Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I just cut off two family members that is my brother and my father. I just can't take being ignored anymore or being treated like a thing. They dead name me when everyone has moved on. They have a little anti Amore campaign with my steph mom that they try to get everyone to "Not support me" with the hope that it would scare me into changing my mind if I lose everyone. Well I am willing to lose people but not lose myself again because what is life if I lost myself?

I am sad because I gave so much of my life up for these people to make them happy and you know what they do when you stop living for them and start living for yourself you only realize that they are only living for themselves and was needy people that needed you to be that brother and son because it boosted their ego.

It is a very sad day for me but it is a heap off my shoulders. I just could not take being dead named and being called the wrong pronouns anymore. I just can't be that guy. I can't have them keep me alive by what they think is in my pants because you have a penis you are still a man. I don't even pass as a man anymore. I didn't know what to do but I deleted their numbers off my phone. I am just so tired of going round and round and saying I am sorry to them. I don't have anything to be sorry about because how on earth are you sorry for being who you are.

Amore, I am sorry you had to do this but am glad you took a stand. You are 100% correct, you are being who you are and they are not accepting, their loss.

As hard as this road is and from your other post how hard this road has been for you personally, you need family support more then ever. Just because you accept a family member as transgender, does not mean you need to change who you are, you need to get over yourself and be there for your loved ones.

As hard as it is to cut off a family member or members those could be signs of bigger problems that they have. In the long run, distance may be better for you, especially if there goal was to control you. I would like to say that over time they will realize there mistake and try to make amends, but I fear they have deeper problems that will never allow them to see the light.

I am so sorry for you Amore, you deserve to be treated right. You treated them right and they are cis. I know there's the argument for why do I have to change words around just cause we feel different about ourselves after so many years, but honestly how hard is it to say a simple word or name. It might take some time but it's truly not that hard. When I first came out in 2014 as Skylar my mother said she supported me and wanted to go shopping and all that happy mother daughter stuff, but one day I got on her Facebook and saw her bad mouthing me and calling me a freak to her friends :( yeah it hurts now because we love them, they are family but in the end family is not just about blood, it's about respect and loyalty as well. If you can't respect me, then you ain't family to me :) keep up the amazing work. Hugs ~ Vicky

Hi Amore,

  I can tell this has been and is hard for you with your father and brother but I think your decision is a correct one. If they are actively working against you then they do not have your best interests in mind.
  Your doing this is the right thing for yourself and that is as it should be.

Hugs,
   Laurie

As much as it sucks to say... Good!

You don't need toxic people in your life while you're doing something hugely important for yourself. Hopefully down the road they will realize how much of crap people they were being and will accept you for how you want to be, and now how they want you to be. Till then, good riddance.

I am sorry you had to do that. My boyfriend recently cut his mother out of his life because she did the same kind of things to him that your dad and brother did to you. It is hard on him and I feel really bad that it hurts him. But I am SO happy to have that small minded abominable woman out of our lives.

Kick em to the curb. You'll be better and stronger for it. That's the kind of family support that you don't want. More power to you darlin', now you can focus more on yourself and the things that make you happy.

Hugs x

Thanx for the support in this sad time in my life. My brothers wedding is coming up in October and I don't even know if I want to go anymore. I am going to dress as me in a beautiful dress and everyone is going to have something to say. I am just so tired of it all. They already had a fight with me about what I am going to wear. I said well I am going to dress like I am supposed to dress how funny would a woman in formal mens clothes look. But I am not in the mood for the anti Amore group trying to bash me at the wedding.

I am just a bit paranoid about it all because I know them.

I'm sorry you had this happen. If your brother is not ok with you being yourself then don't go to his wedding. The last thing you need is to have such a negative experience in such a public setting. If, as you say, you know them, then avoid them.

^^^^^ best answer right there....however the selfish girl in me says go in a beautiful dress :) I'd ravel in that chance and be like yeah y'all I'm this beautiful woman check me out ;)

Quote from: VickyJones89 on May 29, 2017, 08:42:36 AM
^^^^^ best answer right there....however the selfish girl in me says go in a beautiful dress :) I'd ravel in that chance and be like yeah y'all I'm this beautiful woman check me out ;)

LOL that was the idea to show them that I am this beautiful woman now.

High five girlfriend! Wear the dress, don't let them win. I feel by not going you're letting them win. So wear the dress proud. Wish I could!!

I agree. You should go and show everyone the beautiful woman you have become. If your family members misgender you or use the wrong name it just makes them look stupid. If you have to cut family members out of your life then let their last memory of you be the person you are. Not the person you were.
Hugs

It "sounds" fun to go the wedding and show everyone how you have blossomed, but the reality is if you ever have future plans to reconcile with your family a (potential) big scene at a major life event would most certainly hurt those chances.   That day is about the bride and anything taken away from her is fuel for their bigotry.  Hopefully the tensions can ease before October and you can all enjoy the day together (as you), but if not, my opinion is skip it and move on.

As for misgendering and using the wrong name I thought you might enjoy this. My bf had to cut his mother out because of the same issues you had with your dad and brother. Only she would do it in public trying to embarass him. We were at Walmart once and she was misgendering him and calling him his old name. There was this guy in the aisle with us and he was watching all this. Finally Lucas had enough and told her to knock it the (word not allowed) off. She said " I am your mother. Don't ever speak to me like that again young lady!" The guy who had been watching actually came up and asked her why she kept calling "that dude" she and young lady. His mother said " not that it is your business but SHE is my daughter!"  The guy looked Lucas up and down and he said " yeah well obviously not anymore.  You might want to get with the program because you look like a psycho nut case calling him young lady." I almost died laughing. Only at Walmart. Lol

Quote from: Cimara on May 29, 2017, 09:25:41 AM
As for misgendering and using the wrong name I thought you might enjoy this. My bf had to cut his mother out because of the same issues you had with your dad and brother. Only she would do it in public trying to embarass him. We were at Walmart once and she was misgendering him and calling him his old name. There was this guy in the aisle with us and he was watching all this. Finally Lucas had enough and told her to knock it the (word not allowed) off. She said " I am your mother. Don't ever speak to me like that again young lady!" The guy who had been watching actually came up and asked her why she kept calling "that dude" she and young lady. His mother said " not that it is your business but SHE is my daughter!"  The guy looked Lucas up and down and he said " yeah well obviously not anymore.  You might want to get with the program because you look like a psycho nut case calling him young lady." I almost died laughing. Only at Walmart. Lol

This sounds like something my dad would do. He insisted on calling me by my dead name as it is the name that he gave me. He also insists on calling me male pronouns because that is how he knows me. So I would like for someone to walk up to him and tell him this.

People just do not realize how stupid they look doing this. From your picture I would say you pass 100%. Your dad looks just as crazy misgendering you as my boyfriend's mother. Though not many people will actually say something I am sure they think your dad is a little off. Sometimes when his mother would misgender Lucas in public I would see people giggle, mouth the word OK and make the crazy sign with there finger on the side of their head. As someone said in another post you could always turn the embarrassment around. When your father misgenders you you could say

"oh poor thing you must be getting overtired again. Lets get you back to the home so you can have your medication. I guess an outing was too much for you right now. You aren't hearing the voices again are you ?"

What I find amazing about this thread is your father was by your bedside when you were recovering from a suicide attempt and he still doesn't understand how serious this is. We can stuff it back in the bottle for a short time but over the long term if it comes down to us or them, us is going to win.

I'm a big advocate of spending your time and energy on people who respect and support you, and not on those who are determined to tear you down.  I'm also really sorry to hear about your suicide attempt.  I've been suicidal many times in the past, and it's a horrible place to be.  If your father and brother are feeding into those suicidal feelings, you have an obligation to yourself to avoid them.  It's literally a matter of life and death. 

It's obviously your choice whether or not to go to your brother's wedding, but if you do go, I suggest you do it cautiously.  These people know you better than just about anyone, and it sounds like they're out to hurt you.  You may start the day feeling as beautiful and confident as you possibly can, only to have one of these unsupportive people say something ingeniously crafted to cut you to the heart in public.  And if you have no strong allies there, you'll be all alone.   Only you know how big a dent that might make in your mental health.

Please treat yourself and your life as precious.  That means avoiding people and situations that sap your will to live. 

Quote from: Cimara on May 29, 2017, 09:25:41 AM
As for misgendering and using the wrong name I thought you might enjoy this. My bf had to cut his mother out because of the same issues you had with your dad and brother. Only she would do it in public trying to embarass him. We were at Walmart once and she was misgendering him and calling him his old name. There was this guy in the aisle with us and he was watching all this. Finally Lucas had enough and told her to knock it the (word not allowed) off. She said " I am your mother. Don't ever speak to me like that again young lady!" The guy who had been watching actually came up and asked her why she kept calling "that dude" she and young lady. His mother said " not that it is your business but SHE is my daughter!"  The guy looked Lucas up and down and he said " yeah well obviously not anymore.  You might want to get with the program because you look like a psycho nut case calling him young lady." I almost died laughing. Only at Walmart. Lol

This is hilarious!!

And to Amore, just take your time and space to be happy. Avoid them and let them come back to you when they decide to respect you.

Amore,

Life is long and they are family. If you have shut them out dont slam the door, close it gently and stand by you decision.

As for the wedding... Just remember this is someone's very special day. It will not serve you well to be a distraction from that in any way. It's not the right venue try and make a point about  who you are or being "right" and you'll just make yourself a scapegoat for anything that goes wrong.

It's hard to see past your hurt and anger because they are being deliberately cruel. Your best response to this is being yourself and creating those boundaries that keep them out until things change and they stop being ->-bleeped-<-s.





Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

If it was me, I wouldn't go. If your brother doesn't respect or care for you enough to call you by what and who you are, then he doesn't deserve the honor of having you at his wedding. Weddings guests are those that you love for who they are. And that's a 2 way street. If afterward someone calls you screaming asking why you weren't there, tell them the truth. You weren't invited.

A similar situation happened to me this past xmas. Me, my wife and her parents were going on a cruise. Her parents told us that Jennifer wasn't welcome. But (male name) was welcome to come. I told them if I couldn't be me, I wasn't going. And since I wouldn't be going, my wife said she wouldn't go either. They were pissed about that since they had bought the flights and tickets, which just happened to be non refundable. So they backed off, but were still derogatory the whole trip. It got so bad, that I quit eating with them, and went up to the deck where the grill was and just ate hamburgers and hot dogs the rest of the trip. And if there was a show we were all going to, I wouldn't sit near them either.

That was the third cruise I've been on. And that one was so bad I swore to everything in existence (tangible or intangible) that I would never go on a cruise again. The wife asked if she wanted to go on one, and I told her she would be going alone. And I meant every single word of that.

I guess what I'm saying is pick your battles. You're in a war, the same as all of us, but just because they are on the battle field with their weapons raised doesn't mean you have to engage them on their grounds. But be ready for their advance.

I have not even had a chance to tell my family I'm trans. My sister has already hurt me so bad for other reasons that she is dead to me. Only in my opinion is family just the same as friends. Blood means nothing to me anymore. You do something I would end a friendship over and its ended. Family or not. I only need people around me that are good for me.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Norma Lynne on June 01, 2017, 11:54:28 AM
I have not even had a chance to tell my family I'm trans. My sister has already hurt me so bad for other reasons that she is dead to me. Only in my opinion is family just the same as friends. Blood means nothing to me anymore. You do something I would end a friendship over and its ended. Family or not. I only need people around me that are good for me.

Norma Lynne, I agree with you wholeheartedly 100%. To me blood means absolutely nothing. And with me you get one and only one shot. You screw up, you have an enemy for eternity. Small stuff, like stepping on my toe doesn't mean anything. But you stab me in the back and we're done. For some reason, a lot of people from my past have chosen enemy status. And I have made their lives a living hell constantly ever since. I'm a very malicious and vindictive person, and that's not likely to change. Partly because I flat out don't want it to change. Just look at the personal quote below my avatar.