Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi!

My name is Johanna and i'm a MTF in my late fourties who is living in Sweden. I have understood for at least 40 years who I am.  Fear has made me to stay in the closet until Januari. I finally told my wife and she is now my biggest supporter.
Started my HRT in February and my hips and boobs are starting to develop despite a really low dose. Also feel so much happier. Sometimes even euphoric when I understand that it's finally going to happen. I'm becoming a woman.
Have told some friends, my new manager and my mother. They have all said that they stand by my side. So lucky!

Want to thank you all for your contribution. Reading have really given me courage to take the steps i want to do.

Love
Johanna


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Hi Johanna!  Welcome, and congratulations of finding your path forward, and having such accepting friends and family.  And that euphoria?  That's 'feeling normal' after decades of being locked away.  Get used to it!  ;)

Hi Johanna  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Yeah Johanna,
   So happy for you. I love it when people share good news. Have you developed a plan for the future at this point?
Moni

Hi Moni
I have a plan but it feels like I have lost control over it. It's kind of slow walk with low doses of E and Spiro to be able to be in male mode at work for the next year. Will change work after summer as my present work makes me kind of a public person. Don't think I can handle it because of my fears. Only want to live the life I was designed to do.
Next year I hope that a higher dose will make me more feminine to be able to go full time as Johanna.
But there is so much feelings and fears that I have to deal with.   Want to have higher doses now but are scared of people noticing my body change. Are afraid of losing everything but can't go back to my old life. What will they say at our church when they understand. And so on.

So glad to be welcomed to this community. I find so much love in this place.



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Yeah Hon, it is a battle between the fears and this incredibly powerful force telling you you need to be true to yourself. I can tell you my experience but of course you could be different. Once I uncapped whatever it was in me that kept me in hiding, there was no going back. I could only go forward and nothing happened soon enough  for me. It is good to ramp up on the meds anyway. Allowing yourself to be slow at first, as far as presenting in public, can be good to build your confidence.
If I could give you one piece of advice about the fear, I would say "It will be scary at first, it will get gradually better, and the payoff of being regarded by others as your true self is fantastic." You will be surprised at what you are capable of. Don't fool yourself thinking, "I'll do this or that when I am less afraid." You have to progress through the fear. Kick it in the shins, then walk right past it. You will find that the world will not end when you start being visible to people. I am, what, 11 months full time and still get scared sometimes. You can't let it beat you. You have good support, use them to back you up.
Is Sweden tolerant of trans folk generally?
Moni

Hi Moni
Thanks for the advices. Totally agree about discovering who you are and that the only option is forward. It is not possible to go backwards or even stay where i am today. Don't even think i have control of the pace any longer. Quite liberating actually.
Laws in Sweden are in favor of trans people. They can't fire us from work because of us being trans. The biggest churches welcomes us. We get our treatment nearly for free as part of our national health care program. But still people being beaten because they are homosexuals or trans. But in most cases they accept us. The number of people that seek professional help to get treatment for their gender dysphoria had exploded.

Did you have any strategy when going public or did you just do it

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Hi Johanna,
   I am not surprised. The more life 'she' gets, the more 'she' wants. I am glad the laws are supportive. You will find you will be aware of your surroundings far more for safety but then so does any other woman. The vast majority of people are cool.
   My strategy varied. I made gradual changes at home because I was trying to be considerate of my sons. I tried to avoid visual shock for them. Going out in public was gradual but there comes a point where you abandon passing male and embrace passing female. The first time was a little scary but exciting. At work, I stood up and addressed about 90 coworkers and told my story. I got a standing ovation believe it or not. Since I work in a school, I didn't present female for another 6 months. It was partly because of students and partly cause I wasn't ready. It was full female from then on.
   I would say when starting out, it can be a little intimidating. You take it a step at a time. Push yourself some, but don't be too hard on yourself if you aren't ready for a particular situation. If someone rejects you from the church or something, you didn't need their false friendship anyway.
   There are a lot more people seeking treatment. Any idea why now?
Moni

Hi Moni
Also plan on taking things forward gradually. Think that people around need time to adapt.
We have three sons. The youngest will live with us for the next couple of years as he finish high school. The plan is to tell him this summer and move to a bigger city as he will apply for high school next year.

I think the the main reason why more and more people seek help is that it becomes more accepted to change gender. Several heroes has gone public in national television to tell and educate people about their journey as transgenders. Teachers from pre school to high school are obligated to teach pupils about what trans gender is, is an other factor.
When i was in my teens i understood that i was different but not shure in what way. It was maybe twenty years ago that i met a colleague that worked at a clinic treating transexuals as i fully understood who i was.

Thank you so much that you shared part of your story. It inspires me to move on.
Hugs
Johanna


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Johanna,
   It sounds like you are in for a lot of changes in your life. I'm sure it is both exciting and scary all at the same time. Your comment about the education in schools regarding trans people is amazing. The USA really has nothing close to that. I can only imagine the difference that would make for trans people. I am lucky being in Maryland, it is relatively forward looking and accepting. There are some places in this country I would not even go.
   You know, when you have 15 posts on Susan's, you can PM or personal message someone. If you ever want to vent or ask a question or just talk, send me a message. I would be glad to chat. I will try to answer any question although I have been stumped before. Who knew? lol  Next week I have a pre-op physical. If I get through that, I am scheduled for surgery on June 27th. So, you are not alone seeing some changes. :)
   Positive thoughts to you my friend,
   Moni

Hi Moni!
So glad for your support and i hope that pre-op exam turn out the way you want. Thankful that i am welcome to pm you. It goes the other way as well if you want to chat.
Johanna

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