won't take me out, he has met me in person at my job and knows how I look. He wanted to take me out last night but I rejected him because of the transgender thing and then I changed my mind. I think he's going to stand me up because I rejected him.

He stood me up.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 14, 2017, 07:28:39 PM
He stood me up.

I'm so sorry. I'm not a man-hater, but I feel the pain right now. You're a beautiful woman, (no, I shouldn't judge outer beauty! But when drinking, I'm honest, you're far more beautiful on the feminine side than me).

He was probably playing games, thinking he find someone better, more feminine. He's probably attractive though.... but yet in his mind he rather be with a genetic girl.... and that sucks so far. --to those who accept TG no offense please, I rather be born cis-gender woman--.

I hope all is well. Being transgender is like a curse. In my opinion. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. So many handsome men play with my heart... I don't know. I just dream.

Quote from: Wild Flower on March 14, 2017, 09:36:08 PM
I'm so sorry. I'm not a man-hater, but I feel the pain right now. You're a beautiful woman, (no, I shouldn't judge outer beauty! But when drinking, I'm honest, you're far more beautiful on the feminine side than me).

He was probably playing games, thinking he find someone better, more feminine. He's probably attractive though.... but yet in his mind he rather be with a genetic girl.... and that sucks so far.

I hope all is well. Being transgender is like a curse. In my opinion. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. So many handsome men play with my heart... I don't know. I just dream.

hes had experience with another transgender before and liked it....

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 08, 2017, 01:10:58 PM
I've been that way since I started my transition 6 years ago. I wish I wasn't like that, but I am. My ex from 1 year ago, before we started dating, told me he never been with a transgender and we dated for 6 months and even started living together, but then I found out he dated 1 other 2 years before meeting me so I broke up with him and despite him coming to my house crying and begging me to not leave him saying that he didn't tell me because he knew I wouldn't go out with him, I still didn't care and slammed the door in his face and told him if he dosnt leave I'm calling the cops. Im just feeling so depressed, im rejected really cute guys over something like that. I just don't want to be compared to past transgenders.

well either way your going to unfortunately be compared to other transgenders the guys have seen online or tv or to other cis women which to me I hate being compared to but you may be surprised that you probably look better than others cause like my bf had met others and he said I was prettier than all of the others he had met and I have a feeling it would be similar for you cause a lot of other trans girls are pretty ratchet lol

also how old are the guys who are comparing you to others? cause if they are between 18 and 24 that could be why... young guys are super immature really and older guys can be better....im not talking way older but between 26 and early thirties they are more mature or likely to not have those stupid unrealistic expectations common in guys of this generation....they are also more likely to want relationships and typically act more like a gentleman I've found whereas young guys will try to split the bill and stuff like that...

Quote from: Annabolton on March 14, 2017, 09:39:26 PM
well either way your going to unfortunately be compared to other transgenders the guys have seen online or tv or to other cis women which to me I hate being compared to but you may be surprised that you probably look better than others cause like my bf had met others and he said I was prettier than all of the others he had met and I have a feeling it would be similar for you cause a lot of other trans girls are pretty ratchet lol

my most recent ex was like your boyfriend. Said he seen transgenders before, but I was the prettiest, unfortunetely things didn't workout because I lost my sex drive due to hormones and we would fool around and right before he finishes I would stop him because I wouldn't be turned on anymore and I would always leave him with blue balls. Like since month 6 I can get horny but it's hard to and it only lasts so long.

I have a sex drive that's on the low end too but I typically "help him out" whenever he wants despite....and ironically hes never in the mood when I am so...ya.. lol

Quote from: Annabolton on March 14, 2017, 11:42:58 PM
I have a sex drive that's on the low end too but I typically "help him out" whenever he wants despite....and ironically hes never in the mood when I am so...ya.. lol

my ex was very aggravating as f***. He wouldn't leave me alone even after I said no then he would still try to turn me on but I'd just fall asleep lol. I kinda wish my sex drive was higher because if it was me and him would still be dating. I also was hoping me and him would still date because he said if we dated for so many years he would pay for SRS.

I think there is only one type of comparison anyone should ever do to their girlfriend or boyfriend.

"You are the most beautiful person I've ever known" and variations thereof. Anything else is unnacceptable, IMHO.

Hugs
B

Men lie. I hope you don't really believe them. I'm sure it's a small minority.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Usually best to run our speech through the three gates.

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

      Rumi