Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have a family reunion in a few months, I have not come out to family yet, and have been on HRT for 20 months... lets just say the 'girls' are getting harder to hide! For instance: I work as an ER/Trauma Nurse and in the middle of a cardiac arrest one of the techs asked me(jokingly I think) if I was lactating!!! WTH. Yeah work does not know either. Going in guy mode may not be an option soon. I would like to go in girl mode, but I do not want to shock my relatives or be the center of attention. To top off the whole situation there will most likely be swimming as my family rented a house on Cape Cod! I am so screwed. Whats a girl to do?

Grin and bare it?

No, no wait.... Grin and bear it. I would be tempted to bite the bullet and go en femme and get it over with all at once.
Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead so to speak and to heck with the reactions.


  My opinion only mind you.

  Jeanette

^^^WSS Get it over in one go, you know your folks so can you gauge there reactions before hand? Are they very "deep south " religious or middle America. (sorry I assumed you are in the states). I use that as an analogy not to offend anyone BUT you have to do it sometime or be a stranger.

Denise's ever caution:

Go in guy mode (binder,?) and tell them as a group or tell them ahead of time.  Then you have the choice of guy, androgynous or girl mode for the party.

No warning and showing in girl mode might cause Uncle Phil to go ballistic at the party.  Let him do that in the privacy of his house.

I wouldn't go en femme and just surprise them.  You know your family best, but in every group there are likely to be people who don't take it well. 

I would suggest giving them some warning.  An email a week ahead of time gives any who are over-the-top offended a chance to cancel their plans, and gives those who are supportive time to prepare a welcome for you.  (Gotta think positive!)

You could wear a binder and go in guy mode, but that is just postponing the inevitable.

Surprising people with this news by just appearing in person seems disrespectful to me.  There are several groups that I will be coming out to.  In all cases, I will be giving advance notice to the leaders, then verbal notice (in guy mode) to the members, before appearing as myself.

Thanks girls for all the comments and advice. I like the idea of letting my family know ahead of time and then showing up as the real me. Feeling Hopeful for acceptance.

- Kristen

Please keep us updated.

I came out to most of my family on Facebook. It was difficult to time it because my dad passed away at the end of August, and I wanted to make sure that the news as out for a while before I saw everyone at Thanksgiving. I came out at the end of September. I made a second post mid November thanking everyone for the words of encouragement I received and publicly answering some of the most common questions people were asking me. I showed up to Thanksgiving in pants and a cardigan that were both flowy and blue nail polish. I was super nervous walking through the door, but everyone handled it well.

I told most of my family verbally first....and in most cases face to face as my old male self.   However, the next time we met, I was my female self...and continue to.  Once it starts with some of your family, the easier it gets.

If you go in female mode, you will cause extra problems that you wouldnt have to deal with if you broke the ice one on one first.

Similar example..  my boyfriend and I were going to introduce me to his parents during a dinner at a restraunt.  Intuition told me it was going to cause an uproar, and it actually did.. except it was in the privacy of their home.  It saved them public embarrasment and made healing time shorter, so we could all get along together sooner.