Susan's Place Transgender Resources

OK so only to one person but this is where it begins.  I sent a letter and additional information to my HR director this afternoon.  Originally, I had planned to send it to her, my VP and my CEO (my direct managers) but decided to start with just HR first.  I figured this way she'd have a chance to prepare for questions or concerns from the VP and CEO. 

About 30 minutes after I sent the files over, I got an email reply that she had received them.  Moments later she popped up with an instant message telling me that she'd have never guessed that's what was going on but that she has a number of friend who are in various stages of transition so she's behind me 100%. 

We got to talking and I mentioned I was really nervous because I have no idea how the CEO or VP would react to this news. She responded that she's confident my job will never be in danger. We went on to talk some more and she asked for permission to talk about my situation with a friend of hers who transitioned FtM on the job.  She's going to gather some information about potential issues or situations that may arise.  Once she's prepared herself, she'll let me know and I'll send the communication to my CEO and VP. 

One small step yet its implications are so tremendous.  The cat is out of the bag now and there's no turning back.  Getting that positive of a response from HR and finding out that she's very familiar with and supportive of transgender issues was a gigantic weight off my shoulders.  One step at a time, here we go.

Congratulations Alyssa!

That's a big and necessary step. It feels so good to get past those milestones.

Here's a suggestion. Don't let your guard down and lose control of your story and the information that's shared about your situation with coworkers. Make them get approval from you before anything is shared. It's been a long time since I went through this and things have changed a lot. I was nieve about that and I was furious to discover some of the things that were discussed with the management team in my "Best Interest". Kind of irritates me just thinking about it. lol.

Congratulations!  That scary first step is the worst, but now it is behind you.

It's a big step, very happy for you. X

  Hey Alyssa,

  Congratulations! Wow scary step wasn't it. I can image how it felt as soon as you hit that send button and there was nothing  you could do to stop it from going. And then to have such a wonderful response.
  I wonder how many times we have to let that darned cat out of the bag during this process we call transition? Who put the dang thing into the bag anyway?

  Good Job Alyssa, Hugs,
   Laurie

All i can say is woo hoo!  :D

Oh Alyssa, that is terrific news!  I'm so happy/excited for you.  I'm glad you have at least one ally at work and who's in an extremely useful position for you.

That's such good news!

Way to go, friend!!!

:) - Sunny


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Sending you serious PROPS and mad respect for coming out at work! That's so exciting!!! Hoping everything stays well.

Alyssa, that is some seriously good news.  And it sounds like your HR contact is pretty accepting, trans-friendly, and helpful.

I think this is all going to go pretty smoothly for you, which is really nice.

Congratulations!

Congrats Alyssa! Wow! I don't think people have an idea of how much bravery it takes to take such a huge step... Eventually I will have to do the same and when I think about it, it looks disturbingly similar to jumping from an awfully high cliff into an ocean of uncertainty! It's very frightening but at the same time unspeakably exciting... [emoji4]
I'm really very happy for you!
Hugs, Sarah

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Wow Congrats!!!  ;D That is a huge step for sure.

Congrats, how great for you!

I came out to the HR director as well as my direct supervisor (who is like top 3 in the company)  back in January and I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to get that out. Granted, it's still going to be quite a while before everyone else knows, but the baby steps feel awesome.

Congrats!! That's a huge step.

Congrats. So happy for you!!

I came out to my new boss a month ago and I have never been so nervous before.

Hugs, Johanna

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Congrats girl! That is an amazing step because once you feel comfortable at work that's a huge chunk of your life in which you can genuinely be yourself.

I will be coming out to my HR manager soon. I work in an office space and can't handle dressing up in male business attire any longer. :P

Side note: CEO is your direct manager!? Wow there are some successful girls on this forum!  ;D

Much love. <3

Quote from: rainecloude on May 18, 2017, 02:33:54 PM
Side note: CEO is your direct manager!? Wow there are some successful girls on this forum!  ;D

That's not always the case, I worked for a company that was never larger than 30 people and the owner of the company designed the produce. I worked under him as a programmer and I suggested modifications to the hardware design to make it more functional.

Wonderful news Alyssa. I know my finger would be fidgety with nerves before hitting that send button. The great thing is that you finally did it, HR is not just behind you but supportive as well, and this makes things so much easier in the end.

Congratulations! You are very brave.

So a quick update here. Had a long conversation with the HR director yesterday over the phone. She had done a lot of research overnight into how other companies handle transition of employees, things to watch out for, common pitfalls, etc.  Super cool that she put so much time into it and on her own personal time mind you.

We talked about coming out to my management and after talking through the options we actually settled on her presenting it to them in person next week in their regular staffing call.  Our thoughts were if I email the letter and package to them, one might read it right away while the other may not see it for weeks.  Also, by her presenting it, she'll be able to address the immediate questions about how to handle it from a company perspective.  So in the end, I think for our structure and communication style, it's the right approach.

We also talked transition date. She asked if I was comfortable with the date I proposed or if I would want it sooner.  I walked through how I came up with the date I proposed and she was impressed by the thought I put into it.  I stressed with her how I want to be flexible and do what's right for the company and she replied that it's good that I'm doing that but I should also make sure I don't bend too far.

She also brought up an interesting idea of having some form of cocktail hour or other social event post-transition date where my co-workers could meet an interact with Alyssa.  She pointed out something I hadn't really considered and that is people are going to want to know who is Alyssa.  Like what personality traits that they've known in me are just that, my personality and permanent, versus what will change as a result of me transitioning.  I found the idea interesting but kind of cautioned her away from it.  Basically I don't want to make some Caitlyn Jenner type splash out of this.  I definitely don't want to distract the company with my transition and don't want to cause backlash from people who might be allies but get put off by what feels like attention hoarding.

In the end we're going to talk more.  She wants to do an almost "interview" where she can ask me questions to better understand who I am, what my approach is, and so forth so she can answer initial questions from co-workers who may not feel comfortable asking me directly or who are afraid they'll offend me if they say something wrong.  I'm also putting together some links to simple guides on transgender terminology and etiquette at her request.

So far so good, the meeting she has on Wednesday will be interesting.  I've got my schedule cleared and if asked, will join the call, otherwise I'll follow-up with my management afterward.  Fingers crossed but I'm feeling pretty confident so far.

Quote from: rainecloude on May 18, 2017, 02:33:54 PM
Side note: CEO is your direct manager!? Wow there are some successful girls on this forum!  ;D

Not quite as impressive as maybe it sounds, it's only a company of 50 people.  I am at a director level so I guess in those terms I am pretty successful but I measure my success more by the fact that I work a job I love, I work out of my home as a remote employee and I'm able to teach others in my industry from the experiences that I have had.

Hi Alyssa,

  That all sounds really cool and it's great to see you are getting so much support from HR. Go forth young lady, go forth and ummm conquer?  lol

Really Alyssa I'm impressed with the progress you have made since I began reading your posts. You go girl!

  ((((Hugs))))

Laurie

Quote from: AlyssaJ on May 19, 2017, 08:52:07 AM
So a quick update here. Had a long conversation with the HR director yesterday over the phone. She had done a lot of research overnight into how other companies handle transition of employees, things to watch out for, common pitfalls, etc.  Super cool that she put so much time into it and on her own personal time mind you.

We talked about coming out to my management and after talking through the options we actually settled on her presenting it to them in person next week in their regular staffing call.  Our thoughts were if I email the letter and package to them, one might read it right away while the other may not see it for weeks.  Also, by her presenting it, she'll be able to address the immediate questions about how to handle it from a company perspective.  So in the end, I think for our structure and communication style, it's the right approach.

We also talked transition date. She asked if I was comfortable with the date I proposed or if I would want it sooner.  I walked through how I came up with the date I proposed and she was impressed by the thought I put into it.  I stressed with her how I want to be flexible and do what's right for the company and she replied that it's good that I'm doing that but I should also make sure I don't bend too far.

She also brought up an interesting idea of having some form of cocktail hour or other social event post-transition date where my co-workers could meet an interact with Alyssa.  She pointed out something I hadn't really considered and that is people are going to want to know who is Alyssa.  Like what personality traits that they've known in me are just that, my personality and permanent, versus what will change as a result of me transitioning.  I found the idea interesting but kind of cautioned her away from it.  Basically I don't want to make some Caitlyn Jenner type splash out of this.  I definitely don't want to distract the company with my transition and don't want to cause backlash from people who might be allies but get put off by what feels like attention hoarding.

In the end we're going to talk more.  She wants to do an almost "interview" where she can ask me questions to better understand who I am, what my approach is, and so forth so she can answer initial questions from co-workers who may not feel comfortable asking me directly or who are afraid they'll offend me if they say something wrong.  I'm also putting together some links to simple guides on transgender terminology and etiquette at her request.

So far so good, the meeting she has on Wednesday will be interesting.  I've got my schedule cleared and if asked, will join the call, otherwise I'll follow-up with my management afterward.  Fingers crossed but I'm feeling pretty confident so far.


Not quite as impressive as maybe it sounds, it's only a company of 50 people.  I am at a director level so I guess in those terms I am pretty successful but I measure my success more by the fact that I work a job I love, I work out of my home as a remote employee and I'm able to teach others in my industry from the experiences that I have had.

It all sounds great. She's an awesome HR director.

Congratulations on coming out at work. I also glad to here that it seems as though the reception was positive.

Today was a big day!!  Per our agreed upon approach, my HR director used her weekly meeting with my bosses to present to them my letter and transition package.  After the meeting was over, I got an email from the HR director confirming that she had provided the materials and that they were reviewing them.  She told me she reiterated to them that this is no way should change how we work together and everything is business as usual.  She then stated she'll be setting up a follow-up call to begin planning for my transition.

A little later I spoke with her and she shared some more information.  She said their reaction was pretty flat, no real shock or surprise, just very business like.  Apparently the CEO also shared that he has been through this before in a previous company so he is familiar with the process.  Basically, as she described it, it was the best possible reaction I could have hoped for. 

So I'm super excited now.  Knowing that my boss understands transition and how this should be handled in the workplace is huge.  I'm looking forward to the planning meeting to see how that goes.  Hopefully in that meeting we'll finalize my transition date. Very likely, my transition date for work will then also be my date for going full time (especially if we stick to my proposed date or even a little later if they ask for it).

Of course, the real test in all of this will come once I do transition and they now have to start calling me Alyssa and using the proper pronouns.  When it's in front of the full company I'll be curious to see how the dynamics of my work relationships change.  I don't anticipate any terribly negative response but I do expect awkwardness in many of those interactions, especially early on.

For now, I'm just doing my happy dance as another domino in the transition chain has fallen :)

Yayy! Congrats!!