Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi
I have a question regarding "learn to sit correctly"... while I do not have a problem to sit crosslegd, I automaticli do the "man spreading" when I sit down :( I realy need to force my self to stay in the position 'legs tight together' and i always feel like the muscles on the inner side of the tigh are "tired" ... what can i do? Are there exersizes i can do for that?

Eleonore

Cross one on top of the other?

It might sound silly but I think youre actually just not used to sitting that way, because I had the opposite the problem .

I  used to spread my legs and sit with leg over knew, some kid told me "You sit like my dad" so I changed it, and was kind of socially pressurred into sitting feminine through my teen years.I think your body gets used to a specific habit and when it does it's comfortable, so when you change it up at first your legs are going to feel tired and out of place, I think you might have to power through it intentionally in short sessions, maybe change you leg position a little to cross the ankles instead, something like that. I think eventually if you set your mind and body to feel comfortable in that new position it will adjust.

I am glad you started this thread because I have the exact same problem.  It is not very lady like to sit down in a dress or skirt with my legs spread...LOL

Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on April 10, 2017, 09:57:38 AM
It might sound silly but I think youre actually just not used to sitting that way, because I had the opposite the problem .

I  used to spread my legs and sit with leg over knew, some kid told me "You sit like my dad" so I changed it, and was kind of socially pressurred into sitting feminine through my teen years.I think your body gets used to a specific habit and when it does it's comfortable, so when you change it up at first your legs are going to feel tired and out of place, I think you might have to power through it intentionally in short sessions, maybe change you leg position a little to cross the ankles instead, something like that. I think eventually if you set your mind and body to feel comfortable in that new position it will adjust.

I had the exact opposite! Lol my mother chastised me for crossing my legs like a girl claiming it would 'ruin my hips!' For me crossing my legs was like a security blanket or sucking my thumb. I HAD TO or I would feel unfomfortable. Obviously the myth it would ruin my hips was false. I do have bad hips but that was from bad genetics and occupational injuries..

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Yoga! Will make you flexible enough to sit like a woman, plus you get to hang out with other ladies!

I started very consciously keeping my legs together or crossed about a year ago,  it's now a quite unconcious position,  anything else feels odd,  seems to be about training muscle memory.

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For what it's worth, crossing your legs leaves you more susceptible to DVT. Not that I don't do it, just sharing a commonly held medical belief. And I've observed tons of women of both persuasion sitting  "like guys". The whole patriarchal "ladies sit this way" thing seems to be dying. Thank god ;)

  I also have to work at sitting ladylike with the odd inner muscle feel. Crossing my legs like a lady does is also a problem. I'm wondering if it gets easier if the male bits are removed....

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

For myself, sitting lady like is natural when I am wearing a skirt or dress. When I wear shorts or jeans, not really natural, but it makes no difference.

crossing the legs is no problem, I can do that for hours... today I tried just to let them together but after some seconds my inner muscle are to tired to hold the legs together :(

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Quote from: JeanetteLW on April 10, 2017, 01:59:27 PM
I'm wondering if it gets easier if the male bits are removed....

It does, I've no problem crossing my legs in the tightest position, like passenger seat in car, no male junk to squash, far easier to sit like a lady with lady bits, I couldn't do when I had male bits without difficulty, now it's no problem.

Reality is, it's always going to be easier and intuitive for cis females because of the design of their pelvic girdles. Just consider the problem as part of your white  damned male privilege. ;)

There you go Dev....fixed it for ya'   ;)

I always considered it outward pressure from "bits" and thigh fat, I strongly suspect that continuing my weight loss and regular exercise will improve it, I do a lot of thigh and leg exercise though to avoid bulking upper body pre HRT

Quote from: jentay1367 on April 11, 2017, 10:27:21 AM
Reality is, it's always going to be easier and inuitive for cis females bacause of the design of their pelvic girdles. Just consider the problem as part of your white male privilege. ;)

I'm not understanding what white has to do with it?  ???

I stretch a lot, so that might help, I've never had issues with discomfort.
For me I like to wrap my right foot around the back of my left ankle with legs slightly to the side. Else it's the more androgynous cross-legged position.
I'd feel really uncomfortable sitting in a man pose, even on my own. But I'm very dysphoric about the bits that shouldn't be there.

Quote from: Eleonore on April 11, 2017, 01:44:20 AM
crossing the legs is no problem, I can do that for hours... today I tried just to let them together but after some seconds my inner muscle are to tired to hold the legs together :(

Try separating your heels a bit while keeping your toes together. The effect is subtle but helps.

For developing muscle memory, using pencil skirts might be useful. Don't fall in the trap of "yay I can now relax and my legs will stay together", no, you need to think about it but it's now easier and more natural because of the skirt.

I find it very difficult to do it for long periods of time considering I'm overweight. When I've been on airplanes and forced to keep my legs together to keep from spreading out into the other passengers sitting next to me, it's been very painful to the point that I need to spread them a bit or move my legs out to stretch them just to stop the pain. For me it's not my male parts that are bothering me but my thigh muscles and perhaps the added weight doesn't help either. Maybe shorter periods of time constantly doing it will help ease into it.

lol I've given myself the double-edged sword of moving like a Silent Hill monster/contortionist.  Like many, I was never comfortable with masculine body language.  I was also mocked for feminine body language; So I always went for neutral and strange posture.  As much as it helped me get through pretending to be a guy, a lady moonwalking to a seat and then sitting, legs folded leaning severely forward draws a little too much attention.  That being said, it really is easier to just cross the legs.  Trying to press my legs together always leads to me absent-mindedly folding and waving my legs all around.


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Quote from: meganjames2 on April 10, 2017, 12:05:20 PM
I started very consciously keeping my legs together or crossed about a year ago,  it's now a quite unconcious position,  anything else feels odd,  seems to be about training muscle memory.

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Same here for me it took training and new muscle memory. i am most comfortable crossed vs together but i can do either.

Does sitting with your legs tight together apply when wearing slacks or jeans?

It's not lady like but some women sit with their legs spread. With pants you can sit with your legs separated a little and it's not a problem. Just don't sit with your legs wide open.

YES how one sits is very important for MY success at being perceived as ladylike. Now, before I respond with what I feel is truly helpful info for you based on my successful life experience and some super advice I got earlier in my transition...
I posted last year about 9 months ago, some of MY successful techniques for passing well with female-model looks and behavior -- but I got strongly attacked for my successful experiences and advice SO I left this site for about 9 months -- so this time let me give a TRIGGER WARNING -- TO ANSWER YOUR ORIGINAL POST WELL REQUIRES THE FRANK DISCUSSION OF SOME GENDER STEREOTYPES AND EXPECTATIONS ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE ACCEPT AS "ACCEPTABLE" FEMALE BEHAVIOR. If such discussion causes you discomfort, please stop reading here. So I have forewarned you.

""" Trigger warning -- Okay -- here is how I was trained and what I've had fantastic success with, with being perceived as a beautiful female model and seldom can others detect I am trans. If THIS is your goal also, my experiences shared here will likely help you a lot.  If this is not one of your goals, or if you feel that my advice relies too much of expectations and stereotypes, then please disregard it.

Here is my specific highly successful experience and advice:

1) You will NOT likely be perceived well as female unless you sit with your legs together or sit with your legs fully crossed. Why ? Because sitting with legs far apart, taking up lots of space, is usually perceived by most people as a strongly masculine behavior. You will likely be perceived as demure and feminine if you take up less physical space -- because women most often do exactly this -- try to take up as little physical space in public as practical -- watch most women in real life and you will see that this is correct.

2) Men usually sit with their legs far apart because they are masculine. We women -- cis (non-trans) and trans -- usually sit with our legs far apart only as an invitation for men to approach us for sex. If this is what you want at any given moment, then by all means go for it girl ! And I hope you enjoy the attention. But if you don't want men to perceive you as being approachable for sex and you look otherwise highly feminine, then don't sit with your legs spread apart. Period !

3) If you are a trans lady and don't look particularly stereotypically feminine otherwise, if you sit with your legs far apart you won't be perceived as a girl who is asking to be approached sexually. Rather, in this case you are more likely to simply be incorrectly perceived as a "man" and it will probably be much harder to "pass" as a woman.

4) I am pre-op, but medical HRT hormone treatments for years have shrunk my unwanted genitals to a rather small size -- so that I am physically able to cross my legs tightly without physical discomfort nearly to the degree of any post-op trans lady or nearly to the degree and tightness of legs together of any cis (non-trans) lady. This helps me, and it might end up helping you, too. Although, if you cannot do this, don't overly worry about it. I've known several feminine-looking trans ladies in person in my life who CANNOT cross their legs -- either due to lack of physical agility to do so and/or because it physically hurts their unwanted genitals to do so -- and still look fab fem just the same. They simply always sit with their legs closed rather than crossed. Works just as well if this is necessary in your case to accomplish this, if this is your goal.

This precise advice was given to me years ago by both cis female friends and trans female friends, and wow-oh-wow has this advice served me well especially recently !!! Good luck in being as feminine as you want to appear and being perceived as feminine to the degree this is your goal and desire and your feelings. Jennifer xx

Study women when they sit.

They always naturally make themselves very small.  Legs together or crossed, arms in at their sides, hands folded in their laps or resting on their thighs. Backs straight, shoulders relaxed, good posture and ladylike and using as little space as possible. You can watch it on tv shows, at the mall, in doctors offices, outside on park benches, at sporting events and restaurants.


Men by contrast slouch, shoulders tense and rigid, legs spread, arms dangling down at their sides and taking up as much space as they possibly can.


If you want to be the part you have to become a STUDENT of what you wish to emulate.

Study how they walk, how they talk and enunciate words when they speak, their body language when they talk, how they use their hands, how they sit, how they lay down, how they lounge, when they do these things, what scenarios and circumstances they do them. 

Video record it if you can get away with it and not appear to be a creeper, then watch it, practice it repeat it, perfect it and implement it.

Quote from: JeanetteLW on April 10, 2017, 01:59:27 PM
  I also have to work at sitting ladylike with the odd inner muscle feel. Crossing my legs like a lady does is also a problem. I'm wondering if it gets easier if the male bits are removed....

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

Yes it does get easier once its gone. However as I just found out recently, dont cross them too soon after surgery. I irritated a suture and now am on bed rest till Friday (a whole week!) until the swelling and irritation recedes.

get your knees together and when sitting down move both your legs to the same direction, that way you'll look feminine and your legs will be together, I suppose you just need practice, for example, I can't for the life of me sit with my legs open, usually I cross my legs very tight, in High school my friends used to make fun of me, they used to tell me if they didn't hurt, If I had nothing there or how was I able to sit like that, just a bunch of nonsense.

I guess you feel the same way sitting with your legs closed as I feel sitting with my legs open, regardless of that, don't beat yourself that much, as long as you're not using a skirt there's no problem.

Thank go it's not just me who struggles with this!

I also struggle with crossing my legs. I think it's because my legs are short (30") but when I cross my legs as a guy, the leg that does the crossing is practically horizontal and it's just above my ankle where it meets the standing leg's knee. When I try and cross my legs like a woman, where the crossed leg is parallel to the other. I don't have enough length in my thigh to clear the resting leg fully and so even my best attempt leaves my crossed leg pointing at a 45 degree angle.This also means the crossed leg is elevated somewhat and not flat. I can achieve a flatter result if I cross the leg over the kneecap of my standing leg but that it painful as it's the soft underside of the knee on my crossed leg that's resting on the bony knee of the other leg.

Quote from: Alanna1990 on April 14, 2017, 02:03:36 AM
I suppose you just need practice, for example, I can't for the life of me sit with my legs open, usually I cross my legs very tight,
I guess you feel the same way sitting with your legs closed as I feel sitting with my legs open, regardless of that, don't beat yourself that much,

Same here. For me it has always been natural to cross my legs, hands on top and back straight. My Junk which is what it is junk doesn't bother me all that much. I am small in bone size and stature at 5'8" and 138 lbs on average.

Stretching seems to be the answer. Get involved in yoga etc as you will find that after the course of time the tendons start to lengthen and the muscle stretches. Practice posture, hand placement and legs together or crossed Repetition will help train the body and it will just end up being natural for you.

Huggs Niki Marie