Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My nickname is barbie and probably and hopefully some of people in this forum remember me. I guess I am an M2F transgender or an androgyne. I am a dad of 3 children and have seldom worn men's dress for the last 5 years.

My wife, parents,  colleagues, friends now mostly accept my crossdressing, despite some initial difficulties. What I lost was my masculine authority, and what I got was a lot girl friends. Girls no longer hesitate to talk to me regarding their personal issues. I like to chat with girls regarding cosmetics and fashion. I am popular among girls, and of course my male friends always support me.

Regarding my children, my eldest son does not like my wearing very-short miniskirt. He sometimes shouts like "Dad, it is too short!". Accepting his request, I seldom wear skirt, not to mention miniskirt.

I am a marathoner, and I finished a 42-km full-course a few weeks ago, and I am going to run a half course tomorrow morning.


Thanks for your attention,

Welcome, Barbie!

There are so many here who identify with your story and feel your pain.  And many more who will be looking forward to the help you can bring.   You pic is amazing!

Have a great time here.  Looking forward to knowing you better,

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Thanks, Kristi, for your warm welcoming.

I am not a native English speaker, but can manage to communicate with people around the world. After reading more posts in various forums here, I may participate in discussion.

Today, I would like to introduce me further by telling some of my everyday's stories.

I ran for a half-course marathon today morning. It became suddenly cold and windy, but I did not prepare for it. My dresses were actually for exhibiting my body, rather than for protecting my body from coldness. While returning home, I tried my best to keep warmth. My appearance was certainly bizarre to people in the subway, as they tried to study me by glancing at me several times, as is now usual with me.

Yesterday, I drove to meet my father and younger brother in downtown area. I selected black leggings and hot pants with a long one-piece tee to hide the pants. I looked like wear a miniskirt, but I wore a large men's sports jacket to look more like a man,  and put up a sack to emphasize my waist line. I enjoyed attentions in the street. My dad and brother did not comment on my appearance, which also became usual nowadays.

Last Friday, there was an annual event at my workplace and I got a small prize as a best entertainer because of my sissy pink tee and Calvin Klein jeans. During the dinner party, I drank and danced on the stage, and everybody looked delighted. I got cheers more from women rather than from men.

I like 2 welcome u 2 :-)

U r goddess and I think I am bit jealous LOL

I think most of us can appreciate the gift 2 be feminine and you are a VERY NICE example!!!

Welcome Barbie! ;D

Welcome to Susans barbie :) :) :)

Hello Barbie and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you for your introduction.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page), chat (https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html), and the links listed at the main page. (https://www.susans.org/index.html)  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay :)

tink :icon_chick:

Hi there

Welcome. I hope you will have a great time here.

Jx

Thanks for all greetings.

Now I completed 15 posts!!
It took 3 days.

Barbie~~

Hi Barbie Welcome to Susan's or should that be return to Susan's I have only been here about 5 moths but I was here 8 years ago as well.

Lovely picture I wouldn't have known you were ever a male.

I try to greet all the newbies

Cindy

Welcome Barbie!!! You look great!!!

Welcome.

You have a great personality and nice style.

Welcome to the forums. You sound very interesting. I look forward to reading more from you.

Ken/Kendra/KK

Wellcome Barbie to Susans - I am sure  you will enjoy your stay.

Alice

Karen,

Western Europe countries I have visited are not so many. Spain, Belgium, Germany, Finland... But I expect that I will have chance to visit more. General stereotype in my country on western societies is that western people are more open minded on sexual issues such as gay/lesbian and transgender. So far, I experienced and realized that people in my country are actually more flexible on those issues. I think the difference lies in religion and law, which I may have a chance to detail later. I just introduce a news here: http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200404/200404130027.html (http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200404/200404130027.html)

I also want some e-friends, as I do not have any crossdresser or transgender friend in my real life. I hope to learn and share with you.

Regarding nail painting, I did wear it a few years ago, but I do not it here because even women do not wear manicure at my workplace. And, it is too time-consuming to keep painted nails (every sunday!). My nail photo about 3 yrs ago:

Barbie~~

Yes. We can become e-friends. Just do it.

I once visited Brussels to attend a conference in Bruges. It was nice place, and I liked eating codfish with beers. Next time, I hope to visit Paris.

Most people think I am 20's when looking at my back, but 30's if they see my face. But I am actually 40's. My face is not in good condition, and have had skin problem, which is now cured after consulting with an kind and excellent doctor. As I smoke and drink alcohol beverages everyday, my friends recommended me to quit both for my facial health. I am so addictive, and I can not do it. Today morning I could not wear foundation and powder, because I drunk too much last night and my face was not in good condition. Nevertheless, I regularly exercise, delaying my senility a little bit.

I am not quite sure how may more years I will be able to keep current physical shape. All people become old to die. I can not avoid it, but I just try to enjoy myself at present.

It's about 6 PM here, and I am going to attend a dinner party where we will drink a lot with sashimi (raw fish).

Cheers,

Barbie~~

I am in Brussels now writing this. I work here.  Long time in construction but now I am in finance. I used to calculate stations for purifying water before. There are some around Bruges.  The iron in the concrete, something like that.  And afterwards it was renovation of buildings.  But now it's all about intrest rates. I don't know what I like better.  Sometimes I miss the contractors.  Maybe it was my destiny ... to end up in finance like some of my family even having a different background.

I have never found Brussels to be a beautiful city. I guess I am not supposed to say that but it is the truth. It is also dangerous to walk here on the streets in the evening.  Last week I visited an exhibition about Rubens, a famous Belgian painter, but even culture is not so good in Brussels. My boss says that Brussels is the capital of Europe, perhaps it is ?  NATO is here also for example and many european institutions. But we are also on the verge of collapsing. We have 6 governments, believe it or not. And months after the elections we still do not have a new federal government. Some call Belgium supernaturalistic because here crazy things happen sometimes. Like 6 governments for a very small country after all. Or 3 different languages. German, Dutch and French.

Bruges on the other hand is in my opinion the most beautiful city of Belgium but I prefer the charm of Gent. Next time you come to Belgium you should try to visit Gent.  You have made a good choice with Bruges, no doubt. I live 2,5 hours in the car from Paris. Many times I go shopping in France because it is only 10 minutes from where I live.

I had skin trouble also. Acne, for many years. But after all I came out well I think. I don't really have scars in my face. And taking the medication ( some kind of vitamin A ) made my skin very soft. I am 30's. I don't smoke and I don't drink. Smoking I did in the past but for drinking something stops me. It's just not my thing. Red wine and champaign sometimes but not much at all.

I will go see "SICKO" this evening. The political party invited me. It's about the American health care system. I don't think it will be a dinner party afterwards. The museum with Rubens last week had a "walking dinner". I was also invited. And it was good but the paintings are violent. Rubens is not my thing, I prefer Picasso.

Cheers,

Karen

8)

Karen,

I remember I once shortly stopped at Gent. To my ears, they seemed to pronounce it as 'Kent'.

I think my country was originally gorgeous, but nowadays many beautiful places were already developed to be ugly. Still, there are some good places to visit, especially mountains and beaches. High population density is the ultimate reason of environmental destructions.

Some of my recent outdoor photos in my country:

Barbie~~

Hi Barbie

Beautiful pics. It's such a shame all of the environmental destruction. Although Canada is mostly wilderness the southern part is beginning to show environmental disintegration. I love being out in nature and I go out as often as I can it a rejuvenation of the body and soul.

This is the only photo I have of Vancouver BC, my soul mate and I moved here back in August.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi11.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa191%2Fcynthiag932%2F57340007.jpg&hash=75500ed7aae30747a18aa6c1ea46caa5bdced3f8)

If you wish to see more pics of me and my soulmate I have posted some yesterday on the
(Bored girls post pictures.) thread.

Cindy 

I very much like your shoes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean the open ones with the high heels where you stand with your hands on your head. They look a bit like red ones which I used to try on ( indoors hidden ).

It was good for me to come here I think. I don't seem to fully understand yet how this posting works but you will give me courage I think and support in moving also.  Tell you the truth I'd wish I could act like you do. 

About Gent .... I don't know how to reply below it ... Gent is cool.  It's a city of students. Alive in the evening. But probably less interesting for tourists than Brugge. Gent is more a city to go out if you live here while Brugge is ...... well for tourists. I lived in Gent when I was a student. I had a room there. Now my niece is there during the week also.

Belgium is one big city. We are completely overpopulated. Getting a piece of land to build a house is even a complete impossibility almost.

Quote from: cindybc on November 23, 2007, 11:55:28 AM

If you wish to see more pics of me and my soulmate I have posted some yesterday on the
(Bored girls post pictures.) thread.

Cindy 

Hi, Cindy,

I already saw some photos of you and your mate. You are beautiful. I am not quite sure whether I can keep a shape like you at your age, or even whether I will crossdress. Nowadays, I think more about getting old. My facial feminity has decreased with my age.

I just once visited Canada in the way to the Niagara Fall. I have more chances to visit Canada in the near future. Some of my colleagues just came back from Victoria, a Canadian Island.

Barbie~~


Posted on: November 23, 2007, 06:34:51 PM

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Quote from: Kaeren on November 23, 2007, 02:40:18 PM
I very much like your shoes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean the open ones with the high heels where you stand with your hands on your head. They look a bit like red ones which I used to try on ( indoors hidden ).

It was good for me to come here I think. I don't seem to fully understand yet how this posting works but you will give me courage I think and support in moving also.  Tell you the truth I'd wish I could act like you do. 

Yes. I liked heels, and it was really exciting when I wore it at the frist time. My wife purchased my own first heels for me, but returned it to the store as the size was not correct. I now know my correct size, 265 cm, US 10 women's, or EU 42. I have a lot indoor photos of wearing heels, as I was once addicted to taking my own photos.

Those recent ourdoor photos were taken by somebody else. One of my male colleague took the photo of my wearing black high-heel sandals. He complained at time that I asked too many photos, and he was tired of it. He and I like to trip together for some official tasks of my workplace. He does not fully understand why I crossdress, but he accepts it as natural, but sometimes worries about my kids.

Some of my friends and colleagues who accept me like him certainly helped me a lot in my journey to crossdress. Without them, it could be more difficult, and even I could not keep my job. Also, some of my old mentors support me, and now I can not appreciate how valuable the role of their help is.

Barbie~~

Hi Barbie
If you can, you should come visit BC as well. It's really nice here to and the weather is much warmer then the rest of Canada. We have only been here since August and I am still working on getting use to the energy of the people. When we first got here it was like a culture shock, ye the people are different here, like it's another country. It's not negative energy just different. I am starting to get more use to it now. Well I'm a country girl anyway I born and raised in a small town in southern Ontario. Cant you take hormones so that you can stay feminine?

Cindy     

Quote from: cindybc on November 23, 2007, 08:25:25 PM
Cant you take hormones so that you can stay feminine?

Cindy     

I do not like taking medical pills such as cough medicine.  Even I usually do not take antibiotic medicine the doctor prescribed. I am not quite sure why I hate medicine. But, if I were not married, I could sometimes have considered taking hormone.

And, I suspect that my regular exercise stimulates my feminine mood. In retrospect, my desire to be a woman became stronger when I started exercise and decreased when I stopped exercise. During the last 4 days, I did not run in the morning, and today I do not feel the desire so much. It's weird?? Or, could be scientifically proven?

Hi Barbie
OK just asking is all. Ya I don't much like medications either, outside the hormones I only take one other medication which is necessary to keep my moods stable. I tried to go off once and that was a big mistake. But if those are the only two meds I need to take at my age I count myself very fortunate. I'm afraid it gets rougher as you get older, the desire to be the gender you crave to be gets stronger. If you are Trans, I'm afraid it will not be denied. Take care and good health be with you.

Cindy

I would take female hormones.  Perhaps I really will later ?

But I'm afraid it will change my psyche.  That it will give me fear. I know my natural male hormones give me a strong analytic mind that is not afraid of anything at all.  You can call me Kaeren without fear.

Kaeren on hormones might be Kaeren one and all fear.

Well transitioning is serious business. You need to be certain of what you need and if you are then  go to a therapist and just do it. Do not let indecision and fear be part of the journey. Indecision and fear could turn out to be your worst enemy. So transitioning is what you want to make of it. It can either bring peace and satisfaction to the soul or fear. It is your choice as to which you want to pick. You will find that a woman's strength is in the emotions. So transitioning is just what you wish to make of it. But if you have a family and children that you love, then this may not be for you.

Cindy 

Cindy,

I have a family and children. But I felt being in the wrong body as soon as 6 years old, maybe as soon as I recall.  Years ago I went to a therapist.  I had severe acne and it became a real problem. I stopped studying one year because of it.  One of the issues we ( the psychiatrist and I ) discussed was my crossdressing. He had spoken to my mother.  And he thought I had a depression because of this "gender-issue".  It came back a few times, and then I said to him "Look, it's true I have my special clothes but I don't make a problem of that." 

Shame on me that after so many years I'm still not an expert in knowledge about this. But I believe I read that you should be a fulltime crossdresser for over a year before you can take some next steps. That's all right if you look like Barbie who started this discussion but me, I'm not even close to looking like a woman. I like my own feet but apart from that I have a chest and arms.

I think my wife would accept it. Last night she told me we should buy a wig for me. I slept with her sleeping dress aal night.  I'm pretty lucky with my wife to tell you the truth. SHe's very selfish but apart from that she seems to combine a lot of qualities. She's smarter than I am, she looks very good, she has an open mind, she's an excellent mother, ... .  I'm also no animal. I treat my wife well, and my children also. She also didn't marry me for money or so.  She married me because of myself and I'm very lucky to have found such a bright woman.

And about my children, .......... well I suffered from my acne. They'll survive it. There is worse than having 2 mothers.  But no matter I would take things easy anyhow.

I'm not sure I need or want a therapist.

I might change this later a bit. I should go put the table. It's my birthday party.

Kaeren.

Today I saw two wrinkles in my forehead, and massaged the area with cream. I thought for a moment that, if I take that kind hormone, those wrinkles would not appear for a while, as I would have more fat in my face. For beauty, take hormone? Again, I thought that I am an androgyne in my mind set, not a strong m2f transsexual. I can live without taking hormones. Even before the modern medical technologies were developed, there always had been transsexuals at any place, any time. They surived to transfer their DNA sequences or whatever to us without taking hormones or SRS. And there are some risks in taking hormones such as mental depression. I am relatively healthy compared with the same age bracket, and exercise regularly for maintain health.

On the other hand, I wondered why I consider or imagine more frequently taking hormomes recenlty, although immediately I reject it. I heard that crossdressing is irreversble, and think that my transsexualism could have been stronger and stronger whereas I have more tasks to do at workplace and I sense my aging.
Last year, news media in this country reported that an old person at 70's underwent SRS sucessfully. Could I be the second case? Who knows...

Nevertheless, right now I do not want hormones or SRS at all.

Barbie~~

Shwarzenegger in his encyclopedia of modern bodybuilding admits having taken anabolics. But he adds to it,  he only took them after having tried to get as far as possible the normal way with training for example.

I believe I would have the same attitude towards female hormones. First you try to get as far as you can the normal way. And then in the end when there is no other way to make any progress you take the chemicals.

But I wouldn't be afraid to use them as a tool to make a difference. NBut at least then you're 100 % sure this is your thing.

Kaeren

Quote from: Kaeren on November 22, 2007, 07:36:19 AM

Bruges on the other hand is in my opinion the most beautiful city of Belgium but I prefer the charm of Gent. Cheers,

Karen

So do I. Cheers to Jacques Brell!  :icon_drunk:

LLL&R

Maebh

Hi Kaeren, I know some who have went on HRT for a year or so and some for several months before they came out full time. You need to look around for a proper therapist who deals with TS I believe hon. I began full time one month before I was on the hormones. What got me through the early part of transition was I was a pretty good performer and I was reasonably adept with humor and I believe that this was my ticket towards being accepted, it certainly was not because It was my looks that were passable. Not in early transition anyway. 

Now I would pass pretty good after seven years on HRT. In my earlier days before I knew about TS I  thought I was a CD because I had nothing else to compare to. So I use to put on acts, I mean dressed up and played female roles sometimes with an audience of friends. I loved being a ham on the armature acting scene.

Cindy   

Cindy,

I know ....... I know ..... I need a therapist.  But I don't want one. I don't like therapists.

I'm sure he's going to have a box to classify me in pretty soon. What did one say again ? I'm autistic. He talked 5 minutes to me and he knew it.  That's it. I'm supposed to be autistic. Where does he get it from anyhow ?  It's not because you keep a low profile that you are autistic.  I just don't want to have my picture in the news, not yet anyhow.  If he would say I have a GID, I would understand. But he didn't see that in 5 minutes.  And I'm sure he wouldn't have noticed in 12 hours neither.  Although I don't see it as a disorder you see. I'm not a disorder !!!

My former girlfriend is with an autistic guy. She is still a friend.  She seems to be attracted to them, I mean autistic people. First me and now him. At least that is what they said of course about him.  I admit sometimes he doesn't say much, when you go to a pub for example.  But I say a lot and I'm still autistic. If I have to. 

This forum is my therapist. And I would probably be on HRT several years before I come out.

I said to my friend where I work "Go to the doctor and get the pill and then you give it to me."  But she didn't want to or she didn't think it was serious. I still have some from my wife by the way. She doesn't know it.

I can't wait for a proper opportunity to play the role you have plaid also. Halloween or new year or ... . To my own surprise I looked a bit female in my sleeping dress. But I need a wig you know. And I'm still thinking about those boots I saw but didn't buy.

How do you keep your job anyhow ? Because they are not going to accept this here, believe me.

Kaeren.

Hi Kaeren
No problems with the mones that is entirely your own decision to make as to weather you are Trans or not. I was only suggesting that if you believe your present therapist is holding back on you you may want to start looking around for another one. This is the only way I can think that is not illegal. Using other peoples estrogen even in the form of birth control pills is dangerous.

How did I keep my job, I just walked into my place of work as Cindy and my supervisor was ok with it she was more concerned over my safety then anything else. As for the mental health consumers I was working with just got use to me and after a couple of years I don't think they remembered who I was. before. Mind you I had been living in that town as my other self for three years and I continued working as a social worker for 7 more years before they retired me.     

Quote from: Kaeren on December 03, 2007, 12:36:19 AM
Cindy,

I'm sure he's going to have a box to classify me in pretty soon. What did one say again ? I'm autistic. He talked 5 minutes to me and he knew it.  That's it. I'm supposed to be autistic. Where does he get it from anyhow ?  It's not because you keep a low profile that you are autistic.  I just don't want to have my picture in the news, not yet anyhow.  If he would say I have a GID, I would understand. But he didn't see that in 5 minutes.  And I'm sure he wouldn't have noticed in 12 hours neither.  Although I don't see it as a disorder you see. I'm not a disorder !!!

In some respects, I agree with you, Kaeren.

Medicare nowadays competitively requires entrepreneurship. I mean doctors want money and profit, and they are busy. Their priority in decision is not what is best for the patient, but what is most profitable while attracting more patients. Of course, we may be lucky to find a sincere and excellent doctor. In psychiatric offices, I may be diagnosed at least one kind of mental disorder. Doctors can label it whatever you are.

In this sense, I sometimes think that the SRS itself could have been overly practiced recently, at least in the U.S. You may research and compare statistics of SRS and occurrence ratio of strong transsexualism.

The final decision is upon you, not upon doctors. No doctor lives on the behalf of me.

Nevertheless, I think consulting with doctors are always beneficial, if I am sound to make my final decision.

Barbie~~

Quote from: cindybc on December 03, 2007, 01:53:14 AM
Hi Kaeren
No problems with the mones that is entirely your own decision to make as to weather you are Trans or not. I was only suggesting that ....

and so on

Cindy,

I don't have a therapist. I used to have one during puberty when I had skin trouble. Tell you the truth I did think about going to one recently. I mean to the same one I had 15 years ago. Like "Hello, you still remember me."    And then, you know "About that cross dressing thing ......... well it never went away in fact."  But in the end there is only one that can make a difference and that is myself.

Maybe saying this is out of place here but I installed a new kitchen this summer. And I already forgot how the old one looked. I suppose it is the same with people. Once people get used to your new look they tend to forget the old one.

What I above all need also more for myself is a nice result. And I would prefer to wait for anything unless I have such a result. The way Barbie does it is kind of an example to me. Before that I would prefer to be a bad actor as you told me.

I'll go run, I'll go get some brown skin under the machine.  I'll try to get the budget. And step by step I will get there also. I strongly believe in the "slowly but surely" rule.

I'm happy to communicate with you by the way ! I don't mind if you tell me that my opinion is wrong or should be changed at all. I know very well I'm not an expert. I'm simply surrounding myself with experts. My strategy ... ;-) .

Kaeren.



Posted on: December 03, 2007, 09:01:25 AM

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Barbie,

I agree. Also, in some respects.  One of my colleagues had her knee operated. She can not walk anymore since. Those hospitals did their investments and they have to get their money back. They will operate you for whatever reason.  If I would have some surgery done I would go to Thailand I think. Where some surgeons do it all the time. I need a real expert.

I'm not against doctors. Do not misunderstand. .... In fact I would have written something like what you wrote also.

Recently I went to the doctor, the one we always go to. And he told me, "You know you should come back once. We'll take some blood and we'll analyze your cholesterol."  He's still waiting for me to come back. What is he going to do then ? Give some anti-cholesterol pills I never asked for in the first place ? Or give me some vitamins perhaps that don't work neither.

I had my teeth made white recently. I investigated on the internet. Then I went to the dentist. It costed me 500 euro. And I have a result, not a perfect one but at least a big difference. Looking in the magazines about products you're supposed to use simply does not work. I used opalescence to make them white. I'm happy I did. My teeth are nice, they were only a bit colored. Not anymore.

What I mean is, sometimes it is better to spent some more and get a real result.

A psychologist is not going to make a difference for me. I know myself. If I would take one it would only be to get things legally or so. No other reason.

Look, you want to loose weight ? MOVE YOUR BODY ! There is no secret. All the other stuff they sell that is supposed not to hurt and so ... forget it. You see some athlete then selling some stupid machine on the TV. Believe me, no pain no gain. That's how he did it. Not with that machine he wants to sell on the tv.

Kaeren.