Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am fortunate that I am at the point that I am accepted by my parents, wife, boss and close friends, but I am still getting anxiety from dressing the way I want out in public. I have not started hrt yet so I still have male features. I am basically asking at what point is a good point to wear what I want. The anxiety plays a huge roll that I am dealing with as well the features. Any help is great.

Hi Jenn, welcome to Susan's Place! Start with underdressing. No one has to see what you're wearing, but it will make a difference in how you feel. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 10, 2017, 06:51:12 PM
Hi Jenn, welcome to Susan's Place! Start with underdressing. No one has to see what you're wearing, but it will make a difference in how you feel. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

That is exactly what I do most of the time.  Especially when near home.

Welcome to Susan's Place. If you have a friend who can go out with you to keep you distracted, it will become easer to become comfortable in public. I didn't have that so instead, I started by going to my group therapy. That forced me to walk in public view to my car but after that, it was driving and group therapy. The more time you spend in public, the more comfortable you will become but the first time is the most difficult.

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I went on vacation by myself and packed 50:50 and when I knew I would be interacting with people I would be in male mode but whenever I would be mostly by myself I would be in female mode.

For example, I was driving from Orlando Florida to the coastal town on St Augustine I was in female mode.  The biggest challenge was bathroom since that was a new experience.  I found that smaller places had single stall facilities which softened the blow.

One thing I learned is, nobody cares.  Be yourself and do something fun.



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Quote from: Jenn88 on June 10, 2017, 06:34:55 PM
I am fortunate that I am at the point that I am accepted by my parents, wife, boss and close friends, but I am still getting anxiety from dressing the way I want out in public. I have not started hrt yet so I still have male features. I am basically asking at what point is a good point to wear what I want. The anxiety plays a huge roll that I am dealing with as well the features. Any help is great.

There are a few ways to address that issue. Wear what you want and be bold knowing that you are going to be clocked, but not caring, just having confidence in who you are and simply being defiant. The key is in public. How would you feel if a gaggle of young cis females clocked you? My experience is that cis females don't care for trans m-to-f. In addition, many gay males have no sympathy or compassion for m-to-f trans. So, going public with no changes via HRT can be risky for you. Although we are considered part of the LGBTQ community, many in that community do not accept us. This is a tough path, and you just have to be strong. Personally, I feel so empowered wearing what I want, I don't care what anyone else thinks.

Thanks for the support! I've been wearing under my regular clothing for a while now. It is more of a time to show me kind of thing. Sinclair I love how you put it. I've gone out a few times in what I feel is me, but the anxiety cripples me to actually be me. I guess I'm just looking for support and I have seen it here! Thanks a bunch!

Quote from: Jenn88 on June 10, 2017, 06:34:55 PM
I am fortunate that I am at the point that I am accepted by my parents, wife, boss and close friends, but I am still getting anxiety from dressing the way I want out in public. I have not started hrt yet so I still have male features. I am basically asking at what point is a good point to wear what I want. The anxiety plays a huge roll that I am dealing with as well the features. Any help is great.

I would suggest overcoming your fears of unknown first and building your confidence and image. Do your first steps somewhere far enough from your home place, where it is very unlikely that people will know you, hopefully that would help you being bold and strong. Once you know what to expect from people who don't know you, and refine your image, build up your courage and prepare your answers to inconvenient questions, you will be ready to go out whichever way you want to be dressed without any second thought.

You're blessed with supportive family. I guess you know it without me saying it.

OK. First of all your biggest worry should not be from wearing clothing of the another gender. It should be from wearing it badly. Most crossdressers or beginning TG g-male have terrible taste in fashion. A lot of genetic women have bad taste, too, but this is more important for genetic males for obvious reasons. No matter what your body shape for facial features there are clothing, hair and makeup styles that can look good on you. Try to avoid cliche crossdresser fashions like fishnets or animal prints. If you look good people are much more likely to accept you. This will be true whether you are on HRT or not. Get some fashion education and find out what works best with your looks. And keep your femininity understated, at least at first.

There's no rule that you have to dress completely as a man or as a woman all the time. These days many males and females wear practically the same thing, anyway. Start buying your t-shirts and jeans in the misses department. You could completely replace your "men's" wardrobe before anybody really takes notice. Once you're wearing women's wear all the time already, expanding to girly things like heels or skirts will be easier for you.

A lady customer the other day was wearing a shirt, jumper, jeans and trainers. With her short hair style it was a very andronigous look , I have gone out in skinny ladies jeans, ladies Tshirt and hoodie nail varnish and rings and no reactions

I started out by wearing women's skinny jeans under a male T shirt that had some kind of attractive graphic on it (Aeropostale and Guess and the surfwear companies are good places to find these.). I carried a man bag from Coach because women's jeans don't have usable pockets.  I wore women's flat shoes.  No one noticed and I still got gendered male so I kept using the men's rooms until hormones changed me to the point of male fail-- meaning I got stared at a lot.

It was an easy way to be comfortable before I started hormones.  I would usually fully "girl up" with makeup, jewelry a pretty top over my skinny jeans and heels for group and dinners out afterwards, as well as for therapy and doctor appointments.  After my hair grew and I had a few months on hormones I started doing routine errands in girl mode, and just like that I was full time.  Now I only butch up for family and clients I am not out to yet but I am working on that.