Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: BeckyCNJ on May 18, 2017, 01:00:53 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Introduction
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 18, 2017, 01:00:53 PM
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 18, 2017, 01:00:53 PM
Hi everyone. Glad to be a part of this community. Thank you to everyone who makes it possible!
Let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm a transwoman but have not taken any steps toward transitioning. I'm 60 now and have known since I was four or five that I felt more comfortable as a female. I'm healthy and don't feel much different than I did when I was 40. I'm married and my wife has known about me being transgender since before we were married. I have three adult daughters.
My wife is somewhat supportive. She understands being trans is not a choice, but she doesn't want to see me presenting as a woman, even in the privacy of our home. I'm currently seeing a gender therapist.
I don't see transitioning in my future, but I do feel an increasing need to somehow express my feminine side. My wife and I love each other and I'm willing to forego transitioning to keep our marriage.
Any ladies out there who are in similar circumstances? Any suggestions or ideas you might offer?
Thank you!
Let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm a transwoman but have not taken any steps toward transitioning. I'm 60 now and have known since I was four or five that I felt more comfortable as a female. I'm healthy and don't feel much different than I did when I was 40. I'm married and my wife has known about me being transgender since before we were married. I have three adult daughters.
My wife is somewhat supportive. She understands being trans is not a choice, but she doesn't want to see me presenting as a woman, even in the privacy of our home. I'm currently seeing a gender therapist.
I don't see transitioning in my future, but I do feel an increasing need to somehow express my feminine side. My wife and I love each other and I'm willing to forego transitioning to keep our marriage.
Any ladies out there who are in similar circumstances? Any suggestions or ideas you might offer?
Thank you!
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Rayna on May 18, 2017, 04:35:07 PM
Post by: Rayna on May 18, 2017, 04:35:07 PM
My wife, who didn't know about it until recently, is very supportive of my "exploring my feminine side." But she doesn't want me to transition, says she's attracted to me as a man. So for now I cross dress. She's ok with going out in public, shopping for clothes, and even lets me wear her stuff when it fits.
So I'd counsel patience for now. But keep the topic on the table, not to the point of irritation, but to keep her aware. Over time she might become more open. That's what I hope to see for myself.
I'll point out that my wife's sister, with whom she is very close, is lesbian and has been with her partner for decades. Out of necessity they have both been included in family gatherings and are open about it. So my wife is used to the non-binary.
Do you need to expose your wife, gently, to people like "us"? Give her a chance to see that we can be normal and pleasant people? At least I hope we can be lol.
Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
So I'd counsel patience for now. But keep the topic on the table, not to the point of irritation, but to keep her aware. Over time she might become more open. That's what I hope to see for myself.
I'll point out that my wife's sister, with whom she is very close, is lesbian and has been with her partner for decades. Out of necessity they have both been included in family gatherings and are open about it. So my wife is used to the non-binary.
Do you need to expose your wife, gently, to people like "us"? Give her a chance to see that we can be normal and pleasant people? At least I hope we can be lol.
Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 18, 2017, 04:58:18 PM
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 18, 2017, 04:58:18 PM
Thanks so much, Randy!
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Balerie on May 18, 2017, 05:00:56 PM
Post by: Balerie on May 18, 2017, 05:00:56 PM
Hi Becky and welcome!
My situation is somewhat similar. I'm married almost 20 years and this year I decided this was the year to do something. My wife knew I was a crossdresser before we got married and she was ok with that but things have progressed. 4 years ago I found out I was XXY and thus I finally realized that I was transgender. She was ok with it and as always, her rule since we got married was that I could do whatever i wanted in the house but I was never to leave the house dressed in female attire. I tried to hold off as much as I could but the mental anguish was overpowering and the depression was killing me from the inside out. I tried to hold it off by using women's jeans and underwear, dressing more at home and buying more things to change it up a bit. Sometimes I would wear women's perfume. None of that mattered. The feelings got stronger and more powerful.
A month ago I started HRT and told my wife that I loved her but I needed to do this to stop from dying inside every day. I've broken the rules and ventured out and so far we're back to normal. It's a long process. She will fight to keep her man beside her even though I don't know at what point I will want to fully transition. She does not want to be a lesbian and that's her right. I'm just taking things day by day.
My suggestion is to start therapy because that will help you navigate the waters of doubt, fear, paranoia, and guilt as you decide what path is best for your well being and how to handle your wife's reaction/acceptance of lack of it. Regardless what you do, make sure you look after yourself. Sadly, sometimes people will be selfish in their own right and forget that you need to be happy as well.
Good luck and keep us updated.
Hugs,
Balerie
My situation is somewhat similar. I'm married almost 20 years and this year I decided this was the year to do something. My wife knew I was a crossdresser before we got married and she was ok with that but things have progressed. 4 years ago I found out I was XXY and thus I finally realized that I was transgender. She was ok with it and as always, her rule since we got married was that I could do whatever i wanted in the house but I was never to leave the house dressed in female attire. I tried to hold off as much as I could but the mental anguish was overpowering and the depression was killing me from the inside out. I tried to hold it off by using women's jeans and underwear, dressing more at home and buying more things to change it up a bit. Sometimes I would wear women's perfume. None of that mattered. The feelings got stronger and more powerful.
A month ago I started HRT and told my wife that I loved her but I needed to do this to stop from dying inside every day. I've broken the rules and ventured out and so far we're back to normal. It's a long process. She will fight to keep her man beside her even though I don't know at what point I will want to fully transition. She does not want to be a lesbian and that's her right. I'm just taking things day by day.
My suggestion is to start therapy because that will help you navigate the waters of doubt, fear, paranoia, and guilt as you decide what path is best for your well being and how to handle your wife's reaction/acceptance of lack of it. Regardless what you do, make sure you look after yourself. Sadly, sometimes people will be selfish in their own right and forget that you need to be happy as well.
Good luck and keep us updated.
Hugs,
Balerie
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 18, 2017, 06:58:48 PM
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 18, 2017, 06:58:48 PM
Thanks so much, Balerie!
All the best to you, also.
Hugs,
Becky
All the best to you, also.
Hugs,
Becky
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Michelle_P on May 18, 2017, 11:50:45 PM
Post by: Michelle_P on May 18, 2017, 11:50:45 PM
Hi, Becky!
Welcome to the site.
We have a number of older members here. I'm 63, for example. There are some others who are out to their spouses as being transgender, but not transitioning. (I am transitioning, and a poor example for you.) Those folks may have some helpful advice for you.
I hope you feel welcome here.
A Cautionary Note:
Please try to remember when posting that The Internet Never Forgets, and the various web crawlers and archival sites out there somewhere make sure of this.
This is a public forum. We cannot insure that any information shared on the site will be protected from public view and/or copying or reproduction. There is no way to guarantee that automated image and writing style analyzers out there won't see and process your post.
Do not share anything on Susan's that you do not want to be public information.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
Welcome to the site.
We have a number of older members here. I'm 63, for example. There are some others who are out to their spouses as being transgender, but not transitioning. (I am transitioning, and a poor example for you.) Those folks may have some helpful advice for you.
I hope you feel welcome here.
A Cautionary Note:
Please try to remember when posting that The Internet Never Forgets, and the various web crawlers and archival sites out there somewhere make sure of this.
This is a public forum. We cannot insure that any information shared on the site will be protected from public view and/or copying or reproduction. There is no way to guarantee that automated image and writing style analyzers out there won't see and process your post.
Do not share anything on Susan's that you do not want to be public information.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.
Things that you should read
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar or set a profile picture) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Laurie on May 19, 2017, 12:14:08 AM
Post by: Laurie on May 19, 2017, 12:14:08 AM
Hi Becky
I'm Laurie, I'm 64, MTF doing HRT since December. I am also a self appointed unofficial greeter here at Susan's Place.
()Hug)) Welcome to Susan's Becky. Come on in. I'm glad to read that you want to be a part of our community. Don't just stand there gawking,(I know I'm not that beautiful) come in and find a comfy spot to sit and chat. Coffee and hot water for tea in on the counter, water is in the tap and soda in the fridge. Help yourself. Yes, you can sit there. Like the overstuffed cushions do you? It's Devlyn's chair, she spends a lot of time there with her chocolate bon bon and her frou frou Starbucks drinks. How she drinks that burnt bean coffee sugary drinks I'll never know.
Well now all comfy? Good.
So you are an older trans-woman like me are you? There are quite a few of us regal dames here. That unfortunately is about all the similarity we share though. I was married for over twenty years and my ex tolerated my crossdressing but eventually we parted ways. No it wasn't due to my crossdressing alone but it did play a part. I also believe my gender dysphoria that I was unaware of (heck I was unaware of the word ever) played a big part in the other issues we had. Namely my anger, drug abuse, alcoholism, my insecurity and my domineering. That was all when I thought just crossdressing was enough. It wasn't because I am trans. Once I realized that I was a transwoman it began the steps that brought me to transition. I walk that path now and have never felt better about myself.
I read that you are not going to crossdress or transition because you love your wife and do not want to hurt her. I hope her stance regarding you doesn't hurt you. If you are truly trans like you believe this could be a very difficult and painful decision for you. If you suffer from gender dysphoria you may not be able to abstain from indulging. I couldn't stop crossdress forever myself and yes I tried many times. I always gave into the desire to dress as a woman eventually. I wish you better luck than I had. More power to you if you can pull it off.
Welcome to the family Becky. Keep coming back and sharing with us so we can get to know you better and keep up on what is happening with you. There is a lot of info to be had here and lots of helpful folks to ask questions of.
Hugs,
Laurie
I'm Laurie, I'm 64, MTF doing HRT since December. I am also a self appointed unofficial greeter here at Susan's Place.
()Hug)) Welcome to Susan's Becky. Come on in. I'm glad to read that you want to be a part of our community. Don't just stand there gawking,(I know I'm not that beautiful) come in and find a comfy spot to sit and chat. Coffee and hot water for tea in on the counter, water is in the tap and soda in the fridge. Help yourself. Yes, you can sit there. Like the overstuffed cushions do you? It's Devlyn's chair, she spends a lot of time there with her chocolate bon bon and her frou frou Starbucks drinks. How she drinks that burnt bean coffee sugary drinks I'll never know.
Well now all comfy? Good.
So you are an older trans-woman like me are you? There are quite a few of us regal dames here. That unfortunately is about all the similarity we share though. I was married for over twenty years and my ex tolerated my crossdressing but eventually we parted ways. No it wasn't due to my crossdressing alone but it did play a part. I also believe my gender dysphoria that I was unaware of (heck I was unaware of the word ever) played a big part in the other issues we had. Namely my anger, drug abuse, alcoholism, my insecurity and my domineering. That was all when I thought just crossdressing was enough. It wasn't because I am trans. Once I realized that I was a transwoman it began the steps that brought me to transition. I walk that path now and have never felt better about myself.
I read that you are not going to crossdress or transition because you love your wife and do not want to hurt her. I hope her stance regarding you doesn't hurt you. If you are truly trans like you believe this could be a very difficult and painful decision for you. If you suffer from gender dysphoria you may not be able to abstain from indulging. I couldn't stop crossdress forever myself and yes I tried many times. I always gave into the desire to dress as a woman eventually. I wish you better luck than I had. More power to you if you can pull it off.
Welcome to the family Becky. Keep coming back and sharing with us so we can get to know you better and keep up on what is happening with you. There is a lot of info to be had here and lots of helpful folks to ask questions of.
Hugs,
Laurie
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: V M on May 19, 2017, 04:18:26 AM
Post by: V M on May 19, 2017, 04:18:26 AM
Hi Becky :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 19, 2017, 06:36:43 AM
Post by: BeckyCNJ on May 19, 2017, 06:36:43 AM
Thank you all for the warm welcome! Thank you especially to Laurie, Balerie, RandyL & Michelle_P for sharing your stories.
I suppose, like most things in life, we all have unique circumstances but it's helpful to find the similarities to see how I can adopt someone else's experiences to fit my own situation.
I do push the envelope a little bit with my wife from time to time. For example, I shave my arms and legs, which aren't terribly hairy to begin with. With the warm weather here that becomes a little more obvious to the world. I'm also trying to sit in a more feminine way.
My major goal is to see if I can develop a good female-sounding voice. I do voiceover work and if I could "switch on" a female voice it would be great. It's something I could publicly demonstrate and could even open up new opportunities for my voiceover career. It's tough, but I think it's possible. I've seen videos with some amazing examples. I have to be careful I don't damage my male voice so I'm taking it slow.
Hugs to all,
Becky
I suppose, like most things in life, we all have unique circumstances but it's helpful to find the similarities to see how I can adopt someone else's experiences to fit my own situation.
I do push the envelope a little bit with my wife from time to time. For example, I shave my arms and legs, which aren't terribly hairy to begin with. With the warm weather here that becomes a little more obvious to the world. I'm also trying to sit in a more feminine way.
My major goal is to see if I can develop a good female-sounding voice. I do voiceover work and if I could "switch on" a female voice it would be great. It's something I could publicly demonstrate and could even open up new opportunities for my voiceover career. It's tough, but I think it's possible. I've seen videos with some amazing examples. I have to be careful I don't damage my male voice so I'm taking it slow.
Hugs to all,
Becky