Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I am just sitting in my room right now thinking about the same topic that's on my mind every night... Gender. Right now I feel like yes I am transgender but sometimes I think no way and wonder how a thought like that could even cross my mind. These two personalities have been present since probably about 5th grade but prominent since the summer after 7th grade. Coming up on this going back and fourth in my head for three years now, I want to just talk to my parents. I want to start dressing as a girl when I'm at home so that I can experiment a little bit. If I change my mind then I won't know what to do because my parents will never look at me the same again. I just want to test at first an see what happens with that part of me. Any advice on what to do? (You can stop reading here to give help or read more of the story if you like). The more I think about it, the sooner I want everything to happen. I originally wanted to come out after senior year when I am going into college but that seems so far away. My plan right now is (if I decide I am trans) to switch to online school and transition at home. I am the legal age to drop out so I think that I can do online school if I want. Idk but that might be a bad plan. Advice is appreciated, thanks.

This isn't that unusual.

I felt like this for a long while. I eventually started identifying as bigender/genderfluid around 3 years ago. Not sure if either of those labels quite fit where I am right now, but you maybe should look them up if you haven't already.

Do you have a general feel for how you expect your parents will react beyond they will never look at you the same again?

Sounds like talking to your parents is your best option if you want to transition since:

1. you are dependent upon them financially.
2. if you are trans then the sooner you start the better your final results will be in terms of looking more female.
3. if you are trans you will most likely want to tell them eventually anyway.

A serious flaw in you plan is it might be more difficult to get surgical letters if you hide away in your home while you transition. RLE means living each day as you will for the remainder of your life and that involves going to school or work as your new gender. The more education you get, the better so I would suggest you transition now but continue to attend your current school.

I grew up in the Age of Dinosaurs when talking to your parents about such things wasn't even a fantasy option. A common theme for many of us is cross-dressing whenever you had a short window of opportunity to. For me that was with 2 older siblings and a stay at home mom. Heck, as an 8 y/o at bedtime I was slipping into my sisters nightgown and hiding under the covers. As time went on my "Stash" of clothes grew.

Also, don't forget TG is a very BIG umbrella term covering everything from cis-female to cis-male. Which includes wondering/questioning at the start, followed by CD and many others.

   When I was your age I was whipped around in my mind from one direction to the other. I don't know why it did that but I suspect the hormones(T) and the shame and fear caused me to run from my female side. I am now sure I am a transsexual. The idea of hiding out is, in my opinion, a very damaging thought. I would think that would be the fear running your life. You should experience being around people. It will give you feedback on your gender feelings. It will distract you from always thinking gender stuff, not healthy. It will make you a better, more rounded person. Delaying facing the world is no answer to facing the world.
   If you talk to your parents, you do not have to proclaim you are 'trans' or 'non-binary' or any other term. I would go to them and tell them that you are having a hard time with an issue. You don't know where it is going to lead, but that you would like to get some help to deal with it. It is honest. It is less threatening to your parents also. Everyone who deals with gender issues must deal with people seeing them differently if they make it known. If you take this approach, all your parents will know is that you struggle with gender issues and that it may amount to nothing. You could do your experimenting away from home if they react  badly. Thinking of only dressing in the safety of home makes me think you might be looking to isolate yourself. I only knew I was truly trans when I saw how I felt when people perceived me to be female. When I loved it, I knew it was right.
Moni

I felt like that for a very long time, and still do sometimes. Sometimes it helps just to hear these words: "You aren't alone, you aren't the only one going through this. We are here for you."

I haven't had the pleasure of speaking with a gender therapist yet, but I would like to and would recommend the same to you, basically just seconding what's said in the posts above.

The hardest thing to do now may make life easier in the end- just telling your parents that you're having thoughts and doubts and interests. You never really know how they will react, and if you tell them in the way Moni suggested, it kind of eases them into the idea rather than dumping a bucket of ice water on their head.  Also, it could potentially accomplish two things at once: first, you get past the anxiety of "what will they say?" that will plague you until the moment comes. Sometimes knowing, whatever the outcome, is a good way to eliminate some of the stresses that come with these kinds of things. Second, assuming a positive outcome, you may gain a very important supporter, or two, that you may not have had otherwise. Having a support system is a crucial aspect in life, and especially important during the rough times in life. If they can be there for you, let them. Give them the chance. If they don't fully take it at first, hopefully they'll come around someday. And until then, you need to have someone there for you- it could end up being a therapist, teacher, or a friend- and you have to get out of the house to get those things. You have to be somewhat social to have positive influences in your life who help you figure out who you are. I'm not saying you have to be the life of the party or in the spotlight at school, but just surround yourself with a few close friends who make you happy and who you can trust.

And again, we are here for you, and will be here with you, whatever happens.

-Dustin

Quote from: Britt116 on April 16, 2017, 10:16:38 PM
So I am just sitting in my room right now thinking about the same topic that's on my mind every night... Gender. Right now I feel like yes I am transgender but sometimes I think no way and wonder how a thought like that could even cross my mind. These two personalities have been present since probably about 5th grade but prominent since the summer after 7th grade.

Well if it makes you feel any better, I'm 28 and still feel like I got these 2 people fighting over control in my mind, my current self and then my female self. So basically, you're lucky you realized this so soon is your life! Talking to your parents can go either way, you're the one who knows them so I can't really advice on what way to go. The first time I tried dealing with my dysphoria I told my mom, it didn't go well and I "forgot" about it. This time around I'm doing it without anybody but a few friends who know. So you should assess how the situation could be at your house and then decide what to do.

I feel like my parents (or at least my mom) will react okay. She has said that she will always love me no matter what and wants us to be able to talk to her. This is great but this to me isn't something that I feel comfortable talking about yet with her even though I want to which is a pretty weird feeling. I'm probably just going to say that there is some stuff I am struggling with and that I want to talk to a therapist and then take it from there.

Thanks everyone for all of the help. XO

Quick question: Does it matter if the therapist is a gender therapist or not?

Quote from: Britt116 on April 19, 2017, 07:15:08 PM
Quick question: Does it matter if the therapist is a gender therapist or not?

I think it does. An inexperienced or bad therapist can make you waste your time. It happened to me.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on April 20, 2017, 04:43:34 PM
I think it does. An inexperienced or bad therapist can make you waste your time. It happened to me.

And not just someone who calls themselves a gender therapist either. I have read where it is was recommended that one find a gender therapist who has helped at least 3 people thru a successful transition.

I actually brought that up with my gender therapist during our first session.   Turns out she  has had a TON of experience.  And believe me her experience paid off large when things, as they tend to do with this, got real.