Susan's Place Transgender Resources

A little bit about me: 16, ftm transgender, pre-t and pre-any surgeries, socially transitioned and passing well

My school does not allow trans people to go to the bathroom that is specified for their gender. My teacher asked the principal whether I was allowed to visit the boys' bathrooms, and he said no because my biological sex is female, which  yes, is true.

After that my teacher implied that the reason for this was that they think I could get raped in this restroom, but to a way to solve this problem would be to add a gender neutral bathroom.

I do not understand this. I pass as a boy, only people who support me know that I'm trans. I doubt anyone would think I'm a girl or even harrass me if I quickly run in and out of the bathroom. I would get bullied and harrassed more if I went to the female bathroom. If there were to be a gender neutral bathroom, wouldn't "rape" still be an issue? I don't believe this is a problem at all in my school, because I've never heard of ANYTHING like it happening. But how could this fix this apparent issue? It would be mixed sexes going into the same facility.

I do not understand this. I know other schools in my country (which is Germany), which allow trans people to visit their preferred bathrooms.

So. I need to be at school for up to 9 hours a day and not visit the restrooms when I really need it. I look too much like a guy to visit the girls', and there always seems someone to be in there so I really can't go. Do you guys have any advice on what I should do?

(Sorry if this was a little hectic and confusing, I tried to explain it the best I could)

Thats rough and come on, seriously? Your school isn't full of potential rapists..you could be given an alarm if that was a serious reason

Hi Devin,

Welcome to the site.

That is so not cool. Where do you live? I know some schools take the path of least resistance and end up breaking rules without knowing it. For example. I live in NY state.  My children's schools are not compliant with state mandates. They could be brought up on charges. Is there an advocate or LGBTQ+ organization at your school. They should know about this. There are respectful ways to handle this.

I also wanted to mention that there is a spot here called youth talk that is specifically for people around or under 18 years of age. Most on this site want to help. However, sometimes it's good to talk to someone your own age in a similar predicament.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Welcome to Susan's Place. The principle has a point but so do you and there isn't an easy solution to this problem. You might try searching for any country or local laws regarding this. It's also possible the school system also has a policy on how this should be handled. If that fails, the only other option that has been used in the past is to allow the student to use one of the teachers bathrooms as they might be a single person bathroom.

When I was young, I wouldn't have been permitted to transition at school. It's good that the young can do it early in life but it has created some new complications that haven't been worked out yet.

Quote from: devin7 on May 25, 2017, 01:32:45 PMIf there were to be a gender neutral bathroom, wouldn't "rape" still be an issue? I don't believe this is a problem at all in my school, because I've never heard of ANYTHING like it happening. But how could this fix this apparent issue? It would be mixed sexes going into the same facility.

When schools refer to a "gender neutral" washroom, they typically mean a single-occupant room.  That would be a viable solution.  Obviously, using the girls washroom is not.

It might be worthwhile to check what the laws are where you are.  The school may be in violation of the law.

I have the same problem as you do. But I'm trying to figure out what's the best time to tell my parents that I'm not happy with my gender. I'm thinking of waiting to tell them in the summer. I want to use the girls restroom at school but my school is in Texas.

I would try to look at the laws and see if their is any LGTB organization in your area that will help people like you. In my country, GLADD is an well known LGTB organization. And I would see if you can go to a judge to get a course order saying that you can use the boys restroom.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Hi Catherine! Welcome to the site.

We have a number of different forums here, some of which may help you in getting better responses for your posts.  I do have a few suggestions for you as a new member to help you get started.

We'd like to get to know you!  Try posting a little bit about yourself in a new topic just for yourself, over in our Introductions forum. (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) Tell us your story, how you came to join our family, life lessons learned, and tell us what makes the world a special place for you. 

Now, we do have some rules.  Your initial post has a bit of politics in the middle, phrased in a way that our Terms of Service (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) don't allow, so some editing by the Moderator Team will happen to that post. Don't worry too much, just take a look at the rules, OK?  We have them to avoid discussions turning into, well, bickering, really.

I hope you feel welcome here.

A Cautionary Note:
Please try to remember when posting that The Internet Never Forgets, and the various web crawlers and archival sites out there somewhere make sure of this.

This is a public forum. We cannot insure that any information shared on the site will be protected from public view and/or copying or reproduction.  There is no way to guarantee that automated image and writing style analyzers out there won't see and process your post.

Do not share anything on Susan's that you do not want to be public information.


I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to take a look, please take a moment to go through them.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar or set a profile picture) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

If they are going to provide you with a gender neutral bathroom option, use that. They are likely telling you to because if you're pre surgery they assume there is a chance you could be noticed and given the current climate someone might choose to harass you over it.

If they have offered a safe solution ask them to provide it and make use of it.

Hi Devin,

As soon as I read the title I thought "maybe they're trying to protect you" and then I read your post:

Quote from: devin7 on May 25, 2017, 01:32:45 PM
After that my teacher implied that the reason for this was that they think I could get raped in this restroom, but to a way to solve this problem would be to add a gender neutral bathroom.

While I definitely understand your discomfort, I guess it's better to play it safe. It's easier for cisgender men to assault a transman in the bathroom than it would be for ciswomen to assault a transwoman (at least when it comes to physical strength, especially if you're pre T). And, aren't high school boys just aggressive and crazy by nature? It's not like they need to know you're trans or a real reason to harass someone who is likely physically smaller than them.

Hopefully they can give you another solution but at least they're trying to take care of you.

Call a lawyer and sue em. Don't screw around.