Susan's Place Transgender Resources

A week today, I will be coming out publicly in my community.  The people I have told so far have all been supportive, because I have been quite selective about whom I told.  But after next week, everyone in this small, rural community will know.  Eek!

I suspect most people will at least be polite even if they think I am the devil incarnate.  But there may be a few yahoos who push the boundaries of politeness and might get abusive.  But I can't hide any more.  The 'girls' won't let me, and I don't want to.

Our next-door neighbours have known for almost a year, and are firmly on my side.  There's another neighbour down the road whom we suspected would be a good ally.  We had her over for tea yesterday (We also invited her hubby, but he couldn't make it) and told her.  She was totally cool, and happy for me.  She also gave us her best guesses as to how various others in the community will take it. 

I am going to make the announcement at the weekly kaffeeklatsch next Thursday.  Between the neighbours and my wife, I will have five allies with me.  I will be in boy mode one last time for that.  Then, Friday, there is a community potluck dinner, and I will go as Kathy.

I have an appointment with the hairdresser on Wednesday to get my ponytail cut off and a little bit of styling done on what is left of my own hair, for the times when I don't want to wear a wig.  I'll have at least a ball cap on at all times if I'm not wearing a wig.  I also have a second wig on order that I should be able to pick up at the same time, so I'll have a choice of hair styles.

It is going to be a shock for some, especially those who don't hear the rumour before seeing me at the dinner.  But I need to rip this band-aid off.

I know we don't know each other, but I want you to know I am proud of you! This is a huge step, and I hope all works out well. I am glad you are going to be with allies when you do come out. <3

Wow ! You go girl! Kathy

I know I could not have done (can't do) anything like that in the short time you have invested in your journey so far. It's been what? 4 months since you start showing yourself to others?  I'm sure it hasn't been very long.  More power to you for getting the job done. I'm in awe of you.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Hi Kathy,

You look amazing and so very happy.
With your infectious smile and positive approach you will be just fine.
Stay strong and just be yourself.
I don't think you'll need it but I will keep my fingers crossed.

Hugs
Steph x

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 13, 2017, 03:31:39 PM
A week today, I will be coming out publicly in my community.  The people I have told so far have all been supportive, because I have been quite selective about whom I told.  But after next week, everyone in this small, rural community will know.  Eek!

I suspect most people will at least be polite even if they think I am the devil incarnate.  But there may be a few yahoos who push the boundaries of politeness and might get abusive.  But I can't hide any more.  The 'girls' won't let me, and I don't want to.

Our next-door neighbours have known for almost a year, and are firmly on my side.  There's another neighbour down the road whom we suspected would be a good ally.  We had her over for tea yesterday (We also invited her hubby, but he couldn't make it) and told her.  She was totally cool, and happy for me.  She also gave us her best guesses as to how various others in the community will take it. 

I am going to make the announcement at the weekly kaffeeklatsch next Thursday.  Between the neighbours and my wife, I will have five allies with me.  I will be in boy mode one last time for that.  Then, Friday, there is a community potluck dinner, and I will go as Kathy.

I have an appointment with the hairdresser on Wednesday to get my ponytail cut off and a little bit of styling done on what is left of my own hair, for the times when I don't want to wear a wig.  I'll have at least a ball cap on at all times if I'm not wearing a wig.  I also have a second wig on order that I should be able to pick up at the same time, so I'll have a choice of hair styles.

It is going to be a shock for some, especially those who don't hear the rumour before seeing me at the dinner.  But I need to rip this band-aid off.

Don't forget the pepper spray. Don't leave home without it. When you least expect it, expect it.

This is great! Congratulations.  A small town in Canada will never be the same again.

Thanks, ladies!  :)

Quote from: JeanetteLW on April 13, 2017, 03:38:40 PM
It's been what? 4 months since you start showing yourself to others?

It was October when I first went out in public dressed as Kathy.  Since then, I have been going into the city once a week dressed for the support group.  So, six months, I guess, though it seems longer.

I am trying to move this transition along as fast as I can.  Who knows how much time I have left on this planet?  I want to make the most of it.

Quote from: Jane Emily on April 13, 2017, 04:38:18 PM
A small town in Canada will never be the same again.

Haha!  It's barely a hamlet.  Yeah, it sure won't be the same!

I think that's a great plan.  Announce in guy mode and go the next time as Kathy.  Then people who are not supportive, hopefully, will not cause a scene while Kathy is there.

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Kathy,   

   I remember when you were trying to come out to your wife. You are so much more confident now. It is so good to see. Make room for your new reality. It's amazing how toward the end of the old reality, it becomes unbearable to sustain. I understand why you can't wait to move on. I hope it goes extremely well.
Moni

Well, I don't know about confidence: I am having WTF moments every five minutes!  But it was your support, Moni, that convinced me that I had to be true to myself.  I have to do this, so I'm going to fake it 'til I make it.

The quote in my signature line says, "Casting off dull certainty".  Nothing is certain now, and it definitely won't be dull, so I guess I'm living that line now.  I don't know if I am ready for this, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Kathy,

You will be fine. Our love to you. It will be "interesting" to see varied reactions among your community. Sounds like you'll have a lot of support anyway.

Love,
Randy

The day before coming out to the world a good friend suggested that the feelings I was having were the same as changing jobs.  Leaving a job that I was comfortable with for a better job.


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Tomorrow is my big day, but the fun was going to start this evening with a phone call to the local Fire Chief.  I'm on the volunteer fire department, and I wanted to give him a heads up so that he is not taken by surprise when the rumours start flying tomorrow.  I was shaking when I reached for the phone ... poop, no answer.  I'll call again in a few minutes, then I'll have to leave him a message to call me.  I hate getting all psyched up and then not getting through. 

Now I'm a bundle of nerves!  I hope I can sleep tonight.

  You've got this Kathy. I can appreciate the relief/let down of the not getting to do what you've psyhed yourself up to doing and then couldn't. Relief that you didn't have to and disappointment you couldn't. A lot of the thing we have to do have those aspects to them. A great procrastinator like myself becomes super relieved but I do wish I could get some of those steps taken.
  Kathy you will get this done. I have no doubt. We are all rooting for a successful day tomorrow for you. We will be here awaiting the good words telling us you did it! And we will be reading just those words, You have done to much for this day not to happen.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

Thanks, Jeanette! 

I got through to him on the second attempt, so that's one down.  He was supportive; that's a plus.  Phew!

I told the coffee group this morning.  I don't think they all got it, and a few sat in stony-faced silence, but all the comments I got were supportive, including a few from people I wasn't sure of.  So, on the whole, it went well.

I'll get a better perspective of the community's reaction tomorrow night when I will go to the community pot-luck dinner as Kathy.

Good on ya, Kathy! We all want our steps to be victories, and to gain acceptance. I'm going to thank you on behalf of those to come. They'll be using the road that you paved. Someday a grandchild will come out and receive a hug  rather than stony silence. Your actions are making an impact on the world, never forget that.

Hugs, Devlyn

Yes! You're now where so many of us have wanted to be but aren't yet. We admire and support you.

Sometimes stony silence isn't negative, just silent. People may take some time to process, or wait and see, or they are afraid to act supportive until they see what their friends are doing. Over time many will come around.
Love Randy

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   My gosh! You brave lady. I am so proud of you being able  to take this step. You knew some would not accept your announcement and those folks do not matter, Those that do matter are the ones that will accept and support you. Lean on them. Keep up your brave resolve to be Kathy tomorrow night. It will set your free.
  You have all of our support Kathy.  ((( HUG )))
  I hope some day I can follow your example.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

Wow, that really took guts!  Much respect.  I hope I'm as brave when it's my turn.

Many felicitations on "being the change you want to see in the world."
I agree with Lemur.  It took a lot of guts.

Wow, I'm away from the forum a few days and wow! Good on ya Kathy! I know, at times, you are probably wishing all the coming out is over, but it really is an exciting time of lifting the weight off your shoulders. I look back at my time now with great fondness at how it felt. I am so glad you are living your dream, Sweetie!
Moni

Thanks, everyone!

I'm still getting used to the idea of freedom.  "He" reasserted himself last night, and I had a major "OMG, what did I do?" moment.  But Kathy is back in the driver's seat today.  She's kinda unstoppable.

Now, I have to get used to being Kathy as something routine.  First up, taking the cat to the vet for a checkup.  On the way back, stopping in at the jeweller's to pick up a pendant that I had them make from a man's ring that I had.  I'll be able to explain with visuals why I no longer wanted the ring!  I'll be coming out all over town for a while.

Tonight, the locals will get to meet Kathy for the first time.  The ones who didn't get it yesterday, and the ones who haven't heard yet are going to get an eyeful!

Update:

The community dinner tonight went much better than I had expected.  Quite a few people went out of their way to come over and say 'hi'.  Everyone we knew we could count on was there.  Of the people we hadn't been sure about, all were friendly to my face.  What they say among themselves when they get home I don't worry about too much. 

There were some people we knew would try to avoid us, no surprises there.  And I caught a few people staring.  To be expected.

  Yup Kathy, I would color that a SUCCESS!  Good Job!! You've gone and done it now.
  Freedom!

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rynxqdNMry4

This is by far the best thread going on the site right now. And then Jeanette's breakfast thread!  ;D. Keep slaying them, Kathy! You're making us all proud.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks for the Woodstock clip, Jeanette!  Though I was too young to attend, it made a big impression on me.  I have the movie on DVD.  When I first heard Ritchie Havens' 'Freedom', years ago, I didn't care for it.  But it sure is growing on me these days!

QuoteThough I was too young to attend, it made a big impression on me.

I was too young too, but I love this version of the Joni Mitchell song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIHfuihoz70 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIHfuihoz70)

BTW Joni never made it to Woodstock.  Apparently her manager said she shouldn't go.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 21, 2017, 07:29:17 PM
Thanks for the Woodstock clip, Jeanette!  Though I was too young to attend, it made a big impression on me.  I have the movie on DVD.  When I first heard Ritchie Havens' 'Freedom', years ago, I didn't care for it.  But it sure is growing on me these days!

It wasn't one of my faves either but it seemed appropriate here.

I was only a couple hundred miles from Woodstock when it was going on and did not know it :(  My parents would not have let me go anyway but darn it all anyway! This was my musical era. My fave band was the doors. I was about to start my senior year in high school in Bristol , Rhode Island having just moved there from Hawaii.  We got around.

Hugs,
   Jeanette

Thanks for that clip, Anne!   ;D  The MSC version is the definitive version of that song.  I heard Iain Matthews play a solo gig in Calgary about 15 years ago.  For an encore, he did an a capella version of Woodstock.  You should have heard the audience go nuts when he started singing!

QuoteI was only a couple hundred miles from Woodstock when it was going on and did not know it

Me too.  Also, I was only 15 at the time and only heard of it well after the fact.

QuoteThe MSC version is the definitive version of that song.

While JM was a great song writer, I never cared for her singing.  The version I heard most was CSN&Y, but I always preferred this one.

Getting back to the present...

The final piece of my coming out was to the local volunteer fire department tonight.  If there was any resistance, that is where it would be.  Most had already heard either through gossip or through  Facebook.  I had a lot of support from the Chief and from the female members.  Most of the male members were fine, too.  A few are puzzled, and the chaplain obviously is not happy, but knows he is outnumbered.

We were trying on sample clothing for new uniforms.  I took a couple of samples and went into the Ladies' to try them on.  One of the puzzled males saw me coming out and said "You're supposed to use the Men's".  (He is mentally challenged and has poor filters.)  I just grinned and said, "Not any more!"

It was the monthly business meeting tonight, so I raised my transition as new business so that everyone knows right from the source what's up, but also to get it inserted into the minutes so that, if there ever is a problem, there's a record to substantiate a human rights action.

I am quite happy with how it went.

  Dang Kathy you keep amazing me. You are doing this! 100% in and pushing strongly forward.
  (clap  clap  clap) you go girl.

How about coming to Oregon and doing it for me?  LOL

   HUG, ((HUG)),
   Jeanette

Yeah you guys could do a makeover together lol

   Randy!!

Quote from: RandyL on April 24, 2017, 10:41:00 PM
Yeah you guys could do a makeover together lol

Bwah-ha-ha!  You beat me to it!   >:-)

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 25, 2017, 06:22:27 AM
Bwah-ha-ha!  You beat me to it!   >:-)

  Does that mean you are on your way to Oregon to visit Kathy?

Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: JeanetteLW on April 25, 2017, 11:00:29 AM
  Does that mean you are on your way to Oregon to visit Kathy?

While I appreciate the invitation, we'll just have to compare makeover results online.  It will be at least a couple of years before my documents are in order to even think about crossing borders.