Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have just figured out that I am transgender and am happy to say that accepting who I am has caused my depression to lift. I have been a male for 57 years and I don't know how to act like a woman. Can anyone give me some advice on how to act and feel more feminine ~ Thanks!

After nearly 6 decades of playing a persona its going to take work and dedication. My best advice, go to a park. Sit on a bench, observe (not in a creepy way tho obviously) all these amazing females around you. Their hair, their make-uo (if you want to do make-up), their clothing, how they walk and talk. Get those new actions past the consious and into the sub-consious!! . When you get your free time mimic them until they become nature :)

Hugs-Ashley

Quote from: karenk1959 on March 31, 2017, 09:36:26 PM
I have just figured out that I am transgender and am happy to say that accepting who I am has caused my depression to lift. I have been a male for 57 years and I don't know how to act like a woman. Can anyone give me some advice on how to act and feel more feminine ~ Thanks!

First of all, I'm so happy to see you accept who you are at age 57! That's fraking awesome! :P

Need to retrain how we interact. In general, my advice would be, hands and arms are up, stand with a leg bent, walk with your hips, swing one arm. The basic difference is that males tend to display body language as if they are preparing for a fight, or in a defensive mode. Female body language is more relaxed. This is a generalization, but I find it to be true.

It makes me so happy to see people 50+ explore who they are ... best wishes! :)

I wish I could just start acting female, I have to sort of ease into this as I change my body, I know how people in my state are, I'll get more acceptance so long as my behavior matches how I look. If I look like a girly man I can be a little feminine, but I can't just start wearing full female outfits. It's the whole boiling a frog thing...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_frog for those unfamiliar.

I wish i could help you but I am more like a male naturally being the way I am. Even my body language is like a males.

Quote from: karenk1959 on March 31, 2017, 09:36:26 PM
I have just figured out that I am transgender and am happy to say that accepting who I am has caused my depression to lift. I have been a male for 57 years and I don't know how to act like a woman. Can anyone give me some advice on how to act and feel more feminine ~ Thanks!

Im 55. Just discovered I'm transwoman. I don't plan to act like one. ,I already am a woman. Never got the hang of man things. Now am who I am.

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"Im 55. Just discovered I'm transwoman. I don't plan to act like one. ,I already am a woman. Never got the hang of man things. Now am who I am."
jjvoerman

If one is transgender, many opposite gender traits are already hard-wired in the brain. In my case, I'm not trying to pass as any particular gender, but my bold strides, spread legs when I sit (I always wear pants), direct gaze, strong movements, impatience with nonsense, tendency to march into a store, grab exactly what I want and exit at once, all seem to signal male energy to others. I have tried for decades to copy women so I can blend in, but I can't keep it up more than a few seconds before I revert.

Recently an old friend said she was planning to transition to nonbinary female. I found some old pictures of her and saw that, even when living as a male, she was sitting with knees together, body pulled in close instead of spread out, eyes slightly downcast, not looking directly at the camera.

Hi, Karen.  Congratulations on figuring it out so young!   I was 61 when I figured it out.   >:-)  Seriously, age doesn't matter: just congrats.

There are some body-language clues that it helps to study and emulate.  A man walks with his feet on either side of an imaginary centreline.  A woman walks with her feet landing on the centreline.  Men tend to hunch forward.  Women tend to stand and walk upright, sticking their boobs out.  Women make eye contact with each other, smile and greet each other much more than men do.

While re-training your muscle memory can take some effort, you will likely find that a lot of it comes naturally.  Your brain has been female all along.  You probably know this stuff already.  The more you get out in public as yourself (eventually, when you are ready), the more it will come out.  I recently spent a full day in the city as myself, and no one questioned my femaleness.

It would be really helpful if you had a woman friend. I had my mother for much of my life and then a gg friend who interested herself in my affairs. Surely you must know some woman in whom you could confide.

Quote from: Raell on April 01, 2017, 07:08:27 AM
"Im 55. Just discovered I'm transwoman. I don't plan to act like one. ,I already am a woman. Never got the hang of man things. Now am who I am."
jjvoerman

If one is transgender, many opposite gender traits are already hard-wired in the brain. In my case, I'm not trying to pass as any particular gender, but my bold strides, spread legs when I sit (I always wear pants), direct gaze, strong movements, impatience with nonsense, tendency to march into a store, grab exactly what I want and exit at once, all seem to signal male energy to others. I have tried for decades to copy women so I can blend in, but I can't keep it up more than a few seconds before I revert.

Recently an old friend said she was planning to transition to nonbinary female. I found some old pictures of her and saw that, even when living as a male, she was sitting with knees together, body pulled in close instead of spread out, eyes slightly downcast, not looking directly at the camera.

I recognize the impatience with nonsense, but why would I change that? Ik will have moren typical male traits. I'm not going to hide them. I don't understand forcing behaviour, to look more woman like. It's too late for me to pass anyway.

I'm just glad I don't have to act like a man anymore. I didn't, because I couldn't and sometimes it felt as a failure.

Quote from: Raell on April 01, 2017, 07:08:27 AM
"Im 55. Just discovered I'm transwoman. I don't plan to act like one. ,I already am a woman. Never got the hang of man things. Now am who I am."
jjvoerman

If one is transgender, many opposite gender traits are already hard-wired in the brain. In my case, I'm not trying to pass as any particular gender, but my bold strides, spread legs when I sit (I always wear pants), direct gaze, strong movements, impatience with nonsense, tendency to march into a store, grab exactly what I want and exit at once, all seem to signal male energy to others. I have tried for decades to copy women so I can blend in, but I can't keep it up more than a few seconds before I revert.

Recently an old friend said she was planning to transition to nonbinary female. I found some old pictures of her and saw that, even when living as a male, she was sitting with knees together, body pulled in close instead of spread out, eyes slightly downcast, not looking directly at the camera.

lol yep that is what I do and have done all my life. But then I am intersex. women come in all kinds there are some straight women who are tomboys. Just alter your body language and be yourself. I think sometimes people put to much thought into being the other gender so they end up acting in a stereotyped version of what they think that gender acts like and it comes off as being fake.  I know that is what happened to me when I tried acting femme. I was told that they could tell i was not being myself.  I won't put the exact comment she used but that is what she meant.

Well, I've never got the hang of man things, to the point where, I was accused by a friend of sitting like his aunt... and I male fail all over the place.

Not sure I know how to woman, but I am accused of being 'such a girl' so often that it started my journey (in combination with some drama) - I think I'll carry one being me ;)

Rowan

I have found that the longer I am on hormones, the more I tend to act instinctively female.  The feminine expressions and mannerisms tend to come very naturally.  All I have to do is let them happen.

I am finding that all the male mannerisms I had were learned behavior that I acquired through conscious effort, and shedding them is very easy.

So you can study feminine behavior if you want, but do not worry too much.  HRT will do wonders for you.

The roommate of one of my friends saw me at the beginning of transition and again last week, and she remarked that I had made amazing progress, and that last week I seemed to radiate feminine energy.

So free your inner woman.  Trust her to do the rest.

Quote from: Rhonda333 on April 01, 2017, 09:30:52 AM
It would be really helpful if you had a woman friend. I had my mother for much of my life and then a gg friend who interested herself in my affairs. Surely you must know some woman in whom you could confide.

Rhonda 333 you are beautiful!

I don't think you can really act like a woman until your out. And starting to dress and attempting to pass.
I am not out but I am lucky (or not) I always had quiet feminine mannerisms.
It ment for attacking in college but now it turns round in my advantage, X3

For me it my voice, but since I'm not out and using my voice properly it is still the worst in the world

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 01, 2017, 07:29:31 AM

A man walks with his feet on either side of an imaginary centreline.  A woman walks with her feet landing on the centreline.

Lately I've been people watching and I don't see many women toeing the line. I know it's more feminine to walk in a straight line but are women just not caring about this too much anymore? I've been watching women in heels, boots, and sneakers all walking in a similar male fashion. They don't walk like men but they are not ultra feminine. Is this a new trend?


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Quote from: MRV35 on April 02, 2017, 01:37:03 AM
Lately I've been people watching and I don't see many women toeing the line. I know it's more feminine to walk in a straight line but are women just not caring about this too much anymore? I've been watching women in heels, boots, and sneakers all walking in a similar male fashion. They don't walk like men but they are not ultra feminine. Is this a new trend?


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People-watching is the right way to go!  This will let you adapt the mannerisms of folks in your region.  (Yes, these socially learned behaviors vary between regions!).  Behaviors even vary with social situations, that is, women at the mall during the day often move differently than women in the evening going to and from nicer dining places do.

At the mall, for example, I rarely see that 'walking the line', but instead see shorter steps and faster step rate than men, stance slightly narrower.  The 'walking the line' movement is more common in the evening, particularly when accompanied by a man.

Again, people-watching in these various environments can show us the socially learned behaviors that ciswomen absorb being raised in role and absorb over decades.  We're playing catch-up and have to work a little harder to make up for lost time.  ;D

Quote from: Michelle_P on April 02, 2017, 11:11:14 AM

Again, people-watching in these various environments can show us the socially learned behaviors that ciswomen absorb being raised in role and absorb over decades.  We're playing catch-up and have to work a little harder to make up for lost time.  ;D

Thanks so much Michelle. I've been reading up on feminine mannerisms/behavior for a long time and I know of the heel/toe walking method but as I've started to people watch more, I've noticed it's not happening. Women don't walk like men but they do have a more relaxed way of walking.

Honestly, I need to do more people watching.


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Quote from: ChristineRachel on April 02, 2017, 01:26:36 AM
I don't think you can really act like a woman until your out. And starting to dress and attempting to pass.
I am not out but I am lucky (or not) I always had quiet feminine mannerisms.
It ment for attacking in college but now it turns round in my advantage, X3

For me it my voice, but since I'm not out and using my voice properly it is still the worst in the world

Voice can be an issue. If born with a typical deep male voice, it's back to school .. learn a higher voice. Many people do that with voice training. This stuff can be so hard. But, you can overcome it. I would say my voice is in the middle range, but I've learned to get it a bit higher. This is such a wonderful process, that is challenging, rewarding, but also can be very frustrating.

For me personally, I have  a few boxes checked. My body is where I want it (future breast surgery is likely though). But, I was born with several female boxes checked ... I got girl hair, got girl butt, girl legs, and not much body hair. So, like you my voice is really a concern for me. I just practice a higher level ... not sure what else to do. When presenting as my true self I try not to talk. Still working on that ... I'm still a work in progress, but getting there. :) I don't think HRT will have any impact on my voice, so, I just have to continue to work on that. Best wishes sweetie, and keep moving forward! :icon_chick:

Thanks Sinclair, unfortunately for me not being out and also sharing an apartment​ with another guy, practicing just doesn't happen :/
But mannerisms and all that won't really get perfected unit we are out living the life I don't think.
Unless you wher already kind girly.. yes :3
Thank god for having a few boxes checked too :D

I'm not really an ideal coach in this area since I'm headed in the opposite direction, but I'm pretty conscious of what female mannerisms are like, since I've had to consciously mimic them all my life.  As someone posted up above, what reads as "female" varies from setting to setting and region to region, but there are a few general rules. 

* Take up the least amount of room that you comfortably can.  Don't stand with your legs wide apart, or sit with your knees splayed.  Wearing a pencil skirt around the house can give you a sense of how a woman positions her legs, especially while in "polite company."  (Whatever that is, lol.)   There's more variation in how women carry their arms, but in general, the more self-contained you can keep your gestures, the more feminine you'll read. 

* Make "gentle" eye contact.  Try looking at an imaginary dot in on the bridge of someone's nose as they talk to you.  Staring directly into their eyes is weird.  The flirty "look up, look down, look away, look up" thing can be cute, but you don't want to read as if you're flirting with everyone you meet!

* Smile a lot.  Smile when you first meet someone and every time they smile.  Some women smile every time there's a hint of confrontation or conflict in a conversation, but IMO that's more anxiety than femininity.  If someone says, "Smile, pretty lady!" while you're trying to work a jam out of the copier or when your car has broken down, you can kick them with your pointy-toed shoe.  That's feminine too.

* Speak with a "musical" intonation.  That's not very specific and I almost didn't include it for that reason, but it's an important part of reading as female.  You're just going to have to listen to a lot of women speaking and learn it slowly.  Having a female practice partner to work with would help a lot, if you have such a person in your life.  Try not to revert to the male monotone as the tension in a conversation rises.  With many women, the more upset they get, the more pitch variation you'll hear.  My mother used to go all over the pitch map with "What in GOD'S name are you DO-ing, CHILD?!"