Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi I have something I want to share

I noticed a lot of trans girls around me are mean ( not saying all of us are mean there A LOT of lovely girls here and everywhere ❤️)

However the deal is real !

They don't help you with transitioning things or being nice in general

I guess it's girly thing being mean to each other lol ( it's not funny tho )

But why

we are one community but still there a lot of attention and negativity

Today I just asked a trans girl in real self about her result that she Posted in the first place

I was very polite but she called me names and said go read about because she won't share it

Hmm ok you could use a different way to answer me right ?

Hmmm i think general topics about srs is not 100% accurate only testimony from real patients you can built a view about the surgeons skills

This is not the only case with other trans girl

I can't be friend with any trans girl near me they see you as competitor and not a friend

Is this my experiences only or some else experience the same

I'm not attacking anyone but I'm VERY very sad about what happens

We supposed to be one hand together not treat each other with salty attitudes

Love to all lovely girls here ❤️

Wow, Im somewhat surprised but then again maybe not so much.

Generally CIS women can be very catty and opinionated. I feel bad that trans girls would react this way especially to another trans women. If they are like this then they are not even worth giving the time of day to.

I myself would avoid any person that treated me poorly or disrespectful. When I meet another trans girls I go out of my way to be nice and helpful. We have all battled our way to happiness the least we could do is be respectful to each other.

I some how think that some of it could be young individuals that didn't learn how to treat people right in the first place.

I think its more upbringing and a bad personal trait than just being a trans girl. I have not run into this personally, most girls I have meet are amazing.

Huggs Niki Marie

Lots of men are 'opinionated' and 'mean to each other', as well as seeming to be generally unpleasant and unsupportive of other people.

They just aren't called "catty" for it.

Wow. I thought it was just me who saw other transgenders as competition.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 21, 2017, 02:32:57 PM
Wow. I thought it was just me who saw other transgenders as competition.

Curious...what's your thought process of specifically seeing other Trans woman as competition?  Competition for what?

Quote from: staciM on March 21, 2017, 02:49:51 PM
Curious...what's your thought process of specifically seeing other Trans woman as competition?  Competition for what?

because A guy would go for the prettiest transgender in the bar before they go for the average one so you have to try to out pretty the others.

This is true they act as if they are in competition to beat you in getting a surgery or something. I have not branched out and tried to befriend one but I don't do fake cis straights either. Luckily the internet is around to help


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Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 21, 2017, 02:54:02 PM
because A guy would go for the prettiest transgender in the bar before they go for the average one so you have to try to out pretty the others.

Ah.  Unless you're wearing a sign, or you're in a transgender only establishment, I would think your competition is just other woman, not necessarily other transgender woman.  That's just normal human behaviour being in competition for a mate. 

It seems the OP was talking about transgender girls that are just generally unfriendly and unhelpful in passing-on experience. 

Every girl I've spoken to has been extremely friendly.

I get pretty tired of getting the side eye from other trans girls irl. Ive literally done nothing to them, dont know them, and from the way they look at me (half ready to spit on the ground and hiss at me it looks like.) I dont WANT to know them. I dont see the point in giving people a chance or the benefit of the doubt when its not being given to me. Repsect is a two way street. Im not 'competing' with anyone. I only want to be the best version of me I can humanly be..?

In my opinion every transgender person I have met has been an incredibly nice person. (Whether I knew them as trans first or found out after a few years of friendship)
But I'm a cis woman.. So not part of the trans circle where it may be different.

I was at a transgender Christmas party once where I noticed the younger girls seeming a little bit cliquey, but still generally friendly.

As far as this forum and groups on Facebook or real life meet ups, I generally see many trans people helping each other.
I imagine there is only so much people can help though.. Before talking about it starts to become emotionally draining for them.
For example if someone has been talking about there procedures repeatedly or trying to help newbies continuously eventually it probably becomes too repetitive or they just want a break from discussing gender and surgeries.

On a different note..
I think my partner might experience a little bit of pettiness and jealousy from other trans girls every now and then.

She is fairly wealthy as she was successful with the businesses she started before transition, and now still continues to run after transition.
She is able to afford all the surgeries she needs or wants, and has always looked after her body so had a great figure to start with. Which of course means some view her as coming from a place of privilege.
The media also paid attention to her transition..
So some say she should do more for the community because she is in the spotlight, others say she needs to step off because she only just transitioned. .. She is damned if she does or damned if she doesn't.
She raised $20,000 for a trans youth camp for rural kids this last year, but even so some people find ways to say she isn't doing enough in the right areas etc.

I think there are some girls who really dislike her for this.

She wants to step away from the community and achieve things as Savannah, before she comes back .. Because right now she feels like she is only getting credit for her past life and instead wants to achieve things as a woman too.

So I can see where it would be difficult for some to get along in the trans community.. Everyone still comes from different walks of life


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One thing Susan's Place is occasionally accused of is over moderation. It's true that the moderation is pretty strict but we don't allow some of the things I have seen take place on other sites to occur here. Anybody who violates the rules is given a chance to reform. If they don't reform, we have sufficed tools at our disposal to make them conform or eliminate them from the site. Should you receive that type of treatment here, hit the report to moderator button to the right of the post at issue. If it's in a PM, use the report to administrator button and send it to Cindy or Susan. Your privacy will be protected and only the forum moderators and administrators will know you made the report.

As for the reason why they do it, for some it's because they can. The people here are serious about addressing their issues and most have had a rough time in life. When you have to deal with difficult issues, you learn the advantage of friends and having favors owed you. If people are out only for themselves, they don't care who they harm so their behavior isn't good.

You are best to avoid that type of person on web sites and in life. If the site has major problems and will not address them, it would be best to avoid those sites. Life is to short to deal with people who don't appreciate your feelings.

I never dealt with this before, but I only engage with transgender women online. (counting Second Life back when it had a really active transgender community).

I dealt with this with gay guys though lol *a past life of mine*, it's like the 'side eye' look... nothing too extreme though. I don't really deal with the male gay community anymore though.

----
I got a little tizzy today, I said, oh Jessica Simpson in boot are made for walking isn't in my league (acting like a straight guy here)... and the male friend said... "You think Christina Aguilera is in your league, maybe now... maybe in a hundred years...." That's because I said a prior comment about her beauty really pretty in 2003.


***I just said, "Well Britney Spears in 2007 is in my league". And then he responded, "When she was bald? and crazy"....

I could careless all honestly... but that was a slammer to me about the Xtina comment. I just agreed with him, saying she has a great voice, and that's why.

Quote from: staciM on March 21, 2017, 03:02:48 PM
Ah.  Unless you're wearing a sign, or you're in a transgender only establishment, I would think your competition is just other woman, not necessarily other transgender woman.  That's just normal human behaviour being in competition for a mate. 

It seems the OP was talking about transgender girls that are just generally unfriendly and unhelpful in passing-on experience. 

Every girl I've spoken to has been extremely friendly.

I was just using that saved an example. I see any transgender as competition when it comes to looks because guys would go out with a transgender who is hot before they go out with one that's average.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 21, 2017, 02:54:02 PM
because A guy would go for the prettiest transgender in the bar before they go for the average one so you have to try to out pretty the others.

Good luck with the guys that date you just for your looks.

Geez,

Life must be so full of insecurities when one is concerned with other trans women/cis woman prettier than them specially when it comes to dating men.

I am myself obsessed with looks and getting every possible surgery to prefect every aspect of my physical being. But when I see a prettier/pretty transwoman, I become so joyous and think of her as my inspiration/role model.

Quote from: Ypsf09 on March 21, 2017, 09:49:39 PM
Geez,

Life must be so full of insecurities when one is concerned with other trans women/cis woman prettier than them specially when it comes to dating men.

I am myself obsessed with looks and getting every possible surgery to prefect every aspect of my physical being. But when I see a prettier/pretty transwoman, I become so joyous and think of her as my inspiration/role model.

It depends on the circumstances for me.

But this is inspiring

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1.pudelekx.pl%2F0eb368cd4077a4f31d830c515a5af51160688b17%2F000-png&hash=6512bcd041729bd65781e1b8ef6fb341c7be74ac)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.asn.im%2Fthis-transgender-woman-has-spent-a-fortune-to-look-like-jessica-rabbit-_xsqm.jpg&hash=7209db8696c9dba1ab143ce00efb04b985397d87)

Quote from: Wild Flower on March 21, 2017, 09:52:47 PM
It depends on the circumstances for me.

But this is inspiring

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1.pudelekx.pl%2F0eb368cd4077a4f31d830c515a5af51160688b17%2F000-png&hash=6512bcd041729bd65781e1b8ef6fb341c7be74ac)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.asn.im%2Fthis-transgender-woman-has-spent-a-fortune-to-look-like-jessica-rabbit-_xsqm.jpg&hash=7209db8696c9dba1ab143ce00efb04b985397d87)

i don't this the red haired one looks pretty tbh. The blonde on the other hand is pretty.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 21, 2017, 10:07:42 PM
i don't this the red haired one looks pretty tbh. The blonde on the other hand is pretty.

That's the same person, but I think the red hair version is her with more plastic surgeries because her ultimately goal was to look like Jessica Rabbit. That's just a wild guess though.

Her name is Cassandra Cass... there's actually more blonde pictures of her on google than red by her name.

http://people.com/bodies/transgender-woman-spends-200k-on-plastic-surgery-to-look-like-jessica-rabbit/

On the other hand, her looking like Jessica Rabbit could had been a publicity stunt because that's the only reason why I know of her... lol

Here she is as wonder woman.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fpre04.deviantart.net%2F9d4c%2Fth%2Fpre%2Ff%2F2016%2F189%2Fc%2F6%2Fcassandra_cass_as_wonder_woman_2_by_captpatriot2020-da9b9sy.jpg&hash=57b5e40c0ff7f34cd9322e6391315312f55efa51)

----
I'm just saying she made an ugly guy into an "attractive in a sexual way" woman. Which says a lot.

Quote from: rose on March 21, 2017, 02:01:11 PM
Hi I have something I want to share

I noticed a lot of trans girls around me are mean ( not saying all of us are mean there A LOT of lovely girls here and everywhere ❤️)

However the deal is real !

They don't help you with transitioning things or being nice in general

I guess it's girly thing being mean to each other lol ( it's not funny tho )

But why

we are one community but still there a lot of attention and negativity

Today I just asked a trans girl in real self about her result that she Posted in the first place

I was very polite but she called me names and said go read about because she won't share it

Hmm ok you could use a different way to answer me right ?

Hmmm i think general topics about srs is not 100% accurate only testimony from real patients you can built a view about the surgeons skills

This is not the only case with other trans girl

I can't be friend with any trans girl near me they see you as competitor and not a friend

Is this my experiences only or some else experience the same

I'm not attacking anyone but I'm VERY very sad about what happens

We supposed to be one hand together not treat each other with salty attitudes

Love to all lovely girls here ❤️

I think some of it is some people are just ->-bleeped-<-ty people.  No matter what gender or orientation.  The other side of it is that a lot of Trans girls are going through some rough stuff.  Transition and just accepting what you are and finding your place in the dating scene is hard enough.  And then there's all the rejection, social issues, prejudice, the list goes on and on.

I consider my self lucky for a lot of reasons, and I handle these things very differently then most people do, but I also understand how other girls might have had it a lot tougher, and low self esteem is a bitch. 

And yeah I'm sure a lot of trans girls will be catty with each other just like men can be sometimes in a different way.  But not all girls are like that, those are just the ones we notice more.

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Quote from: Wild Flower on March 21, 2017, 10:42:05 PM
That's the same person, but I think the red hair version is her with more plastic surgeries because her ultimately goal was to look like Jessica Rabbit. That's just a wild guess though.

Her name is Cassandra Cass... there's actually more blonde pictures of her on google than red by her name.

http://people.com/bodies/transgender-woman-spends-200k-on-plastic-surgery-to-look-like-jessica-rabbit/

i wouldnt look at plastic surgery transgenders as inspiration because their results are unrealistic. The male pic of her would never have been able to pass even with hormones if she hadn't got those surgeries. It's fake beauty and if a transgender had to change that much about their face then they didn't look so hot before.

At least those catty women are honest.... then dealing with a Regina George or a Glinda the Good Witch (at least you know where you stand with the Wicked Witch, but Glinda knew all long on how Dorothy could go home, but Glinda made her suffer with three grown men for selfish purposes to kill the Wicked Witch).... lol

I know how you feel. There are many people out there who actively hate us. It makes no sense to to fight amongst ourselves.

There are great people here and I have a couple great trans friends. Funny thing is, with my friends I spend most of my time listening, here I talk and talk (embarrassing how much I talk here really) and people rarely talk back. It doesn't matter.

Here we deal with generation gaps, a rainbow of personalities and all levels of tolerance. It's not surprising that there are some issues.

Yes, it appears that it is a competition. Why, I don't know. We are admired for our gifts but we are respected and and loved for our actions.

I have given up trying to understand. Maybe I can only aspire to be the one with the good personality, but the older I get the harder it gets to find new friends, I will take the ones that choose me because I am a true friend.

It must be even more harder having to deal with insecurities related to pretty woman and not having faith in plastic surgery. Maybe despair sometimes turns into cattiness/jealousy. Oopsie. Lol


Wildflower,

Cassandra Cass is one of my trans inspirations too in addition to Ana Mancini, Ava Sabrina London, Maria Roman, Amanda Lepore and Jenna talackova.

One of my good tran friend hates( I mean really hates) all of them for looking so fake and plastic. She looks down on them thinking she looks hyper feminine with very little cosmetic surgery and just hormones. Reality is she is androgynous/masculine looks wise but hyper feminine behavior/attire wise.

Anyways she fails to realize that these women are inspirational not for looking plastic/fake but for their strong determination+hard work in going from sometimes a ugly guy to a super hot woman and not settling for anything mediocre. They are realistic in realizing that being trans, wanting to look really good/hot and yet be natural looking is not possible for huge majority of transwoman. I personally find transwoman like these much cooler, confident and secure than transwoman that are critical of them.

Also just because I look up to them doesn't mean I want to necessarily look like them. My personal aesthetic is more like this, maybe because I am part Asian.

http://imgur.com/gXsu3Er

Although I have noticed and realize that it exists in nearly every aspect of life I often find this idea of competition rather confusing and feel it to be an ignorant waste of time and energy

Personally I am more interested in giving love and support

Possibly that is why I joined a support site?

Hugs

Not to sound all critical and everything, but I think what's being discussed here is more of a maturity thing, not a trans thing. Girls gonna be girls, haters gonna be haters. Youth rocks in so many ways....but it sucks too...for a lot of reasons. I think the problem the O.P. brings up is more a product of young people interacting poorly than it is a trans thing. Older women....trans and cis, are much more empathetic and understanding of others. There needs to be some upside to being older. Being over your damn self seems to be one of them.

Quote from: jentay1367 on March 22, 2017, 08:13:56 AM
Not to sound all critical and everything, but I think what's being discussed here is more of as maturity thing, not a trans thing. Girls gonna be girls, haters gonna be haters. Youth rocks in so many ways....but it sucks too...for a lot of reasons. I think the problem the O.P. brings up is more a product of young people interacting poorly than it is a trans thing. Older women....trans and cis, are much more empathetic and understanding of others. There needs to be some upside to being older. Being over your damn self seems to be one of them.

Why can't we be born as Benjamin Button and grow young instead of grow old. So when we reach our 50s-40s-30s-20s, we would have a maturity outlook. Although it would start getting depressing too. 45 years old would be like the highlight year of our lives.

Ypsf09

I agree. It's the determination that does it for me. Like I love Marilyn Monroe, but she's not my inspiration... but Britney Spears hands down is inspiring because she went through her insanity and came out ahead. (ALTHOUGH, there is conspiracy with Marilyn so if that's true than it's invalid). But same with Tyra Banks, she's my role model as far as TV hosts, although she was born with that beauty, but she went and made so much more than just being a model.

I can't really talk about celebrities right now... they're not the average person.

I don't know who the most inspiring transgender person is right now... I have to come back with that.

QuoteWhy can't we be born as Benjamin Button and grow young instead of grow old.

L.O.L.  Cuz, nobody would tolerate a bunch of snotty, ugly, bitchy old broads running around! There'd be a bounty on us :o

This post made me think, and not because there are many, many topics going on here.  The main point of trans women being mean.  I have to admit that I have been "catty" with my close friends about some other trans women.  And it is not something I am necessarily proud of, but it has happened.  These were private conversations and none of the details ever left the confines of the conversation.  The details behind these "catty b!tch" sessions are not important, but they do serve as an avenue I needed at the time to express frustration I was having with another person, and this other person happened to be another trans woman.

I did not then, nor do I now think that this is anything different than any other time cis women get together and discuss other cis women.  And I know that, because I have been in those conversations too and they are EXACTLY the same.  At least they were for me.

Now I am, and always will be a nice person.  I never say a bad word about someone and am genuinely friendly to everyone I meet.  Nevertheless, there are those in society, trans or cis, whom I do not care for, it may be due to something they said, how they treated me or my friends, or something as superficial as the way they smell (I am kinda weird about smells...long story).  But I never publically or in a mean way treat those people poorly, or demean them.  I stay polite, and find ways to excuse myself from thier presence.  Is this mean?  I do not know, but it does, as far as I am concerned, remove me from a potentially uncomfortable situation.  I can see how this may make me seem stand-offish or pretenitious, but I would rather make the situation more comfotable for all by removing myself.

This is my perspective on the meanness or the perceived mean-girl attitude that I experience or have been a part of.

As for the competition, I leave that to the kids, I am too old to worry about being in competition with someone because of my looks.  While I am attracted to a certain look, I know from experience that looks are the most superficial part of any relationship.  The fundamental heart of any long term and solid relationship is based on the heart.  This is not visible when you first meet someone.  This is only know through getting to know someone.  If you can find a heart that makes you soar, it does not matter what the package that heart is wrapped in looks like.  So competition of the packaging will ultimately leave the seeker longing for something more than fancy wrapping paper.

I will now retreat to my hermit cave on top of the mountain :)

I've responded to similar posts on this subject and at times i feel like i am living on another planet with another population than many of you are describing. I just do not see it. Maybe if i was presenting as a girl in high school i would have saw it because i had some vague memories of girls being mean to each other in that setting, competing for boyfriends etc.

Maybe it is the people i hang out with i don't know. What is to be gained from making someone feel bad? What use is to feel superior than someone else?. Most of it is happenstance and out of our control anyways. I am who i am and i always want to do better and treat people better.

As for competition for looks, same thing. There was a cis woman that was sort of competition for the guy i am seeing currently and i befriended her and basically said i am cool with whatever occurs, i am cool if he dates us both etc. Ultimately he chose to date me only, but i would have never have denigrated her to him. There really is nothing to gain and a whole lot to lose

Lots of comments about looks being an end all for some.  Almost all of my friends are female and some I have known for decades at this point.  The ones that did not last as close friends are the ones who were 'hunting' for a mate.  They were so caught up on being 'the hot one' that once that passed, they were proverbially 'screwed' when the looks ran out, and ladies...they will run out at some point.

I have watched the catty stuff, being a product of the 90's when the internet put TRANS online for the world to start looking at.  I can say I got caught up in some it myself, but realized quickly that I had longings for something other than the partners who needed the hottest in the room.  There generally was nothing there but sex and that is not enough to make anything lasting.

My mom gave me the sagest advice I have ever heard, are you one that is going to peak in high school or are you going to have an awesome life when it counts for something.  Thank you mom!  Wisest woman I ever knew and her perspective now means more to me than ever.  I have a gorgeous partner and an awesome life.  I have a life that I enjoy and the ability to live well.  The cagey sort of behaviors are ones best left to others as they carry a special price of oft wasted time.  When they rear their presence, I find something else, constructive, to do.

In the end, it is up to each of us to determine what is important to our own selves.  Time is a precious commodity that once spent cannot be repurchased or extended.  Seems a waste to pay towards something that will likely lead to eventual vacancy.

Just my take on it, nothing more and nothing less.

Quote from: kaitylynn on March 22, 2017, 11:56:00 AM
In the end, it is up to each of us to determine what is important to our own selves.  Time is a precious commodity that once spent cannot be repurchased or extended.  Seems a waste to pay towards something that will likely lead to eventual vacancy.

Well said and a sage thought. I've always let this thought be one of my life's principles regardless of looks, lifestyle, etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buYo3UPIRXE