Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Karmorda on April 30, 2017, 07:40:43 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I'm worried my dad will be disappointed and take my transition personally.
Post by: Karmorda on April 30, 2017, 07:40:43 PM
Post by: Karmorda on April 30, 2017, 07:40:43 PM
My dad is old and not in very good health. He's a really quite gentle person but I'm worried if I come out to him he will take it as he failed as a father. I'm his only son (I have 1 sister) And Growing up he always tried to do father son stuff with me but I was never interested. I dont want to hurt him and even considered waiting till after he passed away to do it but I'm half way through my 20s and don't want to wait. I thought of hiding it from him but if he finds out I don't tell him then he may be hurt even more.
Title: Re: I'm worried my dad will be disappointed and take my transition personally.
Post by: stephaniec on April 30, 2017, 07:56:04 PM
Post by: stephaniec on April 30, 2017, 07:56:04 PM
sorry, I know it hurts, I was close to my father and it's some of the reason it took me so long to confront my being trans.
Title: Re: I'm worried my dad will be disappointed and take my transition personally.
Post by: KathyLauren on April 30, 2017, 07:56:57 PM
Post by: KathyLauren on April 30, 2017, 07:56:57 PM
Your transition is about you, not about pleasing others. Whether people are happy for you or unhappy/angry with you is something you have no control over. You will have some people in each category no matter what you do.
I understand the reluctance to alienate your family members. We all want them to accept us. I was lucky that my parents had both passed on before I thought about transitioning, so I didn't have to face that particular fear. I did have a brother that I was worried about. When I came out to him, he surprised me by being totally supportive and accepting. Sometimes we worry for nothing.
I won't lie to you: in some families it doesn't work out. Parents do sometimes reject their kids, and when it happens, it hurts everyone. But you have to ask yourself if it is worth giving up the chance to be yourself in order to keep your father happy? And, as you say, it may end up hurting him more anyway if you don't come out.
I understand the reluctance to alienate your family members. We all want them to accept us. I was lucky that my parents had both passed on before I thought about transitioning, so I didn't have to face that particular fear. I did have a brother that I was worried about. When I came out to him, he surprised me by being totally supportive and accepting. Sometimes we worry for nothing.
I won't lie to you: in some families it doesn't work out. Parents do sometimes reject their kids, and when it happens, it hurts everyone. But you have to ask yourself if it is worth giving up the chance to be yourself in order to keep your father happy? And, as you say, it may end up hurting him more anyway if you don't come out.