Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I never really know what the proper etiquette is.  This is follow-up to my thread yesterday, but I figured a new thread was warranted.  Today was the big day.  I came out to my wife as Transgender (initially as genderfluid) back in September.  In February I shared my discovery that I was indeed transsexual and that I would be transitioning.  Today, for the very first time, my wife was introduced to the real me in person. As nervous as I was, I think it went pretty decently.

Leading up to today her therapist had her viewing a bunch of different pictures of me on a daily basis.  This was to prep her.  Today, my wife, her best friend, her grandmother, her therapist and I all met in her therapist's office. I chose to wear a pretty low-key outfit.  Capri skinny jeans, sneakers and a short sleeved tunic top.  Full makeup but just a little jewelry.  I didn't want to go in all dressed to the nines, I wanted to keep it simple. She's talked before about me being "a better girl" than her so I didn't want to make her feel that way.

They all went to the office first.  I arrived a little later and the therapist brought me in.  Thanks to all the encouragement I got from you folks in my last thread, I made it a point to enter confidently and proud. I felt almost energetic as I greeted them all and sat down. My wife was initially staring at the floor and it took a minute for her to look up at me for the first time.  To my surprise, when she did, she didn't fall apart.  She was very visibly distressed and did end up crying at multiple times during our meeting but she did good.

At no point did my wife ever become mean or abusive in anyway.  She admitted she was holding back some emotion but she stayed focused on making the session productive.  Her therapist spurred some conversation and we talked about a few different topics.  My wife had a hard time looking at me but did so a number of times.  Hardest for her however I think was hearing my voice.  While I've not got a truly feminine voice yet (haven't started vocal therapy yet), I do tend to naturally speak higher when I'm presenting authentically.  She struggled with that a bit.

Her grandmother and friend were very helpful and participated in the discussion as well.  They both support me as well as my wife so it made for a good environment. There were a couple things she said that were hard to hear, and it was very hard to watch her so emotionally distraught. At the same time however, I stood my ground on a few topics when necessary.  I think this was a bit of a discovery for me.  I felt a lot more confident challenging her on things than I normally do.  I'm sure some of it was the presence of third parties in the room to help keep things from getting out of hand, but also I just felt more natural and able to address things more directly when needed.
So that was really good both for me personally and for the productivity of this session.

After the session, when I got home, we were able to talk to each other pretty normally.  She admitted she's still shaken, but she was able to talk about it without tears or anger.  The real test now will be to see how things progress from here.  I talked with her therapist a bit and she said in their session on Monday she'll be challenging my wife to keep moving forward.  More exposure to me, getting herself ready for the changes that are happening, etc.  Hopefully, full-time at home is in my near future, because the back-and-forth between identities is seriously exhausting.

That's really good news I think she just needs a little to adjusted, did you go back home as you & in male mode?

That's some day.
I feel for you and your wife. It's nice you have so much empathy for her. It must be so hard for you both.
But that reads like an important step. God knows where it will end up, but I hope you both show love for each other on that path

Congratulations, it sounds like your wife did well with seeing you. I hope things progress positively.

Congratulations Alyssa. It sounds like your wife is at least trying to find a way. Had my first foray recently and had no problems other than mascara in the eye. I hope you both find the strength to continue. Having support is so important.

Dawn

Hi AlyssaJ

Wow what a day...you must have been exhausted by the end of all that. I congratulate you for making such a huge effort to bring your wife along on this journey with you. If you can get her in your court then her support will be invaluable.

Have a pat on the back for the superb way you have handled this situations. There were plenty of opportunities for you to sabotage the process instead of embracing it.

Your wife must love you very much to hang in there the way she has. She musty love you deeply . This is a crappy situation for you both and the only win here is if you are both happy.

You do know you are doing pretty darn great just being able to have the therapy session...many women would have walked by now.

Wish you happiness and joy for both of you

Liz

   Very good Alyssa, I'm glad you were able to go in there with a proud and confident bearing. Had you not done so I feel you would be forever trying to catch up with her in you relationship. This way you stand as an equal on even ground with them. In addition you presented to them all that you are who you are and proud of it. You demonstrated your confidence that you are doing the right thing in your decision to transition.
   You also demonstrated your willingness to work with her to find a solution to this conflict. You have reached out your hand to her and said "I am here for you, if you are willing to try" Where things go from here is anyone's guess but you both have made a start at a solution. You cannot ask for more than that it this point.
 
   I wish you both more such progress.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

Congratulations, Alyssa!  It was hard for both of you, but you are both trying hard.  I hope the way forward works out in a way that makes you both happy.

Quote from: AlyssaJ on June 09, 2017, 04:33:34 PM
> when I got home, we were able to talk to each other pretty normally

Alyssa you did GREAT!  And your wife did too.  About the best possible outcome.  Congratulations! 

Congratulations on this big step. It's a process that takes time and each individual has to process the changes at their own pace. It took my dad about a year to come to terms and accept me as his daughter. The fact that she has a support system of people that also support you can be key to helping her process the changes faster and be more willing to accept them. Keep up the good work and congrats again ❤️❤️

Great, Alyssa! Your wife is working at it, which is wonderful. The tears indicate that she cares, and so do you.

Be sure she sees that you are still you inside, regardless of presentation.

I think it was you who said your wife sees herself not as lesbian, but as an "Alyssasexual". I told my wife about that the other day when she brought up the topic. I think it's comforting to recognize that we can love another regardless of categories.

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Yea Alyssa,
   Sounds like a good first day of the "New Reality" of your life. People do have to make an adjustment, not just us. You were smart not to overdo at first. I am almost a year full time, and two years out to my kids and I am mindful of their feelings. It pays off.
Moni