Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I found out last week that my wife was having some internet affairs. I have had a week to process this. I thought I could hold off and pretend for a few months while I gathered up my finances and prepared for a divorce. I just couldn't do it. I was miserable. I felt like I was just as bad as her by lying. I finally just told her tonight it was over. This was the second time she had an internet affair. It still hurt to hear her cry and watch over a decade of building together collapse in one phone call. I also let it slip about my transition journey. She was very concerned with that but I was firm on not talking about that on the phone. For some reason I just couldn't trust her tone of voice. I started to feel like she might use it against me. I did reassure her that we would work through this amicably. I told her nothing would change until she finished school. That we weren't going to do anything crazy or out of emotions. I told her she really needed time to process this and then we could talk about the future. It was really hard to stay calm. But I did it. It's just really hard. This now marks the beginning of my new life and the pursuit of my happiness. It's bittersweet...

Ow.  I'm just wrapping up a mediated divorce, and I certain understand how painful this is.  I hope the two of you can peacefully resolve this and each gain what they need from this change in your lives.

I understand just how bittersweet this is.  I hope you find your way to happiness and joy.

Quote from: Michelle_P on May 27, 2017, 01:21:54 AM
Ow.  I'm just wrapping up a mediated divorce, and I certain understand how painful this is.  I hope the two of you can peacefully resolve this and each gain what they need from this change in your lives.

I understand just how bittersweet this is.  I hope you find your way to happiness and joy.

Thanks Michelle. It's so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I feel very alone knowing that our family is broken. Her parents WERE my parents. Her sons WERE my boys. I know it will be hard but it's for the best. I forgave once. I can't and won't do it again.

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I am sorry to see any relationship break up as it tends to be destructive to everybody involved. One thing I have learned from the site is that when this happens, it's not always cheating. Some people are uncomfortable in an exclusive relationship and need more than one partner. That was a bit difficult for me to understand at first because if I were in a relationship, I would only have one partner and I would expect the same of my partner.

If you chose to, you might still have a relationship with her parents and her children. Separation doesn't mean you have to break the relationship with the rest of her family. I often hear divorce stories where this is the case so wait and see what the future holds.

When there is no longer any sense of trust in each other, the marriage is failing. I have been there and no one is to blame. It is both our faults. We both made mistakes. If we can get past those mistakes, we might recover. If not, then there are only a few choices available. None of which are nice. :(

Quote from: Dani on May 27, 2017, 03:10:59 PM
When there is no longer any sense of trust in each other, the marriage is failing. I have been there and no one is to blame. It is both our faults. We both made mistakes. If we can get past those mistakes, we might recover. If not, then there are only a few choices available. None of which are nice. :(

We have been talking and so much has come out that we kept from each other. So sad that all this time we weren't really communicating.

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Quote from: ToniDatyga on May 27, 2017, 07:35:03 PM
We have been talking and so much has come out that we kept from each other. So sad that all this time we weren't really communicating.

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Communication is the key to a good marriage. It has to be both ways though. Pretending to listen isn't the same as listening. My ex was a narcissist sociopath who gave orders and pretended to listen.


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We have really been talking. Hours on end about things as if we're catching up. I have agreed to go to marriage counseling that deals with Trans issues. After we sat down and were really honest with each other, I feel like we're in a better place.

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