Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm not sure if this belongs here, but I'm desperate for help on this after trying in other places, and everyone seems friendly here. So for a long time I've never been very open about my feelings of wanting to transition, but now that I'm seriously considering it, I don't really know where to start. I guess if it helps, I'll talk about a few details. Currently I'm 19 and I still live at home, which might change later this year. The problem is, my dad is the only one that supports me and he would probably disown me if I came out to him. His opinion isn't very high of me since he has hinted about me possibly being gay and sees it as immoral, which makes me believe he would really hate hearing me confess that I'm trans. I'm just afraid of how I'm going to take the first steps like getting hormones, which I've tried reading up on but still don't fully understand. Eventually I do want to go through with surgery, but I looked into the average costs before and it doesn't look very promising. I don't want to bring too much into this post, but this has left me feeling depressed for a long time. Since I was 10 when I first started noticing that I didn't really get along with other boys. This probably sounds crazy but I would pray to wake up as a girl the next day, only to see the same body I still hate to this day, eventually getting to the point where I attempted to cut it off. I was a mess through middle school and high school. There are other reasons for my depression and anxiety that formed, but not being able to live as a girl made me feel dead inside. There were alot of times I didn't think I would make it, with some health issues and suicide attempts over the past few years, I don't know what to do with my life. I was at a crossroads when I graduated: Should I live the life that's expected of me, or should I take the biggest chance in my life and live a happier life. My best friend is the only person I've been able to talk to about this. She's been great moral support, but I can understand that it's a complicated issue, which is why I came here. Oh and sorry I didn't really want a sad story in here, but I feel like this is the only way I can cope. Thank you for reading and any advice is welcome.

Hi. Im sorry you are having so much trouble right now. The first thing I would recommend is that you see a gender counselor.  They can help you work out a lot of your feelings. I do not think trying to be who others expect you to be will end well for you. There are so many women here who did that. They lived lives as alpha males, had military careers and did many other things they were "expected" to do. But it obviously didn't work. They are transitioning despite all their efforts to be "a man". Only now many of them are transitioning at a late age and it is harder for them. The younger you are when you start HRT the better the end results.  You are young enough to have much better results than if you begin later in life. You can't run from gender dysphoria. Read the stories of some of the ladies here.

I would start with seeing a gender counselor and go from there.
Hugs
Alexandria

I think everything pointed out by @Cimara is spot-on.

I want to add that there are many ways of approaching and solving this. So you are not stuck without options. Try to not let anxiety/negativity drive yourself (and yes, I know its very easy to say but really hard to do).

Given you're 19yo you dont need parents consent to start working out things like therapy, hormones, etc. Starting the whole proccess without coming out to your dad may be an option worth considering.

Also you can bond more intimately to your father in a way it would be easier for him to empathize with you. After all even if he sounds really homophobic or transphobic you're still his daughter, and blood is thicker than water.

To finish I would like to add that you really never know how a person is going to react. Sometimes people give us nice surprises.

Thank you so much for the great advice @Cimera and @Wednesday. You're so right about it being better to do early and avoiding being unhappy with trying to live as a man. What makes me the most afraid is if I keep waiting my appearance will eventually become more masculine. I'm blessed to have softer features that don't look very manly. Thank you for the sweet and encouraging words, I'll definitely start seeing a counselor as soon as possible.

You are very welcome sweetie. Please keep us updated.

Tally,

Hi and welcome to the site.

You have had some great advice so far. I'm just going to add a few things.

I would agree that the first typical step is to visit a gender therapist. They help so much in guiding you through decisions. Not telling you what to do but stripping some of the extra anxiety producing elements out of the way. Help you to accept yourself. It is not easy but I think pretty helpful. You can talk about any of the rest of it after that.

About your Dad. If it's a moral thing, there are fewer things in the Bible about trans than gay...Not really a good approach, just trying to lighten the mood. We often take ourselves too seriously. If your Dad wants to know about the therapist, tell him you are trying to figure things out. You don't have to tell him what. Don't cut him out of your life. He may cut himself out at first. Often parents will come back.

This is a long process. Don't look at all the costs at once. If it is a priority, you have a goal to shoot for. If you have good insurance much of the transition process can be covered(not 100% but it helps a lot). I understand about not wanting to wait but it is a marathon, not a sprint. So take a breath and try to stay as calm as you can. The more positive a person is, the easier the life(that's a lot coming from me- not exactly rosey glasses before).

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna


PS I think I am going to move this to introductions. You may get more traffic there.

Hi Tally  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's Place  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thank you for the warm welcome @V M and Joanna50. Seeing a gender therapist is definitely a priority for me and I have looked into this. Unfortunately I haven't had the best luck so far.

  Hi Tally,

  I'm Laurie, I'm one of those "older" people that started transitioning later in life. How much later? Try at the age of 64. That's right I took my first dose of HRT meds on December 4, 2016. I went through my whole life so far struggling with the same sort of issues that you are struggling with. Back then when I was a young boy we didn't have the internet and the vast wealth of knowledge the the internet brings to or screens at the touch of a keyboard. I grew up with 5 sisters and an older brother that left home when I was in grade school. I envied my sisters with their pretty dresses, ankle socks and panties with lace trim, their slips and bows. I found out early that boys didn't get to have those pretty clothes.I wished I was a girl. I wanted what my sisters were able to have so much that I grew up disliking Christmas because I never received the presents I wanted so very much to have. This has carried through to this day. I still do not like birthdays or holidays. If I could I would become a hermit recluse after Halloween through New Years. Halloween was okay because sometimes I could get my sisters to dress me in their clothes for trick or treating.
    But I did borrowed their clothes when I could, secretly. I played with their toys that I liked, by playing with my sisters. I learned to cook, do dishes, wash and iron clothes right along side of them because my mom felt it was good  for a boy to be able to do these things for himself. So I shared in the household chores. This  secret dressing continued, along with wishing I could be a girl, dreaming of being a girl. I searched in libraries to try and see what was wrong with me and found out I was a transvestite, someone that  wears the clothes of the opposite sex because it gave them pleasure. And yes in the beginning it gave this young boy pleasure. So I had to be a pervert because I got pleasure doing something I knew was wrong.
    I quit. And I quit again. And again, and again. Eventually I came to realize I could not stop crossdressing. I went into the Navy, I got married, I had children and nothing stopped me from wearing women's clothes for very long. So I accepted it was something I had to do, it was just a part of the way I was.  When I dressed I could escape my male pressures. I could stop being a bread winner, a husband, a dad, and yes a man. For a short time I could be a woman and feel pretty, feel good. For many many years I believed crossdressing was enough. I could pretend all I needed was to dress when the urge came over me. I could appease my desire to be a woman for a short time then return to being the man I was supposed to be.
   But it was not enough, crossdressing was never enough. After failing as a father, and a husband. I still dressed in secret, in my car, in my room, and anywhere else I could get  away with it. Until about November I came across Gender Dysphoria and HRT online and discovered that I fit into that mold. I order HRT meds and started taking them. I tols my doctor and got my meds the right way. I got gender counseling. I've only been in transition for 5.5 months but I am happier finally I am becoming who I always wished I could be.
   
   Why did I tell you this long drawn out story? To show you that what Alexandria told you was true. Gender dysphoria does not go away. It may fade and return but it does not go away. I went in cycles of purging my female stuff and the buying more again and then binging on dressing. Over and over again. It does not go away and it will not leave you along. You mood swings with it.  You'll be angry, depressed, happy, sad. Things will be okay and then you'll want to end all the pain. the only real relief comes when you give in and do what you need to do to become who you really are.
   The sooner you get started as Alexandria said the better the results. For someone like me testosterone has been unkind and I will not be a good looking woman I'm afraid. But I will be a woman and that is what I need to be. Finally I will be who I have always been inside.

    Look for a LGBTQ+ center in the city near you they can help you find support and resources for the services you need. A therapist is a good starting place even if it isn't a gender therapist.

  I wish you luck in getting started with the help you need to figure yourself out.

Hugs,
    Laurie