Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I hate it, only grew it to begin with because my girlfriend (now ex) liked it. But now it's part of my identity (at least from the point of view of other people), if I cut it, it'll be viewed as a radical change, and may even raise suspicions that I might be transitioning, worse than that though, they'd be right! I've only got my big toe out of the closet, and I'm of course planning getting all the way out, but I'm not capable of the all at once 🌈 style coming out, I need to do it one step at a time, and this is the next one.

I have a feeling HRT is going to screw up my schedule, but so be it, for some reason it's ok if I'm not entirely the one in control of it/it's a very gradual thing, but in this issue, I'm the one holding the clippers, and it's gotta come off all at once... If I don't do it now it'll be harder later. This is sort of me standing on a ledge and yelling "I don't want to do it, I swear! C'mon, give me a reason!" Lmao

I had my beard for 36 years then shaved it off. People change their looks all the time. If you really need an excuse, just say it was itchy!

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Try going from a full beard to a goatee?!?


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  Hi Danielle,

  I  had a mustache for almost 20 years, it helped with my male disguise. I had had it for so long I didn't want to shave it off butlLipstick looks bad with facial hair.  I wanted to wear makeup so something had to go so off it came.

Off with the beard!!!

Hugs,
  Laurie

Quote from: Daniellekai on May 14, 2017, 12:32:49 AM
and may even raise suspicions that I might be transitioning

I realize now to what extent people really don't have that kind of thoughts. Really, it's just not something that comes to their mind. I sometimes feel I have to specify I'm trans even if wear mascara, long hair and women's clothing. It's the kind of thoughts WE have, not the cis, unless they know a trans.

I had a thick beard for most of my adult life. I did shave every 2 or 3 days and my blue shadow was very obvious. After some sessions of electrolysis, now it only appears at the philtrum and under the mandibula and I plan to get rid of it really soon.
People react to change in very different ways. From those who won't even notice to those who will be annoyingly curious, in my experience you may encounter every kind of reaction. Have an answer prepared for the annoying people... Mine was just something along: "Don't take it wrong, but It's my own business." lol One thing I can confirm: after you get rid of the blue shadow, your face will definitely look different and you will make people feel ambivalent... "Is this a woman? Is this a teenager?" After puberty, the blue shadow (and a fortiori a beard) are an important clue for people to gender us.
I felt that the angst generated by this change was well worth it, considering how happier I felt afterwise! So in your place, I would sure go for it! Courage!

Hugs, Sarah

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Quote from: Daniellekai on May 14, 2017, 12:32:49 AM
...and may even raise suspicions that I might be transitioning, worse than that though, they'd be right! ...

I realize it's easy for me to state the following rhetorical question because I don't know your particular situation, locale, interpersonal dynamics and all that, but... If it does raise suspicions, is there anything really wrong with that?

And like others have hinted at, I'm not certain it will beyond appear to be some new life change... it is not unheard of for men to tire of beards. I had a manager once who is very male... strong kind guy, had a total Paul Bunyan thing going on LoL... one day didn't have it anymore. I'd be a millionaire if I got a dollar each time I saw a guy who had a long term beard get rid of it one day.

So I mean, if you have pink nail polish on as a new thing on the same day you take off the beard, yeah, someone may notice but if you're otherwise unchanged... I'm doubtful a beard removal alone will look more than "it's summer and going to be hot and I'm just tired of this thing" sort of thing... and I'm not suggesting you fib. :)

Quote from: Daniellekai on May 14, 2017, 12:32:49 AM
...I've only got my big toe out of the closet...

The metaphor you use there is humorous.  :D

Cheers,
Ashley

I had a beard almost down to my waist, shaving it off was one of the hardest parts of my transition to date. Because it was so long I did it in stages until it was about an inch long and then I knew I was ready to zap the thing off.

It's hard because it's a line of defence, a way of hiding your true identity not only from yourself, but also from others.
My own personal experience was that I felt a bit odd for a few days as I became used to a face I hadn't seen in forty years, followed by complete relief. I can't stress how much better I felt having not to hide anymore, that the mask had been removed and I was free to move forward.

So when you're ready, just go for it. It's something you need to do in your own time. You will gain a surprising amount of strength from it. I know it's not easy but hey, you get to play with makeup and all that fun stuff  ;D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

I had a beard of various styles for nearly 30 years it was my mask to his behind then one day thought what do it look like underneath that it had been so look I forgot what the real me looked like so cut it off, straight away the wife hated it so I grow it all back then six months go I was looking in the mirror putting lippy on then it dawned on me like LAURIE said I looked stupid so there & then I cut it all off along with all my body hair even waxed my eyebrows ( wife was not too pleased but tough) it all stayed off since, what made me smile was at a recent motor bike outing people I normally ride with didn't even recognise me ( also drip dyed my hair blue) but it that's Beard not you JUST CUT THE DARN THING OFF if you decided you hate it just grown it back.

I had a beard for years.  Like many others here, it was part of my male disguise.

Once I came out to my wife and decided that I had to start transitioning, getting rid of the beard was the first thing to do.  I just shaved it off cold turkey.

The folks at the community coffee group were a bit startled.  One lady didn't recognize me and thought that my wife had gotten a new man.  My beard had been pretty white, so I just told them that it had been making me look too old, that I was going for a younger look.

No one thought anything of it, other than what I told them.  They were still surprised when I announced my transition months later.

Quoteif I cut it, it'll be viewed as a radical change, and may even raise suspicions that I might be transitioning, worse than that though, they'd be right!

Really? What are you? Amish or something? :D

Quote from: jentay1367 on May 14, 2017, 09:54:19 AM
Really? What are you? Amish or something? :D

Not exactly, it's a very different religion called paranoid.

Do you remember the trans girl who won the Eurovision last year? She had a full beard and presented as a woman...amazing and inspirational, EMBRACE THE FUZZ lol...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tabletmag.com%2Fwp-content%2Ffiles_mf%2Fwurst620.jpg&hash=4d5c15fdd438cf1a7afe950a515821b300f73a57)

Conchita Wurst is no trans girl. Thomas Neuwirth, a gay man, created her and he announced a few months ago that he has to "kill" her and concentrate more on performing as a man.

Quote from: Daniellekai on May 14, 2017, 10:19:01 AM
Not exactly, it's a very different religion called paranoid.

So let me get this straight. You're so over the top "guy" that if you shave off your facial hair, your contemporaries and peers may think you're TS?

Shave it! They may not recognize you, but no one will think your trans. At least not yet, that comes down the road with the pony tail!  :)

Quote from: Thessa on May 14, 2017, 12:55:18 PM
Conchita Wurst is no trans girl. Thomas Neuwirth, a gay man, created her and he announced a few months ago that he has to "kill" her and concentrate more on performing as a man.

I did not know that lol. I only heard about him in the first place through a friend. Oh well 😊

Quote from: Charley on May 14, 2017, 01:53:12 PM
Shave it! They may not recognize you, but no one will think your trans. At least not yet, that comes down the road with the pony tail!  :)

This already exists, although I wrap it back through to be a bun.

Quote from: jentay1367 on May 14, 2017, 01:07:29 PM
So let me get this straight. You're so over the top "guy" that if you shave off your facial hair, your contemporaries and peers may think you're TS?

More like I've already taken enough steps that continuing to represents a willful disregard for appearing female, the worst offence to "man"kind.

I also have a well-grown beard and I think I understand what you're feeling, and cutting it off is one of the things I want to do sometime when I get back to my country. This feeling appeared too and now I'm also worried about the people asking questions and trying to figure out the reasons...
I agree with most of the said in the posts here and you don't have to feel obliged to give any explanation; nonetheless, if you, as me right now, are not prepared to face this and won't be in the short term, you could say that the barber ruined your beard and decided to cut it off entirely. Just a silly idea   ~

Today you have your big toe out of the closet.... how about extending a second toe or maybe even a foot.  I think when you look back on it, you'll understand/remember your trepidation but think "I didn't need to worry."

Remember that you have "trans"/gender on your mind 7x24.  CIS people DO NOT!  I would be surprised anyone thinks anything of the sort.  I could be wrong, but from my experience people don't generally care.

If you are looking for an excuse - assuming you are in the northern hemisphere - "You don't want to go through another hot summer with all the hair."  Plausible.

Good luck - let us know what you decide.

I had my hair military short (even though I was never in the service other than college ROTC) from age 20 until a year ago (33 years).  Then I just grew it out.  Yes, some people asked.  I was not ready to come out to them so I just told them I wanted it long before I go bald.

The world did not end, but since I have had my facial hair removed and both ears pierced, I think some have already figured things out.

I haven't lost any friends, though.

Just shave it.  It is your life to live, and way too short.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on May 14, 2017, 07:57:23 PM
... It is your life to live, and way too short.

Well said! :eusa_clap:

Apparently it's going to be hot a couple days next week, seems like a good excuse, but I'll strategically wait for the hot days >.>

This is obviously a sensitive topic. I was away for a few days and whoa, lots of posts.

I stopped shaving when I graduated from high school, so it was with me my entire adult life, 2 wives, 2 kids...

Then after 41 years, my wife mentioned it was scratchy (aging thing no doubt ). After dithering a few weeks, I just cut it off. Except for more painful winter winds and the need for more aunscreen, haven't regretted it.

Work and friends just accepted it at face value so to speak.

You'll find the skin under there has been protected and looks younger than the rest of you.

Enjoy the new look!

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Just before I got on hormones I had a beard that I hadn't cut in over 10 years. It stretched all the way to my belly button. Bear in mind that I'm big. 6'4" to be exact. so that's a long beard. My wife and I cut it off one night and I looked so weird without it. I blew my best friends mind when she saw it. She specifically said that she never in a million years thought that I would cut it.

Now tho, I shave every day and use foundation to hide the blue chin. Foundation makes a hell of a difference.

Own it! Shave it off, shave it down in various steps, or simply just rock it if you feel it's truly apart of your identity and you just can't part.

The worst feeling is coming to a ledge yelling questions when it comes to appearances.

Quote from: Daniellekai on May 14, 2017, 10:33:39 PM
Apparently it's going to be hot a couple days next week, seems like a good excuse, but I'll strategically wait for the hot days >.>

Well??? how did it go?

Can't do it yet, mom had that minor freak out (worry based), I figured I'd slow down on any sudden, outwardly visible change while she processes a bit more, I still don't have my HRT yet either, I need to get tested for a genetic condition that some of the women in my family have that makes blood clots more likely. The endocrinologist said she'd refer me to a hematologist, but I haven't heard back yet, going to shoot her an email Monday.

Quote from: Daniellekai on May 14, 2017, 12:32:49 AM
I hate it, only grew it to begin with because my girlfriend (now ex) liked it. But now it's part of my identity (at least from the point of view of other people), if I cut it, it'll be viewed as a radical change, and may even raise suspicions that I might be transitioning, worse than that though, they'd be right! I've only got my big toe out of the closet, and I'm of course planning getting all the way out, but I'm not capable of the all at once [emoji304] style coming out, I need to do it one step at a time, and this is the next one.

I have a feeling HRT is going to screw up my schedule, but so be it, for some reason it's ok if I'm not entirely the one in control of it/it's a very gradual thing, but in this issue, I'm the one holding the clippers, and it's gotta come off all at once... If I don't do it now it'll be harder later. This is sort of me standing on a ledge and yelling "I don't want to do it, I swear! C'mon, give me a reason!" Lmao

I had my beard for 30 years after living decades in repression.  I finally decided that it was time to transition...or never.  That was the first thing, decisively making up my mind that I wanted to transition.  Then after, in the midst of much arguing with someone near and dear to me, I said "The hell with it," and grabbed the shears and went to work.  A word of warning, be very careful when putting your face to a razor.  It will take a couple of shaves before you won't get nicked.  Shaving off facial hair is an excellent positive first step to take for your transition.  Good luck!


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HOLY MACKEREL -

Thank you for starting this post!  I too have a beard that has not been cut for 36 years!  One of many fears is removing it.   It is thick and has I think now that it was and is my male identity - I have had it for so long - This is one of my daily fears, wanting to remove it and others figuring something out. 

But I cannot tell you how much it helps to know I am not alone!!!  You all - know  it brings tears to my eyes to know I am not alone in this.

Love and Hugs Marcie

Quote from: Daniellekai on May 14, 2017, 12:32:49 AM
I hate it

. . . C'mon, give me a reason!"

1.  It's got to go eventually, so the sooner the better.
2.  You'll feel so much better when it's gone.
3.  If anybody asks, just say you lost a bet.

Quote from: Daniellekai on June 02, 2017, 11:41:07 PM
Can't do it yet, mom had that minor freak out (worry based), I figured I'd slow down on any sudden, outwardly visible change while she processes a bit more, I still don't have my HRT yet either, I need to get tested for a genetic condition that some of the women in my family have that makes blood clots more likely. The endocrinologist said she'd refer me to a hematologist, but I haven't heard back yet, going to shoot her an email Monday.

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   I'm just throwing this out there, okay. Maybe that beard is symbolic of the safe male image you have. It is hard to jettison what in some ways has been so comfortable for you. I got beard, am safe from questioning! I think it is a hump you have to get over. I learned a lesson from my brother before I was even in transition. I was playing strong man carrying a cooler up a mountain by myself. I had just recently come out to him. He said, "If you are gonna do this (transition) you are gonna have to give up this macho crap." He was right. If you are going to transition or change your life significantly, you are going to have a series of things come up  that you just have to let go of. Once you do it a time or two, you realize the world doesn't come crashing down. You accept the new, but you must also let go of the old. Don't let fear rule your life, kick its butt!
Moni

It's only been a bit more than a month since I took off my beard, and it got mentioned by two or three colleagues. One of them just pointed out that I had apparently taken off my beard - maybe he assumed I hadn't noticed. One joked if I had had a hot date. The third one asked what happened and accepted "eh, I just felt like trying out something new" as a reply.

And I was in a similar place like you, @OP, my beard & long hair were kind of my most defining visual feature for the last several years.

So unless the gender police is already onto you (look out for windowless pink vans), I think you'll be fine.

Quote from: Daniellekai on June 02, 2017, 11:41:07 PM
Can't do it yet, mom had that minor freak out (worry based), I figured I'd slow down on any sudden, outwardly visible change while she processes a bit more, I still don't have my HRT yet either, I need to get tested for a genetic condition that some of the women in my family have that makes blood clots more likely. The endocrinologist said she'd refer me to a hematologist, but I haven't heard back yet, going to shoot her an email Monday.

Shaving your beard is a temporary step. Removing your beard is a whole other conversation. See the posts on laser, etc. If you have genetic health issues, than you must explore those and examine the risks. In general, one can't shave away their male face. If you decide to transition, shaving is not a solution. You have to have the facial hair killed, which can be a long, expensive process. HRT will do little, if anything about facial hair. Good luck and best wishes! But that beard will never go away with just HRT.

In 1971 I had long hair and a halfway mustache for about three months and then cut it off never to return.  I've been clean shaven every since.  I could not wear makeup with facial hair. As to the long hair  It got too sweaty to play tennis and racket ball.