Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I never thought I'd be faced with a problem like this and could use some advice...you guys have always been great at that, so I hope you can help with something non-gender-related!

It's a long, long story, but basically someone I've been friends with for at least 10 years and used to admire has turned REEEEALLLY creepy over the course of those 10 years, and I want them gone. I am not in harm's way, the situation is not that dire.

Should I tell them up front that I don't want to be friends before I block them from every possible method of contact? I feel like this is a person who would respect that wish of mine, but I don't really know, and I'm worried about hurting their feelings since we've been friends for so long, and they apparently view me as some kind of angelic personal muse (cue the creepy part). Buuuut I also just want to be done with this and don't particularly want to engage them in what could be a potentially long and painful conversation.

I guess it does have to do with gender somewhat, because I have discovered that this person does not seem to view women as human beings, and also consistently genders me as female and uses my dead name in public even though they're one of the few friends I've actually come out to face-to-face.

Ok, any suggestions or advice?? Not only are they in ultra creep mode at the moment, but it hurts to lose a good friend to whatever has consumed them.

Almost all of us who transition will face this issue. As former males some of our friends we know hold views towards women that we disagreed with but as men we let that be. Wind forward and now we consider ourselves female but they cannot change their views. I have a couple of friends that held these views and I just stoped communicating. We both know why, so just get the negativity out of your life now.

If this person has gone from confidant to slender man, I would let them down as gently as possible. When someone turns creepy they can get really crazy in that situation. It may hurt for a while to lose the person after being friends for so long, but sometimes when a relationship has run its course, there's no point trying to revive it. It sucks, but sometimes that's what has to be done.

I cut out a couple former friends for different reasons. I can say "the sooner the better", and you will feel better for having done so. You should know the best way to handle it.

Loss of friendship does hurt, but sometimes a fresh start without specific people can be liberating. I've lost many friends over the years, not even due to being trans, but it never gets easier, even if it's someone like the friend you've mentioned.
Whether or not you don't want to be friends with them anymore you still have to through the process of deciding when and how to cut them off and then deal with potential guilt for doing so, etc.

If this person is really making you uncomfortable, and also apparently disrespecting your preferred gender and name then I would suggest dumping them as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I'm a coward and hate confrontation, myself, so I would suggest just blocking them and pretending to drop off of the face of the planet. Which will work pretty well if you don't have mutual friends with them, if you do....Oops.

Stop calling / returning calls. When he reaches you, just say you're busy and will call him back. When he shows at your door, say you're sleeping, or have to go somewhere. He will pick the cue fast.

Or get angry at him when he deadnames you again and say 'you're done with him' and don't want to hear from him ever again.

Either way, just reduce contacts to him to a polite level. Friendship dies without regular contact


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